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Hey y'all. I've been watching the thread on Goodbye 12 Steps with great interest. I'm coming up on my second 10 year anniversary on December 4th. I relapsed with 10 years of sobriety, in 1994. It wasn't as simple as not going to meetings anymore. I felt dead in the program, and crazy in my head. And then I disconnected. And then I relapsed.
It was a jouney into hell, the likes of which I had not even dreamed. Since returning, I work very hard on trying to help others avoid that hell. I mostly focus on people with long term sobriety, but occasionally I waste my time on newcomers, who rarely listen and more rarely stay sober. But the ones with time who outgrow the steps are the ones I try to speak to.
I just met three guys who used to have 10 years. One has a few weeks. Another has two years, and another has four. In my experience, almost none of the ones who relapse with time will be able to stay sober. I only think I do so because I work my ass off on a multi-faceted recovery program which includes regular psychotherapy - five years with the same doctor, medication when necessary, regular, consistent meeting attendance - I come early, stay late and CONNECT with addicts, focusing on what I can add TO rather than what I can take FROM the meeting, and I practice intensive involvement with the Buddhadharma with a number of high Tibetan lamas, a Zen teacher and other groups of practitioners. I also participate in community volunteer projects as part of my recovery. Most recently, I started 12 Step Sangha: Meditation for Recovering People.
None of these individual activities are enough for me, in and of themselves. Treatment needs to be flexible and able to change to meet the needs of the addict. That said, an indispensable component of recovery is the 12 Steps in general, and Step 12 in particular. Because contact with other alcoholics is absolutely essential. No one who is not an alcohoilc/addict can possibly ever get what it means to be one. Ever. Period. They don't get it and they won't get it. But in the 12 Step community, EVERYONE gets at least that. We all know the disease.
So refusing to continue in 12 Steps is the kiss of death. Thinking that you've graduated, are too advanced to help people, are too bored with the same old stories, all of this is total bullshit. It's the disease talking. The disease is what's saying goodbye. I know two people who just relapsed. One with 23 years, one with a few years. They both have the same disease. It doesn't go anywhere because things look good on the outside, material posessions return, self-knowledge is gained or for any other fucking reason. I'm like a man with no legs, I will never grow new ones.
So if you want to stop going to meetings because you're just too advanced, too busy, too smart, too successful or because you've fallen victim to the delusion that somehow, someday you will control and enjoy your disease - well you're walking INTO, not up to but INTO the gates of insanity and death. Unfortunately, none of us can pull you back. The nature of the disease is that we are beyond human aid.
I hope you find a power greater than your ego that will solve your problem. Otherwise, make sure your family knows what your favorite song is, so they can play it at your funeral.
-d
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