Principle: tolerance

<p>I think that tolerance is the ability to let people be who they are. I don't have much of it. Tonite I was in Baskin Robbins, which is always busy, and the girls never have a clue who's next so they take the person that's in their face. Tonite this huge guy steps in after I've been standing there for like 15 minutes. He steps up and pulls out some ice cream from the case, and a $5. I'm waiting, and waiting, then when the customer in front of me is done, this guy jumps up to the counter. I stepped up and said, “no. wait your turn”. he says, “this will just take a half a sec”. I said, “no. wait your turn”. because I don't mind if someone is polite and says, “hey, would you mind if I just paid for this one thing?” to which any reasonable person would say, “go ahead”. but when people just walk in like they're the only person who matters, and think that nobody is going to say anything, well. that's hard for me to take. So I said, NO. He threw the $5 at her and walked out, calling me an asshole.&nbsp;</p><p>It occured to me an hour later that if I were really practising tolerance, I would have bowed courteously and allowed him to go ahead. But I wasn't. And I'm not sure if I can. But I am saying that this is an example of where I could be more willing. It's just that I feel like really going off when people act like that, and people act like that all day every day. The hardest thing in the world for me to do is let other people be right. Even if they're wrong. Very hard. </p><p>-d&nbsp;</p>

Re: Principle: tolerance

Hey howdy, Blacksamba. I'm right there with ya. I can remember a lot of good thoughts and suggestions on tolerance that I've heard at meetings, and they so work………until I'm in it. I have good days, and not as good days. On the good days, I wake up do my readings, meditate, pray, and leave the house seeing beauty, and being grateful. It takes a lot to rattle me, when I'm grateful. Even so, I lived a lot of years fighting everything, and I never know what might come out of left field and knock me back into old behavior. I was at a meeting sunday and the meeting was probably thirty minutes along, a man was sharing, when this guy I had never seen came noisely into the room, asking if this was a smoking meeting. He was oblivious to what was taking place in the meeting, and the guy sharing had to stop in mid sentence because of the distraction. The guy went outside and smoked for about two minutes, then came back in, and announced, again, over the person sharing, that he needed to get a seven year chip now so he could go, he was busy. The guy sharing, who's been sober awhile, and good A.A., said,”sit down and listen a minute and we'll see what we can do.” I was having a good day, a good meeting, felt the presense of my higher power, and still wanted to tell this yayhoo that he needed a meeting way more than he needed a chip. I held my tongue, barely, and tried to focus on what was being shared. After two more people shared, and the fella sit quietly, another long time member got him his chip, and he left. He explained that he was taking the gospel to someones home and he had to go. When someone barges in on a meeting and tries to dominate what's goin on it really presses my buttons. I've asked people to leave before who were so disruptive that no meeting could happen. Usually the person was drunk though, and I was chairing. I guess the point to this is, I have a breaking point. That goes for taking that first drink, as well as for being right instead of being serene. All I can do is try to prepare for that inevitable ass who is going to cut line, interupt, act selfishly, or hurt my feelings. (Doesn't he know who I am?). I heard in a meeting at the same club, in fact the same person who was interupted, but on saturday, say ” If I'm humble, I cannot be humiliated.” I like that. I paraphrased that for my own use by saying “I can't be a doormat if I'm humble. And I'm not humble if I feel like a doormat.” God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things i can<tricky part and wisdom to know the difference, thy will not mine be done. I intend to live this. We'll see. Thanks for sharing this Blacksamba. I needed to be reminded.                                                          good to all                      jerry

Re: Principle: tolerance

When I hear the word tolerance I think of the 3rd tradition of NA.  Which states “the only requirement for memebership is the desire to stop using”.  To apply that to the human race I exchange “to stop using” with “be humane”.  In which I believe you did practice tolerance, you didn't beat the day lights out of the guy.  Tolerance to me also means letting someone be where they are at without trying to control it in some way.  You let that guy be a jerk…you  didn't try to submit him into being something else….you stepped aside without giving consequences and he made himself look like an ass.  My friend tolerance does not mean letting people cross our boundries……it means not pitching a crying screaming fit when they do.
Much love to you…
And I believe you did what any productive, responsible memeber of society would have done.  Just because we gain spiritual principles does not mean we let people walk all over us because in that effect we would not be practicing those principles on ourself.
Love ya man!

Re: Principle: tolerance

Well DJ, in my humble opinion you handled that situation with much tolerance. 

You waited patiently and the Big Guy did not.  If you just let him in that would have been OK also.  You chose not to and he got pissed off.

If anyone was intolerant it was him.  Not you.  When does tolerance become being used  or taken advantage of ? 

I believe if the situation escalated then letting him in may be advisable. 

Just my humble opinion.

Peace and Blessings Joseph

Re: Principle: tolerance

yes. I agree with you completely. putting the other person higher is a key spiritual practise. and very hard. but that's the best way to avoid conflict, because the person is suffering, and is doing his self-centered actions out of that suffering.

-d

Re: Principle: tolerance

Darren,

I am winding my way through the posts and replys in this pod and came across the thread which followed your experience at the ice cream parlor.  To say that I know that exact state of being is an understatement.  What do you do?  No matter which way you turn, the outcome seems half-assed.  Total success is unachievable.  Humble (if that is even possible under such button-pushing circumstances) tolerance yeilded violent behavior and a wounded employee. 

What's up with this shit anyway?  Well, the only consideration that has a chance of rounding it out for me is to, er, identify with the jerk, actually see that he is manifesting behavior I am fully capable of myself, have done in the past, and would love to do again if I was sufficiently motivated.  I don't like that about myself and it is definitely not something I yearn to be sufficiently liberated to get away with without recrimination, but its in there, oh yeah, in my little shadow fantasy world where I get to get back at all the motherfuckers who have trespassed my boundaries and, you know, well done-me-wrong.

I am not sure but I think that there might be a significant differance between tolerance and allowance.  Tolerance admits distinction, accepts annoyance, while allowance implys oneness, dismisses distinction and feels no annoyance.

Its as though these characters come into our dream, attracted by our own thoughts, to show us what we look like on our own insides.  I am just beginning to practice this in my daily awareness routines.  It is awkward to say the least.  I will let you know how it goes.

Anyway I like your writings and the courage you express on the road to “change the things you can”

best,
Michael