Spiritual Awakenings

I am always learning about the art of living sober. I am reading a book called Spiritual Awakenings. It is a compendium of Grape Vine articles. It starts out with some letters written by Dr. Harry Emerson Fosdick, Dr. Harry M. Tiebout, and Dr. Bob. The main topic of these letters is humility. Here are a few excerpts:

About the essential truths of the Twelve Steps: “Just as around our bodies there is a physical universe from which replenishing power comes into us, so around our souls there is a spiritual Presence in whose fellowship our lives can be sustained and our characters transformed.” “Central to this transformation is our AA principle of anonymity. The great religions are conscious of the need for nothingness if one is to attain grace…the maintenance of a feeling of anonymity-of a feeling ‘I am nothing special'-is a basic insurance of humility and so a basic safeguard against further trouble with alcohol.”

“Now let us take a look at this ego which causes trouble. My thesis is that anonymity, thoughtfully preserved, supplies two essential ingredients to that maintenance. The two ingredients, actually two sides of the same coin, are: first the preservation of a reduced ego; second, the continued presence of humility or humbleness. The ego is not an intellectual concept, but a state of feeling-a feeling of importance-of being ‘special'.”

“The apparent dilemma rests upon a false impression about the nature of nothingness as a state of mind. The ability to accept ourselves as nothing is not easily developed. It runs counter to all our desires for identity, for an apparently meaningful existence, one filled with hope and promise. We cling to our somethingness with all the strength at our command. The thought of being a nothing is simply not acceptable. But the fact is that the person who does not learn to be as nothing cannot feel that he is but a plain, ordinary, everyday kind of person, who merges with the human race-and as such is humble lost in the crowd, and essentially anonymous. When that can happen, the person had a lot going for him.”

“So with the question of anonymity. If we have a banner, this word, speaking of the surrender of the individual-the ego-is emblazoned on it. Let us dwell thoughtfully on its full meaning and learn thereby to remain humble, modest, ever-conscious that we are eternally under divine direction.”

Now, what is my story? Over one year ago, I moved to a small town. I left a large and good AA group for a town where I couldn't go to AA. Over time, I found that no one ever called me. I couldn't go to very many meetings, and thus lost the feeling of fellowship and being supported. I started to down play AA and its dogma. It has taken several more months for me to realize that I was angry. I don't need meetings in the sense that I'll be an emotional basket case if I don't get to a meeting. I don't need meetings in the sense that I do well whether I go or not. But I do need friends. In becoming disconnected I lost the friends. I became angry and started to make up stories about AA in general.

In addition to the distance, I have changed my life in other ways that are as non-negotiable as not drinking. I eat only raw vegan food. I drink divinely blessed structured water. I don't participate in organized religion but I practice contemplation for two hours a day. I run 60 or 70 miles a week. I am leading a terribly backward company into a new paradigm of sustainability. I have no friends here. I am the only woman manager in operations. As the environmental engineer, I am seen more as an adversary. No one here is my buddy. No one here is organic or meditates or is concerned about the environment (poor me).

I went to a meeting at my old home group last Saturday. I picked up this book “Spiritual Awakenings” for the first time. I wondered if I should make a second trip into town on Christmas day and go to the potluck, bringing my own food and thus becoming transparent to the people at the meeting. On Saturday night and Sunday, I was reading this book and totally impressed with the continual self effacement of our founders. Being in peace as nobody is one of my dreams.

Now here is the start of a spiritual awakening for me. I made some great raw crackers and dip, and went to the Christmas potluck. Driving to town, it struck me. The gift I have is the ability to go to one meeting a week. I don't have to be pissed that the fellowship is so far away, or that my friends treat me with an out of sight out of mind attitude, and never call me (poor me). Just be glad that I can go to one meeting a week. I decided at that point that I would pick up my 21 year coin when I got to the hall. I didn't celebrate last August because of the angry sickness I was under.

I got to the meeting 30 minutes early. The only person there was a woman who came in shortly after me. During our conversation, I was reminded to go and get my coin. She supported me. Later, during the meeting, she mentioned how I had given her a plaque for her first anniversary and she still had it hanging on her living room wall. My head didn't get “special” over that comment. I felt the spiritual wonderment over how something small done 20 years ago is still meaningful to the person who received the gift.

I have the humility to drive 45 miles to a meeting once a week and be grateful. I have the humility to do all the other things like go to work, run, practice contemplation and take care of myself. But I realize that I can't get out of bed in the morning without a Higher Power. It is my Higher Power who keeps pointing the way. My Higher Power is The Way. The Way keeps leading me on. All I have to do is follow. My Higher Power said, “Laura, I need you to live and work in this small town and cruddy plant. Its ok about AA. Just go when you can.”

I have ceased fighting.

Re: Spiritual Awakenings

In the book “Spiritual Awakenings” there is a letter from Dr Carl Jung to Bill W. The letter concerned what Jung did not tell Roland H., and why. Here are some excerpts:

“His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God.”

“The only right and legitimate way to such an experience is that it happens to you in reality, and it can only happen to you when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of rationalism.”

“I am strongly convinced that the evil principle prevailing in this world leads the unrecognized spiritual need into perdition if that is not counteracted either by real religious insight or by the protective wall of human community. An ordinary man, not protected by an action from above and isolated in society, cannot resist the power of evil…You see, alcohol in Latin is spiritus, and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison.”

So no wonder it is a spiritual program that helps us. Only a spiritual remedy could satisfy a spiritual thirst. I admit to being one of the ones who struggles long with spiritual thirst. I go around to various theologies and practices and search for more ego satisfaction. At times, it is even a resentment against God because my conscious contact is the subtle variety, not the ecstasy of my ego desire. This is a subtle difference between the ego desire and the true spiritual thirst. I believe I have authentic thirst satisfied, but the only evidence is that I continue to live sober.

I have a very chop wood and carry water spirituality. A subtle spiritual experience takes patience and perseverance; and inspecting the boring moments of my daily routine practices for the minute jewels buried in the sand pile of time that fell through the hour glass of my existence. God is a string of geese in the late afternoon sky that look like diamonds by the way the sun glints off their wings. God in another person who momentarily makes eye contact. God in that tiny thought out of nowhere that I am a magnificent soul.

In the mean time, the ego continues to say, “I want, I want, I want…” This din of “I want” would drive me to drink if I didn't have a conscious awareness of it. It is the “unrecognized spiritual need” that Jung mentioned above. In my inventory, I consciously look every day at the ego desire and undo the emotional knots it has tied. Then, in my meditation, I fill myself with the spiritual water. Satisfied, I go to sleep.

Re: Spiritual Awakenings

I was reading the BB last night. I had an awakening. God doesn't come to me as emotional gratification or escape from being me and living my life. He hands out tools. I have a spiritual tool kit laid at my feet. Every now and then, I receive a new tool. God makes me do my own work with these spiritual tools. God may help me with the tools, like a divine cheater bar, but I am the one who has to decide to do something.

Re: Spiritual Awakenings

I've been sober for almost 4 years and have not read this volume yet, I'm glad it was posted althrough this thread has been inactive for some time!

Re: Spiritual Awakenings

Hi,

My book, the 12-Step Buddhist, is available for pre-order on Amazon. It's coming out in a few months. I go into a lot of detail on different spiritual approaches, compared mainly to Buddhism. There are exercises on each step, experience and advice on how to apply the underlying principles from any tradition to recovery.

There are also a number of articles and podcasts on the website, as well as many resources, recommended books, etc.

http://the12stepbuddhist.com

Namaste

-d