Have you found your voice?

Much of traditional schooling, and raising kids has been to teach them to speak in the voice of more learned humans.

After years of conditioning –and some never get conditioned!– we may be fortunate in finding our own voice; say our own words, voice  strange thoughts, or  be real in conveying our feelings.

When did you find your voice? Have you found it? Once found, can it be lost?

I found mine when I turned 40. Til then, I prided myself in being intellectual, quoting from authors, or being very kind and simple with those who were not as well read. Being tactful, saying the right thing and being considered wise or nice or kind or sensible pouf!]

I used to get a throat condition each year. Just once. My healing teacher [how to refer to her?] told me, “You have to speak your truth.” And as we gradually learned how to do so, realizing that it's a lifetime's work, using that blue light in so many wonderful ways; I never have a sore throat now. Well, let's see how it goes.

And you?

Re: Have you found your voice?

This is a good question.  In some ways, I've found my voice during the past decade.  It's easy to offer opinions, thoughts and ideas in certain places.  I'm part of two boards that work with the community, and it is very comfortable to speak honestly and fully in those forums.  Somewhere around age 35 or 40, I found my voice in personal relationships and am mostly able to express myself fully in those, being as true as possible to the inner knowing.

Where it seems to be the most difficult for me—and Gaia is so far helping with this—is expressing myself in a larger group of spiritually-minded individuals.  That's much more challenging.  I suppose I have found my voice, yet there is still the inner ego and judge that wants to make inner comments about what to say and not to say, how things could be interpreted negatively, why it's better not to appear vulnerable.   Mostly I just let those inner judges offer their opinions, and go ahead and say whatever needs to come through.

Or, sometimes I'll offer an opinion or blog about something, and my heart will start pounding before logging in.  It's almost amusing, yet sad, to watch that part of myself that is still fearful of self-expression when so many other parts are so confident. 

So, here's what I think might be true for many of us.  Parts of ourselves may have fully come into expression and confidence, but there's so often still a shy vulnerable part that still needs to be honored and recognized and witnessed and loved.  So maybe we'll be elders, teaching others, yet still able to connect with certain areas of ourselves that are still frightened, or unsure, or just not confident. 

It will be interesting to see if this fear-part is still as present after many months of self expression on Gaia.  Did anyone else experience this?       Centria

Re: Have you found your voice?

Centria,

I certainly resonated with your observations.  I sometimes feel that there's still a little part of me that is fearful of self-expression,…of judgment, misunderstanding, or just plain screwing up and looking foolish.  

The fear has dissipated alot  in the past year since I've been posting on Gaia….and  I have been misunderstood and screwed up and looked foolish more than once.   It seems like I'm more okay with that now and I can smile and shake my head at myself when I do screw up.

Another thing I've noticed is that as I'm exposed to so many ideas, I've become more open and less attached to my ideas.  My voice has become not so much about my ideas as it has become the voice of an appreciator of all loving ideas, if that makes sense..

Re: Have you found your voice?

Centria: 
 My experience too is that Gaia helps me with getting to know me and tell it.  Talking with any spiritually-minded people, one or many is no problem for me.
Rather, it is very uncomfortable to be the real me with those I love who are not spiritually expressive.  I don't know “where they are” and sense that where I Am makes them uncomfortable.  So where there is a gathering of the clan, there is no intimacy.  Everyone leaves with the imaginings they came with, perhaps embellished a bit.

Joyous
1937

Me too?  Maybe.      

Re: Have you found your voice?

I can really relate to your post, it is so true. I find that when I am around those I unsure of (spiritually speaking) I may make a simple one or two sentence response. If I have sparked an interest in what I am thinking, they will ask me to explain or go on.  “A upside down chalice holds no wine.” Far be it for me to continue pouring.

Re: Have you found your voice?

Centria:  I forgot to mention my experience with those “inner judges offering their opinions.”

I began to pay attention to their intensity, loudness and repetition and decided that what I had to say must be Very Important , otherwise they wouldn't be so busy trying to keep me from speaking. 

More than once, like you, I spoke up with body shaking and voice trembling and the result was that what I said opened a way that needed to be opened. 

It wasn't I who needed to be heard.  I was just a reed trembling in the wind (Spirit). 

Joyous
1937

Re: Have you found your voice?

Helen,   Thank you for sharing this!  I am already experiencing more confidence, just in these few short months of blogging and sharing and meeting people.  This has really been a healing opportunity. 

It's really amazing that the shy scared part still exists….the more confident parts of myself look on incredulous at this vulnerability.  That's what fascinates me so much.  Have you ever heard of Voice Dialogue, a process developed by Hal and Sidra Stone?  You give voice to the many different voices within the self, and allow the more disowned parts self expression.  I went to a workshop down in Chicago two summers ago and it was amazing for the participants.

I think it's so important for us to honor those “scary” parts of ourselves by giving them voice and expression.  But….it's not always easy to be vulnerable or say things that not all of our “selves” agree with!

I so like what you said:  My voice has become not so much about my ideas as it has become the voice of an appreciator of all loving ideas, if that makes sense..    (It feels like just kindly allowing the ideas to come forth….not really feeling so much “I” attachment to the ideas…..letting the many voices express themselves without so much judgment.)

Thank you again,  Centria

Re: Have you found your voice?

I have found my voice in the outside world, in teaching, writing and other things, but in the family…no.

I grew up with a mother who I adored, but did not allow anger. So I repressed it. This had to come out in other places…so am sure it did…

As an adult, it came out in the car…with yelling at other drivers…but they could not hear me either, and it only created high BP in me…we only hurt ourselves this way…when I met Keith this subsided…not sure why, but he saved my life that way..!

I have issues in expressing my frustrations and anger because I do not like confrontation and do not feel I can express myself well in arguments. I also do not like it when people are mad at me, and have a real hard time with authority….I defer to it unconditionally….

So…it becomes a real “catch-22”…I was the type of parent also who was not an authoritarian…

and there are more issues I am dealing with with female energies…ie: with my daughter…but not with my son…!

So there it is…imperfect as I am…my voice is very small in my family…even though I am a strong personality in other places…and it is very uncomfortable for me to be a “hard ass” to anyone…it does not fir with who I am…this is why I can also be hurt most easily…

:(

Re: Have you found your voice?

“I have found my voice in the outside world, in .  .  .  .  .  .  but in the family, … no.” 

Reminds me of what I said to someone recently,  “My friends love me and enjoy me but family,  . .  . what?”

I am ready to take on all the blame for whatever dysfunction there is, but maybe I contrast too well the family's (sibs) dysfunction.   

I've been a long time in life recovery.

How can anyone recover if there is nothing to recover from? 

Has the book been written yet ?  “I'm OK, You're Not”   

Re: Have you found your voice?

I was thinking about this a while ago, how once I used to be a far more prolific, passionate reader than I am now. I would use this reading of as a springboard to tell people of my passions for this upcoming change of consciousness, like what was happening in Findhorn or behind the Iron Curtain in terms of the paranormal-there were a lot of dazed looks, like I was speaking Martian-couldn't find many people who were interested in discussions but maybe my voice was too loud for the times…anyway, I shut it all down, kept it to myself, working on myself and expression through other avenues, like artwork…but all the while, I guess my passions were really still coming thru as my kids have great voices-it is great to see this air of independence flourish…upon more reflection, I note my choice of music has become one of my voices-bottom line is, I guess I have come around to understanding a whole lot can be accomplished by letting your voice come through your actions, rather than your words that cannot easily be taken back should your passion get the best of you, ahem…a challenge I am not always in full command of, but here in Earth school, it's OK, we just gotta keep on, keepin' on…

Re: Have you found your voice?

Such interesting perspectives! I guess that at one level, each of us has found our voice…but we are still finding the best way to express it.


First, it was being with friends that helped me find my voice. Then came a time, when, like you Aley, I would speak in different voices to family and friends, colleagues and “meditation/healer” groups.  Sometimes I've to tone myself down as you say, Kane; and yes, Centria, I think that scared part does not leave us. Perhaps all we do as we expand, is to become more aware of our scared voice and our courageous one; the scared one does not go away; partly to help us to stay empathic with those who have not yet overcome their fear. Do you think this could be true for you?

Helen, I too find much inspiration in your words: “My voice has become not so much about my ideas as it has become the voice of an appreciator of all loving ideas,”

I used to get a sore throat once a year; till Taveta, my mentor [no idea what label to put on someone who has facilitated change in your life!], showed me that this was a result of not speaking my truth. I was a tactful child/youth, seeming easy-going, wise and mature to people; but in reality that is when I was wise in putting on a front that served to coast along but not to enjoy close relationships with anyone.

Once I accepted that it was okay to express thoughts that seemed wrong/unreasonable/t actless / rude and so on, an amazing thing happened: I found that few in my life found me to be so! Thanks to healing attunements that help to open up the heart, and stay in awareness of compassion, even a tactless word is heard in another way. It is no wonder that the self-expression/throat chakra is reached through the heart chakra. It has to be opened up first. I haven't had my usual throat issues once I learned this lesson….and am wondering why it's come up now, as now my voice is gone and i seem to have a dry cough. Some message my guides are trying to give me: isn't it interesting how we don't always hear them clearly?

Re: Have you found your voice?

I have not yet found my voice. 

Re: Have you found your voice?

Meenakshi,

When you said this to me in my blog, it felt unexpected.  I never thought of it that way.

I always was a talker.  I babbled on incessantly.  Yet, I always was just myself.  Perhaps naive, a bit of a babe in wild woods. 

Then, I had a relationship where I learned not to ask, that it puts some in an awkward place, it may be none of my business.  So, I learned to not ask but allow whatever wanted to come through to do so by being open to it.

My husband and I embarked on a business development path for our honeymoon.  He was shy at first and I am outgoing, so I would talk for us.  There were times when I was called upon to talk to media.  At some point, he found his voice and it was a wonderful thing.  I had to learn to listen more again and keep quiet, wait my turn.  So, I see this did happen in him but have trouble finding such a moment in myself.

Now, I reach deep, seek accuracy in word and phrase, attempt by being very conscious of how I may be perceived, to avoid causing pain with unconscious choices but always, I feel the truth is needed by all and I attempt to allow truth to speak through me.  When it does hurt someone, it is never intentional.  I am quick to regret, attempt to soothe and look for the wrong in myself to find the better course, to at least learn for the next time.

So, I can't pinpoint when I found my voice, it seems ever to have been there.  I have courage, I can be fearless, I am compassionate, I am sympathetic.  I care.  If my voice comes from anywhere, it is from caring - about myself and about the larger world where I find myself living now.  It is one and the same.

So, I don't know if I have found anything.  I don't think I can ever lose what I have.  It comes from my essence, my being, that can't be lost, it is eternal.

Wishing you all the best and myself a good night's sleep.

Deb

Re: Have you found your voice? Listening

Deb, your describing your process with listening; caused me to examine my own. And I felt that is a worthy thread in its own right; so, three weeks later, here it is: Are you a better or worse listener?

Re: Have you found your voice?

This question is so interesting.  I was wondering today if perhaps some people may have left Gaia prematurely because they were seeking for their voice here….and perhaps didn't get enough encouragement and love and comments.  I have been so fortunate to meet so many encouraging and lovely people here who have helped birth a sense of voice here.  So, just wanted to report back…..since posting the comment on this pod, it seems that shy scared part of myself has disappeared somewhere.  She'll probably show herself again, but it's nice to feel much more comfortable in this venue.

Kane, I liked what you said about letting your voice come through actions.  That, too, is so important.  Aley, as said before, I love the way you so fully express all that you are.  Taurusun, when I was little I was so shy it was sometimes painful even to speak, so your words resonate too.  Could all of our voices still be developing, still coming more deeply into ourselves every day?

Deb, when you speak of reaching deep and seeking accuracy in word and phrase….that is a good reminder.  Sometimes it feels like I say things completely off the wall, without really slowing down enough to think about it.  (Then you really have to smile at yourself!)  Thank you.

Love, Centria

Re: Have you found your voice?

I don't know if this applies to finding your voice or not, but the other day I got the most amazing film out of the libuary.  It was called “Water” .   It is set in 1938 in a widow's ashram.  To say it took my breath away would me an understatement!!!
The sadness and final victory of the human spirit just overwelmed me.
I was weeping like a baby at the end.
I think Meekshi  would be familuar with the directors work–I can't recall her name or the spelling of it off the top of my head, but she also made “Earth”  “Fire” and “Bollywood, Holllywood”

Re: Have you found your voice?

Ah yes– Deepa Mehta directed it. I haven't seen it; as I couldn't bring myself to, after reading about the subject. But your post shows me that perhaps it is time for me to see it. I just hope I won't get angry if I see old ways of putting women down after their husbands died. I don't even like that term widows for that reason.

Re: Have you found your voice?

No!  But I suspect that the constant, intensified restlessness that I've been experiencing is due (in part) to “My Voice” screaming to be found.

The sorting, purging and relocation process that has been going on may be an “opening of the door” to that finding.

Joyous Mary
1937

PS:  At 72 and counting, it had better hurry up and open.       

Re: Have you found your voice?

That's quite an awareness, Joyous.

Re: Have you found your voice?

Who - me
What - I found my voice
When - age 7
Where - Escondido, California
How - I was sitting on top of a fire hydrant watching the clouds in the sky and having a conversation with God.  I had recently written my first will (I've always planned ahead) and wondering if I would live to the ripe old age of 21 (it seemed ancient to me at the time).  And 'something' came over me.  It was tangible – but I can not explain it.  It simply washed over me and through me.  That is the precise moment when I found my voice.   

Why - That still remains to be seen – or as my mother would say, the work will bear witness. 

Re: Have you found your voice?

Oh Laurie, What a blessing to be able to recognize the gift at such a young age.

And to paraphrase your mother, “You are a “piece of work” bearing witness.”

And to think,  it was a fire hydrant, not a burning bush. 

Joyous
1937  

Re: Have you found your voice?

Laurie, this is beautiful! I can just feel those seeds of immensity wash through…

Re: Have you found your voice?

Thank you Meenakshi. 

I will never (ever) forget that precise moment in time.  I can still clearly see the red patch my mom had ironed on the left knee of my jeans.  I was (still am, for that matter) a tomboy – always getting holes in my clothes from the various adventures I would have during the day. 

In fact, when I answered the question you posted (have you found your voice?) – it got me to thinking about the 'way' part.  In Scottish Gaelic my mother used to say “togaidh an obair fianais” meaning “the work will bear witness.” 

And that's when a lightbulb came on and I knew how to help Sandi celebrate her birthday tomorrow (Sunday, Aug 30).  If you'd like to have a peek, look HERE. 

Re: Have you found your voice?

nice to read this and reminds me at my childhood ..thanks laurie and meenakshi

Re: Have you found your voice?

Here I AM again.  My voice sure isn't lost this evening. 

I've been having a good time this evening reading all of you Re: Have you found your voice?

Right now the mundane summons me.  So I leave with just one more comment:

Fear can be a good thing.  It keeps us humble and remembering the real source of the voice that speaks the Word.

Love to you All,

Joyous
1937

PS to kane-o:
Thanks for the reminder that actions can speak louder than words.  For some reason, I encouraged all six of the “kids” with words and action:  “Question authority.”  But I forgot to say, “Except Mom and Dad”

Re: Have you found your voice?

My goodness, Joyous thank you for pointing back to this thread.  It seems so long ago that I wrote that I hadn't yet found my voice.  Can remember feeling such nervousness during the early days of writing on Gaia.  But within a few months of starting to share, it felt like I had truly truly discovered my voice.  Or, rather, confidence to write exactly what was in my heart and mind.  For many months there was an internal quaking that accompanied the sharing, and then suddenly the quaking mostly disappeared.

This new-found confidence then sprouted to other areas in my life, in public meetings, with real-life people (not that it was missing before, but now it felt much more solid). 

Interesting that it takes us sometimes into our 50's and beyond to fully come into our own.  And to learn to do it in a way that honors or attempts to integrate other people's seemingly different views. 

Re: Have you found your voice?

Centria, isn't that beautiful, that you are able to see the 'before' and 'after', as it were, of this situation?! And yes- what a strong, vibrant voice you have, ringing with the freshness of truths as they are found.