Happenings this month

Happenings

Posted on Mar 31st, 2009
by JOYOUS






I don't know how to get started here today as many days.

I
feel a need to muse about my Way.  Maybe I will get some affirming
comments, assuring me that others know what I am talking about and
understand the feelings and thoughts.  

That would be good. 

My head is still  in a whirl but I do feel “calmer weather” approaching.  

As I sit here right now, the details of this passing period seem to be leaking away.  

So
I will only say this:  It was foggy, dark, confusing, emotional, and
painful.  There was no magical way to come out of it.  I think I
realized that and knew that endurance was the only way out,  with faith
and hope drawn from my life experience and the sure knowledge that I
needed to reach out by phone call, E-mail, Gaia, and just getting
myself among people browsing shops and libraries would bring comfort.  
Also allowing myself to be the who I AM as needed.  I did a lot of
sleeping.  I felt worn out by verbal and emotional abuse.

The
scene had been set in October of 2008, when my son and I agreed to
share a house, rent and utilities. We each moved in with all our
“baggage”. 

Joblessness and each facing hazards and boulders in
our personal paths, we failed to support one another and the sharing
cost ($) of housing became unbalanced.    

I noticed that
the challenges that fall across the Way are not the real problems.  
But, it is how a person responds to those challenges, that creates hope
or despair.  Peace or anger.  Love or War. 

I believe that age,
experience, focus and practice determines the response to our
challenges.  Here is a 44 year difference in age.  I don't know how to
measure the difference in experience, focus and practice.  It is
absolute and extreme.  

Presently we are relating with guarded carefulness and gentility. 

Our
lease expires in October.  I am preparing  to move to a larger city
where I already have a network of friends and where I will be able to
enjoy all the community activities that I desire while I grow older and
less able to get around by myself. 

At this “New Age” for me I retain my determination to be happy in peace.  
To be so, I find that I must let go of desires and expectations. 

Let
go of that “little house” where I can go outside at will and tend to
the earth and all the gifts that come with living in such a place.  

Let
go of the nearby presense of grown children, grandchildren and
great-grandchildrn.  All living their paths, some more than a 1,000
miles away. 

I've come this far, mostly with the attention, support, care and help of tender loving strangers.  

I am aware and able to give thanks to All Life.    
Tough, mean and sometimes cruel it may be.  But not enough to destroy who I AM.  

I feel a lightness and energy about today and mean to enjoy and be grateful.

[posted at Joyous' request]