Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Yea!  I am here at the end of the rainbow and am I ever surprised at what I find here.

I came into my 7th decade on this planet digging my heels into the earth resisting any more aging.  My resistance failed.  I aged some more and in April-2010 I will have been here 73 years. 

The last two and one-half years were an “Alice In Wonderland” experience for me.  I was lost.  The “rabbit hole” that I fell into led to a maze with all kinds of twists, turns and challenges.  I felt alone with no clear direction but not afraid.  I knew in my heart that I was in a learning and testing place.  I had had similar experiences on my Journey across the Rainbow.   I always knew I passed the tests because afterwards I was different.  

Here I am again.  Changed.  Different.  New vision. New attitude.  New perspective.  New life.  Knowing more about Love.  More about having fun. 

I am finding all of this in the little ordinary things that make up my days.  It is in those little happenings and insights that the sparkle from that end of the Rainbow is reflected. 

I am truly surprised at the beauty of peace and pleasure at this time and place of my journey.  Frequently filling with tears of gratitude. 

Oh no, this is not an end time.  It is a brand new time.  I have wishes, hopes and a calling.  All different from the past.  But I feel a new strength and creativity is straining at the gate, such that I believe there is much more for me to do and enjoy before I leave. 

One of the things that I am going to do is Journal my days right here. 

I am the first to arrive in this room.  I hope others will enter and do the same.   

Here is something that I think is significant.  This coming Monday (this is Saturday evening) I am going to start looking for a P.T. job.  It is a necessity but ok with me.  I live in a good job area and an agency that assists disabled people or retired people of need is located right across the street from where I live.  I look younger than people 10 years younger than I am, have marketable skills and the fact that the idea is ok with me is an indication of a leading. 

Besides, daylight is getting shorter; it is the holiday season followed by tax season and seasonal jobs are available.  It is a time when people develop “cabin fever” and a good preventive for that is to “get out of the house” such as, find a job.          

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

11/07-08/09

I went to bed last night when my eyes would not stay open.  I woke this morning at 4:15 by the bedside clock, 3:15 according to most other clocks.  I knew I would not be going back to sleep so I got up, made a snack and read while eating. 

Not knowing that I would be invited to inaugurate the new room, I was reading what I would use at the Inauguration Ceremony. 

After eating and reading I went to the computer and found the invitation from Meenakshi to do the Ribbon Cutting. 

I was reading a book by Frances Weaver, I'm Not As Old As  I Used To Be.  In her book the author refers to a quote by an unknown author.  That is the quote  I used at the Ribbon Cutting Ceremony. 

I've been feeling an urgency about figuring out what it is that I do.  That quote speaks to me.  It kind of pulls all my parts together.  I feel it speaks a truth that I can claim but not I alone:  I am an artist at being alive. 

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Dear Joyous,
I loved your opening remarks and pearls of wisdom.I have been experiencing some of those feelings myself.
New vision is staring at me and the rainbow does look more vivid.
Wish you a  fantastic new career and continue to share your wonderful thouhts and experiences with us.
Regards,roamer

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My first reply got eaten!!! I hate when that happens, but here goes again.

First off, I am so glad to see you here journaling.  We can all learn so much from you.  I am glad this forum exists because for several months, I have felt a transition in my own life was happening.  I was washing dishes and groovin' in the bubbles and warmth, and I thought our job on earth is to try to stay alive and be content — and all that chasing after stuff, position, crazy ideas about life, it didn't mean anythingg at the end.  Things became quite clear finally. So I am glad you are here heading up this forum.  You arewise and wonderful and I have enjoyed and benefitted from your wisdom.  You have a lovely touch that is inspiring.
(((hugs)) and lots of love,
your fan, mimi xxxooo

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Sorry Mimi,but your poster[another chance] is Inspiring and makes up for the first reply.
Namaste,Roamer

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Oooooooooooooh!  I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!   There are sparks flying from that pot at the end.   There's roamer and mimi.  It is good to see them. 

I'm up again and breathing.  I'm off and f running.  I forgot to get some spot remover and quarters yesterday (a stack of laundry is waiting). 

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist.   I'm not seeing as I used to see.  It might be that I bent my bifocals out of alignment when I adjusted the ear-pieces to hook around my ears.  The techs would adjust by just tweeking them and the glasses always slid to the end of my nose.  So I bent them into hook shapes.  I'm overdue for a checkup and am scheduled for a visual field test.  Yuk! 

I will be visiting, the State Senior Community Service Employment Program authorized by Title V of the Older Americans Act, federally funded by a grant from the U.S. Dept of Labor, to find a job.  On Tuesday, since my eyes will probably be dilated tomorrow and I will be stressed from my visit to the eye doctor.  I'll need some time to reward and feel sorry for myself.  

Yesterday I tuned into Public Television just for company.  There was somekind of Seminar presentation about how to live life.  The camera would focus on the presenter and then pan the audience. 

I saw what I see often these days.  A sense of humor is missing.  No one even smiled at something I thought was funny.  Even the presenter let a little grin when he said it: 
 He said:  “The first thing we gotta do is breathe.”  

No one “got” the humor.  So then the presenter went on with what he intended to say.  He explained what kind of breathing is needed to enhance the quality of life.     Then  the sober, serious, smileless heads began to nod.    

The sun shines again today into my new Wisconsin apartment.  The 8th day in a row, the first part of November. 

Joyous   

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Hi, Joyous, I'm so glad that you are journaling this fascinating region that we have not seen yet.  By the time we think we have enough time to sit and make plans for our older years, they are upon us!  How'd that happen!?  One day I'm 35 and just a blink later, I'm 57.   And I'm laughing about it.  I had many friends that will never saw 57.  So, I, We are going to be interested in how such a young, vibrant woman as your self takes off into a new attitude and how it wears with age.  Thanks for bringing such a sense of discovery to that frontier we are exploring anew every day.  Our own aging process.

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Thanks sandi I just sat down to journal and I find your presence here in my Life at the end of the Rainbow.  And the Sunflower.  A number of years ago I wrote a story for myself about the life of a Sunflower.  

Like the Sunflower in the picture, this evening my heart is a bit down.  You lift it.

I love words.  You refer to “a new attitude”.   Is that a typo?  I wonder if you meant altitude.  What a difference one little letter makes.   Another level of life this is.  At times I do feel that I am in a new altitude. 

Thanks Love,


Joyous
1937  

BTW:  No plans are needed.  The age comes with its own plan.   

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Journal:  11/09/09

I went to my appointment with the opthalmologist this morning but was not found on the schedule.  The appointment is for Tuesday, 11/10/09.   I had been wanting to go to the Goodwill Store.  It is in the area so I browsed there for awhile. 
Being diabetic, it is better that I eat rather than skip a meal because I am busy doing something else.  So I went to McDonald's.  I like their Angus Deluxe.  The Deluxe has lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle and cheese on a 1/3-pound pattie. 

Then I went home and spot-cleaned a stack of clothes and did the laundry.  Crocheted a bit while watching the Hallmark channel, grew drowsy but instead of taking a nap made chop suey while doing the dishes and pots and pans. 

I am feeling a bit down these days.  I think it is the holiday season coming on.  Specifically, I'm having a struggle with low self-esteem.  Anticipating Thanksgiving Day, my older sister and I had a disagreement that has stirred up a lot of memories.  I am hurt.  She hasn't shaken the notion that she is my nanny.  I being the middle sib,  had three sibs 11, 12 and 13 years older than I.  I had been taught and expected to defer to the guidance and judgment of the older ones.  And, to respect them because of their age.  Yep, my mother said so. 
My sister being 13 at the time became my nanny so my mother could go to work in 1937. 
My God!  I am almost 73 years old and been to hell and back.  I gotta be right some of the time. 
I cannot confront.  It is one of those situations where, though my complaint is valid, to confront would only make a bad situation worse.  I have the tools and can walk (what would be for me) a higher gound.   I can be right but not require another to admit it. 
All of us sibs have been separated a very long time and none of us knows who the others are.  I have a hard time accepting that. 
My good friend told me:  Spirit is stronger than blood.  Your family is elsewhere. 

Gosh I can fill a day.  I also visited the State Agency that helps people like myself find work.  Qualification is determined by gross income.  No consideration for cost of Supplemental Medical insurance or other expenses.  And, even if I should qualify, there is a waiting list for employment. 
The place was crowded.  When a receptionist asked me what I wanted, I couldn't get the words out, “I am looking for employment.”  Instead, the tears started to flow.  There was a lot of compassion.  In fact, a person that I knew while working in another agency in that building was there and saw my distress and later stopped by to offer words of encouragement.  The  receptionist phoned an “In-take” person.  While being interviewed I asked about two other persons that I knew and asked if they were still working there.  Yes, one was out of the office but would be in on Friday and the other was there and came over to visit and recall “old times and acquaintances”. 

The bottom line is:  TRUST!  There is something else happening here.       

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Relished the part about”I gotta be rightsome of the time”
Hope the agency finds you something that will energise you mentally/emotionally.
I think physically you are doing alot.Remember to pace yourself.
Hugs,Roamer

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Thanks roamer.  You are right, too.  I do do a lot physically.  I mentioned to the eye doctor that lately when I sit down to read or do some needle work, I get sleepy.  I thought it was an indication that there was something wrong with my eyesight.  He said, “No.  I'm just tired.”   What a dear, huh? 

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Ahhhhh….I love this thread.  So much resonates with me.  Thank you for journaling so honestly and beautifully Mary.  We are strengthened and inspired by each other.  I'm looking forward to sharing more of this journey with you. 

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Ah yes, helen:  I think we both recognized our similarities early on. 

Namaste!

Joyous
1937  

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

It is such a pleasure to share your day with you and hear of your new adventures.  It also does my heart good to know others are tired, mixing up dates,  and puttering around the house quarterless - except for me, it's $1.  It was a lot easier getting a roll of quarters from the bank $10, than getting a roll of Loonies ($25) And the bank is far away - too far to walk, and I haven't figured out small town bus service.

Holidays can he difficult when there are family tensions.  But I forgave everybody everything and moved on and my sisters and I are friends again.  My sister who is going to be 71 is still mad at our father who has been dead for many years.  I hope you will find a way to let all the tension melt away.  Have you ever tried yoga?  It was a huge help to me and contines to be.  We have a yoga teacher come to our bldg every Monday afternoon.  Some of the ladies in our class are over 90.  We do sitting yoga.  One of my previous  yoga teachers was 82.  Dorothy was her name.  Lots of love, dear sweet Mary.  Sending some more love your way.  Rock on!

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I take it that Loonies are $1.00 coins? 
It takes 4 quarters for a load of wash and 4 quarters to start the dryer.  The machines are large Kenmores (an improvement over another apartment complex where I lived) and usually only one cycle in the dryer will dry a load. 
I like that word “Loonies”.  It tickles.  Sometimes I think I am a bit loony.

Yoga is a good idea.  I am so new in this area, I've not yet gotten around finding where everything is.  I hope to find water exercises for oldies.  I know there are a couple of places.  I found an exercise room at the community center with exercise apparatuses for a very low cost on a daily basis or a membership card. 

Aren't those good old souls an inspiration to be with?  I hope to grow up to be like them.  Active well into my 90s. 
In the meanwhile it is fun to go along with others who are also nearing that age fearlessly.  If with fear, hopefully someone will come along (like right here) to give encouragement. 

We are always in the process of finding ourselves and one another.

Speaking of finding:  Looking for three things today.  1. an item that I submitted here yesterday about yesterday's adventures.  I was noticing all kinds of stories all around me.  I sat for awhile at the food court at the mall and just watched the stories walk by.  A man with a white cane sitting in the sun outside the library greeting all who approached and wishing well to all who left. 

It was a day full of delights, fun and good news.  I wrote it all but can't find it.  Maybe I forgot to send it.  I do that sometimes. 

2.  A book.  I gave away half of my books and the one I'm looking for might be among those.  I gave them to the resale store across the street.  It is a book of letters exchanged by about 6 women. 

3.  A scrabble game.  My younger sister installed it on my computer a good number of years ago.  I can't find it on the computer.  She left the disc.  Maybe I will find it as I continue to sort and purge.  I don't want to get into the game that is offered in the system because it is a live competitive game.  And I usually lose because I'm not competitive, nor fast.                                     

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Found on a couple scraps of paper aside my computer written by me. 

Farrah Fawcett talking with friend:  “Always able to see something funny.”

Note:  I can identify with that.  That is one of the reasons I don't fit. 
I don't appear to grasp the seriousness of my own situation. 

Afterthought:  Maybe in fact, I grasp more than people imagine. 

Regarding family:  “No one (family/sibs) knows my whole story”

Afterthought:  “I don't know my whole story.”

Aging:  Get past the fear.

Elders are often disregarded.    Stay alive.

And most surprising that I wrote this: 

Be who I am.  Be an elder, and the words will come.

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Here is one of the best articles ever on Forgiveness by Jewish rabbit, Irwin Kula.
I had some notes written on scraps of paper from a PBS show he did about 2 years ago.  I just threw the paper in the garbage this morning and put the coffee grounds over it.  So I had to dig it out of the garbage to find his website and found this magnificent article on forgiveness right on his home page.   

http://www.simple-wisdom.com/transcripts_08.htm

((hugs)) and lots of love, dear (((((Mary)))

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

dear mimi:

You make me laugh.  I can just picture you digging through the coffee grounds looking for a treasure that you had thrown into the garbage before the coffee grounds.  I can imagine the thoughts going through your mind, too. 

More than once I've done the same.  I think it is a little lesson in humility, (a come uppance) and perhaps a Divine joke on us, when that happens.  

I'm glad you found what you were looking for.  Thanks for the website.  I will be sure to read it.    

I retrieved this comment to suggest a Possible Title:

a take from “There's Gold In Them There Hills”   to  “There's Gems In That There Trash” 

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I'm trying to stretch my time away from the computer and especially from this room.  I feel I've been filling the room with my presence, not leaving much room for others. 
I don't remember if I was here yesterday. 

This morning I experienced a little “time shift”.  I woke at 3:00 a.m.  After an hour or so, I decided to check my mail and stop by GAIA.  I usually visit the last thing I do before going to bed.  I had a moment here this morning where I thought it was the end of the day rather than the start.  I'm glad it is the start and not the end because I've got some stuff to do before my sister comes to visit around noon for a day or two.  Kind of quirky, I know.  But it's part of the fun that I experience. 

mimi was here and left a note about an article on Forgiveness and the website where it can be found.  It is here in this room somewhere.  So I won't cite it again.  We also chatted about gems in the trash. 
Honest, we did.   You might want to read it.

Well, I'm off for now but not running.   

Joyous Mary
1937
 

  

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

I was curious as to why everyone seems to wake up at 3 a.m.  I kept hearing this when I worked in a health food store - people coming in and complaining about sleep problems.  Now when people start tell me about waking up in the middle of the night - I freak them out by saying “around 3 am, right?”  I just googled and found these:
Results 1 - 10 of about 534,000 for waking up at 3am.

http://www.google.com/search?q=waking+up+at+3am&rls=com.microsoft:en-us&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&startIndex=&startPage=1

I do believe that there is a physical explanation - that around 3 am your body does some kind of internal organs flush, especially our liver.  Now don't quote me on that.

(((hugs))

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I know what you mean.  I am always waking up around that time to do the stream of consciousness channeling that my teachers on the other side seem to think is the most favorable time.  For them it is the time when my resistance is the weakest: (ie) I am the most relaxed.  I can HEAR most easily then.  Biologically, it is when your body needs to relive itself.  you go back to bed, and your internal clock knows you got up so you must be awake.  It has a bit of trouble simmering down again after it has been asked to get up and go to the potty.  It is the time of birth and death that is talked about in the bible, when the earth and the other planes can touch most easily. 
Does any of this ring true for you?

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

I'm loving catching up with this thread…so much joy and wisdom and humor.  My maternal great grandmother's maiden name was Loony…so we always said that explained alot!

My husband's knee replacement on Monday went well and so I'm catching up with my Gaia reading and I came here first :)  Mary and Mimi, you're both such wonderful inspirations!

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I just loves ya!

“I don't appear to grasp the seriousness of my situation” sure rings with prior accusations to me; I'm Floating On Smiles no matter what I go through! And yes, I do realize the Facts, what a Cosmic Joke my world can be!

Thanks for sharing, I'll be reading :)

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Well HELLO EVERYONE!

When I got up the first time this morning I thought it was going to be another day of runny nose and general malaise.  I warmed up a big bowl of chicken soup (we all know the effects of chicken soup), put something in a slowcooker for later and went back to bed. 
This is the second time up, only 9:00 a.m. and I do believe I will be able to function a little better than yesterday. 
After just walking around the apartment a bit, I decided to tune-in here.  And here you all are talking about waking at 3:00 a.m. 
I think it is a combination of reasons causing this to happen.  I like to think it is a time when messages are being transmitted.  Sometimes the message is “right there” relating to whatever is current.  Other times I believe a message is being given and it is the transmitting that wakens me but I am not aware. 
I do know that I like waking in the middle of my sleep.  I consider it extra time to be alone to do some nurturing for myself. 

My sister came for a few days and left yesterday morning.  As I mentioned before, I think she is trying to fill-in the 20-to-30 years of our time apart when I was becoming who I am and she wants to know who that is. 

We enjoyed being together.  We did some shopping at Michael's (a craft supply store) and visited a recently opened grocery store.  When at home we crocheted.  She is hooked (pun) on hats for the winter.  And her project has evolved into me crocheting flowers for the hats.  It is slow and tedious work for me.  The flowers, each being different, really give some pizzazz (sp?) to her hats.

There is a project going on at the local junior high.  Adults and students are reading and discussing a book.  There are parts of the book where I get confused with what is written and what I am experiencing.  The book almost becomes real.  The weather is similar to what it has been here the last couple of days. (No sun light).  In the book, the family needs to stretch their food supply because gradually life as it used to be is slipping away.  Whatever they were able to hoard, is all they will have.  I am stretching my food because this month is longer than most it seems, and the money is short.  I get a little creative making soup out of a variety of leftovers. 
It is the decisions that I made over the last two years that has me in the tight spot that I am in today. 
Growing and learning in paths such as GAIA has just about taken all worry away. 
There is a giggle in my belly.    
I am thinking about how the titles we choose for ourselves play out in our life.  Such as: Joyous, Truth Seeker, Weaver, FloatingOnSmiles, etc.    
Does anyone else see a connection?   Why do we choose the titles that we do?  How did we come to choose a particular title?      

   

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

Enjoyed reading today's fun filled post,particularly the part about “a giggle in the belly”.I do think there is  a strong reason and a method in the madness of our choosing these catchy names—-
Maybe,it truly reflects who we are or who we are destined to become.-
May be it is something we yearn to be
or yet maybe it is something we want to shed and move on.
Glad you had a nice visit with your sister.
Luv,roamer

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

I like this:

For A While

“We have all come to the right place.

We all sit in God's classroom.

Now,

The only thing left for us to do, my dear,

Is to stop

Throwing spitballs for a while.”

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

hi joyous,
loved the poem from Persia.I think we try too hard sometimes throwing and defending.We forget the pure pleasure of being.
roamer

Re: Journaling at the end of the rainbow

My name came to me as how I kept “signing off” on my emails to friends, even though my reports were mostly “bad news” over & over, I still kept Smiling & surviving against all odds. My native friends told me that's my Native Name, they saw it as the real me. I think it chose me!