My Personal Story with Amma

My experience with Amma started in a perhaps low key, but reflecting back a synchronous way. I saw her face in the picture of a biography of her Amma Healing the Heart of the World by Judith Cornell, it was in the most unlikelikelist of places the Entertainment section of Books-A-Million, a major chain bookstore. Someone must have placed it there but it was no doubt meant to be there, as I spotted it I immediately felt a connection with the woman on the cover who I would learn about.

After learning about Amma, I began studying her on the Internet on her website and reading about her. I had been studying spiritual books since I was 12, and often envisioned myself wearing a white outfit which seems to be the one that Amma's devotees wear. I started with Neo-Paganism around 12 or 13, then moved to Buddhism and Mysticism.  Before finding Amma I had already developed a very open mystic view of spirituality, believing Unconditional Love to be Truth. After finding Amma it was as if all the beliefs I had already developed in my early spiritual journey had come together  in her, as her teachings were already what I believed.

I had been to New Mexico before, several times to Thaos with my parents, we loved that area,  and had heard in Thaos at the Hannuman temple I had visited the summer of 2003  that Amma comes through New Mexico and I was not aware of that and she had been in Santa Fe just 2 weeks before. I was sad to know I had just missed her, so made strong plans to see her where else able. I discovered also that one of her first places to visit in the United States was Taos, re-affirming my belief that is a spiritual place for the US as well as other parts of New Mexico. And I later discovered her ashram was in Santa Fe.

I felt a strong spiritual connection with Amma through the last years of High School, and until I met her I want to say in the fall of 2003 when she came to Ann Arbor, Michigan.  I felt her presence with me in my home, and around me before meeting her. I even obtained one of the Amma dolls available on her website even before meeting her, how close I felt to her.

I had convinced my mom to take me to see her all the way from TN Ann Arbor and we also made it a small family trip, and it was an amazing experience. Even though it fell around Thanksgiving it still worked out as we did not have any specific plans that year.

Upon seeing Amma for the first time sitting in the hall I felt as if I zoomed in upon her energetically, and it I just remember thinking “IT'S THE SAME PRESENCE! IT'S THE SAME PRESENCE!” as I had been feeling before I even met her. It was as if I had already known her, and it dawned on me what an amazing spiritual being beyond just a teacher she must be to be able to have extended herself to me in such a way. She must be one with the Divine.

It seemed as if she was familiar with me in the retreat as I hugged her, just the feeling was amazing and I felt spiritually transformed. I was very surprised by how approachable, and friendly the swamis (her disciples) seemed to be, I had spoke briefly to Swamini the female Swami that is her personal attendant and close disciple.

I received my mantra at this retreat, which was special to me.  I had also asked Amma if I should come to India, and she said finish school first (As I was just finishing High School at the time I suppose that is what she meant) The most memorable experience was at the end of that first retreat when I had touched Amma on the back, and after doing so I felt electricity going through me like a current.

The second retreat I went to see her in the summer of 2003 and the experience was much more closer and amazing.  It was in Albequerque New Mexico. From the moment she arrived I had contact with her. I waited in the hotel lobby on a hunch that maybe she would come through, and waited there for 2 hours to see her. A small crowd began to gather sensing something was to happen to, and the car pulled up. Amma stepped out, and walked into the lobby and stopped to give us all hugs. And it was very personal and sweet.

I asked her at this retreat should I come to the ashram, and she said it was my choice.

During the retreat, I got very special hugs, and on the second night decided to get my spiritual name. I did not make it into the name line that morning, so decided to try through the regular line as one of the swamis had told me. When I went through the regular line, I told Amma I wanted a name, and she put me directly behind her translator only 2 feet from her. I sat there for almost an hour and ahalf, at one point she had pointed at me with her finger and said something, the other translator had tried to catch it and had a funny look on his face but did not catch it. I asked him later and he forgot what it was. Toward the end of the line as Amma was finishing hugging people, I tapped the translator on the back and said “Is Amma going to give me a name”. She turned and told Amma and Amma laughed loudly, tapped one of the swamis on the head. He gestured to me to sit next to Amma's chair where the question and name line was, and I sat there. Amma said something to him and he gave Amma the paper, and he wrote on the paper what my spiritual name was, and then she handed it directly to me. I thought this was special. It was Advait. He told me, and explained to me it meant “one who is beyond duality”. Then for some reason I just sat there, as I believe the line was finishing. I looked off to the right side and spaced out and was preparing to move. Suddenly out of the blue the swami is tapping me on the shoulder, and I turn and he says “Amma is calling your name” and  she is turned in her seat and saying my spiritual name aloud I believe 3 times. I was not sure what to do as I still suddenly felt high for a moment, and bowed low respectfully as there were many others around. Amma smiled, and went back to hugging. I sat there until she completed hugging, and got up and went with the crowds. One of the devotees who travels with the group sometimes and lives in India excitedly told me “I have been waiting for Mother to say my spiritual name for 2 years! That is very special” I felt like this devotee is living better than I am, and is closer to Mother physically more often and told her “Well you travel with her, and Amma has something different for everyone”

Later on the swami who instructed me on my name came directly to me as if sent by Mother and said “What is your spiritual name” I said “Advait” mispronouncing it and he corrected me, then walked away.

Another individual thing that happened on the retreat which was more cute. At the end of Mother hugging people, everyone forms corridor which she will walk through to leave the hall. I did not realize that those who did not receive a hug were to stand on one side to receive a blessed prasad, in this case a Hershey's kiss, and those who did stand on the other side. Well I had stood unknowingly one night on the side of those who did not receive a hug even though I had received one. Amma came down the line, and when she came to me she skipped right over my hand. This showed she reall remembered, out of hundreds of people. Well on the next night I stood on the opposite side. Amma came down the line handing out the prasad, Hershey's kisses, and upon reaching where I stood she turned all the way around and directly handed me a prasad smiling hugely. Then she proceeded on to hand a prasad to one other devotee on my side, who I had been speaking to earlier and who said it seems Amma always hands her a prasad. I said that must be for some reason too!

Devi Bhava night was rushed as always, but I remember it felt very special and I felt energized.

The third retreat with Amma I went to see her in Deerborn Michigan in 2005 I felt was beautiful. but it was not as amazing as the second retreat.  What was amazing was some of the devotees I met, and how I felt throughout the retreat. I felt as if I was receiving Amma at more of a distance. 

That was unfortunately and sadly my last retreat with Amma so far, I have not been able to see her since then because I live in Tennessee and most of the retreats are at least 10+ hours away when she toured the United States and I was without transportation for much of this year. I kept wishing I had figured out a way to go but it seemed like something would prevent me like a financial need or something.

I keep feeling drawn to go to her ashram, Amritapuri India, but I have not yet been able to go.