An Abundance Crisis--too much of "not enough"

I am trying to overcome a shrink-to-fit mentality in which I shrink my life to fit financial limits. I feel I'm coming along nicely but I found that today, looking as I was at vehicles and furniture, I was saying a lot of “I don't have enough money to buy that” or “If only I had the money, this would be perfect.” Uhg! It really is a downer.

And then I slipped into what I think of as desperation thinking or contingency plans B, C, D, E, etc. I went out on a limb starting a learning center, leasing a space, and taking out a start up loan. I NEED it to start paying for itself fairly quickly because my day job doesn't bring in enough to carry it (see, there's the not enough again). Since I've only had one serious inquiry, I begin thinking that maybe I should be doing something else with the space (like starting a used bookstore–as though that would be easier to market ;-p). I am a problem-solver–sometimes a compulsive problem solver: I go into idea generation mode out of a sense of lack, coming up with a wealth of alternatives that aren't necessarily more likely to succeed. I've only begun to realize this about myself in recent years. Today I caught that my thinking in this vein was not productive but rather would diffuse my intention instead of focusing on making this one thing, the learning center, work. Still, it's hard to shift back to productive thinking and action. Any suggestions/guidance appreciated.

Re: An Abundance Crisis--too much of "not enough"

Ok, I'm over it. ;-D

What helped? Balancing checkbooks today and telling myself it's okay to put things on the credit card for the next few months (not the big items I was talking about in the first post but little things that will make life easier or more pleasant) so I won't feel like I'm in a straight jacket.

Working out in the yard seems to have helped too. I got a lot done today in general (including putting away material for one of the backup plans) and a lot either completed or restarted in the yard with the help of my fiance. It has put me back in a place of feeling competent, capable, creative, powerful. I can do it, by golly, I CAN!

And all good things will come to me when the time is right. My abundance crisis was a crisis of faith. I need to go forward prudently but still go forward and trust that things will come into alignment in ways I can't forsee. I really do have a lot of unfinished home projects from my move last Dec that are getting completed these past couple of weeks. It has occurred to me that I need to finish these things to be ready for my next complex project.

And so . . . and old saying of mine: Onward to Folly!

(You might say some of us have to “fall” into place and trying to remain upright is counterproductive :-) )