Racism and Ego

Buckle Up! I have so much that I wish to say, and that requires a longer trip than usual.

I have really taken a great deal of pleasure in reading Eckhart Tolle recently. His books “The Power of Now” and The New Earth” both speak to the misery and the angst that is caused by ego identification. The attachment to the idea of who we think we are or whom we wish we were.

Ego is the root of a great many problems. It is what fuels our ability to be defensive, angry, insecure, afraid, shy, hostile and step fully into the role of victim. Ego becomes the vision we identify ourselves as. We begin to seek ways outside of ourselves to reinforce who we believe ourselves to be.

We hate and rail against the things or the people that we perceive a threat to our ego identification. It evolves into “us” versus “them”. It quickly rolls into the desperate need to be right.

A few days ago I was chatting with someone that was jumping on the soapbox of corporations and the wealthy. The statement was “I am not going to sell my soul to….” And what I had to say was… “You already have”. I am in an interesting position to watch a great many people (and on occasion be one of the people) who use the “moral high ground” as a sick ego manifestation.

Sometimes in the stillness of being we have the opportunity to allow our egos to simply die. It is a thought about who we are and it isn't real. Who we are is a source of love. We are not separate from the divine spark that is within us. I sometimes think that the greatest gift we are given is the critical wound of conscious thought. We look around and see that we are different and our minds create ego around that.

I think people have difficulty understanding the difference between different and separate. My toes are different from my lips, and yet…. Not separate from the body of the whole. I am different than my friends….. and yet, we are all of the same body of being.

So, that is the foundation of this journey. Understanding the ego.

The second leg is rather simple. Love honors the connection we all share. Fear tears it apart. And when we are afraid that so easily morphs into self-righteousness, anger, hostility, hate……

I appreciate your keeping the seat belt fastened. The journey is about to begin now that we have taken care of some pre-flight checks. Ego is an illusion of who we think we are. Our thinking creates problems with the ego. Love is the way to connection. Fear is the food of the ego. It fuels bigger problems. Got it?

Ok.

I had the most wondrous conversation with someone I know a few days ago. It was in response to the Immus news story. I was so touched by the courage of this person to ask questions about something too many people are scared to talk about.

She wanted to talk about racism. I have never seen her respond negatively or speak negatively about anyone who is a race other than hers. And yet, she wanted to look inside herself and ask some hard questions. She also had some hard questions about the greater conversation of racism. Without trying to recreate the entire conversation (Our pilot has said that two destinations within the same trip is just not possible at this time)…… I want to hit some of the highlighted questions or issues that were raised.

She raised some of the same questions that have been on the news this week. Is there a double standard? Now, some of you know that I have incredibly strong feelings and “triggers” if you will around racism. I have no tolerance. I do not believe there is such a thing as “reverse racism”… I think that hate is hate. And when it comes to anyone feeling justified in spewing hate… I must return to the idea of ego. Identification. There is either love or fear. Fear begets hate.

She wondered if separatism within race relations wasn't where we were headed and might actually help. Now, before hackles go up…… she was talking about the US versus THEM attitude that is building. I would simply say that separatism IS the problem - not the solution. It truly is the root of the problem.

And here is what I think. I do not think that a bigger conversation about race needs to happen - first. I think that a bigger conversation about what is acceptable needs to happen. I think that a greater agreement that to denigrate another human being is not appropriate is a better conversation to begin with. And it is something that I believe for all people. I do not care what gender, race, religion, orientation, nationality someone is…… denigration is not ok.

It is not ok to put the hate on someone else. (It is not ok to put the hate on oneself, either). Not ok.

If that becomes the standard, then the entitlement and the victimization quit becoming the focus. The defensiveness goes down. The ego will not sustain the drama and the fight. When the ego dies….. Love stands a chance. And then….. under the possibilities of love, that becomes a good time to talk about the things that have kept us feeling separate.

I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine about a year ago. I am incredibly hopeful that in my lifetime we will see significant shifts to end racism. I can still hear his disbelief. I still believe it. We can and will shift this vile form of hatred and separation when we quit feeling separate. When we quit using separation language. In my thinking, there is no “African American community”…. There is simply US. No them. We are all part of the whole.

When we quit using our egos to identify who we are…. We will quit using language that makes it an us versus them issue. We will quit standing in a battlefield that says, “I am right and you are wrong”. We will quit personalizing other people's hatred.

Now…. One of the other things that was brought up in this conversation was some real life trauma that occurred to her because the color of her skin. Something inside of her kept a trigger that held onto that fear. And in some small corner of her mind, she still associates the color of her tormentors skin with the torment she suffered because of the color of hers.

I told her. As I would tell anyone…. That is your wound to heal. It is never going to be ok to project our own wounds on another human beings shoulder. I truly believe that if we let go of the ego, attend to the wound, release the projections onto other people….. we will heal the greater wounds. One person at a time.

I was very lucky in life. I have experienced the violence of racism first hand on both sides of the coin. (longer story and the pilot tells me to stay on course.) Just suffice it to say…. I am honoring the path I have walked to understand this. And so….

I've listened to people postulate this week. Defensiveness all around. And…. Identification from an ego stand also present. And the bottom line is, forms of targeting and hatred are not ok. And rather than pull up an old horse and beat it back and forth about free speech vs. racism. Vs. “things will never change” victim mentality…. Let's change things.

I was watching the Today show this morning. Danny Deautsch was on. He is a voice of marketing trends. He was talking about Imus being fired from MSNBC. I found myself shouting and celebrating what he had to say.

He said that this was the greatest opportunity for the dozen or so networking programmers to quit programming HATE television/radio. He said it wasn't an issue of race or gender. It was an issue of hate.

I could not say that any better if I tried.

Racism isn't about race. It is about hate. Sexism isn't about gender. It is about hate. Religious wars are not about the Divine. They are centered in hate. Genocide - Hate.

Hate is about the ego.

The ego is a false thing. It is an idea. The poisonous mind.

I think it is time we all stood up and said “Hate has got to go”. It is time we quit railing against the fear. It is time to let our egos die. It is time to love. Pretty simple.

Re: Racism and Ego

…Right!

I am so getting back to you when I have the time!  Bare with me.  This is a most interesting line of discussion!

Re: Racism and Ego

“Sometimes in the stillness of being we have the opportunity to allow our egos to simply die. It is a thought about who we are and it isn't real. Who we are is a source of love.”

So true!

Except, in the stillness of being there is nothing there to let die. The ego isn't real and never was. There is only love, and joy! The Illusion, including racism, hatred and the whole lot is but a wonderful Divine Drama. It's perfect. There is nothing there to change!

:-)

Re: Racism and Ego

I know I talk about this all the dang time… but…

You were talking about ego- but I would like to focus on connection and separateness for a moment. And how the “ego” as a set of behaviours comes to exist. the way i talk uses “ego” differently sometimes- but it’s just a way of talking for me… i kind of think of ego as imbalance rather than an object, and as such- i treat the ego as a condition.

I have an environment. This environment affects me all the time. Sometimes adversely. I begin to take an interst in processes that adversely affect me (and beneficially, too). I desire to affect the environment to prevent adverse conditions. I attempt to control the environment.

To control the environment, I have to adjust my behaviour. To adjust is to amplifiy certain personality traits and downplay others. Perhaps my environment is violent and I amplify strong personality traits and downplay meek ones. Perhaps my environment is full of people who hate analytical thinkers and so I downplay my own critical thinking and amplify touchy-feeliness. (giggle) Anyway, to control my environment, I either control it outright by controlling and subverting my meeker side, or I control my environment by indirectly presenting it with a desirous view of me by amplifying the parts it likes.

But something happens. When I control myself, and subvert certain personality aspects- I begin to feel resentment. The parts of myself that were controlled and repressed get upset. They want to be loved too, and here they are- hidden. Eventually, this resentment gets very large and starts being directed at the environment. This is sorta like the mirror effect- people dislike in others what they themselves repress in themselves- because in others it controls them. Resentment causes separateness. We rebel within ourselves, and as selves we rebel against the environment.

This is all pretty simple- but the funny thing is that connection and differentiation- two absolutely beautiful values- gave rise to control and separateness. They did this because we allowed ourselves to control the environment.

So it seems to me that control and separateness go together- cocreate each other.

How to heal? Tolle talks about that some- and I like him a lot. Every spirituality has ideas.

There are some religions that postulate that there is an evil and a good- that the good must conquer the evil. This, I think, is simply more control and repressing. Like the Catholic clergy problems, just as example. One can’t conquer ones evil- because it isn’t evil. It’s part of us that rebels because it is pushed down. To push it down further makes it more powerful because we push it where we can’t see (unconscious) where it is forced to be dishonest in order to see the light of day. So we become self-dishonest.

There is another way- wherein good does not conquer evil- but rather where both control and rebellion surrender. How this happens is rather a mystery to me- but it has a lot to do with accepting the source of negative energy while not caving in to the energy itself. I think of it as a lousy marriage- these two folks used to be a whole (the controlling personalities and the repressed personalities) but now are fragmented. Now there are a lot of trust issues. How do you get both to sit at the table and work things out? One definately has to go first. And it has to be undertaken honestly- not as another manipulation to assuage the status-quo.

I think of it as sacred marriage- and not just between men and women- but between the aspects of our selves, and between ourselves and everything in our environments. Being controlled, we say, “this is fear based in a desire for connection. I accept the connection and understand.” Being rebelled against, we say, “this is fear based in desire to not be controlled. I accept the differentiation and understand.” And slowly, things begin to change. The other side realizes that we don’t fight so hard. We tend to put our weapons down more. Soon, we call off the war for a few days. Finally, we say screw it- let’s go get coffee.

Everything leads to surrender from this frame of reference.

SO. That wa a lot of stuff to stick on a page. What I am thinking is that your words and my thoughts have a lot of similarity. The big issue for me is how to create self-honesty in a place where there is a lack of trust. Before a person can become whole- or a relationship whole- or a society whole- there has to be some kind of trust. There has to be enough for people to question their own motivations and feel unthreatened. Like hate-mongerers: they don’t do it because they are evil- they do it because it’s become a way for them to redirect their resentment at having been or being controlled. The thing that keeps them from waking up is that there is a built in veil- they can’t see the “man” behind the curtain.

How does one help others to question their own motivations? How does one foster self-honesty (in others and ones’ self)? We surely can’t hold blame- for as long as we blame folks for their actions, they will not be honest with themselves. So how to do it?

Re: Racism and Ego

Dear axiom,
Terminology certainly creates communication problems because of the different perceptions we have of their meaning.
I get the gist of your reply with reference to the 'ego' and it seems to be akin to how I see the Soul and the Mind (labels again!) which I see as one and the same thing. I explain this here and also refer you to the Discussion Board “What is the Mind?” in my pod The Milk Is White - the book where what I say and others say should be of interest to you.
I hope this helps :-)
()

Re: Racism and Ego

Absolutely true.  The ego is not real - just perceived.

And axiom - You know I will get back to you when I get back home middle of next week!
Jill

Re: Racism and Ego

Absolutely true.  The ego is not real - just perceived.

And axiom - You know I will get back to you when I get back home middle of next week!
Jill