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Conscious Relationships

If you're interested in relationships that thrive on commitment, authenticity, personal responsibility and appreciation, this is the place for you. Kathlyn and I formed this group in response to the interest from the Gaia community in our telegathering on creating conscious relationships. It's our hope that members will share their experiences, ask questions and contribute to a growing societal...(more)
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How to speak honestly in relationships, how to express feelings so they're heard, how to be close without losing yourself.
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  shivvy88 : Homeward Bound

What does authenticity look like?

shivvy88 said May 22, 2008, 6:34 AM:
 

From my perspective  “authenticity” which is appearing as the latest buzzword in relationships of all kinds is a very difficult challenge.  We have an ongoing discussion here at the ranch about this very catchy and demanding word.  I think each of us actually is as authentic as we can be at any particular moment in time and it is only through reflection and reciprocity and consideration that we can come to realize more of who we are.


It is relatively clear that many people that are using these words and practicing psychotherapeutic techniques and so on are hip to the current that swings on “becoming authentic”.  I have to ask does a grain of sand agitating in a shell become more authentic upon realization of becoming a pearl or is the experience of humility in the vastness of the ocean of life….. real authenticity?

David Deida writes about the 3 differentiated stages of human development to date and although I disagree with some things he writes for the most part he has been a helpful guide for me in my exploration of human relationships.  As I think on this, his description of the first stage..man/woman…masculine/feminine reminds me of encounters that I have had with indigenous peoples on this planet and when I think and feel authenticity for myself what I notice is that however “baffling” some of the behavior in these places may be and however chauvinistic etc.  these are some of the most authentic people in relationship that I have met.  

It seems that people who are not all cluttered up in their thinking by expectations and belief systems that have been generated by exposure to our supposedly “advanced” modern thinking are real and sensitive and have technologies available to them which are more advanced than this computer upon which I type these thoughts.  

Of course we see the effects of assimilation and so on.  It is for me as Alan Watts wrote:  perhaps we are seeing the effects of the future when we gaze upon the crumbling stones of the pyramids.

More later
  Andrew : fast flowing river

Re: What does authenticity look like?

Andrew said Jun 19, 2008, 1:16 PM:
 

Interesting reading your thoughts on authenticity. I have come to feel aht living authentically is “it,” the only way worth living, however difficult and challenging and disorienting it can be to sustain in our society. I strive anyway to come from a heart space of being as present and appreciative as possible, and as accepting and fearless of sharing my own truth and witnessing another's shared truth as equally and totally valid.

I am currently blessed to be living in an intentional community that focuses on the development of spiritual values, so authenticity unfolds spontaneously for me here. That is not to say that it is easy, because actually I have found it to be quite a bit of work sometimes, however, it is also far more rewarding than inauthentic living.

If given a choice to live heart-opened, mind-opened, on the path, or trapped in a fake mask of false personality, I could not choose otherwise. The reward of fully embracing coming from where I am really at in every way far outweighs the challenges and difficulties that come along.

For example, I recently had a series of interactions with a person here that I was developing romantic feelings for, however, when I found through progressive discovery that this person was neither interested nor ready for a relationship, I was able to safely navigate through the labyrinthine layers of desire and anxiety that emerged from trying to start something, and then eventually having to give up, and lay down any attempt. Having been especially open and desiring this was very challenging, however, I accomplished it with more skill and grace than I have ever had before in such situations. I have all the work I have done to be as grounded as possible in my authentic self to thank for this, with the Earth and many friends as witnesses.

As for how you address the topic, I don't know how you'll receive this sharing as a reply. I came onto this thread because of the topic more than as a chance to respond to your particular entry. I am continually curious and open to reading and receiving whatever sort of comments and feedback has about my opinions. I try to talk only about what I have discovered from personal experience, as much as I can, so as to be authentically noncontentious.