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DIVING DEEPER: A Writing Workshop

Do you feel compelled to write,  but something is stopping you from getting on with it?

Do you feel you have a story to tell, or simply something 'to say' but don't know how to start, or how to continue?

Are you looking for a deeper connection to your self, or a sense of fulfilment?

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Here are Sandra's Notes Along the Way on the Diving Deeper process and how to support each other through our commenting (NOTE: commenting and constructive criticism guidelines live in this room! ).
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  Sandra : Inspirational Ambassador

Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Factor

Sandra said May 11, 2007, 7:29 AM:
 
Mayumi_for_email



The Uncertainty Factor

In  Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way # 1, I wrote:

The blank page as been called the greatest challenge to man/womankind.

Each time we sit down to write, we are called forth to dive into the unknown. I encourage you to experiment with not planning or thinking about what you are going to write about. Thinking is not the same thing as writing.

Diving Deeper is very much about making friends with uncertainty; it's very much about moving towards fear, being curious about your inner demons, looking at them in the face and saying, “Hello, who are you?“.

Planning what you are going to write about and sticking to the plan is a way to avoid fear. It is a way to try and maintain a sense of safety, a structure, a known path. It actually doesn't work, in my experience, at least not for long. It also tends to produce dry, lifeless writing.

Even if you are in the midst of a novel or memoir or other piece of writing and have a clear “idea“ of what you are writing about, I suggest that you take time each day (if possible) to sit down and write with absolutely no plan at all.  Of course there will be ideas and thoughts hovering about, wanting your attention. See if you can let them hover, in the background, and simply sit at your desk ( or wherever you write ) and let the blank page face you, not knowing what you are going to write about.

“Uncertainty is the essential, inevitable and all pervasive companion to your desire to make art.
Tolerance for uncertainty is a prerequisite for succeeding“
~  David Byles and Ted Orland:  Art and Fear.

Uncertainty is never comfortable. Even if you have a 'tolerance' for uncertainty,  it's not “comfortable”. Comfortable is not what you are looking for. Comfortable puts you to sleep -  in your life and in your writing.  As the wonderful Sam Shepard said in a recent interview:

“If comfort was what you were looking for, you'd never write. Sometimes you do need a certain level of comfort, so you can tun the TV on or take a bath. But the search for comfort doesn't result in writing.”

It may be that  facing the blank page with no plan is simply a warm up, a way of getting you into “dreaming the dream”; a way to getting the bits and pieces of day-to-day thoughts and worries floating around in your head out of the way before you get stuck into your 'real' story.

However, if you are willing to continue, I can promise you this dive into the unknown will reveal all kinds of rich and exciting material. It may even take you off on a thread you had never even imagined.

This is how my own novel started. I always thought of myself as a 'creative non-fiction' writer: I write stories inspired by my own life experiences. And then one day, sitting in front of my 'blank page' out popped a being that was from a future time, another world. It was the very last thing I expected - fantasy and science fiction was at the bottom of my list of possible subjects for me to write about. This story is absolutely on the edge for me - I don't even know the world I'm writing about, let alone the characters. And because of this I'm constantly drawn there - even if I'm not writing, I'm thinking about it. It's a bit like one of those locked drawers in the parent's room…

When I am writing this fantasy story, I'm forced again and again to let go of any ideas about what I'm writing about. I have to let the story, the characters, write themselves.

This “uncertainty factor” is not only when you start to write, it's something to stay in touch with all the way along.

The uncertainty factor is the same thing as letting go of attachment to outcome.

If you focus on what your writing is going to be 'about', how it's going to 'end', what it's going to 'tell the reader', you will stymie the creative process right off the bat. You are doing what I call 'directing traffic', and by doing so you will most likely end up in a traffic jam - aka the dreaded Writer's Block. 

One way through the traffic jam is to through caution to the winds, drive like those crazed Vietnamese drivers who pay no regard to traffic lights or traffic lanes, they simply go for it. Curiously, I've rarely seen an accident in Vietnam. It is as if they enter a heightened zone of awareness, and this is what I'm looking for as you 'dive deeper'.

It is not easy to write without letting the various 'critics' control what comes out of your pen or your keyboard. We are all deeply conditioned to be judgmental of ourselves and what we do - especially if it is called, heaven forbid, 'Art', or Creative Writing. 

I've mentioned elsewhere that I make little distinction between creative writing and other kinds of writing.

What is fiction? What is reality? What is memory? What is truth? Do we know?

I will talk more on these subjects later, especially the memory-truth issue, but for now what I want to emphasize is: throw away the box of rules, put aside what you think is right or wrong to write 'about' -  let it all come out, every which way, spelling mistakes and all, but especially subject matter.

The Muse wants to loved dirty and clean, however she comes out. She wants you to open the door and say “yes,” regardless of how she looks or sounds. By saying “yes,” you are sending a message to yourself that you are okay no matter what, that what you have to say will always be listened to. In this way the writing journey supports your life journey, and the source of creativity is opened wide.

Your writing is a very clear mirror of your inner world. The more you hold yourself back, the more limits you place on what you can and cannot do, think, feel, the smaller your world becomes, and your writing will reflect this. Use this mirror as a tool - it can support you to see where you are cutting off the flow of energy, where you are not allowing your deepest voice to be heard.

Ask yourself questions as you write: Am I holding back? Am I avoiding writing something because I don't think it's “okay” to write it?

As you sit there, facing the blank or partially blank page, notice what images or themes arise which hold a certain amount of fear or energy for you. Often they are scenes from childhood, or subjects you believe are taboo.  Can you go for it? Can you take the leap and write something you want to push away?

There is only one way to do this: begin. Just start to write. Let the words be your guide, rather than the other way around.  If it is a scene from your past, experiment with the present tense, it might help. You can always change it later.

What I call writing on the edge - writing without attachment to outcome, without letting your critic control the story, writing towards fear and uncertainty rather than away from it  - is always engrossing. To the reader and to you, the writer. And you are the one who matters.

If what you are writing about does not hold your attention, you won't continue to write. If you start controlling what you write “about” or how you write, you will get bored and stop writing. It is the process of writing that is important in my 'Diving Deeper' book, not the outcome.

”To all viewers [readers] but yourself, what matters is the product:
the finished artwork. To you, and you alone, what matters is the process.”
~ David Byles and Ted Orland: Art and Fear

So: Take the leap, throw away all ideas of what you are going to write about, and allow yourself free reign to write anything -  and keep doing this, over and over again as you are writing.


“Death is not the biggest fear we have;
our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive –
the risk to be alive and express what we really are.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz

”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt




© 2007 by Sandra Jensen
  Tom : Mesocosmic Traveller

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Tom said May 11, 2007, 7:55 PM:
 

Thank you for these insightful and soul-filled Notes, Sandra. We're reading them, even if we're not saying anything, other than in our work.

The toleration of uncertainty is a real beeatch, that's for sure.

Have you seen Stephen Pressfield's “The War of Art”? Not sure you'd like it, except the title totally rocks. It's about battling through resistance, which we all face, and may be part of the 'uncomfortableness' you speak about when going into a piece. I heard it on CD and really was impressed, though reading it never did make me more brave, curiously enough.

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul's evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”  (from the book)

Love & Gratitude,

Tom
  Sandra : Inspirational Ambassador

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Sandra said May 12, 2007, 12:48 PM:
 

Thank you Tom, I do sometimes wonder if anyone is reading these Notes!

Even if you are the only person that is enough for me.

I have not read or heard of the War of Art.. interesting title,  I do like it! And thanks for the quote, it's excellent.

Yes, resistance has a lot to do with our writing discomfort. Even feeling bored by our writing can be a form of resistance ( or one method our critic uses to stop us writing…).

Love back,

Sandra
  ayla : Illuminated Skye

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

ayla said May 15, 2007, 7:11 AM:
 

Ask yourself questions as you write: Am I holding back? Am I avoiding writing something because I don't think it's “okay” to write it?

I'm reading your notes, Sandra!  And finding them immensely helpful!  The above especially hit home.  I was thinking “well, but if I wrote it, there is no way I would share it” ~ and then thought “so what? write it anyway!  at least get it out of the way and see what happens”  It really has been a stumbling block for me because every time I write it wants out and I won't let it!!!!   Thank you!

Ayla

  Sandra : Inspirational Ambassador

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Sandra said May 16, 2007, 11:58 AM:
 

Thank you dear Ayla.

What you write is very much to the point - we often hold back because we project into the future a scenario which feels too uncomfortable, and we let this 'thought form' affect our present moment.

Actually I don't like to use the word 'we' - it isn't you, or me, or us -  it is our 'critics', our little gremlins, our demons which do this kind of thinking, and these are not our true selves. These gremlins are 'planted' in us by others, by 'society' - by our genetic heritage even - who knows, But we do know when we have thoughts which hold us back  - it doesn't really matter 'why'.

(Are your 'thoughts' your own? It's a question worth asking yourself sometimes!)

We are taught to keep ourselves 'in check':  don't disturb anyone, be nice, do the 'right' thing, don't upset anyone, stay small and discreet, don't wave your own flag - don't make waves of any kind in fact.

What freedom if we simply let ourselves be.

if I forget about 'publishing' - or at least put this thought to one side, I am more able to allow myself to write anything. If I worry about who might read my work.. forget it! (And this includes fantasy-type thoughts of an applauding audience. This is just another avoidance maneuver - it seems easier to think about writing an award-winning novel than to actually simply sit down and write.)

Back to 'not nice' writing. A safe forum like Diving Deeper can be a good way to start sharing work that feels a bit uncomfortable. It's helpful to go through this experience, even if our most 'feared' readers are not here (parents etc).

I encourage you all to write 'unsafe' - to not write 'nice'. Nice won't keep you engaged, and in the end when you do share the work, it will not keep your readers engaged.

In a public forum like this where younger people might be reading, we do need to be considerate before posting some of our work, but perhaps some sections of  'not nice' writing are suitable.

In my non-virtual Diving Deeper workshops I really encourage participants to  'go for it' -  it takes time, and isn't easy, but often fantastic writing emerges. Even better, energy moves - not only for the writer, but for the whole group. We need to know we are not alone in our dark places, we need to know that others have struggled in similar ways.

What we 'hold back' may not be the 'difficult' subjects, the taboo subjects, we often hold ourselves back because we think the material is too 'mundane', or… Our gremlins take many forms…

Thanks Ayla, for inspiring me to write yet more on this area of Diving Deeper.

Love,

Sandra
  Mike : Ideas, ideas, ideas...

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Mike said May 16, 2007, 10:56 AM:
 

im reading your notes too :)  i have been meaning to reply for a few days now.

i think part of maybe the lack of response is that this pod is so successful at over 30+ posts per day that maybe all of us our finding it hard to keep up with the fun and excitement of it all.

i have avoided looking at some of the other writing related to the assignments until i have done them because i did not want them to influence what i would write.

the interaction here has just been great and the three of you are so great for your support, guidance, hard work, need i go on…don't forget to take some time for yourselves once and awhile :)

i am working on letting my writing go and not be directed…i am also very much a process person which is probably why i never finish anything :( but as long as the process fuels me in some way, i don't know that it is such a bad thing.

i have mostly followed Natalie Goldbergs writing methods and also am a big fan of Uelend.

thanks so much for creating this pod and all the work you are putting into it!!!!
  Tom : Mesocosmic Traveller

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Tom said May 17, 2007, 11:57 AM:
 

Okay everybody, let's try to get Sandra to write more! Tally ho!

Her words have something special in them, like extra silence or something, little love chunks, wisdom buttered into the corners. I don't know what it is, but it's like manna to my muse.

And Mike, thanks for your posts. I've really been enjoying your superb writing and your frank personality. I'm like you, the leadership we have for our workshop is top notch.

By Soul We Shall Find Our Art,

Tom
  Josy : Poet, Dreamer, Threshold-Girl

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Josy said May 18, 2007, 7:40 AM:
 

I am reading as well, Sandra! Thank you for sharing your wisdom here! This post really hit home with me.  I have a file cabinet full of incomplete, untold stories. A page here, a paragraph there,  a few sentences scattered about, and an outline or two.  There are at least 10 different worlds going on inside that file cabinet…..waiting.  Why haven't I been able to carry thru with any of these stories and write the book I have always wanted to write?  I think the answer is quite simply and honestly…fear!  I start writing and I began to worry about form and sentence structure and all of the “rules”….and it paralyzes me. So, the story goes back in the cabinet.

 While I was reading your post, I started thinking about this…..and why it was so easy for me to write poetry without that kind of paralyzing fear.  The answer is, for me at least, there are no rules to poetry. There is no right or wrong. There is just how you feel and how it translates on the page.  So, I'm wondering, what would happen if I just started writing one of my stories and tried to keep my  poets “mindset”.  Forget about the rules, the right or wrong, the readers, the publishers, the editors, the critics…..and just let the story flow out of me the way my poetry does. What is the worst that can happen?  I may just end up with the book I have always dreamed of writing at the end…..that wouldn't be so bad!
  Sandra : Inspirational Ambassador

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Sandra said May 18, 2007, 9:38 AM:
 

what would happen if I just started writing one of my stories and tried to keep my  poets “mindset”.

Fabulous  Josy!

This mindset of yours when you write poetry, I'm sure it's more than just a mindset, I suspect it's a whole feeling place, a playground where you allow yourself to experience, be and play just as you are. If you start writing 'prose' and find yourself wandering into the stuffy small-windowed schoolroom, (with that strict teacher and her ruler at the front..) just wander right back out again :-)

I sometimes remind myself to reconnect to the 'feeling' place of freedom, joy, presence.
We all have experiences in our lives where things “open out”, where something special happens, a certain kind of absolute peace, freedom, connection, playfulness - however that is for you. These experiences, I believe, live in our cells, in the vibration of our 'being' - they are never forgotten, they are there always for us to access and tune into.

Love,
Sandra
  Tom : Mesocosmic Traveller

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Tom said May 20, 2007, 9:16 AM:
 

Josy, God bless you girl!

You are a threshold-walker, that's for sure. Let the story flow. The heartbreaking and inspiring story of your beloved granny sure did flow, at least into my heart. Maybe you need to remain within the threshold while you write. In long prose pieces perhaps you attempt to go through the entrance and beyond, start searching for the exit when you should remain swimming in the sacred threshold, where you sport so playfully and dramatically in poetry.

You know, I did what you yearn for, and can relate from bitter experience that publishing a life-long dream can be a nightmare. I had longed for oh-those-many-years to complete my novel and get Stonebringer published. I knew that when I did that I would feel totally fulfilled and worthy. Guess what? I did it and then sucked even worse, much worse. I can't even stand to read it.

It's the process, dearheart, as Sandra says so delightfully, stay in the process, that's what leads us deeper. Your goal can't be a book, because for all you know it may turn out to be a diabolical and exquisite tool for self-torture. Our goal is now. Your magical poetry comes out of now, your non-completed prose out of tomorrow, where, apparently, it remains.

I think you might just draw a map of your town along the bay, or city on a hill, or love-nest in a grotto, think on it for a bit, dream on it perhaps, then start to write and see what happens. Your characters coulld walk right off the map, grab you by the hand, and take you on a stroll through the woods. Beware though, it's dark in there. Make sure you carry a big stick.

Love Always,

Tom
  Josy : Poet, Dreamer, Threshold-Girl

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2

Josy said May 22, 2007, 5:09 AM:
 

Tom~
       Thank you for all your wonderful praise, encouragement, and advice! It means alot to me! I will continue to swim in the Threshold…or at the very least, tread water…hehe!
       You should feel worthy, Tom! You are worthy! You have done what most people only dream about….you have written a book!  and you continue to write! That, in itself, makes you worthy in my book(lol…sorry, no pun intended)!

                                                                                                         love, Josy


P.s.  You have inspired a new phrase in my head:
                 “Write softly and carry a big stick!”
                          (big smile)
  Catydid! : Path Finder

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Facto

Catydid! said Dec 7, 2007, 3:43 PM:
 

You suggested that we ask ourselves:  Am I holding back? Am I avoiding writing something because I don't think it's “okay” to write it?

Yes.  Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Okay, so here's why.  I was raised in a house where it was not okay to talk about anything that was going on.  Even when what was happening was plain fact, to talk about it was to break the family rule, which seemed to be to pretend that everything was okay (except for me, of course. I wasn't okay - I was the sum total of what was 'wrong'. The squeaky wheel and the family scapegoat).  I learned to shut the hell up.

I keep trying to write these light and fluffy, inspirational or happy stories because the ugliness I know, the wounds I carry, all this baggage is family business, right?  If I write from a deeper place, I will betray (my mother) the family system.  And even though I'm completely out of that loop and have been for days, this still operates within me as a little voice that says “don't go there.  that's ugly.  no one wants to know about that.  don't inflict that on anyone else.”

And sometimes I feel like if I listen to that voice, I'll *never* write anything of any value…

You've given me some food for thought.
  Catydid! : Path Finder

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Facto

Catydid! said Dec 7, 2007, 7:44 PM:
 

Something funny - I meant to write that I was out of that loop for 'years'. Instead I wrote 'days'.

Freudian slippage much?

Heh. :)

Guess I'm not as 'detached' from my family of origin as I'd like to pretend I am.
  quietlaughter : .

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Facto

quietlaughter said Dec 7, 2007, 8:21 PM:
 

hmm, I haven't been very good at following these posts - but Catydid, I have to say that I can relate very well to what you wrote.. thank you!
  Sandra : Inspirational Ambassador

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Facto

Sandra said Dec 9, 2007, 1:17 PM:
 

Cat, Leigh-Anne,

If I write from a deeper place, I will betray (my mother) the family system.  And even though I'm completely out of that loop and have been for days, this still operates within me as a little voice that says “don't go there.  that's ugly.  no one wants to know about that.  don't inflict that on anyone else.

Oh I am certain so many of us feel the same way. I have a couple of stories that are about to be published.. and do you think I can tell my mother?! Well I can tell her, but then she'd want to read them. Uh oh. What if I publish a short story collection? She'll be bound to read it. There isn't really a way around this - well, you can change names and some facts and try to persuade 'them' it's not about them.. but of course this doesn't really work.

The main thing is to try and put aside this particular form of the 'critic' - which it is, just one of the many ways we try to avoid writing. Perhaps we can't put it aside, but we can not put so much attention there – and we can write without any intention to publish. In fact it's important to put aside all ideas of who will read the work, or how it will end up ( eg as a novel, — Booker prize winning no less…or whatever) and stay rather with the act of writing. It is a 'practice', like meditation.

Perhaps this makes some of these more tenacious voices of the critic feel more at ease.. to approach writing purely as a practice – who knows what the work will end up being, it's not so important. It is important to let ourselves write anything, and I mean anything. If the full meal deal isn't available to the muse, the writing will suffer, always, in my experience.

 If we do not allow ourselves to put down on paper everything - - our passions, our hatreds, our prejudices, our ugliest selves….  it seems as if the pipes clog up. And once these things are put down on paper, they seem to become much lighter – thinking about them seems to make them  weightier and more frightening. Staring the ogre in the face.. well, they often become vulnerable beings we just want to love.

Actually,  if there is a worry about writing about other people - and what they will think or do, you can actually leave this issue up to your publisher. Of course sensitive family dynamics are a special area– and yet, I do believe in radical honesty as I just mentioned on the mediation thread in the Tree House.

I have experienced one or two examples first hand of someone 'spilling the beans' in the family - i.e. speaking 'out loud' what was absolutely forbidden to even hint at; what everyone felt would bring the whole world crashing down around their feet….. yes there was fall-out, but the long term results? More love, more connection, more healing.

At the very least, for your own healing these stories need to be written, your voices, all of them, need to be given a forum – and even if it is only you 'hearing' them, the act of writing down what was not allowed to be said seems to have an extraordinary effect.

In my 'real life' workshops people often write very painful, secret stories. I read the work out aloud, anonymously. The group comments on the work - not on the writer - and the writer just listens. This seems to deepen the healing - to have your stories 'heard' – and not to have to respond to any personal comments ( which is why much of the lengthy commenting guidelines here on DD).

And what else can I say? Other than quote someone who I can't remember right now, a journalist who said “who wants to read nice? No-one.”

with love and support,
Sandra
  RichieRich : Metaphysical Thinker

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Facto

RichieRich said Dec 10, 2007, 9:57 AM:
 

Totally inspiring post!


Diving into your subconcious is a great way to write IMO. This article hits the nail on the head with grace and style.


My best writing comes when I think of something, then just forget about it and do it. Its like telling a cab driver where to go. Then sit back and enjoy the ride.


I hope others get as much inspiration out of this article as I have.

  quietlaughter : .

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 - The Uncertainty Facto

quietlaughter said Dec 10, 2007, 10:18 AM:
 

Thank you for this - although it is “before” my time here - what you have written in this essay is very very relevant to my personal exploration right now. The timing is so perfect for me today. Thank you to the Universe (and RitchieRich)for the kick  to read it!

just what I needed.

la
  Sandra : Inspirational Ambassador

Re: Diving Deeper: Notes Along the Way #2 The Uncertainty Factor

Sandra said Dec 10, 2007, 2:42 PM:
 

Its like telling a cab driver where to go. Then sit back and enjoy the ride.

Fabulous image, RichieRich -  Isn't that the great thing about being in a cab? You don't have to worry about all that driving….
I often call this writing process 'not directing traffic' ;-)
Love,
Sandra

oh and Leigh-Anne.. I suspect time is all happening at once… and I'm glad this resonated with you, the pieces are meant to be read at any point 'along the way', there isn't really a sequence or order to things here.