Read it if you dare

You call that bad writing? You wouldn't recognise bad writing if it was dropped on your foot. Stop stopping, you ingrate! You do not get the luxury of composing your thoughts. You must write, write, write, without any time for self-reflection how are you going to write badly otherwise? Damn it! Stop that! I won't abide you thinking in the time it takes you to type you cheater. Stop thinking and write. I am writing! Gosh, stop yelling at me, here I go.

There once was a little girl we call her little because she is young and also because she is small. You know how people sometimes don't mean exactly what they say. That is what we are doing when we call girl 'little.' Anyway, there was this little girl and she had hair. aShe also had eyes, and a nose that announce to be something other than causcasian She was little and black and pretty in that ethnic sort of way. What's an ehthnic sort of way to be pretty? That doesn't even make any sense.  I digress, you will be ewanting  to hear the story before long. I shoulds start the story directly. What was I saying? Oh yeah, there was once this girl, right? She was gentle and sweet and everybody loved gher.  The Ednd.

What do you mean you want more of a story than that? That is all ghe story I have to give you. She was gentlt and sweet and everybody loved her. Isn't that aenough? What do you want to know about her life and mother and job and love and pain for anyway? It is all very boring I assur3 you. Besides I can not think of it right now. Oh, I am stopping again. That will not do. Just keep writing. Do you know that song?

“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….” I can not think of where ist is from. Oh, finding nemo. That should be capitalised. Anyway, that what I was reminded of just now. I have nothing else to say tyou. Fifteen minutes is a long time to be writing badly. This is all nonsense. It should be for only five minutes because without editing I write uncommonly fast. There I go stopping again. I wonder how to get away from that. When I stop I am not thinking of anything. I am only trying to come up with something interesting for you to read. I usually come up with nothing. I guess we could go back to the little fgirl, but like I told you before I don't know anything about her except that the once was one. and she had hair. Maybe she hasd a father, too, but what's it to you? What is your obsession with pedophile's anyway? That is not what I meant to write. My thoughts are all mixing together now. before you know it i'll be writing so bad that I make no sense at all. I am beginning to run out of papr. I guess I have to start another sheet since my time is not up yet. I'll go on and on like this forever if you let me. I love to ramble. I keep wanting to talk about this little girl. I think she had a friend. I think he was a little boy. He was mean. He pulled the hari I have been telling you about. She cryed,. The End

Oh, that is not a good end eother? Well, it is a good thing I am not trying to write good or I would be having some trub e jkla la la. I can not think of anything else to say to you. Do you like the sound of typewriters? You dno't? Well, that little girl did. I wish I was talking to her instead of you. You don't understand anything. She understood everything.. Maybe I'm the pedophile. I can't stop talking about this little girl.

My leg hurts. Ihave been sitting cross legged. It is kind of freing to write down every little stupid thought that comes into my head. You know, I like typewriter's but I wish they did not ding at you so much. It is getting kind of anoying. My spelling is atrocious. Well, I should say my typing is at atrocious. I know how to spell, I am just not paying enough attention to do it right. That is alnother mark of bad writing, you know. It is not done right. So, anyway this little girl I hate this little girl. She is getting on my nerves why is she so elusive.? Why won't she just tell me her story and be done with it? Why does she keep telling me retarded stuff like she had hari. Everybody has hair unless they are blal bald yo know. Unless they are blad is right. We always assume someone has hair unless they tell us otherwise. I wonder why that is. Oh, the dign! I wish it would stop! It is about too I think my 15 minutes are almost up. I don't know, though, because I forgot to time myself. If I can time myself by the numbe iof dings I have written for quite long enough. They are incesant I don't know If that is the right word. I also don't kniw why I capitalised the word 'if' That is enough dings for me. thanks for listenin

****

I am actually really sorry for anyone that has to read this. I really do not want to push the Send Post button. Oh, goodness.

Re: Read it if you dare

You crack me Loni! Seldom I have this much fun and I need to tell you, seek for us others bad writing assignments and you will see, your 15 minutes goes far beyond when it comes to number of typed words. These pieces made me laugh:

That should be capitalised.
He pulled the hari I have been telling you about.
We always assume someone has hair unless they tell us otherwise.
I also don't kniw why I capitalised the word 'if'

And then there was these little tings that made me go wondering…

Don't you worry, you are in a good company. Looking forvard to read more of your wonderful assignment.

Love,

Nono

Re: Read it if you dare

Dare? I do.

Oh look she's writing. Her typing is for crap but she writes like a maniac and that's alrighty mighty by me!  teh hee

Just kiddin'  -poking fun at the places where you bare your bottom for us all to see. Bravo my dear Bravo!   [I know. I left out the comma just for you!]

Love ya bigger than ever,
Mama

Re: Read it if you dare

Loni.
I hope you will one day come back to this piece and see the absolute wonder of it. I haven't had so much fun reading something in a LONG time. And I don't mean just fun, I mean pure enjoyment. This is YOUR voice, I feel it with tingles on my arms and it's exceptional. It might not be your voice forever, but it is in this moment.

God. I'm sorry, I shouldn't swear here I know that, but for me, this stands out as one of my favourite pieces of writing here.

Okay okay, so what does this mean? I mean it speaks directly to me. Oh forget about the typos etc,  - hmm,  actually in this case they are part of the voice. I um.. can not find fault with one word, nor one punctuation…. it's true, it's true, it really is.

I've got my better half here reading it. He's laughing out loud, a beam on his face. That's what this voice does. Sends warmth and delight into all who read.

Why is this? Because it feels so real - it is real. AND. much more than this, there is a pattern, a thread running through that keeps catching me. This girl. This thing about paedofiles. ( You think I can spell that?). There is something here, wanting to be given space. If you had not written this, in this way, fear-wardly ignoring the Good Writing gremlin, these threads would not have managed to poke out.

I'd love you to read the quote from Writing the Australian Crawl. I suspect it will make a lot of sense to you (I'm sure it did already, if you read it, but now.. maybe even more).

Anyway, I don't want to go overboard here. What? I'm supposed to be diving. I take that back - I'll go overboard: This is excellent work. Please don't stop.

Sandra.

Re: Read it if you dare

Really now, do we all have to keep putting up with this.  I mean come on some of us really try and really work at writing good stuff and Loni makes it look effortless.  (This is me being sarcastic.  I am know for doing that. Meaning, I want to see more of this from you Loni.)

Loni, I think you have gone right on to the high dive and you don't have to use that aluminum latter to get into the shallow end of the pool anymore.  Even though that is a very safe and proper way to enter a pool.  You are jumping write in off that cliff (did you notice I wrote write instead of right, i thought you would like that mistake) in to the deep and dark waters with a big old spash (ouch doesn't it hurt, but feel oh so good).

Are you following me, as Sandra has been saying, let it all go, don't stop, keep your hands  moving tapping typing see no commas just writing dont worry about your high school english teacher.  Your editor is being locked in a box and tucked under your bed in the dark dusty corners next to some old hair scrunchies.

We are seeing your pure writing.  It is great it is you it is growing it is is.

~Mike

Re: Read it if you dare

I am so glad you all were not pained by this like I was. I keep thinking to myself, At least someone enjoyed it.

You are all really too kind, and I love you for it. Now, if you'll excuse me I have some walking around in a proud, grateful daze to do. I wish I had more time left in the day.

Re: Read it if you dare

And here's more, dear Loni. My better half, who has a very fine eye for writing said (this is after giggling and beaming):

” She's got talent”.
 :-)
 
~ Sandra

Re: Read it if you dare

That's some great bad writing, Loni, and an amazing breakthrough, I think. At least it was a breakthrough for me. What truly came out was your fabulous voice. The voice, the voice! She Who Always Does What She Wants is incredibly loveable and utterly fun.

I think I know what the pedophile thing is though. That's me, since I've been emailing you like an insane dog. But who wouldn't want to communicate with a voice like yours? Nine to ninety, no matter. I do have to warn you, however. I am no pedophile but am a dangerous man, very dangerous. That most abhorrent and despised of all creatures. Someone who says exactly what he thinks and feels.

At least I am in DD. Elsewhere I'm a major ass-kisser, so no problems there.

Therefore beware, I may disagree with you, even at your tender age.

“Oh my god, catch that filthy old pervert! He just disagreed with a twenty year-old!”

There I go, being silly again. Went off-track, influenced by the carnivalesque off-trackyness of your courageous posting. Guess your taste isn't as impeccable as I thought, if you disliked it. Oh well, even twenty year-olds can be wrong sometimes. Miracles are possible.

Love (the Good Kind),

Tom

Re: Read it if you dare

Yes, it was a breakthrough for me, too. I have never written anything like that anywhere that wasn't private, and certainly never with so many mistakes.

I don't think I can tell you enough times how funny I think you are. I love reading your playfulness. Of course the pedophile is not you. I was thinking 'Why do you want to know so much about this girl? Are you a pedophile?', but it didn't come out that way.

I was more sorry for posting it with so many typos and mistakes than posting the actual content, but you're right. I don't like it….except that I do think it's funny.

Thanks for not being a pedophile!

Loni

Re: Read it if you dare

…always my pleasure, Loni. Pedophilia is one of the few vices I'm not enamoured with.

Re: Read it if you dare

I enjoyed reading your thought process. I feel the same way when writing that is timed. The time seems to linger on. I am entranced by the free style writing. It does bring a fresh air to the process of writing. I edit everything I write, instead of just letting things flow along. What a wonderful way to allow creativity to flow while supressing that inner critic that you have allowed to speak so openly in this piece. Each post I read gives me more reason to dig a bit deeper. I should be sleeping, but I am compelled to keep on reading posts. I am glad I discovered this one tonight;)
Thank-You!
Love and Light,
Angels

Re: Read it if you dare

Angels, I'm hoping your post might make it's way to Loni.. she posted it over a year ago… I made it 'sticky' in the board because it is truly one of my favourites !

And yes to not editing as you write. I think you've probably seen my suggestion to put a cloth over the screen (if you type on a computer). It's a remarkable way to support not editing. I've seen absolutely phenomenal work come out of 'not looking' at what is being written, especially if the writer allows themselves to write for a good period of time, climbing deeper and deeper into a scene.

S.

Re: Read it if you dare

Wow!   You really did a great job of bad writing.  Not allowing your brain to stop or time to let your fingers catch up or anything….I wish I could do that, but it may be just a bit of the OCD keeping me from allowing that to happen.

I wish I could write that bad, but mostly my bad writing just comes out as stories; I don't know… You have a great voice you know.

frances

Re: Read it if you dare

I disagree with you, Frances. I read your bad writing and I think it was equally bad bad writing.

Re: Read it if you dare

cirklagirl,

equally bad bad writing?  hmmmm……well, guess what?  I finally know what the secret is….nyah, nyah, nyah na, nyah nyan na…..

I will reveal it in another post, in another place, but it will become obvious as soon as I get the chance to post there…..

frances

Re: Read it if you dare

That is so funny that you mentioned typewriters. As I was reading your bit, I was imagining the ding of the typewriter and how I used to type in the hallway in my home when I was a teenager (pre-home computer days)… and I was thinking how much I love the DING, or at least love it if the DINGS were frequent and happening… but the stops… the stops when the words aren't flowing and the thoughts are just not as pretty as we'd like them to be. But what is REALLY funny is that all of this went through my head before you even MENTIONED typewriters and who really even THINKS about typewriters anymore except apparently you and apparently me, both within a little gap? Hey, this is kinda fun! So nice to be thinking strange and related thoughts with you.

Oh, and are you named after Loni Anderson? Wonder what she looks like these days….I just saw a movie with Teri Garr last night (same era) and she had gained a ton of weight and I was thinking about how cool and simultaneously how sad it was. Cool that she was doing a movie and being public with her new self and sad that she got such a stupid role. I kinda liked Teri Garr. But I digress… Faaaar from Loni's little bit on writing…. thanks for sharing, Loni. Look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Re: Read it if you dare

wow- this is spectacular!  I wanted to check out the bad writing area and saw that this one was obviously popular, so I took a look and this is great!
I think everything has been well said already!

-Kim

Re: Read it if you dare

I am always up for a dare and, of course, had to check out this post and the thread as well.

Loni, I'm blown away by your writing and your voice. Humbled, actually, since I just posted my own “bad writing” piece and am now aware of just how bad my bad is.

Sandra, putting a cloth over the screen, huh? I should've read your suggestion before I started my post because, of course, I was editing as I was typing - as I'm doing right now - and it's just so unconsciously conscious that I need all the help I can get to break out of the habit.

Thank you.

Re: Read it if you dare

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this!  I love how you went from writing nonchanlantly about this little girl, to demanding to know why we'd want to hear about her, to being obsessed with her, to hating her.  I smiled the whole way through and didn't want to stop reading.  I could read pages and pages of this stuff! 
“He pulled the hari” made me guffaw particularly loud.

Re: Read it if you dare

I just want to thank everyone here for continuing to shower me with love and acceptance in my absence. I'm flirting with the idea of writing again, and you are al very encouraging (even if it is from a year ago).

Yeah, I can't say anything but thank you.