too chicken

so i never been brave enough to ever finish anything.
terrible ryhming and emotional dumping
thinking i can what???

yeah

and never go to understand how to do dialoge or spell or what ever

wanted to learn and read a bunch of books and got a thought together and a few scattered scenes
but what did any of that metter
its all laying a box untouched and duted
what the hell is duted? dusted
making up words all the damn time like menky
(its kinda sticky, pussy and well yack and yuck even)

so what is the use of stopping all the to read this? its a mess
and why is such a mess? too many things flying around my head and nothing gets to sink in - like think thick unresolved conversations
well that it isn't unresolved conversations
it ipened up a can of worms and now it needs attention

what is unresolved here?
husbands and girlfriends devorces and taxes
as if he could have the gutts to finish anything himself and take responcibility for his choices.. what the hell is it going to be like in 10 years time when one the gilrs is getting married and this idiot of man walks her down the ile all houghty toughty like he did something wonderful to deserve the honour.. idiot

lol well that is that then
how on earth canone find the courage to forgive this to heal this and move past this?
what ever will i do to find myself in a situation that is finially equall and loving and safe to just BE

so tired of people aching to please or manipulate or controle or engage themselves in worthless rattling of who is better and bigger and more powerful??

where can i find the inner peace of heart to just let that bull shit slip gracfully into the void of nothing and whaterver

let it just fly into the sun and be burned into it's authentic self?

every where I look i want to see the jewel within and regardless of who it is and i get so damn angry at people for whitwashing over it - its there I know it is. why do they ignore that spark of truth and authenic self in the people around them??

what is so scary about letting oneself planly love, simply love and connect and feel loved and connected?

what on earth can be said or shared to open this up?

Re: too chicken

Hey,

Thanks for posting this. I really liked it.

frances

Re: too chicken

Azyh,

there was some kind of soft pull when I started reading this piece. I liked the title and how the inner dialog started off. Self accusation and being hard on oneself  usually is very interesting to me and keeps my attention glued.

I like this voice. There is something soft about her, fragile even, that I find touching. And I like the things she mentions. Not having followed ones dreams and beating oneself up for it is something that kind of hits home for many, I suppose.

Great line here, husbands and girlfriends devorces and taxes, and the part about the idiot husband makes me want to see him more clearly, and the girl, and the story behind what to me sounds like bitterness and anger… GREAT material for opening things up into a scene!

I'd really like to get to know this I-character more and better, more detailed, in her life. What has happened that brought her to this point of painful reflection?

Forgiveness, healing and moving through. love and connection. Simple and deep longings that I relate to easily.

what on earth can be said or shared to open this up?

Yes, what indeed? I feel for your character, I'm curious about her and would be pleased if she would share some more. Whenever the author is ready.

There is something about this voice that feels like she's only just begun and like there's much more where this came from. I think she's going to surprise us all with the roar that is waiting in there, in all of her softness and fragility, once she dares to let it through.

Her language feels in transition, opening up to her power over words, working her way towards exploring her truth with great skill and intensity.

:)

With love,
Gabriele

Re: too chicken

Greetings frances and Gabriele

thank you both for your replies.

Gabriele, I am honoured that you gave such a depth to your comment. It helps me to understand the commenting process as you share a wonderful perspective for me both as the receiver of this comment and as a person who wants to be purposful and mindful when commenting on other works.

I think of this journey as one that brings a loving and healing outcome.
Exploring all the inner deamons and loving them on the way is a process I am enjoying.

Accepting the detachment of anything that comes out and exploring its beauty with loving intentions.

This helps me understand and see what was once hidden in my mind, an invisable lurking unloving malisous mindless forgotten unforvien part of myself.

I see it clearly now and I am loving it once again.

Re: too chicken

Azyh,  too chicken,

that says it all for me… i have really crappy social skills and tend to piss people off…so i am really careful about what i say at least directly… but i am learning….

frances

Re: too chicken

Greetings frances,

social skills are learnable
become a student of social skills

responsibility for other peoples reactions remains with the other people

if they get pissed off at you it's simply because you showed them a part of themselves that lacks love. It says more about them then it says about you.

we can make an agreement with ourselves to look that chicken in the eyes and laugh, then happily skip across the road, just because the other side is not so scary after all.

building up courage and I love a good laugh :)

Re: too chicken

Greetings returned, Azyh,

building up courage?  or accessing the courage within you?

frances

Re: too chicken

clearing out the clutter, to give courage a clear run

finding super shoes for jumping hurdles

super powers for transending and morphing through obsticales


noticing the gaunlet and opting for complete redesign or better still
loving it the way it is and letting courage choose a different path already

hey love ya babe
thanks for the exercise

but I just noticed a clear run over this way and thought I would use that instead
it has all the comforts supporting a bit of courage like me
look there is self esteeme, great cheer squad!

“go m-e go m-e i can d-o it oh yea-h”

and theirs coach, relaxing for once

“hey kid, its all clear, you know what to do already, just do i-t!”

looking back over at the gauntlet I miss the challenge of it
look how I had ducked, weaved and side stepped
it had me so occupied

I just loved it in there and never got to the end

what is the end about anyway?

whats there when I cross that line??

Re: too chicken

Poetry, it is, to give you courage or just to express?

Re: too chicken

finding a way to understand myself

anyway I can
allways

and then just knowing
it's ok to just BE

Re: too chicken

wanted to practice something or talk to myself?? maybe thats why
no one else to talk to but myself

so hey, what up?
ya know, nothing much.

what ya doing about that stuff you been working on?
well, nothing…

why's that?

just not sure about it, don't know about it, scared about it
thinking to my self who am i to know anything about anything
who am I so talk at people like that??

whats it matter anyway? what you thinking… just do it already

yeah… guess maybe

its not in your head for no reason. its there because it will help someone. so just listen to the process, apply it to your self. be your own guide in this. choosing to do nothing now is hurting you.

i know… i'm sorry

let it out, write it out, sing it out, laugh it out… cry it out stop hiding and trust that this works. it works for you so just share it and let it work for others too.

there are so many beginnings flying around in my head… what one do i choose?? where do we start this? what thread to follow??

what made you think you had to start at the beginning and follow through to the end? just start anywhere… it can get sorted out later. just start now.

-

its going to work out. it will all fit together later. you don't need to know anything about the polishing of it now… this is meant to be the raw state. let it happen. let it out.

-

nothing has to be perfect for it to be meaningful, stay with grace and heart what's it matter so much if it comes out strange to you. this is what we are here for now. no more distractions. no more excuses. focus on everything we have been thinking through… time to think it out loud

Re: too chicken

Azyh, I really enjoyed reading these pieces.
I ditto Gabriele's comment on the first one. Just some great areas I'd love to dive deeper into… I'm going to jump in and copy and paste a few things that struck me, or simply things of the moment that I 'saw' this time reading:

terrible ryhming and emotional dumping
think thick unresolved conversations
it ipened up a can of worms and now it needs attention
husbands and girlfriends devorces and taxes
this idiot of man walks her down the ile all houghty toughty
people aching to please or manipulate or controle or engage themselves in worthless rattling
finding super shoes for jumping hurdles
look how I had ducked, weaved and side stepped
it had me so occupied
no one else to talk to but myself
its not in your head for no reason.
there are so many beginnings flying around in my head
time to think it out loud

Re: too chicken

Thank you Sandra,

I appreciate your pointing out these prompts. It helps my understanding of this process.

I am so sleepy, not sure if it is such a good thing to be diving deep when fatigued :) but I gave it a shot with gps to god
greatful i did to, thank you for giving me a great birthday present :) I love being nine again… (fourth time over) think I will do 9 real good this year.

xx azyh