Assignment: Do I Dare?

Do I Dare?

She is such a shy child.  She's small for her age, with wide eyes that give her that perpetual “deer caught in headlights” look.  She sits at her desk in the front row of her 1st grade classroom, chewing her fingernails, a habit that her parents have tried to break her of.  Some days her finger tips bleed a little from chewing the nails down so far but it is hard for her to stop.  This teacher is not like her kindergarten teacher, who was gentle and patient.  This teacher is short tempered, keeps rubber bands around the wrists of troublesome children to be popped when they are bad, and threatens to make them suck on a pacifier if they act like babies.  She's scary and stark with her jet black hair, cut close to her head. 

All of the children have been gathering recipes from their parents for weeks to go in a cookbook that the school will sell to raise money and now it is time to choose a name for it.  The teacher scratches out different names on the chalkboard as lots of small hands shoot eagerly into the air. 

The shy, little girl sits quietly in her chair, her body tense and rigid.  Yummy Tummy sounds like a good name to her and she wants to raise her hand and have the teacher write it on the board with the others.  She can feel her face heat up and her stomach turn to mush.  In her mind she rehearses step by step what she needs to do.  Raise her hand, and when called on simply say Yummy Tummy.  It should not be so hard.  All of the other children are antsing around in their chairs, dying to be called on.  It's all they can do not to shout out their titles. 

Even at her young age she feels cut off from other children.  No one else seems to have this problem.  Just raise the hand and open the mouth and say it…say two words…Yummy Tummy.  She slowly raises her left hand into the air, chews on the fingers of her right, waits with the landscape of her mouth turning slowly into desert.  Finally, the teacher calls on her.
“Yes Miranda?” 
Deep breath, remove the fingers from the mouth.
“Yummy Tummy.”  her voice is so soft it is almost inaudible. She can feel everyone's eyes on her.
“What?  Speak up.”
Another deep breath, a little louder this time. The back of her neck begans to tingle.  Her ears roar a little.
“Yummy Tummy.”Miranda's heart beats faster and her big, doe eyes began to water.
The teacher makes a sour face.  “I can't understand you.  Rummer Tum?  Are you saying Rummer Tum?”
The tiny fingers make their way back into her trembling mouth and she shakes her head, the desire to speak crumbling away.  She  brushes away stray tears with her other hand and sits rigidly in her seat, trying not to move a muscle, wanting only to attract no more attention. The teacher sighs, placing  her hand on her hip, rolls her eyes ever so slightly and goes to the next child with his hand up, just bursting to speak. 

Re: Assignment: Do I Dare?

Oh, Twany, this is painfully lovely, intense and so emotionally true. Breaks my heart to read about that little girl's effort and how she is discouraged by her horrible teacher.

A heart-breaking story, beautifully shown. There's one part where I thought oh, this could be fleshed out just a little bit, like when her fingernail chewing is mentioned - I'd love to hear just a bit about HOW her parents try to get her off it, just to get a sense of what she's dealing with at home. Are they nice, are they helping her, are they also making things worse?

The scene in the classroom is beautifully drawn. It's easy to see those little, eager guys trying to get the attention of their useless teacher. She's described so well, I loathe her with all my heart. ;) How dare she treating little children like that! Strong, emotion provoking writing, very well done!

I also find Miranda's shyness described beautifully. You take your reader with you, inside that little girl and the trouble she has. Breaks my heart in the end when her teacher tramples on her brave attempt.

What I really like about this story is that it's about daring in the end and failing yet. A sad and painful truth, especially for small children. Very touching and thought provoking story. Should be a must-read for stupid teachers!

:)

With love,
Gabriele

Re: Assignment: Do I Dare?

Tawny,

I am a teacher, though hopefully not a stupid one. I encounter children like this each year, and not in the first but the fourth grade. They cover their mouths, they fight with themselves just to participate. I know, because I was like that as a child. I used to be so shy, and overthink every word that came out of my mouth to the point that by the time I was ready to say it, the moment had already passed.

The teacher infuriates me. She doesn't walk toward the child. She doesn't use compassion. She doesn't ask another child to help the shy girl by repeating what she has said in order to get all eyes off of her.

This is truly a touchingly beautiful portrait of a child affected by crippling shyness. I would love to hear more, and to see her grow and maybe overcome it. I would like to see the incidents that shape her.
I truly am sitting here, wanting to hug this child, even though she, for me, is only made of worlds.

Excellent dive,

Andrea

Re: Assignment: Do I Dare?

ditto to Gabriele and Andrea's comments, Tawny.

I loved - and hated - reading this. I hated it because I hated that teacher. I wanted to go and shake her and make her feel like all the little girls she's not taken in and taken care of.

The way this is written is what makes it so powerful - spare and real - otherwise I don't think I'd have responded in the way I did. Yes I have my memories of horrid teachers (hmm. could make for an interesting assignment…), but something about this particular little girl - her inside world - so beautifully 'shown'.  Like Andrea, I want to scoop her up and listen to what she has to say. I have a feeling she's one of those little people who have a lot to say, they are the listeners of the world, the ones who sense everything, the ones who can tell us whats really going on.

I could have had one or two more 'sensuous' details, just to deepen the scene - eg what recipe did Miranda collect for the book?  And maybe a name for the teacher ( and the nice kindergarten one)?

And here is one area I could definitely hear more about -
Even at her young age she feels cut off from other children.  No one else seems to have this problem.

(and in this piece, it's just enough - too much 'explaining' would detract from the scene).

There is something interesting going on in the writing - I had a re-read and I think it's because somehow you've managed to straddle writing from both adult and child point of view – what I mean is that I feel the child self in the writing, the way things are described, and yet it's not actually written from her point of view, and there are also some very adult ways of describing things too - which could be conflicting, but here it works very very well.


Sandra

Re: Assignment: Do I Dare?

Tawny,  I have the same reaction as everyone else, how could I not?  I despise that teacher, I want to tell that child that her idea for the name of the cook book is delightful and will be used! 

Really, really wonderful, Tawny.  Right down to the “roaring in her ears”. 
Two thumbs up.

xo Ayla