A bad sport-Gym'll fix it

It has been certified that the practice of sport brings many advantages, to the confirmed sportsman. But to those who have only leafed through Sports Weekly in the dentist's/doctor's waiting room, it can be a positive death sentence.
          Take, for example, the case of Johan, a well kept bachelor acquaintance of mine, who recently decided, on the advice of a friend, to move muscles that had been perfectly content, being slothful laze-abouts, up till then.
          He first spent humungous amounts of money getting all the necessary gear- non slip, non marking gym shoes, in a dark purple suede with flourescent orange piping, absorbant white ankle socks up to the knee, slick lycra cycle-shorts, of a slightly louder orange, designed to show off every pumped, bulging, throbbing muscle, as well as other bulging bits. Then a midnight-blue pair of looser shorts, just to hide the bulges that one didn't feel ready to display.
           And a singlet of baby-blue, with enough free advertising on it, to allow the manufacturers to create a whole other range of advertising-free sports wear for the more discerning & well-to-do Sports man.
          Not to mention, the accessories, such as sweat bands, hair bands, sports bags, towels, frequent-wash shampoo and shower gel, And muscle stimulants, muscle relaxants, fat burners, dietary supplements, and such what nots. Each of which had to be marked with an upward curved correction tick, three parallel stripes, or a pouncing feline form.
          At last Johan felt he was ready. With his bank account significantly lighter and his sports bag significantly heavier, he finally plucked up the courage to push open the door to the gym.
          The shock of seing all those tanned, toned bodies was too much for Johan.
          He had a mercifully quick death, due to coronary arrest.
                                                     The End