Magic in the City

Scene from

 A modern occult mystery novel

 John Locke and Alton Keyes are co-owners of a detective firm Locke & Keyes Investigations. John Locke in New York  on  a case involving black magic had gone to a magical conference with two magicians and one of his employees [ Maurice] at an estate in Long Island,  called the Dragons Lair, the previous evening.. He mysteriously disappeared at the conference, and the next day Maurice is franticly trying to find out what happened to him. His partner and friend  Alton Keyes is supposed to be on a case in Chicago…but

               The scene is at the detective’s office with the other employe

           Note: Employee ‘Helen’ knows what happened, the others don’t.
 

 
          Maurice worried all night and into the morning that he couldn’t reach John Locke, was inside his office urgently phoning around trying to find out what happened to him. He had gone to John’s apartment that morning and was told by the door man that Locke hadn’t shown. And now he was trying to get in touch with Jeremy or Orville to talk to them.
          Helen Davis had come in late, Briscoe was already in. He went to Maurice’s office to tell him about the call he had with Alton Keys and that he , Alton, would be in New York probably today or tomorrow. Briscoe on entering Maurice’s office was shocked at his appearance. He was unkempt, and red eyed as if he were drinking all night. He was on the phone sounding frantic. “Maurice what the hell is going on?” Briscoe blurted out. Briscoe was in the doorway, as Maurice was getting boisterous over the phone speaking to Jeremy – who he had finally tracked down. The commotion drew Maria Dotson to the office, though Helen, who obviously knew the root of the commotion didn’t come over.
               “What is going on” Maria blurted out. Briscoe was standing in the door while Maurice was now literally screaming at Jeremy over the phone something about “What the fuck happened to John. What did you people do to him” he yelped into the phone.
                   Briscoe and Maria where aghast at the scene, not having a clue what was going on. All they knew was that John Locke wasn’t there, and Maurice, - drunk and disheveled – was screaming over the phone to someone yelling where the fuck was John Locke!
                 This went on for a while then Maurice screeched over the receiver. “I will come over there and break your neck, if you don’t come clean!”
                   Maurice hung up the phone suddenly. Jeremy had hug up on him. Maurice, eyes bulging out of their sockets sat running his hands through his uncombed hear, glaring.
                 “Maurice what the hell is going on?” Briscoe insisted.
                 “Yeah Maurice who were you talking to.” Maria questioned loudly.
                    In the other room Helen, anxious to find out from Burger what occurred was trying to reach him. She didn’t know he had stayed over in South Hampton for another day. She stopped trying.
                   She went over to the wild scene in front of Maurice’s office. She felt it wise to pretend to not know anything, and enquire what was going on; otherwise it would appear strange that she didn’t ask about the noisy goings on in the office.
                 “What in the world is happening over here, and where is John this morning.” Helen would put on a good show.
                   Briscoe turned and said quietly to Helen.
                 “He is drunk, and is saying John is missing”
                    Maria was now inside the office trying to calm Maurice. Maurice, on seeing Helen in the doorway started to glare at her.
                  “Maurice calm down and tell us what’s happening” Maria was imploring.
                   “Maria go get Maurice a strong cup of coffee” Helen ordered.
                   “I don’t need no Goddamed coffee!” Maurice protested. Maria went to get him some anyway.
                    “Settle down Maurice, you screaming isn’t going to solve a thing.” said Briscoe.
                      ‘Absolutely it wont” Helen agreed.
                      Maurice wanted to slap her face. But he didn’t really have anything on her as of yet. But in his gut he felt she was somehow involved. So he kept quiet. This helped him gain control. The old detective had to take over, and come to the surface.
                      Maurice sighed and calmed down.“You guys are right, I need to cool it.”
                     “Good idea, take a breath Maurice and tell us what is going on” asked Briscoe
                      He had quietly slipped in while all the commotion was going on. Dressed in all black, he slipped in as not to be heard or seen, and eased around the left side of the complex, the opposite direction of Maurice’s office just a few feet from Briscoe’s empty office. Maria missed him while she was at Maurice’s doorway. He had stood and listened to the commotion. Maria was now in the break area getting coffee for the drunken Maurice. The visitor had heard the whole scene… He listened on.
                    “I don’t absolutely know, but I think John Locke is missing.” Maurice uttered slowly, finally calm.
                    “What makes you think that” Briscoe asked.
                    “It’s a long story, but basically, yesterday, I chauffeured John and a couple of friends of his to a party or something in South Hampton on this huge estate. I waited in the area for the hired help for hours, but when the time came to leave, John was no where to be seen. Then the two friends said he had gone off with some chick, and would see us later. That story is bullshit. Now today I still can’t find John. I should have never trusted those two weirdoes.”
                    The visitor had heard all he needed. He started towards them…as they heard his footsteps Maurice quickly got up and went to the door, thinking it was John.  Briscoe, Helen, Maurice and the then appearing Maria all looked the way the footsteps were approaching… slowly into their site came…Alton Keyes. They gasped in unison, and then one by one embraced him.

He suggested they all go into the conference room to take stock of the situation, but first asked Maurice whether he checked his voice mail that morning. Maurice said no he didn’t. Keys suggested he check it now. He turned it on, and through the voice box came the words of John Locke.
 

Re: Magic in the City

Unfortunalely when I oposted this the formatting appeared terrible. That is Gaia for you.

Re: Magic in the City

I’ll try to fix it Zak!

Re: Magic in the City

Yeah Sandra you did it, thanks a lot.

Re: Magic in the City

This is a complicated scene, Zak, and could easily be confusing, but it
isn’t. I clearly feel a sense that much more is going on here, and that
the relationships and activities hinted at are indeed complex and
intriguing. A level of tension and foreboding is already there, quite
powerfully. I could happily read on. My brain is curiously engaged - by
curiously I mean it feels like it’s going to get a ‘work out’ and I
like that!

 Two things come to mind as I read - some of John Le Carre’s work (I
think he is excellent, especially his earlier novels (eg A Perfect Spy
and the Night Manager), and that this could be a film. You might
experiment with setting this scene as a script ( if you want tips or
help I’m sure Andrea would help out, and there is a lot of good
information in the screenwriting room).

Not that I think you should redraft the novel as a script (do
that once you’ve published the novel and sold the rights!), but it’s a
useful exercise in ‘blocking’ i.e. making absolutely clear, with the
minimum of direction, who is where. Sounds like I didn’t get it from
the scene, I did, and it worked for me, and it might be possible to
refine just a bit.

I’m not sure we, as readers, need to have the identity of Alton Keyes
hidden as he listens (‘the visitor’) - for me it’s enough that the
others are not aware of him.

Nice work!

Re: Magic in the City

Thanks Sandra for your comments. The scene is chapter 22 so it is definitely one forth into the story. I utilize the technique of the writer of the Charlie Chan mysteries, in that the main character, a detective who is a practicing magician, Alton Keys, arrives in the story late, while the plot has already basically formed around his good friend and partner John Locke. He of course untangles the plot for the rest of the story.

Thanks for the suggestion about the screen play. I do have a friend who already wants to make a game out of it.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

 Again thanks for fixing it
Also BTW I like your  melodious voice Sandra