Re: Not me assignment

Zoe brought out another bag of marshmallows. 
It had become a ritual during autumn and winter.  We would all congregate at Louise's house when Carissa came home, and break bread or eat marshmallows and have a barbeque. Carissa travelled often with her work, speaking at conferences. Her textbooks were used in Science courses at many universities all over the world and her presence was highly sought after.  During the quiet seasonal months of his work as a horticulturist, Gerard travelled with her, acting as her PA.


Louise was Carissa's older sister, the quiet creative one. She joked about Carissa having the beauty as well as the brains of the family. An outsider would have said they were both beautiful, in very different ways. At 12 Zoe showed all the promise of both women, outspoken like her beloved aunty Carri with the sensitivity and creativity of her mother, she also had the regal bearing and burgeoning beauty that seemed to be a hallmark of the family. There was also Zoe's uncle Carl, who had an organic farm that had been left to him by their great Aunt Milly. He had a brood of small children, all with wild hair and piercing blue eyes. Carl and Gerard had met at Agricultural College. When Carl came to town he and Gerard got together and swapped war stories; war against drought, floods and insects.


The extended “family” comprised of a fluctuating number of people who were not blood related but were good friends who had somehow grown together over the years. Louise had a nurturing aspect to her personality and people found her quiet gentility soothing while Carissa was more charismatic. People found themsleves drawn in to this circle.


Gerard had been considered a brother within this fold for years. When his and Carissa's relationship failed to be consumated everyone assumed he was either gay or incapable of deep emotional attachment or that Carissa simply didnt fancy him. He stayed on as the very close friend and nobody ever questioned it. Gerard was just Gerard and he followed where Carissa led.

Not me assignment

We sat around the fire toasting marshmallows. Autumn was moving in but it wasnt too cold.
Carissa sat on a stool braiding the hair of her neice, Zoe, with a confidence born of years of practice. Her humming was tuneful and here and there she broke out into a few words of song. She was an Amazon of a woman, tall, proud and voluptious with hair and skin colouring that paid homage to her Nordic heritage. 
I used to imagine her powering across the sky in a chariot drawn by winged horses, like a valkyrie. Tonight she seemed somehow different.
With a thoughtful look on her face she drew a long piece of hair through her fingers , preparing for the next braid, sucked in a deep breath, and …..
“I've been invited to work in Antarctica for twelve months with the scientific team.”
“You what??”
“They need someone with my qualifications.” 
Carissa was 46 years old, never married or had children, with degrees in science and maths. Everything for her was cut and dried, black and white, a perfectionist. Her larger than life appearance matched her great intelligence. In a strange way she was totally predictable, doing everything by the book. Going to Antarctica was not in Carissa's book.

I tried to imagine her in a  colour coordinated Antarctica suit. Her usual style was impeccable, dressing in light layered clothing of varying tones of the same hue in delicate wool or silk, usually gold, cream, white but never too white, always muted. I wondered idly if her make up would freeze in Antarctica, having never seen her without it.

A spray of sparks splashed from the fire. Gerard strummed his guitar deliberately. They had been friends for years but nothing had ever developed from there. The rest of us had stopped hoping. Together they were like two old ladies who knew each other too well. They seemed to have avoided the intimacy of really close relationship either together or with others.

Then for a moment he stopped strumming and there was a welling of feeling, a pregnant pause, something fertile. Zoe looked up at Carissa. We all waited. The moment hung suspended somewhere above the fire, holding breath. I looked across at Gerard whose face seemed to contort and almost implode. “When were you going to tell me? “ 

Re: Not me assignment

I loved this, the way the scene seems to weave in and out and around the fire and main characters, the reader getting to know little by little who Carissa is and who she, well, isn't—this aspect, this Carissa who the I-character (and presumably others) can't imagine in a setting like Antarctica.

I really like the contrast between what the *I* can't imagine, which to most of us wouldn't seem that unimaginable, and what she can imagine (I used to imagine her powering across the sky in a chariot drawn by winged horses, like a valkyrie), which most of us would relegate to the world of dreams, of mythology. And:

I tried to imagine her in a  colour coordinated Antarctica suit. Her usual style was impeccable, dressing in light layered clothing of varying tones of the same hue in delicate wool or silk, usually gold, cream, white but never too white, always muted. I wondered idly if her make up would freeze in Antarctica, having never seen her without it.

A spray of sparks splashed from the fire. I like this as a lead-in to Gerard's reaction to Carissa's announcement: the deliberate strumming, the pregnant pause, the way his face seemed to contort and almost implode. “When were you going to tell me? ”  Zoe looking at Carissa while the I-character looked at Gerard, everyone waiting. The moment hung suspended somewhere above the fire, holding breath.

Really beautiful writing!

Ruth

Re: Not me assignment

oh I liked this alot too Jenny - so beautifully written! I realized I was holding my breath when Carissa shared that she was going away when I read this line:

there was a welling of feeling, a pregnant pause, something fertile.

I didn't realize until that moment (because suddenly i had to breathe again).Such a great line. I loved how you ended this too…. I was immediately engaged in the story, and now would like more… more about what comes next, more about Gerard, and Carissa…. more more more!

loved this!
xo
la

Re: Not me assignment

I'm smiling. This is my very first attempt at this kind of writing so thankyou both Ruth and Leigh-Anne so much for your encouragment. I think I was holding my breath too, to see what the response would be. Wondering did I get it right. Actually I want to know what comes next.

Re: Not me assignment

I think I was holding my breath too, to see what the response would be. Wondering did I get it right.

Actually, there is no right or wrong when it comes to writing, not here anyway. There's just diving, going fearward, and letting the words slip (or pour or whatever) onto the page.

:)  Ruth

Re: Not me assignment

I get that you have to let it happen but while I feel easy about writing poetry and just letting it happen, I didnt think I could just do writing like this. Its been a great exercise though. Another way of opening up doors in your head.

Re: Not me assignment

Hello Jenny, I would like to know what comes next, too!  :)

I enjoyed this piece, how it unfolded around this woman who all of the sudden does something so very unlike her and surprises her friends. There was something about the way it developed that made me go Aha!, this is what you can do with you list of who you are not! Very inspiring, the way this character is taking shape before our eyes. A tall Amazon of a woman, a scientiest, humming and singing while she braids her niece's hair… and all the little details in between that seem so natural and make the scene come alive.

Carissa sat on a stool braiding the hair of her neice, Zoe, with a confidence born of years of practice.

Very simple, she is sitting, she has years of practice braiding, confidence somehow sticks with me. A confident woman.

I used to imagine her powering across the sky in a chariot drawn by winged horses, like a valkyrie. Tonight she seemed somehow different.

What a great description, powering across the sky in a chariot - what an interesting image, and what a powerful woman she must be!

The scene feels warm, cozy, close friends sitting around a fire, comfortable with each other, knowing each other very well. And then things change.

Of course I'm dying to know what the story between Gerard and Carissa is when he gets so upset about her announcing her job assignment in Antarctica (oh, how I love stories that take place in remote, frozen places! ;) and, hopeless romantic that I am, I'd love to know more about the love life struggles of a woman of her caliber… so, you've got me on the hook! Should you ever find out how this story continues, make sure to let me know!

Much love and welcome to Diving Deeper!
Gabriele

Re: Not me assignment

well actually Gabrielle its evolving in my head but now I'm not sure where to write it. Thankyou for that feedback, I really wanted her to have that sense of confidence and it just flowed out when I was focussing on that thought.

Re: Not me assignment

well actually Gabrielle its evolving in my head but now I'm not sure where to write it.

Jenny, do you mean you're not sure where to post it when written? Most of the time we post a continuation in the same thread as the original (a Reply to Thread, maybe adding '—continuation' to the title just so readers know). Alternatively, you could open up a new thread for your continuation, in which case it's useful to include a link to the original thread.

Looking forward to hearing more about these characters.

Ruth

Re: Not me assignment

 The moment hung suspended somewhere above the fire, holding breath. I looked across at Gerard whose face seemed to contort and almost implode. “When were you going to tell me? “ 


The others surruptitiosly exchanged glances. 
Zoe pushed into the silence. “I saw a show on TV . About a husband and wife who went to Antartica to work for a year. The lady said that water condenses on your face all the time and drips off your nose. And it turns into icicles on your nose . And thats inside. And outside it blows gales of snow all the time. And the fridge is warmer than the living room. You put stuff in it to stop it from freezing”


“Fun” 


“Aunty Carri, if you go on TV can I come too and be the loving family waiting at home?”


Carrisa laughed. “Sure you can Zo.”


Zoe's mother Louise unfolded herself from her seat and went to  put the kettle on. “Why Antarctica, why not somewhere less hostile like the piranha ridden Amazon?” she threw over her shoulder.


The mood had lightened. Gerard was fiddling with his guitar. A string snapped and he swore.

Re: Not me assignment

Jenny, you added just enough of a continuation to tease. :)

Though I'm not sure how old she is (young teen?) Zoe seems very real to me with her interest in reality TV and wanting to be part of the show, part of the experience but only if it goes to TV. And this after she points out the rather nasty aspects of living in Antarctica. (I wonder, has Carrisa really thought about this?) And Louise tossing off the “Why Antarctica, why not somewhere less hostile like the piranha ridden Amazon?” remark. Quite hilarious.

The last paragraph is so telling in the contrast it shows between the general mood around the fire and Gerard's mood, which seems far from light.

The mood had lightened. Gerard was fiddling with his guitar. A string snapped and he swore.

Really, I just love that paragraph, the way it shows so much more than it tells (if you know what I mean).

I feel a little bit like the child listening to a bedtime story: And then what happened?

Re: Not me assignment

Zoe brought out another bag of marshmallows. 
It had become a ritual during autumn and winter.  We would all congregate at Louise's house when Carissa came home, and break bread or eat marshmallows and have a barbeque. Carissa travelled often with her work, speaking at conferences. Her textbooks were used in Science courses at many universities all over the world and her presence was highly sought after.  During the quiet seasonal months of his work as a horticulturist, Gerard travelled with her, acting as her PA.

Louise was Carissa's older sister, the quiet creative one. She joked about Carissa having the beauty as well as the brains of the family. An outsider would have said they were both beautiful, in very different ways. At 12 Zoe showed all the promise of both women, outspoken like her beloved aunty Carri with the sensitivity and creativity of her mother, she also had the regal bearing and burgeoning beauty that seemed to be a hallmark of the family. There was also Zoe's uncle Carl, who had an organic farm that had been left to him by their great Aunt Milly. He had a brood of small children, all with wild hair and piercing blue eyes. Carl and Gerard had met at Agricultural College. When Carl came to town he and Gerard got together and swapped war stories; war against drought, floods and insects.

The extended “family” comprised of a fluctuating number of people who were not blood related but were good friends who had somehow grown together over the years. Louise had a nurturing aspect to her personality and people found her quiet gentility soothing while Carissa was more charismatic. People found themsleves drawn in to this circle.

Gerard had been considered a brother within this fold for years. When his and Carissa's relationship failed to be consumated everyone assumed he was either gay or incapable of deep emotional attachment or that Carissa simply didnt fancy him. He stayed on as the very close friend and nobody ever questioned it. Gerard was just Gerard and he followed where Carissa led.

Re: Not me assignment

toasting marshmallows