Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

It’s warm in here. Comfy. I can tell Momma has just eaten…

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

Reading this I got the feeling of a really lovely 'being' talking, and he/she seemed so happy and alive and 'alright' - and for a bit I wondered why it was so important for this message to get out to the world. And then I got it. The desire to be let out into the world, as last time he/she wasn't, a desire to share how it is inside there, the wish to experience more than that.

I loved the bit about hearing music! Very sweet.

Another part of me got engaged as I read - some thoughts about what I've read about how babies experience the world - as if they are totally connected to it, not separate. This being seemed to have a very clear perception of being separate  - eg I also wondered about 'feeling cramped' in there at 8 weeks especially. And, maybe it does feel like that, I certainly don't remember! And I think my own murky perception of how it was in the womb (far more comfortable than in the outside world!) got a bit in the way of me really feeling this baby's need.  Perhaps it's just the 'mood' I'm in right now, but I'd like to really get inside this being a bit more.

My sense with this assignment is that it's possible to do it from the 'head' - i.e. to think one's way through it. Maybe this is what I'm feeling here given that I want climb deeper inside this world - this particular feeling place. I'll make a longer note of this on the assignment instructions. It's here.

Nice work!

Love,
Sandra

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

i think maybe the writer was trying to show the readers a subliminal message about abortion. it seems as though the part about “getting sent back up to heaven” would be when the spirit of the baby returned to “Heaven” after having experienced an abortion. and the loneliness that the baby experiences and expresses when that happens. i think maybe this could be a very subtle message of how important life is.

i thought it was a very sweet piece as well. the voice was very well written in that it expressed, i think, well how the baby would sound if you would have a conversation with it. very simple yet profound sentences.

thoughts?

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

Yes, I agree with you about the abortion message, Maria. Given that it's a hot topic for some, this assignment could be difficult to comment on without going into the 'hotness'. I loved how you stayed with the language, which I agree with you is sweetly expressive of baby-talk.

After I had made my comment I wondered how such a piece would land if written in the voice of an adult who felt strongly about the issue - I thought it could be very powerful, especially if the feelings were climbed into deeply. I think it's what I'm missing here, but maybe that's just me. Difficult stuff, and often a taboo subject so it's interesting to me to see it raised here - great going fearwards writing areas!

S.

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

oh, p.s Just wanted to make a small reminder about commenting - generally we try not to mention 'the writer', and just stay with the writing. Not easy, I'm working at it all the time.

And, with the anonymous assignments I think it's particularly important to really only take in what is on the page, rather than wonder about the writer - whether it's wondering who they are or wondering what they really 'meant'. What do the words say, for you? etc. I'm reminding myself here too, as in my comments to this piece I've alluded to the writer, even if I didn't mention those words specifically.

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

Very original piece. It does seem at times the “momma” thoughts are reflected by the baby, like, when any point in time is mentioned.

I too was a bit distracted by the baby complaining about a womb being cramped at 8 weeks gestation, then again, it is entirely possible to feel that way as an astral being, now growing into physical form.

Love this:
I think the grown ups think we can’t think in here, but that’s not true at all! Good grief. My head makes up a whole bunch of my body! How can they think there’s nothing going on in here?

I want to tell the grown ups to give me a chance. I think I have a lot of good stuff to show them. Like… when I paint, or when I jump rope, or when I sing that one song that goes ‘hey juuude… don’t make it baaaaad… take a sad sooonnng and make it better.” That one’s my favorite. I want to show all the grown ups how good I can sing that song. And I want to play!
Delicious! And now I cannot help but wonder if we are looking at a Beatles fan here at round 2, in his/her reincarnation process. Or is Baby again reflecting Momma's thoughts? It does not matter. It is precious anyway.

Thank you for sharing this,
Nell ;-)

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

This is a sweet voice being heard here. There is an experience in this unborn that is not really translated for me – I felt something was missing, maybe just needs to be fleshed out more, I am not sure. I stumbled over the cramped bit too, but considering that this wasn’t the unborn’s first time in a womb, I could accept it as known. I felt only conflicted in the sense that I would have loved to see the ‘I’ character go deeper, go further in saying what she/ he needs to say… I don’t think that the wisdom would take away from the sweetness – especially because there is a distinct feeling from the child that he/ she is not entirely innocent, having experienced that painful transition before.

I liked how music was used to bridge the gap between the world of the mother and the child… that was very touching and sweet:

It tickles because it makes my floaty goo vibrate! Then I have a really good time and I swim around and point my fingers and toes to let Momma know how much fun I’m having.

Again, I think it would be great to go further into this idea – how the music connects the two beyond the physical. I also like how the voice of the unborn was fairly consistent and the playful tone/ sweetness carried through… I suppose I only would like to read more of this child’s journey into the outside world.

Nice job!
xo
la

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 1

This is an interesting anthropocentric exercise.  It expresses how _I_ would be as _I_ am now in a much smaller world.  The reader can readily relate to the 'baby' character without having to suspend disbelief.   There is also a clear moral message.  Good work.