Writers Crock

Writers Block Crock
Writers Crock

I have been avoiding writing for weeks now. I have thought about writing a piece about my first battle with writers block but have not done so since I know it is a crock, a total crock. I have no doubt if I sit in front of the computer and open Word, I will write and plenty. Not just small whispers about what I did in my day and my thoughts about swine flu, my recent challenges with my first cold in summer since childhood, my back pains or my intimate friend who just left Korea and how I am torn apart about this. No, I have lots to say. In fact that is why I do not write these days. I do not want anyone to hear what is in my head, especially me!

There is no blockage of any kind, just good old-fashioned resistance and avoidance.  I do not understand how any artist could ever be ‘blocked’.  My head is always active and full if I am willing to sift through the layers of resistance, denial, avoidance, need for stimulation, fear and lack of willingness to go deeper. I am not saying that artists that claim to be experiencing blocks are lying, I am saying that this artist can not imagine any point when I do not have enough going on in my head to fill a page with words, brush strokes or ink. I have no doubt if I was kept in a square white room with nothing on the walls, nothing to do, see or hear except what is in my head, at the end of the day if I was willing I could write fifty pages. If I include a day filled with teaching Korean children English, several emails from friends, an episode of Criminal Minds, three meals, a walk on the mountain, hundreds of women within my visual proximity and meditation- the amount of words that can fill a page must be endless. But, I have written next to nothing this past month.

Therefore, writers crock. I do not want either of us to know what I am experiencing. If I let us know, I might have to either actually feel it or do something about it. I am not prepared to do either at the moment, so why torture myself with the reality of Truth?  Why admit how crushed I am at the feelings of rejection I have experienced in the last month? What good will reflecting on the mental list of things to achieve while in Korea for a year that I have ducked and dodged for eleven months?  How will accepting that my spiritual focus and commitment are a far cry from when I landed here, forget what I have signed up to do, make this change?  Where is the courage needed for the next series of great leaps in my life magically going to come from if I let those always present but hidden fears rise to the surface so I can see and fell them directly?  Who can I blame for my lack of success if I take the time to let the words fill a page with the genuine thoughts that fill this mind and heart?  When will I allow myself to move forward and stop playing games with myself and all those that come in contact with me if I allow me to really let go, really, no I mean really?

Crock #2: the old adage; “If nothing changes, nothing changes”
If nothing changes, everything changes! Opportunity after opportunity slip by while casually watching TV, eating junk food, not asking that woman on a date, accepting mediocrity instead of greatness and fooling ourselves into believing we are doing the best we can. Everything changes and not for the better. I am not doing the best I can, not even close. Yes, I know I am ruthlessly self-critical. Agreed, no argument here.  That does not mean that telling myself that I am doing the best that I can is the Truth! I can do better, much better. You all deserve better from me. I deserve better from and for me.
PSST! Secret: We deserve better from you too.

If I have learned anything from the significant number of deaths in my family is this; we rarely know when our time is done- GET BUSY DOING WHAT WE NEED TO BE DOING! We do not get to replay this round.  Fear is not an adequate reason to not be great. Numbness is not the solution.  Blockage is a crock.  And love is always worth the effort.

Re: Writers Crock

I loved this, Michael. It felt so 'in tune' with the Speaking Out assignment. A need to share something powerful. I'm thinking of some of the responses to that assignment, and how I've been wanting more 'let go' - the kind of raw feeling I get here. I feel refreshed reading this, believe it or not! Like a nice splash in a cold lake.

It made me think that writer's block crock may have nothing to do with not having anything to write about, and everything to do with judgement about what is 'ok' to write about. And I always appreciate the reminder to live each day, each moment, as if it's my last.

great stuff, really. And a great 'showing' that if we just write, something always comes, and it's invariably interesting, especially when we go fearward.

Love,
Sandra

Re: Writers Crock

These questions are so revealing - why torture myself? why admit? what good will it do? where is the courage? who can I blame? These things must be going on in my mind, too, somewhere beneath the conscious surface when I think I have nothing to write. It's so obvious, so true when I read it here, even though when it's actually happening I do indeed try to blame everything but myself. And yes, opportunities slip by…again, and again, and again, until such time as we are brave enough to let ourselves think about what we feel.

And the “secret” is powerful in the midst of all those thoughts - hinting that I as well must have some hidden treasures among the chaos and denial that I had better get moving and do something with!

This is truly a great commentary - the rambling style of writing brings my attention to the rambling in my own head. Yes, we always have something, many things, to say - can we bring ourselves to look at them, much less display them for the world to see?

Re: Writers Crock

It is interesting daleen when you shortened the questions how different they feel to me but still hold the intention.  makes me wonder why i/we write the whole question?

My snense is that this is near the surface for many of us, i fnot most but not able to be felt amongst our busy-ness of mind and activity.

i once heard The Dalia Llama  rsponded to a genuine comment by an american college student something like this.
The college student said (paraphrased), “We see what all this sitting and do nothing as being laszy while we are out there being busy getting things done”.

He responded (paraphrased) with a sligh warm chuckle, “We see all this being busy as laziness.”

Thanks fro your comments!

Peace,
michael

Re: Writers Crock

“fear is not an adequate reason to not be great”  I really like this..
I like all that you wrote.. it a commentary that finds it way in my brain
in a not so dissimilar fashion.
It's all a 'crock' when I give it the finality of a 'block'.  Ya… a crock a poo that I let get in the way of writing on all those blank walls.
thanks.. Michael..
j/b