August Smorgasbord #2

Welcome in! Let's continue our chat.

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I would like to ask everyone a guestion.

What is your dream as a writer - how do you see yourself?

We have an old, old assignment somewhere where we were engouraged to present ourselves as if we were in future and succeeded with our writing goals and ambitions.

My dreams have become more moderate since those days for two years ago. I feel happy and content just writing.

BUT

If I allow myself to dream about something I would like to make a living of writing.
I see myself as a fiction writer (still) and a poet. My desires are heading in direction of pushing up the big questions disquised in fiction, like Coelho perhaps. That is so clever and a good way to arise thoughts.

So, my fellow DD's, what do you dream about?

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Nono, I think you might just have to be promoted to LTM one day! thanks for starting a new thread - I'll link to the old one here, in case someone wants to go 'back'..
particularly to Azyh's last question:
What has any one done lately that connects them to glee?

I think I managed that today … hmm you can tell I'm a specialist in glee.. irony alert. I used to be, I don't know what happened, I got to serious or something, but glee is still there..  anyway went for a walk and lay down on the grass near some cows and sheep. It was just lovely.

What is your dream as a writer - how do you see yourself?

It is a great question, and one I think worthy of 'holding' – I do believe that if we are clear about what we want, it has more chance of happening than if we are murky about it.

For me the main thing seems to be that I want to feel engaged in my work - so I would love to be totally immersed in a book. This after my short story collection is published, or whatever. But to still have that intense desire to tell a story, or rather to find out what story wants to be written. My least favourite emotion is flatness. I had flatness yesterday. yuk. in that space nothing feels inspiring. So my dream is to be always, or at least frequently inspired, to feel the pull of the muse. And, yes, to be published, for sure. fiction. Possibly a series of 'creative non fiction' essays/stories that touch on Big Life questions, but in a way that isn't preachy. I'd hate to become preachy. A memoir, yes, maybe that is part of the creative non fiction book. And, it would be truly amazing to be immersed in a novel, to feel I had something that big calling me. I have some ideas to play with, but I no clear sense yet.

After my experience at the Literary Festival, being told that I'll be very unlikely to get a short story collection published before a novel.. I'm thinking my next project will probably have to be editing the Sri Lankan novella. Maybe the Nano novel, but the novella feels more doable.

I also love to 'read' and, I suppose, perform - I don't want to go into acting again at this point in my life, I'd rather do something more connected to my writing. I would love to do some radio, for example.

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Just for the record, me becoming LMT… nee nee nee, that would ruin the magic.

But I will try to dream more vividly soon… maybe that would let me glee right here on DD.

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“But to still have that intense desire to tell a story, or rather to find out what story wants to be written.”
 
I loved the way you said this, because I've always had a similar feeling in that there is a story that wants to be written, and if I manage to learn enough, I'll some day reach that space where I can get out of the way and let the story live and breathe on the page.  You captured the essence so perfectly … the story that wants to be written.  Loved it!

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Nono … thanks for asking such an interesting question.  Trying to define our vision of what our future might look like in relation to our writing is a great way to help us implant that very vision into our subconscious, where it can swim around and get comfortable.

I liked your “I would like to make a living at writing”.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to write the word AUTHOR on the 'occupation' line when filing out your tax paperwork every year?  Not waitress, or secretary, or accountant, or web designer, or any of the other thousands of ways we fund our living expenses, but rather, the one that fuels our souls.  Author. 

We can't get there if we don't dream about it, practice it, plan for it, and define our vision, can we?  Great question!  Thanks for sharing your own vision.

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I'm staggering about with exhaustion but had to check in here! (I think the house is finally ready for mum in law's arrival)

Who hasn't dreamed of being JKR? 

made me grin… I'm afraid I just have to put my hand up and say, Me miss! BUT that doesn't mean I haven't dreamed of being well known. I suppose because my bent is literary fiction (other than a severe diversion into chick lit for NaNoWriMo), I know that a JKR future is not mine. And I think of this 'well known' business - what's more important is that my work be well thought of. Hmm, sounds like I should pop off to the Truly Bad Writing room and write a 'well thought of' piece. I get a whiff of how this background (not so background) desire is getting in the way of my writing these days.

But I totally get where you are coming from Nancy - YES to thinking big.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to write the word AUTHOR on the 'occupation' line when filing out your tax paperwork every year?

Also made me grin! I'm grateful I put 'writer' in the occupation line…, caveat being I can do this because I don't earn enough doing anything else to pay tax these days.. ;-)

Just lovely to have you here Nancy.

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Holy shit I’m a writer.

YES! I loved reading this, la. It felt like you actually manifested the 'future' in the writing of it!

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quietlaughter … I had to laugh at your response, especially the “no fonting way” and the “holy shit, I'm a writer”.  Cracked me up with it's brutal honesty and vulnerability, especially when it was laced with a pinch of zing to give it punch.

I'm brand spanking new to the Diving Deeper group, and have just barely begun to sniff around and see what's up.  But given that I had to laugh out loud at your response, it only seemed polite to jump in and let you know that I hear ya!  How in the world can we call ourselves 'writers'?  Well, we do write words.  We do read words.  We even manage to write whole sentences and paragraphs. 

Holy shit, you ARE a writer!   

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Hello Texas!

Welcome in. Great thing that you just plunged right in :)
Yes, we have many wonderful writers around and love to support one and other. Many different kind of feelings to explore in terms of writing.

How do you see yourself in the future? Or perhaps you are already living it?

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This is such a great question… I'd love to read everyones responses…please…

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What is your dream as a writer - how do you see yourself?

My vision as a writer is really a bit over the top. I had dreams of being in interviews and on TV and on Oprah and all kinds of stuff that just scared me into silence.
These are not the reasons I want to write and its become more of a nightmare then a dream. Underneath it all I only want share a journey. A human journey from dark to light.

I only want to tell a story, a human story of courage and truth. A story that pulls the reader into a safe place to mature and understand the world.
A story that holds us humans tenderly and gently and shows us how we can own our strengths. A story that shows us humans we can share and balance our needs with nature and all we live with on earth.

I see myself only as a person that shows a way to love and peace. To live in love and peace. To help my community be a place of love and peace.

the nightmare of fame and fortune seems like a shadow that stops me from stepping forward.
why did I make that for myself? so long ago it seemed like the ultimate thing to have like the thing that meant I 'made it'.
but I am very much over that phase of shallowness, because I am happy and gleeful with what i have…

still I notice i am afraid to 'shine'
would shining bright matter so much?

how do I reconcile this and move on I wonder? *sigh* I can write, I do write and i can let that nightmare of writing go…

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What a great thread!  I read the whole thing and loved every minute of it.  Who is this Peter/Mudge character?  I have been gone too long!  You, Peter/Mudge are so funny, you make me laugh.  I kind of needed that.  Thank you.  If I could draw I would be sketching two bean bag chairs, one with a naked man and one with a giant cockroach, both chowing down on Doritoes.  ha!

Sandra, are you kidding me?  I have a diary from 8, 9, 10 yrs …I wrote things like “I touched Steven Crouse today and I am never going to wash my hand again.”  I've always thought it was kind of cute but now I'm feeling a little embarrassed.  ;0)

Dream as a writer?
Right now it would be to start writing again.  To finish at least one piece whether it be a short story or the two novels I have started.  Just to finish something. 

The big dream, of course, is to publish.  Fame and fortune?  Yes to fortune, no to fame.  Like Azyh, I don't want to go on Oprah or the Today show.  I would have to take a mega dose of Xanax to do that and then I would probably appear …well, sedated!  Can I imagine walking into Barnes & Noble and seeing my book on that Best Seller shelf?  Yeah, that would be the bomb diggety bomb.  And if a critic said something along the lines of “magical, breath taking …” that would be nice as well. 

This is fun.  Love, Ayla


 

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Ayla :-)

I touched Steven Crouse today and I am never going to wash my hand again.

The PERFECT line to start a short story..

everyone.
I have an idea.  If you guys and gals do all the writing, I'll go on Oprah and we split the fortune? All we need is a pseudonym… Dennis Dickens? Dora Delaney? Doug Doodle? where's Tom when you need him??

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wow. Azyh. I'm gonna give you my tiara forever.

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awwww
geezzz
i don't even feel like I earned it

wait until I even write something meaningful and finished and published…
maybe then .. k?

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oh yes you have Azyh. Your reply to what is your dream as a writer has really gotten to me, made me think. I'm busy helping hubby put IKEA things together and preparing for arrival of mother-in-law on Monday, but I hope to come back soon and dig a bit deeper into what my vision is. I think I kinda surfed the wading pool with my answer.

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“My vision as a writer is really a bit over the top.”

Why not allow ourselves to dream big?  Really big?  I get what you're saying about the feelings of too much emphasis being placed on the materialistic side of the equation, and the elusive desire to be noticed in a really big way.  Can't get much more visible than Oprah and the late night talk show circuit, right?

But maybe it has more to do with the little voice in our head that knows that the only way we could ever believe we were really a WRITER was to have something as big and flashy as Oprah and the late night talk shows be a reflection of our having finally made it to the big time, where we can authentically call ourselves a writer.  Who hasn't dreamed of being JKR?  I know I have, even when I immediately shake my head and tell myself to just get down off my pedestal and get back in the real world.

This was the part that had me wanting to throw a hug around your shoulders:  ”I only want to tell a story, a human story of courage and truth.”  You did.  Just now.  You tossed your vulnerability aside, and laid it bare.  You said that what really fuels your passion for writing is knowing that it has the power to be something more than a five minute segment on Oprah.  Here's hoping you continue to reach towards the courage and truth.  You are an inspiration.

BTW, sorry to jump in without an introduction.  I'm brand new to the group, and am spending some time just poking about and seeing what's up.  But I couldn't just stand by silently and not acknowledge your courage, and truth.  Loved it. 

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Hi Nancy, welcome! Please feel free to join in the discussion. It sounds to me like you have something to say about the subject of writer dreams so naturally, I'd love to hear about your own vision or dream as a writer—how do you see yourself in that regard? If/When you're ready… :)

Ruth

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Today was a one of a kind day to establish a shift.

Time 12:34:56 and date 7/8 -09 makes numeroligically a magic moment 123456789, a numerological alignment.
I will soon come back and start to write about my vision so it will stand a better chanse to became reality. Future is changing, every time we make a decition.

xo

(need to go take a shower, we have it hot here in Sweden)

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Today was a one of a kind day to establish a shift.

Time 12:34:56 and date 7/8 -09 makes numeroligically a magic moment 123456789, a numerological alignment.

Wow, a magic moment indeed! Sounds like something ended with a bang there and a new universe opened its doors. Goodbye, karma; hello, brand new world!

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Okay…

First of all, The Material Girl is talking:

To be precise I would even like to establish a picture of where I live in the future.
I have a huge crush on old Victorian style houses with beautiful wooden ornaments and inglassed porches with tiny, perhaps even in some parts coloured windows. But this picture have always been on collision course with another image of thick stone walls, I mean thick, 1 meter or more. Making the window settings be deep and with seating. There will be fireplace and a huge huge room with high ceiling. And old mill that I have restaured with my own hands. This is somewhere in middle Europe and near water. I can't decide if it is beside a little river or on a top of a cliff on sea shore.
This is where I will write, paint, compute and do pottery (I have my own burn owen in separate little buildning). I have perhaps couple of horses and a huge dog and a hubby… ha ha, that'll be the day. But my hubby will be really independent soul (not needing me to feed him and do his laundry).
So, that is my dream prosaically speaking…

Writingwise:

I am a writer/artist with fiction and poetry as main directions. My readers are young adaults to middle-aged people with some bad times behind or in the middle of their struggle.
My wish is to be able to bring some ecitement, amusement and actually “advice” in peoples lives. To be the extended friend. I really would love if my writing could give some peace in mind and perhaps couple of nuggets to chew and ponder.
I want to use my heart and by that I mean I need to reach my readers heart and touch it in positive manner.

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Nono, I love your home as you describe it. Is there anything in that setting that you bring into the home you have now?
I have been learning that I can make my house a home, even though it isn't everything I dream a home to be.
I am allowed to bring some homeyness into the spaces that I call home now. My first thing to do is to have the furniture to store my books and clothes.

Its been very confronting to notice the aversion I have to fame and fortune…
my silence in this thread is only an echo of this aversion.

gratefully I have committed myself to a workshop that will help me over come this very thing.
It a workshop that is already challenging me to step out of my comfort zones.
new friends, new routines, and I feel good about doing it.
It feels natural like walking.


Ayla, so glad you chimed in :) how cool to have your diaries from so long ago. To be able to step back into that frame of mind.
I think that is real cool gift to yourself. A way of reaching back and connecting to the energy of your youth.
I forget so much, it would be cool to remember that touching a boys hand was so exciting that nothing else mattered.

I felt embarrassed talking about the fame dream/ nightmare.

and now I am curious to see if Sandra posts more on her dream of writing?

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and now I am curious to see if Sandra posts more on her dream of writing?

<grin>
it's going to have to wait until I get some rest, but I'll be back!
xoxo

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Azyh. I hope you won't mind if copy and paste something I wrote on the Gaia Networking thread? It touches on your question, but I'll add more afterwards. I'm moving slowly today, the body going into some 'down time'.

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(note: It is currently 11:24 pm, and I have to get up and leave for Tahoe in the morning, but I can't stop posting on here! It's addictive!)

Being someone who writes fantasy, I tend to daydream a lot, so I've imagined myself as a writer quite a bit. Already, I get this fuzzy little feeling inside when I tell people (especially adults) “I'm a writer” or “I'm writing a novel”, and see that combination of shock and admiration and disbelief on their faces. It feels a little immature, sure, but I can't help mentioning it.

As for the future…. I imagine myself having a career as a writer. It's true. Despite the fact that I always tell people “Well, I'll probably have to have another job as well” or “It's pretty unrealistic”, I still want it more than anything. I mean, can you imagine? Having your passion as a career, as the way that you live instead of something you do in the moments between real life?

I hate to say that I want my books to become bestsellers, because that sounds so terribly conformist of me, but that really would be nice. Not so much because of the money or the fame; just because it's like an acknowledgement that your writing really IS good. It's saying that the rest of the world really does like the book, not just your parents and your best friends and your English teacher who never actually read the whole thing.

I also agree with what someone else said, that you could put “Author” down as your occupation, making it even more real. In my case, I'd also love to put “Wrote a novel and had it published” on a college application. I mean, really, who wouldn't be impressed by that???

I am going to bed now. This website is getting ridiculous. At this rate, I actually WILL get my computer taken away, and I'll never finish any of my homework.

-Kelsey :)

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Kelsey

I love fantasy as well. So wonderfull to let dreams come true in a story. It almost writes itself.

I used to get that fuzzy feeling when telling people that I would indeed write a novel, but got burned. My mom, love her a lot despite this, accidentaly blocked me for several years in my writing with her immediate comment when I said to her that I will write a novel. She said “Are you?” with a lot of doubt in her voice…
She has regretted that many times since, but the harm was done already.

My advice to you is, be careful with whom you share this dream with. Your vounerable inner artist can get hurt and hurt bad. Be certain that you surround yourself with totally supportive people, like us. DD is all about support, 100 %.

I can't see anything bad in dreaming and hoping for bestsellers, you got to keep your dreams. With your kind of ambition you probably will be able to put that line in your college application.

Awww… I had to smile about your last reflection about you getting your computer taken away. Gosh if I have wanted to do that with my own daughter sometimes, she is 17 now, but I guess; World is a different place, take my word for it. Where I come from we even didn't have TV when I was little. Computer and Internet is a scilent revolution.

So nice to have you here. You already are a writer I think.

 

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Nancy, wow so glad to have your energy on this thread! welcome!!

I also love Nono's line, to find out what story wants to be written. too

almost like the story's' own us and we are here to relay them.


I love how you are owning 'Author' and why not? When i think about why i shy away from it i think it is just because I am shying away from doing my best only to fall short of what i think 'best' means.
I want to really look at that. what is 'best' for me and why is 'best' that way for me?
Can 'best' mean to sit and let the words flow? because I can do that. I DO do that.
can 'best' mean to be published? well if you count my works employee newsletter! I have done that too!
can 'best' mean to publish a novel? well I know I can do that, I have everything to do that - it's not out of the realms of possible.

best doesn't have to involve publicity, and I think that is where I want to relinquish emotional attachment and belief and just allow 'publicity' to sit on the horizons of distant possibilities where it feels comfortable and safe.
and not so closely tied to the 'writing' of tomorrow.

I am sure there are plenty of writers and authors that can say they are writers and authors and do not have the publicity of my dreams/ nightmares.

another issue i know I have is about being visible. I have been doing workshops to over come this fear by just participating with my community and being myself, being visible. I think I can open this up to allow myself to feel ok if that visibility came to publicity… seems a natural step to follow.

maybe when it comes to writing I want to be invisible so I can do all the things that are beyond the capability of visibility?
I can write the tough scenes and draw from my own experiences without a worry about feeling responsible for other people's feelings.

I love your hugs Nancy, thank you :) I love how you turned 'publicity' into being something short lived like a blink compared to what a story holds for me in my heart.
Your perspective is golden, thank you so much !

Kelsey, so wonderful to read you as well! I love fantasy and now I am even more curious about your Nanowrimo!
I think what really throws people is the conviction of a decision and the follow through to the end.
So many adults do not have that conviction themselves. So wonderfully refreshing to see you own your writing with such enthusiasm. you help me to feel this about my writing too. thank you!

Wow feels like an explosion of activity and I missed it all while I was sleeping! This is what we wanted to see happen with Monthly Moderators. And I don't know if I could have kept up with it all on my own, so I am so grateful to share this MM experience with Nono. 2 have been a blessing!

My life routines are all changing. Everything from home to work! It's like someone threw out my old ruts and placed me on some shiny new pavement to walk on. Oh My God! it's freaky and yet fun to have all these changes. I hardly know myself.

so here I am getting to know me over again :)

how are all of you in this new energy? have you felt a shift in your everyday lives too?

 

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Nancy said: …if I manage to learn enough, I'll some day reach that space where I can get out of the way and let the story live and breathe on the page.
 
I think that's pretty close to what I was thinking when I joined DD, although, knowing me, I probably didn't verbalize it. But I really, really wanted to be the writer of the stories that ached to be written. So my intention when I came here was to “learn enough.” What happened instead was that I found myself unlearning a lot of what I thought I knew about writing, and at the same time, letting go of what I already knew about my story, letting go the control of it and allowing the story to dictate the telling of it. And that is when my writing became writing, as opposed to words strung together nicely on the page.  And interestingly, that's when I began to feel like a writer, rather than a fake, a fraud, a writer wannabe.

To me, good writing is, first and foremost, writing that rings true. And it may be paradoxical that the *truest* writing, even if based on my life, is not necessarily what I think is true. I learned something very important from my sister who is closest in age to me. The three of us—she, I and her twin (who died many years ago)—were almost always together when we were kids, and as such were often witnesses to or participators in the same events. But in recent talks with the surviving twin I realized that our take on what happened is not the same—our truth about it is not the same. And in some cases the differences are quite astoundingly different. The truth of the event itself—how can that differ from itself? But our individual perceptions of the event can, and do.

What this taught me, is to let go of being right—who am I to say my version is true and someone else's is false? And it taught me that even if my truth doesn't differ substantially from that of someone else who was there, there's a good possibility that I don't know all there is to know of the situation. The point for me is not ever to deny my version of the truth, not to make it a lie because it doesn't agree with someone else's version; but to accept that there can be many versions of the same truth, or maybe, many truths around the same event.

The real point is to go where the writing wants to go, no matter how many parts of me shout: No, don't go there! or That's not the way it happened! Liar! (In writing that, I recognized with a start the voices from my childhood that sent the emerging writer into hiding—no, not hiding, denial: I am not a writer, I will not tell stories…, to be repeated ad nauseam in a zombie voice, forever and ever, or at least until you are no longer living under my roof.) If I'm too embarrassed or perhaps afraid to post something I won't, but really, I've become almost fearless in this regard.

So when I dive into really, really deep waters here (and this doesn't by any means pertain to all my writing), I not only allow myself to go with the story that “wants to be written” (Sandra's words), but I allow the story to write itself the way it wants to be written (and I know that this is part of Sandra's meaning). What I often feel from the writing later is that the truth of it—the core of truth it contains, or is witness to, in a manner of speaking—has a more authentic ring to it than what I would have written from the truth as I thought I knew it.

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Oh Ruth. This is so beautifully expressed. I'm about to go to bed - the body is a bit punk today -  reading you has been like listening to a lovely good-night story. Thank you, very much.

And, you've reminded me of the Sharon Butala quote in the Memoir vs Fiction notes:

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Thank you for reposting the Sharon Butala quote, Sandra. I was wondering how I had missed that, but I see it was from before my time here. (And maybe I did read, and forgot.)

From the quote: In writing what the world will call autobiography, I am torn between facts and history and the truth of the imagination, and it is to the latter, finally, in terms of my personal history, that I lean.

I would go so far as to say that I have no choice but to go with the truth of the imagination, because sticking to facts and history has always managed to trip me up in a major way. So much of what I've written here in DD, especially in the early days, was memoir. And much of it felt like pulling hen's teeth. I didn't want to go there—and I had to go there in order to be able finally to realize my (childhood) dream of being a writer. I had to go there in order to live.

I understand now that the difficulty came out of my need to control. I wanted to shine a good light on the events, I didn't want readers to think badly of me. But mostly (although I'm not sure I knew this then), I was deathly afraid of allowing the events to come alive again for me—I had never been able to go past a certain point in telling the story. (For years I tried to write and every piece began “It started with a death…” and refused to go past those words or, at most, a paragraph.)

By the way, I know exactly where the turning point came for me, and some day I may repost the before and after versions of the story. (The befores have since *vanished* from here, but I have them on my computer still.)

I don't know what's happened to me, all of a sudden I feel like I have so much to say…and there's no shutting me up. :)

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Ruth (rudyann) - when you said “I don't know what's happened to me, all of a sudden I feel like I have so much to say…and there's no shutting me up”, I was both amused and nodding my head in agreement.  Sometimes it's a wonderful place to be … brimming with ideas that are waiting to leap onto the page.  Of course, it can also be a curse.  Those ideas start swimming in huge circles, and the next thing you know, we're dizzy from the constant churning and circling.

I hope you'll jump right in and just start blabbering away, and let it all sort itself out later.  It always kind of surprises me when I start in one place, and end up somewhere else altogether.  Like, “where did that come from?”.  If talking about apples helps me finally get around to telling the story about how my grandfather once made my heart hurt by the purity of an act of love he expressed in my direction, well, who am I to say that apples doesn't belong in the story?

Actually, I came her to say that I also loved what you said in your earlier post, about two people who experienced the same event having completely different truths, both equally factual, and yet diversly different.  My oldest sister moved in with me last year after her husband passed away, and we have had plenty of those “No, that's not how it happened” conversations.  We're getting better at recognizing that both our memories (factual accounts) are equally accurate, even though sometimes they barely resemble the same story.  What a great observation, Ruth. 

Both in acknowledging two different versions of the same event, and why letting go of the need to be “right” can impact our ability to embrace the authenticity that each of us carries in our hearts.  This Diving Deeper space is waaaay cool.  

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This Diving Deeper space is waaaay cool. 

I knew you would fit right in here, Nancy. :)

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By the way, I know exactly where the turning point came for me

This gives me shivers, Ruth. I'd love to see the work, but also to hear about the process – what you felt as it happened, what you think happened to create the turning point.

I was deathly afraid of allowing the events to come alive again for me—I had never been able to go past a certain point in telling the story.

This comes up quite a bit in the Freefall retreats I participate in, and the Diving Deeper events I give, and here too, I think. I'm sure you've heard me talk about it, I'll remention it for others who have not…

I will always remember what Barbara Turner said when it first came up for someone (in my presence, at a retreat). She said she had never ever seen someone fall irrevocably apart when writing the most horrifying personal events. The same is true for me in my groups. The way she described what 'happens'  - and it is my experience also - is that somehow in the act of writing, there is an 'adult' self activated.

So, no matter how distressing the story is, no matter how traumatic the events were at the time they happened, and there could (and will be, for sure) tears and pain in the writing of them, the adult self is there as the story is written,  taking care of the self that is feeling- re-experiencing or grieving.

I believe this is also one of the reasons why writing in this way is so healing (i.e. always treating the writing as 'creative writing' rather than approaching it as 'therapeutic'; writing ). The adult self re-parents the self that suffered. The self that suffered goes through something in the telling of the story, and comes out the other end, still whole, not dead, not irrevocably traumatised, but whole and connected to that adult self, integrated with that adult self. Art is created. Art is appreciated and loved by others. Art is witnessed. The story is witnessed. By the adult self, and by others (as in a workshop environment, or if shared with others  eg if the story is published).

all of a sudden I feel like I have so much to say…and there's no shutting me up. :)

hah hah! me too. Well I've always had word vomit…. I still think this here is one of my ways of avoiding 'writing'…. ;-)
xo
Sandra

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

Nono asked, What is your dream as a writer - how do you see yourself?

Writing for me has always been my safe place.  It's where I go when my world turns upside-down.  It's where I go to celebrate.  It's where I go in order to  painfully extricate the demons that whittle away at my sanity.  It's the place that is always open, no matter that it's 3am on a work night.  Writing is a brightly blinking VACANY sign that promises a soft bed for the night.  It may not solve all my problems, and when I wake up they are still there, but for just a little while, I can put everything aside and just write. 

Of course, sometimes it's nothing more than a giant playground.  Slides and swings and teeter-totters galore.  You can hear the squeeeeek-squeeeek of the swing, as it slowly swings to and fro.  Or the giggles of the children playing.  Writing is the place for fun, and there's not a cloud in sight.  Nothing but bright and breezy sunshine, in every direction.

As to my dreams as a writer … well, to be published.  But I suppose that in order to do that, I'd actually have to write something.  Oh, I write all the time.  Bits and pieces in every direction.  But nothing that is intended to be the “big story”.  Just mountains of words, all squished together in one way or another.

Why does being published matter?  Well, it would be visible proof that what people have been saying to me all along, (You should be a writer), really means that what I have to say has any value.  I could hold the book in my hand and point to it, and say, “See, someone thought this was important enough to actually publish it”.  Of course, I've always dreaded that whole 'photo of the author' thing on the back cover, but I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. 

Really and honestly, I would like to write that bestseller, (insert win the lottery, suddenly find out I have a ridiculously rich uncle who died and left his fortune to me, or any other means of erasing the financial aspect of actually earning a living), so that I can write.  After we get the bestseller out of the way, then I can get down to actually doing some writing.

In my most cherished dream, (the one that hides in my heart), the day will come when I will walk out to the mailbox, and hiding amongst the bills and advertisements, will be an unexpected letter from someone I've never met.  It will say that they read my book, and it changed their life.  It helped them let go of whatever it was that was holding them back, and their life was suddenly open with possibilities.  Their hope was restored.  They knew they were going to be okay.

That's pretty much it.  I write so that someday that letter will find it's way to my mailbox, and then I'll know it was okay for me to open my mouth and speak out loud, rather than stay silent forever.  If you are out there, please don't wait for me to get around to writing the book.  Go ahead and celebrate your life now.  Maybe it's your book that will find me sitting at the dining room table, writing out a letter, so that you'll know that your words changed my life. 

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

In my most cherished dream…. their hope was restored.  They knew they were going to be okay.

I loved reading what you say here, Nancy. Yes. I think that is it, isn't it?  I suggested one of my stories for OM to read. She couldn't finish it, as it was too violent. So I suggested another, 'lighter' one.. and realised that while I quite enjoy my 'lighter' stories, I don't put them in the same category as the others - which for me, in the writing of them, changed something (for me). where I felt something deeper. If people read one of my lighter stories and say how much they liked them, I feel sort of 'ho hum'. But the others, well, then I'm very touched if the stories meant something to them.

And, I also know how wonderful it is to laugh, and that surely stories that make people laugh, take their mind away from their troubles for a moment or two, are worthy. I know how much I like a good laugh, or an 'entertaining' novel or movie.


Why does being published matter? 

Now this is a great subject to talk about!! Have you read my last blog? Language is Holy. Fischer says ” Until there is a reader, some reader, any reader, the writing is incomplete.”

(it's worth reading the full article - there is a link in the blog). oops, can't turn off italics, sorry.  I think he is right, absolutely right. Why? I'm not sure. I believe it is the same for painters, or any of the visual arts. With theatre, it's 'obvious' there has to be an audience.

And then again there is that wonderful piece from Julie Taymore where she describes seeing an Indonesian dance.. she says:
 
”And they danced to nobody. Right after that, they and I went oh, my God.”

So this supports what I always feel -that ones art must be done without heed to audience, it must be 'enough' to do it, just to do it.. only in this way will the artist carry on doing the work, over and over again.

And then, Taymore goes on to say:
The first man came out and they were performing for God.

So, for me, both are 'true'. We write for ourselves, for God. And we write to be read. If we are indeed a part of the whole, as I believe, if the face of God (or whatever you want to call it) is in ourselves, and in each other, then of course we write 'for' others. I am not sure I would be writing if I didn't think my work would be read. Journals perhaps, but not stories. Stories are to be shared. As Clarissa Pinkola Estés  says, the soul needs stories. The world soul needs stories.

”..by reaching out to the world, as a more and more individuated soul, one also repairs the ravel of oneself - for whatever of the world has gone awry and can be aided, is sometimes in similar needful condition in the personal psyche as well… the inner life strengthens the outer life, and vice versa. And it is stories that can unite these two precious worlds - one mundane, the other mythic”

Also, I feel being published is no different to a master carpenter selling his work. In many countries 'art' is denigrated as a kind of 'hobby', something that those who have time and money on their hands 'do'. It's not really 'important'. This was not always so, and still is not in some cultures. So, for me to say it doesn't matter if I'm not published, I see as contributing to this viewpoint. I believe that if 'art' was part of everyone's lives, perhaps the world would be a different place. I think of Bali, where every child learns to dance, or to play music or to paint, or to batik… where art is as important as growing rice. This is the world I'd like to live in...

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

oh my gosh my head is swimming with reading all of you!

I just want to sleep, but how can I resist responding when i committed myself to be MM!

Sandra, I don't mind the cross post. i hope you don't mind my not posting in the network thread. i don't know how you keep up with everything.
You have me thinking about audience. This is a bit of a question for me because in the beginning of my writing my audience was going to be fantasy fiction fans.
But I have also enjoyed writing for children with my poetry (grumpies got glad and princess duckie)

can audience be a broad as anyone that wants a change of heart at the end?

an audience that wants to shift into a loving and supportive world?


Ruth, i have thought the very same things regarding perspectives and how we all have different versions of the same events as our 'truth'.
And then as stories unfold and characters develop beyond our control… it's the relinquishing of control that is most freeing or satisfying.
allowing ourselves to move beyond and into the story that wants to be told…

I know i have some practice needed still to fully embrace this.


Nancy, it's so lovely to read you and your responses. I have a smile on my face and a deep breath of fresh air.
I got goose bumps reading about your letter and i thought wow… why didn't I think of that? how many letters do i need to write now to catch up and let people know how their stories have helped me?


Sandra, its a relief to know that we self care and re-parent ourselves as we write. I don't think I ever thought of it like that before.

and i love the vision of art being a focus in life. as natural as walking. as important as eating.
our creative selves are essential and need to be nourished.

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

Sandra - thanks for your response, especially the parts about writing needing a reader to be complete, and the counterpoint, that art needs to exist for the sake of the art itself, and need not necessarily be witnessed to be art.  I also liked the references to healing through writing, and how the adult self can be the intermediary when revealing events that might have been traumatic for the child self.  And somewhere in here, I think I remember seeing the phrase “word vomit”, which made me totally crack up.  I've always known I had a word disease, but wasn't sure what it was called.  Now I know.

Azyh - thank you for such kind words.  You welcomed me the other day, and I meant to share how much I appreciated your friendly welcome, and then I got distracted (what a surprise … I'm so easily distracted).  My head is still spinning a bit because there is so much going on over here at DD … well, with me being new, it seems like a lot of activity, but hopefully I'll find my bearings soon and quit jumping around all willy nilly.  Thanks for tackling the MM thing, even though I don't know how you can do that and sleep too.  It's nice to meet you, and thanks again for the warm welcome! 

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

Nancy - I'm afraid I'm can't take credit for 'word vomit' - it was another DD member, but because I have sieve brain as well as word vomit I can't remember who, and the search function isn't helping! Maybe someone will be able to enlighten me!

well, with me being new, it seems like a lot of activity,

There is a lot of activity these days, it's not usually this busy. And, there is far more 'talking' going on than usual, rather than posting of creative work and comments. I think this is fine, as the talk is wonderful, really wonderful… and I'm reiterating Leigh-Anne's reminder for us all… don't forget to write.

In addition to word vomit, sieve brain I also have a distractionitus so I NEED these reminders! So easy for me to go, oh, lets just see what people have said, and then 3 hours have gone by and I've not written a thing. Well apart from the word vomit. Last night my muse just about chained me to the desk and wouldn't let me go until I'd written something new. I only wrote for about 15 minutes, but it was such a good feeling, regardless of the 'quality' of the writing.

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

origin of word vomit

*giggles*

Re: August Smorgasbord #2

This thread and conversations continue on August Smorgasbord #3.