Assignment Confessions

Confessions of a Simple Man
I don't need your airbrushed life, or room full of
mirrors. No delicate manicure, or ribs I can count through
your dress. I want to trade some flannel for linens,
some cankles for ankles, dear lord, please send me the
gal who butters her hot, moist muffin an unusual way.

Re: Assignment Confessions

that is so great.

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Oh, I agree with Jen, this is great. Airbrushed life, delicate manicure and especially the rib counting are such wonderful shortenings (I've no idea how to say this) of the sickening pop-culture-ideals… deep, Phil, lots of layers, and wonderfully put.

And also the contrapoint (I've no idea how to say this properly either) of flannel, cankles and the muffin (is that a euphemism for something 'dirty', btw? if so, well done, sir! ;)  is amazingly 'simple' which, as many of us know by now, doesn't come easy but only with a LOT of writing experience under your belt…

No suggestions. Perfect and ready to go, I'd say. Got a hot pic for this to go with it? (In case you want to send it in.)

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Woo-hoo!
This is delicious and right on Mudge. Gals like me (who can't count her ribs through anything) just looove it.
You got to send this out. And I'd love to see the pic as well :)

xo

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Glad you liked this, ladies.  This has been swirling in my head since Sandra posted it.  I made several attempts, then gave up.  I felt frustrated that I couldn't “do” the assignment.  When it came to me, it was in a rush, and I very nearly didn't post it.  It is rather full of entendre.  I don't have any pics in mind, and it's very doubtful I'll submit it anywhere.  My reward is that you read it and were moved by it somehow.

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gorgeous, phil, just gorgeous. send it out! I'm not sure it's CT material, but why not. And don't stop there, all sorts of lit magazines should publish this. It's a poem, a wondrous one.

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Entendre… yes, that is the word I was stumbling towards. It's part of what makes this piece so charming and so true, Phil. And simply beautifully done.

Golden rule: Beware of the voice that wants to deep-six your writing into the trash bin. It is likely to announce your newest masterpiece.

I like to read you post culture-critical as well, considering the recent scandal of airbrushing models to Auschwitz size and a lot of disturbing and disgusting body surgery stuff going on… We need more male voices saying WTF to this madness.

:)

Shall I come off my soap box now?

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This is great Phil.  I was a bit taken aback by “cankels for ankels” but then said… hey, that's great!  (had to think what “cankels” meant)  Kinda cute too.  Even merciful, one might say.

If you wanted to get this one down to 50, that would be pretty easy too as its just a little over and some of the words could be eliminated.  (Not liquidated just eliminated heheheh.)  I really like “airbrushed life” and that last line… well…  really.  :O)  I see “Mudge” is a bit of a fudge. (whatever the hell that means)  Anyhow, I get real humor out of this one!  Thanks brother. I love being surrounded by beautiful women, but having a brother around is… indispensably balancing.   (took me twenty minutes to get “indispensably” spelled right) =8o)

Rob

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Hi Rob-
It is good to have another guy to hold the male energy here.  I'm always stoked when men join DD.  I wish I were half clever enough to have made up “cankles”, but someone else got there before me.  I just borrowed it for the assigment.
The gaia format fairy grabbed me and scrunched my text up next to the title, “Confessions of a Simple Man.”  Last time I counted the text, it was just 50 words exactly.  (then again- math is not my strong suit..)  My original version(s) was/were shorter.  I had to add words to make the 50.  Sandra suggested it was poemlike and on reflection, I agree.  If I were to write this as a poem it would be:

A Simple Man

 I don't need your airbrushed life,
  -mirrored rooms.
No delicate manicure,
    -no ribs
counted through your dress.
 I want to trade
flannel for linens,
    
      -cankles for ankles,

    dear lord, send me a
gal who butters her muffin
     an unusual way.

Re: Assignment Confessions

I'm remembering a piece I posted that someone said (or maybe I felt) was a bit poetic. So I went and made it poetic (i.e. did the line thing) and then Ruth suggested I didn't need to do that. She was quite right.

Personally I prefer your prose-poetry version, Phil, but I'll let the experienced poets give you proper advice.

I do want to say I've seen, in the literary magazines,  a lot of nice short 'prose' pieces that are also poem-ish, but not broken up.

have to confess I didn't know what a cankle was. But now I do. Thanks to Google.

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I just looked up cankle.

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Hi Phil,

I do like the poetry version but after contemplating it a bit, I think the story version works best for me.  Either way it is definitely poetical.  Putting it into poetry form gives it a … perhaps … more … contrived countenance? … or whatever. 

As a story though, it sounds like it is just emerging  out of your soul.  This is far better than many pieces I have seen published.  When I can't get something out of my mind, I know it is working at a deeper level.  Yeah, that last line… very multidimensional.  The whole piece has a … sexiness that is very very subtle … and yet … not so subtle … depending upon how old the male reader is and his testosterone level … heheheh.  Oh the majic of reversed parentheses.  ) (  <== in fact this zen pictograph is what this piece is … the reader fills in the rest.

Now, donna go countin  ribs through dresses by the braille  method. 

The gals loved it because they're sick and tired of men preferring Barbie Dolls.   No programed bioforms!  Barbie is just right for Ken and he's a bit … uh … plastic? 

Namaste,

Rob

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 “dear lord, please send me the gal who butters her hot, moist muffin an unusual way.”

  Phil,  I love this poem, the whole thing, but the line above, I especially love, it  made my innards throb for a gal that butters her hot, moist muffin. Please forgive me ladys if I'm being a bit vulgar; I'm a man.

                   Peter   

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Peter, you are forgiven. ;)  I adore that line as well and miss it dearly in the poem!

I also prefer the prose poem. The poem is shortened of some of my favorite expressions (room full of mirrors and the hot and moist muffin….) If you keep the poem, Phil, could you please put the entendre back in? I think it's really lovely. I'd like the form of a poem just as well, I just don't want to lose any of those lovely words!

(I'm reading Lolita by Nabokov right now. He seems to pull it off to write a whole novel of steamy, exceptional prose, bursting with longing, without spelling out the sexual, which in itself I think is a work of genius.)

I had to look up cankles as well, but that doesn't mean much, I have to look up many words.

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Gaia *is* my venue for publishing, both versions will be here for all time or until gaia folds up its tent.   :)

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humph. what if I try to get it published for you???

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Dearest Sandra,
If it would make you happy- by all means.  Shall I mail you a release? Or would a statement here suffice? 
I release all claim on any intellectual property I have posted here on this thread to Sandra Jenson.  She may also have any earnings from the same should there be any.

:)
phil

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hah. sorry phil. Well if you win 1000 a present would be nice. but I'm going to submit it in your name.
xo

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ps. what IS your name? Phil Hu?

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I don't know what to say-  perhaps I'll just mumble softly. 
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kindness. (and Sandra for her persistance)