Anonymous Assignment - I don't want to write about this

This post is anonymously posted in response to this assignment. For more details on how this works, also see this anonymous topic assignment.

—————————-

COMMENTING:
with this assignment  (as with all work posted on Diving Deeper ) it is important that all comments be about the piece, - the writing - how it affects you, what it is about the writing that works for you etc; not to whoever you think or imagine is the 'author' of the piece.
——————————-

 I don't want to write about this


I don’t want to talk about or write about goodbyes. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think you have said goodbye. You said leave instead, and that is what happened. Everything by your design. He is not angry. I have said to your daughter that I am not angry. I lied. I am angry. I am also afraid, sad, shocked and undone. The last straw that broke this camel’s back. We are what we create. You know this, at least the thinking part of you does – you’ve said the very words to me. The self help books are piled in corners, threatening to tumble out over themselves on the book shelves. Uselessly collecting dust. Empty words gathered before a closed mind. You preached all of those words – crammed the books down other people’s throats, demanded that they listen to you, do what you said…. But never have you done what you have said… never. I understand the fear, the anger that boils inside of you, the fear that drives you to push everyone away, to lash out and to refuse to face what is happening right now. I understand. I just don’t agree.I am angry.

It is easy for you to shut me out. To draw the bloodlines, to erase me, us from your life. Close your eyes, close your ears, and we disappear form your life. You don’t want to be judged, and I get that. I know that you want to beat this cancer that is taking over your body. I know that you want to be free of it – but the hole in your soul has been there long before the cancer arrived. Long before. I don’t want to write mean things about you, because I am not a mean person. I want to write the truth to you, and you can do what you want with it. I just need to say it.

The truth is – you are very ill. You make the choices that have lead up to this moment. It’s not his fault. It’s not your son’s fault. It is not your daughter’s fault. It's not anyone's fault. This is your path to live, or not. You made choices and now you are dealing with the consequences. Yes, it is scary. It is not going to be easy to do the work that you need to do to change, to heal, to move on. I want to believe that you want this. That you want to be better. Part of me thinks that you feel that it is easier to just disappear, to hide – and that goes beyond the pain and sickness… it goes beyond this life.

This breaks my heart. I know it isn’t about me – it is your life, your choice to make – but there are ripples racing out from the boulder that has been dropped in the middle of our pond. It is more like a tsunami, a tidal wave, threatening to drown us all.Somewhere in this chaos, or from it at least, I hope there will be healing, peace and the chance for something positive to grow.

What has to happen will – and has. The walls that you have been building are thick and high now. Before you cut yourself off from the light, I hope that you can hear just a word or two. I believe that there is always going to be a chance to choose to be happy, to find that peace within and live from that place. I hope and pray that you will find it in yourself. You are loved – even though you are so difficult to love sometimes. It happens that relationships don't work - sometimes people are not meant to continue on together, and it is time to part. He is a good man, and isn't angry with you. He wants you to be well, and loves you enough to leave without an argument. However you have blended and remolded the truth right now – I hope that some of it breaks through the walls to reach you. You are loved and you don’t need to be alone. Let the light in. Please.

Re: Anonymous Assignment - I don't want to write about this

This piece is a sad one.  I get the feeling that the person whos dying is listening to his animal instincts, something primal deep within him.  For example , an animal when it knows it's going to die, or if very ill, will find a place where it can be alone and undisturbed.  Animals perfer to die alone it seems.

                                 Peter

Re: Anonymous Assignment - I don't want to write about this

I like that thought, Peter! From that perspective the reations of the 'you-'character don't seem as something being wrong with him but rather the way he reacts to life's disappointment and disease, in a way that maybe is his only way. A way that obviously hurts others and keeps them away.

I find the writing touching but at the same time I feel some reluctance to identify with the I-character's perspective. I want to know more about this person. The I-character has a very solid opinion of what is going on. S/he comes across as someone who likes to analyze and define people and even though seemingly wanting the best there is something that feels like a narrow view point. I would love to see this person from someone elses point of view!

It would also be interesting to climb inside the 'you'-character and get his experience. I'd love the story to dive deeply into how it feels to walk in his shoes as well and maybe get a perspective that to him is as right to him and as inevitably connected to his personality as the I-character's is to them.

I get the sense that there is a story of every day life tragedy here, a mirror of things going wrong in families and relationships on the background of beliefs and expectations, disappointments and hopes, love and resentment and failed communication… wonderful material to expand on!

A very promising beginning, I'd say, worth exploring deeper and maybe opening up more points of view to make the complexity of what is going on visible. Could be NaNoWriMo material!

:)

Re: Anonymous Assignment - I don't want to write about this

With a little distance I realize that there are some things to be said about the writing I forgot to mention, because I was so engaged with the characters. Which in itself is telling a lot about the writing already. Convincing, gripping, evoking emotional response and leaving me wanting to know more. Very well done.

If this is part of a longer story, I definitely would need somebody elses perspective in addition to the I-character. This is a very strong, persuasive voice which is convinced things are the way s/he sees them and leaves me wanting to draw my own conclusions. Which in itself is a great tool for both, showing someone by what they don't say or don't look at, and for keeping the reader wanting to learn more and hear somebody elses side of the story.

I have said to your daughter that I am not angry. I lied. I am angry. I am also afraid, sad, shocked and undone.

This is interesting because it's one of the rare occasions where the I-character talks about him- or herself, about their emotions and I'd love to hear more about this. But at the same time it might be exactly the way this character functions, to not say any more, and therefore we'd need somebody elses perspective to get a bigger picture of what is going on here.

You preached all of those words – crammed the books down other people’s throats, demanded that they listen to you, do what you said…. But never have you done what you have said… never. I understand the fear, the anger that boils inside of you, the fear that drives you to push everyone away, to lash out and to refuse to face what is happening right now. I understand. I just don’t agree.I am angry.

This is great, here I get the anger in the words and in the projection on the other before it is even named.

I want to write the truth to you, and you can do what you want with it. I just need to say it.

The truth is – you are very ill.

Again a fascinating bit of information. The truth the I-character has to share is about someone else. We get a good sense of the I-character here by paradox. What a wonderful way actually to show the mind process of a character! Very inspiring.

What has to happen will – and has. The walls that you have been building are thick and high now. Before you cut yourself off from the light, I hope that you can hear just a word or two. I believe that there is always going to be a chance to choose to be happy, to find that peace within and live from that place.

The writing is beautiful and I am totally convinced of this character. The line of thinking is familiar, it is a part probably most of us can find in themselves and at the same time see how limiting and manipulative this point of view can get. It would be fascinating and thrilling, I'm sure, to see these convictions and certainties of the I-character shaken and challenged by an antigonist, which could be another character or some sort of event or crisis. Did I say I can easily see this as NaNoWriMo material??!  ;)

I find this piece immensely inspiring, not only because of the heart breaking story we can sense in this beginning, but also because it opens up a possibility of character development that is not easy to do but holds a great challenge and immense promise.