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DIVING DEEPER: A Writing Workshop

Do you feel compelled to write,  but something is stopping you from getting on with it?

Do you feel you have a story to tell, or simply something 'to say' but don't know how to start, or how to continue?

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Poetry in all forms: sonnet, haiku, cinquain, free verse, experimental etc.
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  Keepertells : Historian of the Mind

Semblance

Keepertells said Oct 27, 2:30 PM:
 

I will smile today,
Tomorrow,

The day after next.
Nothing will slip,
The façade will stand true and strong,
Eroding only on the inside.
Laughter will be shared,
Jokes will be passed,
All will continue on.  
I will sit calmly,
Composed,
Faking it all.
All elusive till the end,
Never giving, Never letting on,
Straining for control.
Mind wandering to what-ifs,
Quiet taking over,
Yearning for peace that will not come.  
I will be as always,
Me,
Hiding the truth.
Wishing, wishing oh so carefully,
Mentally rocking back and forth,
Ignoring that inviting corner.
Smiling like there is no tomorrow,
Lying smoothly with my eyes,
Crumbling on the inside. 
I will stand tall,
True,
Blasphemer to myself.
Aches in my chest,
Overwhelming,
Shaking once solid foundations.
Only when you leave shall I fall,
Damned floodgates set wide open,
Tears spilling.
  jenni : hello

Re: Semblance

jenni said Oct 27, 2:40 PM:
 

I felt the tension in this. You did a good job of conveying the suffering and angst of the person who is holding it all inside.
I liked 


Mentally rocking back and forth,
ignoring that inviting corner.
  Azyh : Gratitude in Action

Re: Semblance

Azyh said Oct 28, 4:27 AM:
 

the cascade of this piece fits so well, so beautifully shown

Eroding only on the inside

~ loved this line, how it shapes -my- (the readers) thoughts and then i feel like I tumble through a mind-field, like the tears that will come when all are gone and the mask crumbles.

are you working on this piece Martha? What kind of feed back are you seeking?

xx azyh
  siafu : si@fu

Re: Semblance

siafu said Oct 29, 2:17 AM:
 

I so relate to this poem - it speaks to me with force and chilling accuracy; we must stand firm and proud amidst the reality of ephemerality  and decay…
Thank you so much for sharing..
@~) 
  Keepertells : Historian of the Mind

Re: Semblance

Keepertells said Nov 2, 2:15 PM:
 

I believe it's final, but one never knows really I guess.  It was just something that had been building for a while and then was released.  I like hearing what people have to say though, it always helps for future things.  Thank you.
  Gabriele : Intuitive Writer

Re: Semblance

Gabriele said Oct 29, 2:53 AM:
 

Hello Martha, I don't think we have met yet. Siafu's visit to the poetry section made me curious so I followed in his footsteps, to find your amazing poem.

I am pretty much blown away by it's depth of exploration. It is easy to relate emotionally, to connect to the place inside where the semblence of being alright is faked in order to protect the fearful and hurting self. It's a complete story of fear of loss, of pain and an unwillingness to let it show, or that is how I read the poem.

I think you have a masterful skill to find words and images that make a complex emotional process transparant and accessable. I'm reminded of the Brenda Ueland quote I posted yesterday:

“Now to have things alive and interesting it must be personal, it must come from the 'I': what I know and feel. For that is the only great and interesting thing. That is the only truth you know, that nobody else does.”

Beautiful and touching poetry. Have you thought about sending it out for publishing?

I'm looking forward to reading more from you!
  Keepertells : Historian of the Mind

Re: Semblance

Keepertells said Nov 2, 2:18 PM:
 

I never thought about sending it out into the publishing world but now that you mention the fact it interest me in trying.  Got any ideas where to send it off to?
  Synerjyz : Wordicle

Re: Semblance

Synerjyz said Nov 1, 10:39 AM:
 

a marvelous visceral journey! I felt the tensions rising especially strong here “mentally rocking back and forth” and determination sings through on this line “I will stand tall” which is simple but brilliantly laid in just the right spot to cause the next fall that occurs next to stand firmly in the contrast you created. 

There is poetic mastery here. Thank you.
Syn