think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

love this name up called truly bad writing. ok i am thinking that i should just write and not stop and thinik whichi is what i always do. and maybe i should just not evenlook at the screen or re-read what i write because then that stopes me and i go back and change everything. sometimes ive not only changed things, but i delete the wholething and start all over again. and again. then so much time has passed and i've lost the whole essence of what i wanted to write inthe first place. so i honestly and truly want to be able to write my thoughts in some kind of stream that makes sense to the reader. and i wold like to be able to communicate my thoughts in a way the is perceived by the reader as exactly what i am communication. if thatmakes any sense. i am not looking back. i am not correcting my bad spelling or grammer or anything. this is somewhat difficult and it feels a ittle exhilarating too. wow it really does kind of feel like the title of this thing is “diving Deeper”. yes that is kind of what i feel. No its not its just Diving in. i feel like i just dove in and a feeling of exhiliaration is happeneing. like i just dove into cold water. i am alive. and i am grateful that this is here and that i am taking the opportunity – oh oh i am starting to think. i just looed back. i am thinking of what to write. oohh i just want to swim without thinking and write and write and make sense. but how cani make sense if i am not thinking. that doesn't make sense. and whoever reads this might think i am a nut. i laugh. oh my go. thisis really quacky.  i am laughing. just before midnight. the fireplace is firing and my tea just got cold. no words wow there is a blank a real blank in my head. i am also wondering if i am doing this right, you know an di have about 5 minutes left i think. so ya, how will this be percieved. i am in no way really communicating anything i don't think anyway. justing streaming off the top of my head. but i do feel a sense of exhilaration. i am happy. i am happy to be doing this and i hop ethat i can do more of this. i hope that i don't bore anyone with my stuff, and iff i do i want to know . i want to know all the stuff. i want all the good and the bad. i want to be able to take  the critiques and work with them. i think this is going to really make a differnece to the world you know. ya because if i am able to write in a way that people listen then i willbe ble to say all the good things that i have in side . doing that will spread a good thing and the world can sure use a good thing. oh no, i think i am really starting to sound corney. ha ha ha ha oh there is stilla couple of inutes left and wow time just slowed down. this might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. i wonder if anyone is giong to read all the way downto here. i wonder if i'll be able to read other peoples stuff all the way down to heere. ok i am blank again. one minute left. slower. blan . exhilarated. stoppingnow. i look forward to feedback. i really look forward to feedback in some way. what if nobody gives me any feedback. i can't beieve i am saying all these things. great. siginng off now. thank you.:)
Karen. 

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

Karen, by the end I was feeling exhilerated too!  :)  Thank you for being so brave. It was a fun read, and I don't just say that to be polite. You can rely on that. I'm German, I don't do 'polite'.  ;)

I always find it interesting to look into someones head, and the more honest that voice or character comes across, the more interested I am. Not to mention emotional response when the writing is emotionally true. The change between thinking and moments of truth that come from a 'deeper' place is wonderful to witness. I like the excitedness of the beginning, the wanting to do it right and all the thoughts about making sense and coming across and writing something meaningful… I don't think there is anybody on Diving Deeper who couldn't relate to that!

There are some parts where the focus shifts and presence starts to happen on a different level.

Like here:

i feel like i just dove in and a feeling of exhiliaration is happeneing. like i just dove into cold water. i am alive.

That's lovely. Direct and personal, touching to witness the shift.

And this:

and whoever reads this might think i am a nut. i laugh. oh my go. thisis really quacky.  i am laughing. just before midnight. the fireplace is firing and my tea just got cold.

From thinking about a possible reader to laughing, a fire place and tea that has gone cold. All of the sudden I'm in the room with this character, laughing, sensing the warmth of the fire and the coldness of the tea.

And then this:

i am in no way really communicating anything i don't think anyway. justing streaming off the top of my head. but i do feel a sense of exhilaration. i am happy. i am happy to be doing this and i hop ethat i can do more of this. i hope that i don't bore anyone with my stuff, and iff i do i want to know . i want to know all the stuff. i want all the good and the bad. i want to be able to take  the critiques and work with them.

So much communicated in this bit that is about not really communicating!  :)  The exhilaration and happiness of just doing it. The worry to be boring (oh, who here wouldn't know about that worry?), and then, after the thoughts about meaning and quality which ring so true and come across with such endearing honesty, something I find very beautiful.

i think this is going to really make a differnece to the world you know. ya because if i am able to write in a way that people listen then i willbe ble to say all the good things that i have in side . doing that will spread a good thing and the world can sure use a good thing.

Something about this voice that touches me with an almost childlike quality. Innocence. Honesty. Just going there and bringing it up, letting it through in the writing.

wow time just slowed down. this might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. i wonder if anyone is giong to read all the way downto here.

Well, I did. Twice even. :)

what if nobody gives me any feedback. i can't beieve i am saying all these things.

Lovely. I just love to be included in the directness of this experience. Thank you for posting it!

Well, looks to me like you found your way in, Karen. Absolutely on the right track, just keep going. Looking forward to more!

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

I ditto Gabriele's comments, Karen.
I'm smiling as I've just left you a note on your introduction thread, and you've done everything I suggested already! Not to mention you've written more than most for this assigment, so I think writing slowly or getting words down is NOT an issue for you!

I was actually very touched reading this. I felt let inside a character, not just their mind/thoughts, but their heart. The piece expressed and 'showed' so well what all writers (as far as is my experience) go through. That deep desire to communicate, to move others, and at the same time the desire to simply express, for the sake of expression, for the sheer joy of it. Both strands of desire were so clear here as to be almost palpable. And oh yes, I did read 'downto here' absolutely delightedly. I loved the moment-by-moment feel of it, as if I were right inside this character, as if I were this character, looking, feeling, thinking, typing … it was a ride I'd happily go on again, and again.

What comes through so often in these pieces is such wonderful lack of self-consciousness, even when this is expressed as happening – there is no manipulation or 'clever' writing that so often gets in the way of truth and vulnerability.

Lovely work, Karen.

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

Karen, I applaud you for diving right in, for writing whatever came up without hesitation, for barreling through the fear—the fear of sounding crazy, the fear of boring readers, and maybe the biggest fear of all for a writer—the fear of discovering that what the inner critic keeps taunting us with is true.

Hurray, you have done exactly what DD tries to teach. Well done!

I'm really looking forward to reading more from you.

Ruth

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

ok this is exciting. i am amazed at all of your detailed feedback and encouragement. and i sit here dumfounded trying to find more words to express my appreciation and gratitude for so freely offering your responses. Gabriele, i laughed out loud when you said ”and I don't just say that to be polite. You can rely on that. I'm German, I don't do 'polite'. ”  i think im in the right place. 


look forward to the exploring some more. and im torn because in a few minutes im off to a weekend workshop and i really just want to do this again. anyway the workshop should be good - my husband and i have been invited to attend a workshop on Love, Sex and Communication. it's all good.  it's all art. and it all ties in together. thanks again. 
be back soon.
karen.
Karen.

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

my husband and i have been invited to attend a workshop on Love, Sex and Communication.

Oh, I”m very much looking forward to a Truly Bad Writing account of this AliveLight!