A truly wretched introduction :)

Fifteen minutes.
And I waste them
Siting watching the endless mindless ticking away of time
With my toes in the water
begging my self to jump JUMP jump?
in

The sweet water caresses, eases supports and graces me
but i do not dare surrender

because what pray tell me what would happen if I let go gave in free fell, and was lacking it
the it the thing the undefined inexpressible something that helps the swimmers stay afloat

could I take this plunge only to drown?

or worse drown unseen un helped un noticed un rescued
if i am not any of the glowing words I have been praised with
and just
lacking

but the failure does not terrify me
it is the feeling of home in the cool sweet water lapping at my purple toes
what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved

would i survive the freedom?

my heart beats faster and time melts faster then i can count it dripping flying past
leaving me suspended
mid leap
to stubborn to be bent to the will of gravity
i will hang here

undecided

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

and in the spirit of indecisiveness, i received the “your connection has been re set” screen, and had to hit re send 3 times before this decided to post…

maybe I have jumped after all

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

Kaitlyn, I'm so sorry that in the flurry of NaNo activity your introductory post went unnoticed. Well, not unnoticed really, I for one read it a couple of days ago and thought I would get back to it… (famous last thoughts)

I love how you describe the fear, the reluctance to jump into the waters

because what pray tell me what would happen if I let go gave in free fell, and was lacking it
the it the thing the undefined inexpressible something that helps the swimmers stay afloat…

and how that isn't even the worst fear, but (!)

what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved
would i survive the freedom?

and the hanging in mid air, undecided.

Then, as you say in your addendum, having to hit Send 3 times before it finally posted. My dear, I think you jumped all right!

Thank you, and welcome to DD!

Ruth

Oh, and if this is 'bad', I can't wait to see what you consider 'good' writing. :)

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

Uh-oh, just good this wasn't an emergency, Kaitlyn, or you would, indeed, have drowned like in that prophetic line above:

or worse drown unseen un helped un noticed un rescued

Or actually, I did see you, like Ruth, and meant to come back later… well, here I am, MUCH later (and thanks to Ruth who lead the way).

Welcome to Diving Deeper. I think you can safely assume that you have jumped. :) 

I very much enjoyed your introduction, the playfulness, the skill, the sensuous detail. Loved this line:

would i survive the freedom?

Looks like you'll be just fine!

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

As with all TBW pieces, I loved this. I too am sorry it took us a couple of days to dig it up out of the flurry of NaNoWriMo posts. I loved the movement, the shift, the realisation:

what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved
would i survive the freedom?

It landed as really quite brilliant for me.

And the ending..
Actually is this the first TBW poem we have? If not the first, one of few. And of course, absolutely NOT Truly Bad.

Love,
Sandra