DAY ELEVEN - 2009

Well this is a powerful number, 11, the number of inspiration, and, yes, (see below below..) LIGHT.

However, clearly the cards are telling us once again that there are deep, dark waters to navigate:

Seven of Disks: Failure

Restriction, resignation, hesitation, apparently insurmountable obstacles, fear of failing

The fear of making mistakes touches every arena of life… if you fear you cannot manage the obstacles you perceive in front of you, you tend to draw back, resigned, and limit your actions to the old and familiar ways of dealing with problems.

Fears and dread belong to the mental plane, and don't necessarily reflect physical reality, but there is meaningful connection between the two. Negative expectations are powerful thought forms and when nourished (either consciously or unconsciously) they can help to create the situation you are afraid of. The same applies to positive thought forms and expectations.

This card indicates that fear is present, and now is the time to recognize, perceive, and accept the fear or fears. These are the steps in overcoming fear, letting it go and creating a more positive motif. Thoughts which affirm life in all its fullness and beauty, along with a positive attitude, create the proper energy to change the unpleasant experiences you expect into joyful ones.

Suggestion: write a list of your worst expectations. Take a new piece of paper and change each fear into its positive opposite. Keep working with these lists, perhaps finding someone to support you in this.

Draw another card (see below) with the awareness that fears can be accepted and dropped.

Affirmation: I have the courage to believe that all that happens in my life serves for the best.

And then, we have as support for the letting go of fears, perhaps an indication of what is possible when we are no longer controlled by them:

XIX The Sun

Highly creative energy, awareness, fulfilled relationships, wisdom, spirituality, transformation

The sun radiates as the center, in the middle of the twelve astrological signs, and bathes everything in its light. From its ineterior blooms the rose of realization. Its light is the essence of clarity and highest consciousness.

Freedom is gained, and there is ecstatic joy and enthusiasm. All energies are fully available for a common creative purpose. The goal is here and now, it is not something wished for off in the distance. Everything is here and it is good.

Suggestion: Visualize the light and warmth of the Sun in your chest and heart. Remind yourself several times daily that the sun is shining in and through you.

Affirmation: I am in harmony with the divine Light which fills and guides me.

——————————-

Both great cards. I think even if we feel we don't have fears as regards our writing, almost for sure they are there, finding ways to limit us and 'keep us safe'. Facing the fears, acknowledging them, not necessarily 'doing' anything to stop/avoid them, is the key.

Staying 'safe' is never comfortable, in my experience, I always end up feeling kinda itchy. And it's not really safe anyway. What is safe? something our minds keep searching for, in all the wrong places. I don't think it exists. What does exist is excitement ( really the flip side or even another word for 'fear') and joy, and that rush of knowing we have given something our all. Who cares what the outcome is? It's all in the ride, in the sheer exuberance of the present moment - no matter what the flavour of that present moment -  flat, wicked, boring, delightful, crazy… it's all wonderful.

What have we got to lose here, in NaNo? Nothing, and we have everything to gain. So thank those fears, they might have served you well in the past when you were young, but now they can be burned away by the bright light that you truly are….

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My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.

~ Ashleigh Brilliant

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Tom, you crack me up! That was a nice surprise. Sandra, I actually love these cards. The ones where at first there's 'Oh no…' Sometimes I pull one of these 'unpleasant' ones on New Years Eve, like for this year I had 'narrowness', but it's been lovely, just lovely, for it stands for the tunnel view of focus…

So fear. yeah. I have felt a change of mood creaping up on me for the last couple of days. Very little response to my posts is what I perceive and start feeling left out. And I know, this is not what happens, and I respond to others less as well so the connection isn't as immediate anymore, and somehow manage to ignore the connection that is there and the responses and all - I know all that but it does in no way alter the building up of the fear to be left out.

Fear of not being able to continue to type. I have a, still small, stinging pain in my left arm. Freaks me out. Fear of getting tenosynovitis, typist's cramp. Used to get it from knitting back in the day… and I know I can always go on, write by hand. Think of Virginia Wolf who did all of her first drafts in handwriting (or at least she did in the movie I saw…;) and the days when there were no computers, or typewriters… but still. Fear is not logical.

The overall fear of failure, yes, why not mention it as well. Not failure in word count. I don't have to make the 50,000, though I probably will, even if I have to switch to hand writing (as long as I still have one hand working - now there's a thought - the seed for another fear, losing both hands!), it's the big one, the fear of being a failure as a writer.

I'll take it easy today, go slow on the left hand, go to yoga morning class later and see how things look after that. A misty greyish morning, actually quite beautiful, everything softened by the fog. Love the greys in the Failure card. Maybe I'll do a collage later. Hah. Maybe I'll do a collage NOW.

Take care today, everybody. I really don't mind these cards, these fears are in our energy, they are bound to come up. It's good to stare right back at them!  :)
And share them. I'm glad I did.

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Oh God, this is too good. Just had a peek at todays pep-talk. Have you seen how it starts?

Reconsider your hand. Reconsider writing by hand. There is a kind of story that comes from hand. Writing which is different from a tapping-on-a-keyboard-kind-of-story.

Holy crap! How tuned in are these people? (Note to self: ask Lynda to marry me, too. We will all be very happy together!)

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GG, you might concider became Mormon…

Why is it now that men can have multiple wifes and it can't be the other way around.

I feel irritation… where does this come from?

My “fear” would be that I drop off the NaNo journey this year. It seems hard to be able to put the energy in for it. It's like I didn't care, this year. And still I bang in those words. I have not really found my NaNo magic… maybe it's because Tom is not goofing around like he did last year and giving those adorable insights to the mouse world of Whiskerbit Burlhopper the Third (??)

But I will still continue to hammer on my words. I have now another crowd on FB and I start to think… why oh why did I ever say to my co-workers that I'm writing. Shit Font!

Audience really is a failure, big time, mine at least. They don't get me over here, I may add. They are discussing about SPORTS n stuff. I remain scilent, slightly agonized. Now they incisted that I would put out a little excerpt on my FB page from my book. Mercy oh God. So I did. I have to try to let my fear of publishing my oddball things to an audience which it will be totally waisted for. I bet they will not get it.

I wrote a little something about my own chaos theory over there and the respose was in for of one sad looking person saying “Yeah, sometimes we can think about so strange things,,,” Really? No fuckin kiddin? That is my normal thinking you moron!

oh…

As I said, I seem to be a bit irritated today.

May the font be with me.

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Tom, I love that quote. Brilliant.

Gabriele, what I liked about Lynda's pep talk was the not going back and reading. I find that I do have to go back a little just to regain my rhythm, but I haven't been rereading a whole lot. I did it one day when I didn't feel up to writing, and I found that overall, I was happy with what I wrote. Sometimes I have to go back to find what I have already said about a character, or check their name. Other than that, I'm not.

I guess that is with the exception of the excerpts I have posted on the prose board. I found myself reading those over. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I couldn't changed them because they are already kind of published. Aha.

Yes, Gabriele. Those grays in that failure card are magnificent. I can see how that could inspire a beautiful collage. There are many aspects to failure - one is learning and growth. Another is overcoming fear. And yet another is developing persistence -ance?  I am usually an excellent speller - stick-to-it-iveness.

My last line for tonight - Soon, she learned to crave it in all of its cinnamon-sweet goopiness, because it was the only honest affection that she could count on.

Yes, I am talking about oatmeal - again. Seems we talked it to death in the treehouse last month. Recurring themes. What card is that?

And Sandra, I think the failure card is so appropriate right now in my life outside of Nanowrimo. All of your blessed words will help to spur me on to do what I need to do elsewhere. Nano feels like the easy part right now. Thanks for taking the time to write about the cards with so much thought and sensitivity.

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Oh, Nono, you posted when I was posting. You may have the font for today, but don't hog it because we need it, too. May the font be with you, oh irritated one.

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“Really? No fuckin kiddin? That is my normal thinking you moron!”

Ha, Nono, you rock. I know what you mean. Normal people are so weird. One time I asked a woman if she thought everything is as it seems and she said yes. Whew. She totally bought into the company line – hook, line and sinking feeling in me.

Sorry there ain't no mousies scrabbling around the house this year. I think that dead mouse you smelt must have been mine. I feel like such a poser here this year, my fear makes me sneer and cry a tear and wipe a blear from the gear I try to peer and shear so near. Oh my. Why? Know not I.

I think one must have hope to write. Still haven't done any of what I would call writing on a book, despite having ten thousand words of blabberment. I can't find any interest in it, and don't want to drag down the community vibe with my flat waveform. It is fun to read everyone's stuff, though.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

xoxo!

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Tommy, yeah, my thought as well. When I heared the creature gnawing I thought it was your mouse behind that wall, furiously trying to come through. When it become scilent and the iffy smell entered my nostrils… I thought, Tommies mouse story is in trouble. But I didn't have the guts to say it aloud. I kinda saw between the lines that never came along on DD.

I think our always clear sighted secret muse Mme Saundra said really wise thing today down there somewhere… that freakin yoga trip of yours is totally hillarious. Abandon the mice man and pleeeeeeease write your yoga experience. Then I want daily exerpts from it and I can laugh my big butt off.

May the font be with you too xoxoxox!

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checking in early this morning for me - didn't write one word yesterday. didn't mean not to write one word yesterday but that's how it worked out. I finished the night with a massive headache and an uncontrollable cough… the itchy irritating won't go away whatever you do cough… ugh. Woke up this morning with the same massive headache and no more holiday. So I am back to work. Will try to write over my lunch break if it isn't too crazy and probably tonight too unless I collapse.

my last line: “                                                .”


maybe today will be better
xo
la

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Love the cards Sandra…thanks for doing this everyday.  I find it inspiring even when I'm not doing much checking in with ya'll.
I'm writing everyday… I'm not trying to 'perform' like I did last year.  Steady as I go.. I think because I am pulling my first novel's draft together under the Nano Sky..  it's happening pretty organically right now…( damn .. I feel lucky with that one) I'm not feeling pressure like last year.  I'm a highly competitive person and in this moment I don't feel like I have to make the 50,000 words.  Too finish this first draft will be simply amazing to me… It needs a font load of editing and so what.  A first draft… wow.. I will have that by or before the end of the month… 

I know you all know all the right things to do to stay centered and focused on yourself. and…
remember… if it's too big and over whelming in the moment, take a look at what you have already done.  give yourself credit for that.  A good old pat on the back.  Imagine giving yourself some compassion and kindness for the job well-done that you already have done.
Breathe into the heart of yourself and feel that life force pumping steadily and evenly.  Let your heart be your guide.

One last thing… if it ain't fun… what the font?  What would make it a bit more fun?  Turn the music up and flail around the room like an idiot. 
love you guys… 
moi

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Sandra, I love that you draw the cards for us, too.  Thank you for taking the time to do this every day.   And Tom, that quote about the audience being a failure is hysterical!  It's not us…it's THEM! 

Oh NoNo, how very brave of you to put up an excerpt for a crowd that may not get it at all.  People have suggested wanting to read my novel later and I keep thinking “over-my-dead-body are you going to read some of this garbage!” 

But there are gems in all of our work, I know it.  Gems and then just whatever.  It will be interesting to see if we go back and mine the gems later or what we will do with these tomes.

I notice how I hate hate hate writing background detail, explanations, setting the scene.  The parts that are so enlivening are the parts that interest me, where the energy is.  But for some reason it's hard to stay where the energy is and I go back to setting the scene, introducing people.  Blah, the small talk.  Let's just avoid the small talk altogether and get to the gist of things.  The meat.  The essence.  The seed. 

Oh breathh, you are so right about music!  Last night I signed up for Pandora and tried to find 1930's music to help set the scene.  Ended up with Frank Sinatra, but oh well…close enough…  :)

So what if the audience is a failure?  Let's just all perform our hearts out today anyway! Just cuz we can.   Love, Kathy

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hi hello good morning to all of you, Sandra. I have wondered is it Saaandra or Saundra.  the sound of your name I mean. I call you Saundra. I like that.
hello Garbriele, Centria, Breathh, leigh anne, Andrea, Nono and  Tom. I think that is everyone. I have not written anything yet this morning. I have read, checked email, walked my dog, made some eggs, ate the eggs, gave some to poly and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. I find that I dread going to my book, like a panic feeling. Once I am there I know I will be okay. But I am avoiding it.
Do any of you find you spend way too much energy trying to please others. I am anxious over it probably about 80 percent of the time. Why can't I do what I need to do for myself ever. Not that I don't pamper myself. I don't mean that. It is just that I do things I don't want to so as not to “hurt” or disappoint others even when I am not totally comfortable with. Just had to get that off my chest.
I read somewhere up there. let me check. hold on. I think it was the part about the shear exuberance of the present moment no matter what its flavor. So for me, to forget about my worries and be here now. The rest will take care of itself if I stop obsessing about it and do the right thing no matter what.
Also keep reading over and over again that we basically have two choices in all aspects of our life, fear or love. 
good luck everyone today.
I hope your arm stops tingling Gabriele. maybe try typing with your arms at a different angle.
Oh and I talked to my son a little more last night via email and he seemed less depressed by the time we signed off. I think as the card says we have to face the worse scenario and then go from there. 

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Oh Sweet Gabrielle, I know just what you are saying.  I've been knowing that I haven't been able to connect with you as much as I would like to and thinking it's the time difference (except why didn't that interfere last year?) because by the time I get through all of the posts, yours is way, way, way up there at the top. I think we all want it to be like last year and it just isn't and next year is going to be different as well. It's like Christmas, as you get older it just doesn't seem the same.  But without you, sweets, for me, I'd think about skipping Christmas.  So hang in there and don't leave us.
Nono-my God, you posted an excerpt on FB?  You wildly brave woman you.  How come I didn't see that?  Now that I think about it, I joined a Nano thing there and forgot about it.  I hope that isn't the place you are talking about?  I keep it light on FB because I have such a diverse crowd of friends.  I'd get the same reaction you did if I tried to talk about any deep thoughts.  I've been asked what my novel is about a few times and I just kind of ignored that whole subject.  My bodatious ta's ta's?  That got a huge response, biggest ever.  ;0)  Oh, and I live in Mormon country.  Multiple wives are no longer allowed - those people with all the wives are extremist. 
Andrea - I missed last months posts so I thought you were talking cinnamon roll and got all hungry for one but I guess oatmeal's okay too.  As you contemplate the cards, remind yourself that you are not a failure, no no, that husband and boss of yours are failures in their roles.  This does not reflect on who you are. And remember you can call me anytime.
Tommy - Thumbs crossed, as Nono says (I get the weirdest looks when I say that) that your story presents itself soon, like today maybe.  You know there is one in there, you are just fighting it or something.  Maybe - dare I say it? - maybe the little mouse is dead this year?  Maybe there is another character there or from last year that would like to be heard?  Just a thought.  And you are so funny even when you are down in the dumps that you don't bring us anything other than joy so please keep talking.  We need you.  Everyone misses you.  Your quote for today gave me a big 'ol belly laugh.
Leigh Anne - keep an eye on yourself.  A lot of people with the swine flu start out with a scratchy throat.  Get thee to a doctor for some tamiflu if you keep feeling shitty.  The sooner the better. I know you don't feel good if you didn't write.
breathh - lovely to see you here.  I have an “almost” finished YA that I wrote several years ago and I almost, almost decided to work on that during Nano but stuck to the “rules” instead, afraid that it wouldn't work out.  It's nice to hear that this is working out for you and if it's still sitting around by Nano 2010 maybe I'll give it a shot.
Kathy - I hate trying to set the scene as well.  It feels so damn clunky.  I've asked before if I could write a book with nothing but dialogue and though I can't remember who told me and who the author was, it's been done!  That's the book that would just fall from my fingertips with no brain strain.
Jenni - You're so sweet.  Of course we all try to please.  We're (mostly) women and we were taught to do that, otherwise we'd be labeled a selfish bitch, right?  You are obviously tired of it and also aware of it so you've already taken the first step out of it.  Just keep taking little baby steps, push yourself a little, and you'll find your comfort zone.  I love your post, it feels like your blogs.  I could read a 1000 page novel of your meanderings.
Sandra, thank you for taking so much time with the cards, answering emails, reading Prose posts, etc.  You're amazing.
So far my tummy feels better today and my fever is gone so hopefully that was just some kind of weird 24 hour bug.  I have no ideas for my writing today so thumbs crossed I find something once I start typing. 
Love, Peace & Chicken Grease,
Ayla

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Thanks, Ayla sweetheart! I feel awful, but I've felt awful quite a lot the past couple of days, it's building up, I suppose - the time of year, my hormones, the writing process and, last but not least, my good old moodiness. It's good be able to share get some extra love!  :) 

Extremist sounds good. How do they call those with multipel wives AND husbands? I've been putting out several marriage proposals over the last coupe of weeks. Haven't told my husband yet. It's a surprise.  ;)

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Ayla, I wanted to give them a shake as well, he he. That's why I thought, you asked for it. So far 2 comments actually :) and its amazing with their verbality over there.
1:st comment:
”Gooood Pirjo!!!”
2:nd comment:
”Wow, I wanna read it.”

So I'm pretty much overwhelmed that so many and so plenty gave me feedback, raah raah raah :) 

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lmao Nono

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Hi all;
This writing journey is an interesting one, that's for sure.  Finished my 'i' story last night - it's about a woman who loses letters, not the kind you send to your Aunt Millie, she literally loses the letters of the alphabet and can't speak or write because she can't find the letters. Sort of where I am this morning.  What usually happens is that I'll be 3/4 of the way through the story and a word for the next letter will pop up for me.  Didn't happen while I was writing 'i'…can't seem to find a word for 'j' that jumps off the page…anybody have any goofy j words they can think of?  I'd love to read some if anyone's got a minute!!
Off to contemplate the 'j's in life…
happy writing to all my fellow brave journeyers (is that a word?”)
poetjo

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Jenni, Ayla already said it all beautifully. I had a hard time writing today as well. Had to do it by hand, will try a different angle when I dare using my left again, thanks. Yoga was great. We did some exercises that were perfect for hands, arms, neck and shoulders. My teacher is an intuitive genius. There is hope.

:)

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GG. Touched reading you. Feeling your lovely, open vulnerability. You are one of the 'pillars' here. I think Pillars often feel left out when in fact if they were left out everything would collapse in a big heap.
And sending love and soft gentle strokes to the sore parts.

Nono.. no magic? With that story? I'm amazed. And I also know what you are describing, we do look for a certain 'feeling' when we write, and it is magic when it happens, but… sadly, it's as fleeting as orgasm. But.. I think you ARE magic, so hang in there. Let yourself write ANYTHING, remember? Maybe you need a day of letting something 'else' come up? and ps. Did you know that are very attractive when you are irritated??!

Leigh-Anne… oh just the biggest hugs. I don't worry about you not writing, you never have trouble writing in the most extreme situations, you've just 'got it'. That thing. You don't really need things like NaNo to force you to write. no need to pressure yourself on top of everything else.  To me at least, feels like it doesn't matter if you leave it till whenever, your story will be written. I know this.

Tom, oh dearest tom. I think perhaps it is sometimes hardest for the brilliant ones, the ones with massive talent. I'm not saying this to boost your ego. I think it's true. You were, at some point, talking about not having any ideas. What about, I know this feels sacrilegious to a great fiction writer like you, but what about simply telling some childhood tales? They don't have to be dark ones, but whatever, the first time you learned to tie a knot. Whatever. (I can hear you saying something witty and flapping me away but I'm SERIOUS). And, I know it's not ten years ago, but that mad crazy adventure you had not so long ago, the yoga peeeps? Now THAT is a story I want to hear you tell. It's hilarious, touching, real, bizarre, over the top and fabulous. Write it for me, please?

Jenni. You made me grin! Well it's certainly not Sand-dra as in sand on the beach. Although there are one or two people who say it like this and I love it. I think it's more Sahrndra. ? Is that Suandra? maybe… I'll have to record it and send a link.. and I hope you read the bit I added on Day Ten. Basically agreeing with andrea and saying I don't think there are any bad students, only bad teachers.

As for : It is just that I do things I don't want to so as not to “hurt” or disappoint others even when I am not totally comfortable with. Just had to get that off my chest. I”m like this too. In my case I try to become aware of when this is from a real place of caring, or just me not wanting to deal with the fallout, the uncomfortability that *I* feel if someone is upset. It's often the latter. I've slowly become easier with it, but my instinct is always to 'make nice'…

And, ditto to what Ayla said. I loved reading your post.

Everyone who thanked me for doing the cards. Thank *you*. You know, last night, so tired, doing that, (it sometimes takes me about half an hour or more to do it, ) I felt, why am I doing this? It's exhausting, but when I got to the bit I where I sort of freefall some stuff about the card and how it relates to writing, I felt totally fine, a big 'yes' this is absolutely what I must do, right now. It's perfect. It's for me.

Me.

Long writing day. almost 4000 words. Feels good. Feels right. And I was afraid to start, this morning. I do have fears about this story. Where is it going? Will it all fizzle out when I get to the Big Thing that' I'm heading for? Well, I'll just have to see. Luckily I seem to be able to take my time, not hurry to get whereever it is I'm going.

I had a little fun with some of the last lines posted, trying to make them fit together. I imagine other people would be far better than me at this, but this is what I came up with:

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p.s. wondering how Deb & Nancy are doing today.. and you Meenakshi.. and Phil.. and Syn, and .. and. and….

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My earlier posting/answer to you Sandra was eaten by the Gaia post-eater-monster and what have we (not) learned to do? TAKE A COPY BEFORE POSTING! Yes mama will do now.

You are a genious woman. I was stuck in an uninteresting High Council meeting on Malkien and since we know them, those guys don't speak! That meeting is therefore suckin bad. Smacking forehead.
And my story has been linear… sigh, that sucks too. Time to jump.

I have not written anything today and I will keep this day off. Then, from tomorrow I will bring the sream back in the picture, steam that makes windows drip! And perhaps some sentimental drivel to make it weepy? and some blood… oh yes, we need blood… will be cooking tonite.

God, I sway from one end to another just in matter of hours, How can you guys stand out with me? Cos I'm not.

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Nono, brave warrior woman, hammer on, there are brighter days ahead of us, but apparently these times of trouble and draught are the price for getting there. How can you manage being active in another community with all things going on? I'm amazed. I know others do it as well. I have a hard time keeping up with this one here! Am I getting old?

(Always have to think of Maurice Chevalier in Gigi when I hear that line ;)

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GG, how come do YOU manage the MM thing and comment on other threads here on DD is an enigma to me. Facebook is not that advanced. People there tend to say: ”Yay, I have to hurry to my training now, c-ya laters!”, ”Hooray HV (out local ice-hockey team), really great match today. Lundberg was awesome today!” and yadda yadda yadda… so my “activity” is extremely marked off.

You ROCK Gabriele :)

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Facebook is not that advanced…Lundberg was awesome today!” and yadda yadda

Splattered my screen laughing!

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Saundra ;) thank you. Very much. That was beautiful.  Lovely reading you, what you said to everybody, not just me. Forgot to mention my last line today. Unfortunatel I also forgot that last line thing. The last of the page before was much nicer. Oh well. Here comes my uneventful one.

Like a robot I opened the door and got out of the car.

Writing was really unpleasant today. Not because of my hand, because of well, the writing. I have no idea why I had to go to that pointless scene out of my character's past, but I dutifully jotted it down, 2141 painful words of uninspired writing. God, let tomorrow be a day of abundent inpiration, or else…!

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GG… :-)) I had your day yesterday.

God, let tomorrow be a day of abundent inpiration, or else…!

Have you tried drugs?? I mean your story is about a BAND isn't it?! Maybe you need to get into the mood. Wear some punk rock clothes (or at least a mini skirt) for your writing session. Put on some loud music, light a cigarette, open a can of beer… ;-)

Actually I find music very very helpful for mood setting. But sometimes it takes me ages to find the 'right' piece. Lyrics unless they are foreign are a problem, mostly. I listened to a bit of Sinead O Connor's Troy which had the right mood but the words distracted me, even although they were sort of 'right'.

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I like your last-lines story, Sandra, made me laugh. And that was no easy feat this morning.

A very apt card you picked: Failure.

I failed to get enough sleep last night on accounta some idiots partying on the eve of 11-11-11, 'eve' to be interpreted as pretty well all night. I don't know what time they started on the bongos that someone had thought to bring… Partly I failed to get enough sleep because I was too stubborn to go immediately for the earplug (at least partial) solution, because when they woke me I thought, It's far too late, what right have they, don't they know, blah blah blah. Arguing with reality, as Byron Katie would say. Check.

Oh and I tried to post earlier, having thought of some 'j' words for poetjo, but gaia ate up my post, and it would seem, my words. Another failure. Check.

I failed to appreciate the bright sun I woke up to, but now that I've been up for a couple of hours and have had a small breakfast and first cup of coffee, I'm beginning to see the gift, the miracle. The Sun! After days and days of rain.

Ok, less grumpy now, I read the words here, every one, y'all are here, all's right with the world, or at least, I'm a little more ok with it being what it is.

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Oh, and I must be a slow writer indeed, I notice that three posts have been added since I started writing the one I just posted.

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Just felt like hugging someone and here you are Ruth. God I love you woman, grumpy or not.


(((((((((((((((((((( Ruth )))))))))))))))))))))) 

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Ruth.. don't know what time they started on the bongos that someone had thought to bring… hmm. Maybe they were supposed to be at Gabriele's not your place?…(see my post above..)

Sorry I'm being frivolous! Sending big big hugs. I have a sneaking suspicion I”m going to have a hard day tomorrow and will need reminding of things to be grateful for.

Actually I was just thinking how grateful I am to everyone here… all of you. I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for this group. For you Gabriele for getting us to do it last year..for the shares here,  for all the blood sweat and tears that everyone goes through. Thank you all, so so much.

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

Thank you Nono and Sandra, and everybody whose energy I'm feeling as I read here…

Perhaps a proper group hug is again in order (can there every be too many hugs?)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS EVERYBODY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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Andrea, thank you for this: There are many aspects to failure - one is learning and growth. Another is overcoming fear. And yet another is developing persistence -ance? 

Oh yes. Persistence, e or a, never mind. This definitely was the motto of the day. Failure is a big one, isn't it? Keeps coming up in all shapes and forms and tastes… Spur on, dear one.

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

I guess we're all our own audiences in a way, and the failures we see in ourselves are our fateful successes viewed wrong. And I want to chime in with more thanks to Sahndra (jenni, I think there's a wave file around here with Sandra saying her name (maybe) & other stuff if somebody can point you to it…it's awesome) for the elbow grease she puts into those cards. I thought that was time-consuming, and now I know. It sure is worth a goodly grease, to lube our spirits, dearie. Thank you. They really create a sacred space of thoughtfulness for each day and every quest. A focus and a path and an oracular shout out to our souls.

Woke up from a creepy dream this morning and had to share:

At our mountain cabin, rather a towering affair on a hillside, lots of vertical. With a mysterious friend, the dream avatar of Larry David, I think. I notice the top part seems disused, musty and neglected, and see some water running down through the roof. I take him inside to show him the damage, and bring my father in too. Under the eaves there's an angled white space reaching high up. I go to track down a flashlight and find one, already on, fyi. Three twisty fuzzy worms launch themselves at me from the wall and I make sure to brush them off asap, as it seems they are so fuzzy they could worm themselves right into me, much less the wall, like wormy corkscrews.

When I shine the light far up into the angled space, we see an amazing menagerie of creatures of the rot up there, almost alien in their weirdness, from grubworms and slime goobers to bats and spiders and insectoid mold-dwellers. Strange house-like growths of whitish leafy mold things. Several bats flap down and past us into the dim room. Lots of fuzziness up there, and dark poisonous activity. We discuss the problem briefly, then a swaddled newborn baby boy comes rolling down the angle like a log and plumps with a thump right into an open drawer at the bottom that shuts immediately. Doesn't seem odd at all, with what's all up there, and none of us really comment, but I tell my dad, “See, I don't even want to reach in that drawer because there's probably black widows in there.”

Then I wake up, with the feeling I need to become active and a last line in my head: Turn you to a traveling show.

So guess it's time for me to run off and join the circus, gang. Off to find my destiny!

Anyway, this failure thread is the best yet.

poetjo, your letter story is marvelous. Sounds like James Thurber. James, jolly, jack, jimson (weed), jerky, jujubee (beans), jet, jiffy, jocularity, jest, jist, jacarinda (sp?), junior, jump, jabber, joy (prob. some dupes from Nancy's list, but didn't check).

jenni, I know what you mean about people pleasing. It's not just a female trait. Us sissy boys got it too, that is dudes with a strong feminine side, I guess. For me it's the only motivation I have, since it's impossible to please myself, so it's kind of a lifesaver.

Sandra, thanks for the talent thing. I agree I can sling some mean lingo, but facility with words is nice. Nothing can make up for a strong work ethic. Willpower is talent. So glad to hear of your good work day, and loved the ending line bit.

Gabriele, I agree, the bad cards are good too. My failure buddy. We shall overcome. You are so beautiful.

Andrea, oatmeal is the meal from me, served from your hand it is nourishment indeed.

Ruth, thank you for the sun reminder, and hoping still for family reconciliation in your heart.

Nono, sure do love you and the circus wagon you fell off of. You know I had a mouse scrabbling in the wall of my bedroom one night, right about the time you did, I think. No stink though, but a very weird night. Your FB pals sound about right.

Ayla, keep those thumbs crossed, dear one. Very glad to hear you're feeling better. Write on.

la, hope your cough went away. I hate those, where you cough and it still doesn't feel better. Maybe today will be better!

Centria, that's interesting what you say about hating the background detail. Reminds me of my drawing days, when I always hated the decorative parts. I finally ended up drawing only faces, since that was where the action always was. Keep at it, write what you love.

Hey Nancy, missed your long post today. I've noticed you seemed a little shy about posting too much. I love your posts so much you can't post enough for me.

And to everybody else, much love!

Tom

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Hey Tom, failure buddy, that's nice! I hope you count those dream words in your word count today? They absolutely belong there in my humble opinion. I agree with Sandra 100% about your writing. What on earth can we do to do what you do so well? I have no idea what that yoga story is about, but I definitely want to read it! You are the best. Absolutely let me know when your circus comes to town - make sure you pick one that travels Germany!

:)

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AND ditto to what Gabriele said, tom. I nearly always hate reading people's dreams (except for that sexy one you wrote of course, gg! ) but that one? God.
xoxo

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

Tom, jenni... this is for you…. how to pronounce my name ;-)
(I stay up too late too, gg!… arrrgh)

And yes, big big group hug to everyone.

Night night.

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

poetjo - here's the first words that come to mind:  juxtaposition, jelly, jacket, jam, juggle, jar, jettison, jungle, jade, juicy, judge, jostle, jail, jockey, jewlry, junk, and jazzercise.  With your imaginative ideas and wonderful writing, you could probably write circles around any one of them.  Loved the “lost letters” thing.  How clever. 

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OMG Sandra, if only you knew… I haven't even gotten to the band stuff yet! It's not that kind of band, I'm afraid. God, I'm going to have to find someone to type the story from my great plot description, cause it ain*t happenin' over here, baby!

Seriously. How long, Lord, am I going to have to write the stuff I'm writing until the real story begins? The good one with all the action, brilliant dialog and a setting I want to stay in forever? Maybe I should go to sleep with that question and dream up the answer? Will let y'all know how it went.

Everybody, I have a crisis. I'm exhausted and frustrated, I stay up too long, today was way too busy, my body hurts, my hand falls off and my writing sucks (there! I said it!!) - I only pray this is one of those NaNo crisis things they have been talking about and not how the rest of my life is going to be like.

Made myself smile. Anyway, sorry but I'm not functioning well today. Didn't even manage to make that collage I had in me this morning.

Nancy, poetjo, Nono, Sandra, Ruth, Andrea, jenni, Tom, Syn, Jeanne, Azyh, Rob, Phil, Mary, Kathy, Leigh-Anne, Ayla… I just hope nobody was left out? You all  make this years NaNo amazing. I think we are an absolutely amazing bunch. Bless you all.

Good night, everybody. Tomorrow is another day.

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

Oh - ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((group hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It's not quite 3pm and I'm done for the day.  26,420.   My son kept bugging me (imagine that) but on one of his chats while I was trying to write he asked what my story was about, I told him and he came up with a brilliant idea.  I was resistant at first because he'd been throwing all kinds of crazy stuff at me and I hadn't asked for help to begin with but …yeah, one idea really floated my boat-ed. 
So, I forgot to pay attention to my last line - that means it will probably be stupid or boring - well, let's have a looksee - Microsoft Word spelling and grammar will undoubtedly tell me this is a fractured sentence.  So be it.

On the other hand, maybe it's perfectly appropriate.

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I'd hug you all but I am pretty snorky and drippy, not to mention still hacking up a lung. Tom dearest, you are right unproductive coughs not only stink, they hurt. I am tired of coughing… lazy ass cough doing nothing… *grumble* I am loading up on the usual vit c, echinacea, tea etc sleep would be good too - but font I just want to write. I had no time today at lunch because I was called to a meeting (good meeting though, we are going to be serving 1600 children Christmas dinner over 12 days in December) but FONT I want to write. I am going to write now for a bit before I get too tired and crash. Damn my bag of mostly water body.

(((((( air hug ))))))

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sandra.  I love the way you say your name. sexy and I want your accent.
Gabriele, I am sad when you are sad so tomorrow will be a better day. I know it.
huggies to all of you. was that really a dream tom? a baby falling out of the rafters?
that could be a story if it isn't already.
hope you feel better Leigh Anne and hey there as always sweet ayla. Hi ntexas99
asta la vista whatever to everyone. this might be it or maybe not.

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Hey Seeandy! Thanks for letting me know how to bug you. Always important for girls. Will try not to tug your pigtails but not sure I can stop myself.

Yep, jenni, that was a real dream. That angled space had a wall angled down at about 60 degrees and that baby came rolling down it like a log. Pretty weird. Could be a story, or a new sport, baby rolling. The strangest thing I thought in the dream is that none of us were nonplussed by it. Oh yeah, another darn baby rolling down the wall. One usually feels compassion for babies, but it was up there with the bats and spiders and their gooey compatriots. How's this for a story title: Baby of the Worms

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

Hey ayla, I tweeted your primo last sentence: On the other hand, maybe it's perfectly appropriate.

You're famous!

Re: DAY ELEVEN - 2009

do you wonder why you might be dreaming about babies falling out of rafters. very strange and landing in a drawer. bizarro.
I had a dream this morning. long and involved but there were some really little slippers in it. I couldn't figure out where they came from. Maybe they belong to your baby.
bat baby.

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Well, how cool is that.  I've never been tweeted before. And Tom's baby dream?  Easy!  A new birth that he just isn't all that interested in exploring because there might be icky bugs there!  I had to laugh about the slippers. 

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O.k., would somebody just call an exterminator to rescue the baby. Or maybe not. Was this a sci-fi dream, Tom? Would the baby eventually wind up expelling all of the insects during burping and diaper changes? Gross! Fine, leave the baby in the drawer.

jenni, what if the slippers were meant for the baby? What if we all start having these weird interconnected dreams where I have to give something in my dream to one of you? How will I know which symbol means what? Who is it for?

I was at the doctors' office today from 11:30 until 4:00 P.M. Mostly waiting. Then my mom and I bolted downtown to the fabric district where I found this beautiful patterned plum silk velvet which I am going to make into an Edwardian dress. I bought the original Edwardian dress on ebay, but it had been eaten by a mouse. Tom, was it yours? So, now, I am going to use the mouse-hole dress for pattern and sew the whole thing by hand. Fun, huh?

Leigh-Anne, I have such sympathy for you having the nonproductive cough. I still have hints of that awful asthma that had me down for weeks. I hope your cough won't stick around like that. Try some fresh boiled chamomile tea. If nothing else, it will let you sleep peacefully.

Ayla, congratulations on reaching the halfway point. Also on your first tweet. How exciting.

Gabriele, I love you. I do not want your hand to fall off. I know tomorrow will be a better day. I love the idea of dreaming what you want to happen. Please try that.

Nancy, Ruth, Nono, Poetjo, Kathy, of course Sandra, and anyone else who has only been reading today, this has been a very nurturing nano thread. Sandra, I promise not to call you Se-andy with a nice Chicaw-go accent. It is so not fitting.

I am going to write now. I have to write my characters out of their do-nothing lives and see if they won't at least try something mildly exciting. They aren't really cooperating, but I keep trying. I feel like I'm writing Seinfeld right now.

Love to all

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I found this beautiful patterned plum silk velvet which I am going to make into an Edwardian dress.
Andrea! you can sew!  I'm so envious.…

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Yeah, she can sew… Font I WANT AN EDWARDIAN DRESS as well!!!!! Pls, a pic on that pretty you?
Sandra… you think she's sewing during the NaNo? How does people do that? Have hobbies alongside the sisyfos job?
I envy her too. Plum silk velvet… my gooood, take me awes.

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ok, I am bleary eyed and should have gone to bed a few hours ago, but I decided to write instead. I'm up to 23,136… poor Bruce, stuck on life support, held in between, what is going to happen to him? dunno. A mysterious package was delivered to Lila early on in the story, but then Hal had his accident, and her ex got the crap beaten out of him and she forgot about it. Hal found the box and put it on the kitchen table for her, and seconds later, it crashed to the floor.

anyway, going to sleep now. my last line:

He wondered how many loose elastics a person needed to keep - just in case.

big hugs everyone xo

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Yay! la-

 You are amazing even with the nagging cough and look what you accomplished.

I am quitting for the night at 25,150. Over the halfway mark, just barely. The character that wanted to make things happen entered the scene tonight, and I really liked what came out. It moved the story forward. Not that it hadn't been moving forward, but it needs to keep going - not necessarily plodding, and it was feeling too ploddy earlier.

Glad to see Meenakshi posted an excerpt. Too tired to tackle it now, but I will tomorrow.

love and hugs

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I did not get anything written yesterday.  We've been in the throes of adverting a little war (the possibility of guns included) between feuding parties in the wild valley we live in.

Heading off NOW to see how much I can write this morning, before that is interrupted by child, business, partner or spouse (the later - one and the same).

More on Day Twelve's thread later.  I am going to try and read some of Sandra's work before bedtime tonight.

Happily wording today -
Deb