Gaia: DIVING DEEPER: A Writing Workshop - Truly Bad Writing

Re: dribbling from the brain

http://waterheart.gaia.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 21:51:15 GMT

Dear Sandra...this has inspired a story called the journey and I used this piece in it....and I gave you credit....thanks for the inspiration.

Re: 15 minutes of my head

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 23:36:37 GMT

well absolutely no yawns or rapid blinking happening here. And yes, there is structure, something very cohesive running through this piece. Actually it's quite musical, rhythmic -- which is partly what makes it such a lovely (and easy) read. I don't feel plodding, it is more like I'm taken on a ride, one that has ups and downs and merry go rounds and a few gentle pauses. I feel an intelligence running through this voice, this character -- something to do with eloquence and an attractive introspection. It's also as if they have the gift of the gab and yet haven't fully allowed this to come through - perhaps they were once told it was 'too much'.

This was quite wonderful:

There it is, the I-don't-have-anything-to-say thought, I have moments of epiphany and expressed it and got the oohs and aahs I myself uttered as I wrote it and somehow that has brought me to this very moment, this very excersise.

And I loved this line, amongst many others: I feel like a chicken pecking blindly at the ground for the graceful expressions thrown through the fence by others.

Wonderful dive. More please!

Re: 15 minutes of my head

http://yhd52754.gaia.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:40:22 GMT

Chamaya,

I really like how the environment becomes part of the experience of actually writing here. I smile at "the sobs, the drama" and then the question "because of my writing ? " That works with the lead in of the uncertain writer. And I laugh out loud at the "Golly. I DO have an effect." Ah, well yes, see above, you do.

I love the stream-of-consciousness / abandon this piece expresses, just before and at the 7 min mark. A great demonstration of why to attempt some TBW. I suspect it might be harder than it at first appears it would be.

TBW - ah, I am learning to define it from you, with this your effort - totally disorganized, no structure (ooo, too much like my NaNo effort last month, yikes - TBW?). Yet, I still sense structure - uncertainty, surrender, success - a logical progression of the process. Perhaps, it really is not possible to think and not organize the thoughts.

Ahhh, I like the ending too. Visions of grandeur, the secret longing of some, perhaps most, if they were honest about it. Something the reader can easily believe or relate to.

Time flies when you're having fun. I sensed the I-character "writer" did have fun with this. Maybe I will give it a try sometime.

Deb

15 minutes of my head

http://chamaya.gaia.com — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 23:26:29 GMT

And...go! How do I begin this? Shoving myself into the desires of my friends who keep telling me to write, that somewhere in me is a talent worth developing. Ah ha. Yet something calls, here I am , marking the moments with the ticks of the keyboard. I hear the voice overs of an classsic movie running in another window, the sobs, the drama, because of my writing? Golly. I DO have an effect. I resonate with this, the challenge to not only keep my fingers moving but to suspend that it has to impress, "thank you" I hear in a very proper British accent as I type that...timing? There it is, the I-don't-have-anything-to-say thought, I have moments of epiphany and expressed it and got the oohs and aahs I myself uttered as I wrote it and somehow that has brought me to this very moment, this very excersise. My fingers are complaining of charly horses, fishing for a reason to stop. And how easy in this world of virtuality, how easy to press Delete and watch it all fade away and no-one would know. But that thought, that one back there, would laugh, shake its head laughing as it walks away into the mist of my mind. So, I stand my ground and urge the fingers on. Go Team Go! You know what's funny? It's only been 7 minutes. Pause. I have been wanting to do this for so long. If I am crap at it, so be it. I will get it out here anyway and launch it with a Send into the world. My ugly duckling of an essay. And why should it be bad? What makes it fit the bill? I think its bad cause it's all over the place, it is simply my thoughts falling into pixelation before my very eyes. Surely truly great writing impresses and truly bad writing bores, elicting yawns and rapid blinking to just stay connected. I want to write well. I want to flow. I want to find it surprisingly easy. Like breathing, carried in its flow. This feels like a drunken stagger through the desire within me to skim the surface of language, dipping down my hand for this word and then that and stringing them together with eloquence upon the horizon for all to see and applaud. Oh god, did I just write that?? Right bout now though I feel like a chicken pecking blindly at the ground for the graceful expressions thrown through the fence by others. Arg. And on that ever so happy note, times up! Funny, seems faster than I thought.

Re: another one

http://GabrieleStehle.gaia.com — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:29:40 GMT

Hi Karen, good to see you back and taking another dive. You really got me curious here: i love the city. and i long for the country. the peaceful quiet and…. and a though oh noooo i can't write this.

Oooohhh, how I'd love to know what it was that could not be written! ;) I can only second Sandra, keep going, write more (and possibly longer) and go where the energy is - the 'oh no, I can't write this' might be a gate into something really, really terrific... it usually is.

Do you know the Diving Deeper precepts? Write whatever comes up, don't edit (!!!), go fearward...? Absolutely try the fearward one, knowing you don't have to show it to anybody if you don't want to. But it's sooo freeing, you'll see. To just say it, write it, whatever comes up? You might not want to stop anymore. :)

Very much looking forward to seeing you around!

Re: another one

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:32:28 GMT

I loved this piece... so many lines stood out for me:

writing to me feels intimate

i am thetyoe of person who will find comfort andstay there. not at all entirelygood for my health.

damp oranges muted reds and browns and greys

Very nice dive. Wondering where it might go if the time was, say 40, mins and not 20?!

another one

http://AliveLight.gaia.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:57:16 GMT

hi, its me again,... i wrote a couple of weeks back and i have to say that i feel a little nervous - as if i should have , no i don't want to say should. it is was it is. what is it? procrastination. i procrastinate. why i do not know. perhaps well i think it is something to do iwth intimacy. writing to me feels intimate. words on paper that express something of myself to others. unsure of how i willbe perceived. its that old well known thought of will i be heard will i be accepted. i know that one well, and it gets in the way of my creativity. of my deep desire to speak or express.
oh no...i am writing and censoring and typing and erasing ... interesting to see myself doing that. my heart is opening i can feel it.. this writing is taking me out of my comfort zone and that is where i need to be - out of my comfort zone. i am thetyoe of person who will find comfort andstay there. not at all entirelygood for my health. fine after a good day of creating and xpressing or serving in some way, but not when mycomfort zone ---- oooh losing juice here. too much thinking. no thinking. no thinking. ok here i am feet flat on the floor smells of tibetan insense lingering from over 2 hours ago. its raining lightly. its cooler now. and not cold. damp. yes damp oranges muted reds and browns and greys. sounds of city leaves off trees are revealing the city beyond them. cars and buildings. i love the city. and i long for the country. the peaceful quiet and.... and a though oh noooo i can't write this. i've dediciated 15 minutes and 3 are left...i am stunned. shoulders speaking heaviness. blankness. im laughing now, i just read my piece and i feel like i cheated. ok really laughing. am i the only one laughing. yes. my time is up. stunned again. smiling. i must now hit send. oh i can attacha picture too. next time. i love pictures. thank you for listening, if you do. oooooh hard to hit send. stare-ing.bla

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:30:30 GMT

As with all TBW pieces, I loved this. I too am sorry it took us a couple of days to dig it up out of the flurry of NaNoWriMo posts. I loved the movement, the shift, the realisation:

what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved
would i survive the freedom?

It landed as really quite brilliant for me.

And the ending..
Actually is this the first TBW poem we have? If not the first, one of few. And of course, absolutely NOT Truly Bad.

Love,
Sandra

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://GabrieleStehle.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:31:07 GMT

Uh-oh, just good this wasn't an emergency, Kaitlyn, or you would, indeed, have drowned like in that prophetic line above:

or worse drown unseen un helped un noticed un rescued

Or actually, I did see you, like Ruth, and meant to come back later... well, here I am, MUCH later (and thanks to Ruth who lead the way).

Welcome to Diving Deeper. I think you can safely assume that you have jumped. :)

I very much enjoyed your introduction, the playfulness, the skill, the sensuous detail. Loved this line:

would i survive the freedom?

Looks like you'll be just fine!

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:15:09 GMT

Kaitlyn, I'm so sorry that in the flurry of NaNo activity your introductory post went unnoticed. Well, not unnoticed really, I for one read it a couple of days ago and thought I would get back to it... (famous last thoughts)

I love how you describe the fear, the reluctance to jump into the waters

because what pray tell me what would happen if I let go gave in free fell, and was lacking it
the it the thing the undefined inexpressible something that helps the swimmers stay afloat...

and how that isn't even the worst fear, but (!)

what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved
would i survive the freedom?

and the hanging in mid air, undecided.

Then, as you say in your addendum, having to hit Send 3 times before it finally posted. My dear, I think you jumped all right!

Thank you, and welcome to DD!

Ruth

Oh, and if this is 'bad', I can't wait to see what you consider 'good' writing. :)

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:54:06 GMT

my husband and i have been invited to attend a workshop on Love, Sex and Communication.

Oh, I"m very much looking forward to a Truly Bad Writing account of this AliveLight!

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://AliveLight.gaia.com — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:47:01 GMT

ok this is exciting. i am amazed at all of your detailed feedback and encouragement. and i sit here dumfounded trying to find more words to express my appreciation and gratitude for so freely offering your responses. Gabriele, i laughed out loud when you said "and I don't just say that to be polite. You can rely on that. I'm German, I don't do 'polite'. " i think im in the right place.

look forward to the exploring some more. and im torn because in a few minutes im off to a weekend workshop and i really just want to do this again. anyway the workshop should be good - my husband and i have been invited to attend a workshop on Love, Sex and Communication. it's all good. it's all art. and it all ties in together. thanks again.
be back soon.
karen.
Karen.

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://chaitanyadevi.gaia.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:47:15 GMT

and in the spirit of indecisiveness, i received the "your connection has been re set" screen, and had to hit re send 3 times before this decided to post...

maybe I have jumped after all

A truly wretched introduction :)

http://chaitanyadevi.gaia.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:43:39 GMT

Fifteen minutes.
And I waste them
Siting watching the endless mindless ticking away of time
With my toes in the water
begging my self to jump JUMP jump?
in

The sweet water caresses, eases supports and graces me
but i do not dare surrender

because what pray tell me what would happen if I let go gave in free fell, and was lacking it
the it the thing the undefined inexpressible something that helps the swimmers stay afloat

could I take this plunge only to drown?

or worse drown unseen un helped un noticed un rescued
if i am not any of the glowing words I have been praised with
and just
lacking

but the failure does not terrify me
it is the feeling of home in the cool sweet water lapping at my purple toes
what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved

would i survive the freedom?

my heart beats faster and time melts faster then i can count it dripping flying past
leaving me suspended
mid leap
to stubborn to be bent to the will of gravity
i will hang here

undecided

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:29:17 GMT

Karen, I applaud you for diving right in, for writing whatever came up without hesitation, for barreling through the fear---the fear of sounding crazy, the fear of boring readers, and maybe the biggest fear of all for a writer---the fear of discovering that what the inner critic keeps taunting us with is true.

Hurray, you have done exactly what DD tries to teach. Well done!

I'm really looking forward to reading more from you.

Ruth

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:10:53 GMT

I ditto Gabriele's comments, Karen.
I'm smiling as I've just left you a note on your introduction thread, and you've done everything I suggested already! Not to mention you've written more than most for this assigment, so I think writing slowly or getting words down is NOT an issue for you!

I was actually very touched reading this. I felt let inside a character, not just their mind/thoughts, but their heart. The piece expressed and 'showed' so well what all writers (as far as is my experience) go through. That deep desire to communicate, to move others, and at the same time the desire to simply express, for the sake of expression, for the sheer joy of it. Both strands of desire were so clear here as to be almost palpable. And oh yes, I did read 'downto here' absolutely delightedly. I loved the moment-by-moment feel of it, as if I were right inside this character, as if I were this character, looking, feeling, thinking, typing ... it was a ride I'd happily go on again, and again.

What comes through so often in these pieces is such wonderful lack of self-consciousness, even when this is expressed as happening -- there is no manipulation or 'clever' writing that so often gets in the way of truth and vulnerability.

Lovely work, Karen.

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://GabrieleStehle.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:07:30 GMT

Karen, by the end I was feeling exhilerated too! :) Thank you for being so brave. It was a fun read, and I don't just say that to be polite. You can rely on that. I'm German, I don't do 'polite'. ;)

I always find it interesting to look into someones head, and the more honest that voice or character comes across, the more interested I am. Not to mention emotional response when the writing is emotionally true. The change between thinking and moments of truth that come from a 'deeper' place is wonderful to witness. I like the excitedness of the beginning, the wanting to do it right and all the thoughts about making sense and coming across and writing something meaningful... I don't think there is anybody on Diving Deeper who couldn't relate to that!

There are some parts where the focus shifts and presence starts to happen on a different level.

Like here:

i feel like i just dove in and a feeling of exhiliaration is happeneing. like i just dove into cold water. i am alive.

That's lovely. Direct and personal, touching to witness the shift.

And this:

and whoever reads this might think i am a nut. i laugh. oh my go. thisis really quacky. i am laughing. just before midnight. the fireplace is firing and my tea just got cold.

From thinking about a possible reader to laughing, a fire place and tea that has gone cold. All of the sudden I'm in the room with this character, laughing, sensing the warmth of the fire and the coldness of the tea.

And then this:

i am in no way really communicating anything i don't think anyway. justing streaming off the top of my head. but i do feel a sense of exhilaration. i am happy. i am happy to be doing this and i hop ethat i can do more of this. i hope that i don't bore anyone with my stuff, and iff i do i want to know . i want to know all the stuff. i want all the good and the bad. i want to be able to take the critiques and work with them.

So much communicated in this bit that is about not really communicating! :) The exhilaration and happiness of just doing it. The worry to be boring (oh, who here wouldn't know about that worry?), and then, after the thoughts about meaning and quality which ring so true and come across with such endearing honesty, something I find very beautiful.

i think this is going to really make a differnece to the world you know. ya because if i am able to write in a way that people listen then i willbe ble to say all the good things that i have in side . doing that will spread a good thing and the world can sure use a good thing.

Something about this voice that touches me with an almost childlike quality. Innocence. Honesty. Just going there and bringing it up, letting it through in the writing.

wow time just slowed down. this might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. i wonder if anyone is giong to read all the way downto here.

Well, I did. Twice even. :)

what if nobody gives me any feedback. i can't beieve i am saying all these things.

Lovely. I just love to be included in the directness of this experience. Thank you for posting it!

Well, looks to me like you found your way in, Karen. Absolutely on the right track, just keep going. Looking forward to more!

think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://AliveLight.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:07:32 GMT

love this name up called truly bad writing. ok i am thinking that i should just write and not stop and thinik whichi is what i always do. and maybe i should just not evenlook at the screen or re-read what i write because then that stopes me and i go back and change everything. sometimes ive not only changed things, but i delete the wholething and start all over again. and again. then so much time has passed and i've lost the whole essence of what i wanted to write inthe first place. so i honestly and truly want to be able to write my thoughts in some kind of stream that makes sense to the reader. and i wold like to be able to communicate my thoughts in a way the is perceived by the reader as exactly what i am communication. if thatmakes any sense. i am not looking back. i am not correcting my bad spelling or grammer or anything. this is somewhat difficult and it feels a ittle exhilarating too. wow it really does kind of feel like the title of this thing is "diving Deeper". yes that is kind of what i feel. No its not its just Diving in. i feel like i just dove in and a feeling of exhiliaration is happeneing. like i just dove into cold water. i am alive. and i am grateful that this is here and that i am taking the opportunity -- oh oh i am starting to think. i just looed back. i am thinking of what to write. oohh i just want to swim without thinking and write and write and make sense. but how cani make sense if i am not thinking. that doesn't make sense. and whoever reads this might think i am a nut. i laugh. oh my go. thisis really quacky. i am laughing. just before midnight. the fireplace is firing and my tea just got cold. no words wow there is a blank a real blank in my head. i am also wondering if i am doing this right, you know an di have about 5 minutes left i think. so ya, how will this be percieved. i am in no way really communicating anything i don't think anyway. justing streaming off the top of my head. but i do feel a sense of exhilaration. i am happy. i am happy to be doing this and i hop ethat i can do more of this. i hope that i don't bore anyone with my stuff, and iff i do i want to know . i want to know all the stuff. i want all the good and the bad. i want to be able to take the critiques and work with them. i think this is going to really make a differnece to the world you know. ya because if i am able to write in a way that people listen then i willbe ble to say all the good things that i have in side . doing that will spread a good thing and the world can sure use a good thing. oh no, i think i am really starting to sound corney. ha ha ha ha oh there is stilla couple of inutes left and wow time just slowed down. this might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. i wonder if anyone is giong to read all the way downto here. i wonder if i'll be able to read other peoples stuff all the way down to heere. ok i am blank again. one minute left. slower. blan . exhilarated. stoppingnow. i look forward to feedback. i really look forward to feedback in some way. what if nobody gives me any feedback. i can't beieve i am saying all these things. great. siginng off now. thank you.:)
Karen.

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://cleaningdishes.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:38:29 GMT

That was a real Rush to read Ruth. It was also a good reminder of the inner critic, that has a talent for ruining a potent sentence. And not only that,
the trickster critic is good at writing paralysis; when you're just about ready
to start writing, when that pen is in hand, and poised to attack that empty space on a sheet of note book paper, the critic jumps inbetween you and that
wordless page and yells stop !!! who do you think you are ! a writer ??? are you kidding or what?! Why don't you do something useful, stop making a fool of your self, don't embarrass your self and your family, don't be ridiculous, leave the writing to the writers. Get out of bed and get to work , you know , the real world ! instead of the fantasy land your living in...

Peter

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:22:22 GMT

Jen: You donut know I will have to remember that one.

You're welcome to it, it's not mine though. I remembered it from the Mambo Kings, from the scene where the brothers appeared on I Love Lucy (or some later incarnation of that show). Lucy asked Antonio Banderos some question (don't remember what) and he looked up something in his little translation book and replied "I donut know." I remember silly things.

Sandra: I actually felt a kind of release of pressure myself after reading this.

So did I, I love this kind of writing...