Gaia: DIVING DEEPER: A Writing Workshop - Truly Bad Writing

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:30:30 GMT

As with all TBW pieces, I loved this. I too am sorry it took us a couple of days to dig it up out of the flurry of NaNoWriMo posts. I loved the movement, the shift, the realisation:

what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved
would i survive the freedom?

It landed as really quite brilliant for me.

And the ending..
Actually is this the first TBW poem we have? If not the first, one of few. And of course, absolutely NOT Truly Bad.

Love,
Sandra

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://GabrieleStehle.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:31:07 GMT

Uh-oh, just good this wasn't an emergency, Kaitlyn, or you would, indeed, have drowned like in that prophetic line above:

or worse drown unseen un helped un noticed un rescued

Or actually, I did see you, like Ruth, and meant to come back later... well, here I am, MUCH later (and thanks to Ruth who lead the way).

Welcome to Diving Deeper. I think you can safely assume that you have jumped. :)

I very much enjoyed your introduction, the playfulness, the skill, the sensuous detail. Loved this line:

would i survive the freedom?

Looks like you'll be just fine!

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:15:09 GMT

Kaitlyn, I'm so sorry that in the flurry of NaNo activity your introductory post went unnoticed. Well, not unnoticed really, I for one read it a couple of days ago and thought I would get back to it... (famous last thoughts)

I love how you describe the fear, the reluctance to jump into the waters

because what pray tell me what would happen if I let go gave in free fell, and was lacking it
the it the thing the undefined inexpressible something that helps the swimmers stay afloat...

and how that isn't even the worst fear, but (!)

what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved
would i survive the freedom?

and the hanging in mid air, undecided.

Then, as you say in your addendum, having to hit Send 3 times before it finally posted. My dear, I think you jumped all right!

Thank you, and welcome to DD!

Ruth

Oh, and if this is 'bad', I can't wait to see what you consider 'good' writing. :)

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:54:06 GMT

my husband and i have been invited to attend a workshop on Love, Sex and Communication.

Oh, I"m very much looking forward to a Truly Bad Writing account of this AliveLight!

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://AliveLight.gaia.com — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:47:01 GMT

ok this is exciting. i am amazed at all of your detailed feedback and encouragement. and i sit here dumfounded trying to find more words to express my appreciation and gratitude for so freely offering your responses. Gabriele, i laughed out loud when you said "and I don't just say that to be polite. You can rely on that. I'm German, I don't do 'polite'. " i think im in the right place.

look forward to the exploring some more. and im torn because in a few minutes im off to a weekend workshop and i really just want to do this again. anyway the workshop should be good - my husband and i have been invited to attend a workshop on Love, Sex and Communication. it's all good. it's all art. and it all ties in together. thanks again.
be back soon.
karen.
Karen.

Re: A truly wretched introduction :)

http://chaitanyadevi.gaia.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:47:15 GMT

and in the spirit of indecisiveness, i received the "your connection has been re set" screen, and had to hit re send 3 times before this decided to post...

maybe I have jumped after all

A truly wretched introduction :)

http://chaitanyadevi.gaia.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:43:39 GMT

Fifteen minutes.
And I waste them
Siting watching the endless mindless ticking away of time
With my toes in the water
begging my self to jump JUMP jump?
in

The sweet water caresses, eases supports and graces me
but i do not dare surrender

because what pray tell me what would happen if I let go gave in free fell, and was lacking it
the it the thing the undefined inexpressible something that helps the swimmers stay afloat

could I take this plunge only to drown?

or worse drown unseen un helped un noticed un rescued
if i am not any of the glowing words I have been praised with
and just
lacking

but the failure does not terrify me
it is the feeling of home in the cool sweet water lapping at my purple toes
what if i jump and am seen heard supported accepted loved

would i survive the freedom?

my heart beats faster and time melts faster then i can count it dripping flying past
leaving me suspended
mid leap
to stubborn to be bent to the will of gravity
i will hang here

undecided

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:29:17 GMT

Karen, I applaud you for diving right in, for writing whatever came up without hesitation, for barreling through the fear---the fear of sounding crazy, the fear of boring readers, and maybe the biggest fear of all for a writer---the fear of discovering that what the inner critic keeps taunting us with is true.

Hurray, you have done exactly what DD tries to teach. Well done!

I'm really looking forward to reading more from you.

Ruth

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:10:53 GMT

I ditto Gabriele's comments, Karen.
I'm smiling as I've just left you a note on your introduction thread, and you've done everything I suggested already! Not to mention you've written more than most for this assigment, so I think writing slowly or getting words down is NOT an issue for you!

I was actually very touched reading this. I felt let inside a character, not just their mind/thoughts, but their heart. The piece expressed and 'showed' so well what all writers (as far as is my experience) go through. That deep desire to communicate, to move others, and at the same time the desire to simply express, for the sake of expression, for the sheer joy of it. Both strands of desire were so clear here as to be almost palpable. And oh yes, I did read 'downto here' absolutely delightedly. I loved the moment-by-moment feel of it, as if I were right inside this character, as if I were this character, looking, feeling, thinking, typing ... it was a ride I'd happily go on again, and again.

What comes through so often in these pieces is such wonderful lack of self-consciousness, even when this is expressed as happening -- there is no manipulation or 'clever' writing that so often gets in the way of truth and vulnerability.

Lovely work, Karen.

Re: think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://GabrieleStehle.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:07:30 GMT

Karen, by the end I was feeling exhilerated too! :) Thank you for being so brave. It was a fun read, and I don't just say that to be polite. You can rely on that. I'm German, I don't do 'polite'. ;)

I always find it interesting to look into someones head, and the more honest that voice or character comes across, the more interested I am. Not to mention emotional response when the writing is emotionally true. The change between thinking and moments of truth that come from a 'deeper' place is wonderful to witness. I like the excitedness of the beginning, the wanting to do it right and all the thoughts about making sense and coming across and writing something meaningful... I don't think there is anybody on Diving Deeper who couldn't relate to that!

There are some parts where the focus shifts and presence starts to happen on a different level.

Like here:

i feel like i just dove in and a feeling of exhiliaration is happeneing. like i just dove into cold water. i am alive.

That's lovely. Direct and personal, touching to witness the shift.

And this:

and whoever reads this might think i am a nut. i laugh. oh my go. thisis really quacky. i am laughing. just before midnight. the fireplace is firing and my tea just got cold.

From thinking about a possible reader to laughing, a fire place and tea that has gone cold. All of the sudden I'm in the room with this character, laughing, sensing the warmth of the fire and the coldness of the tea.

And then this:

i am in no way really communicating anything i don't think anyway. justing streaming off the top of my head. but i do feel a sense of exhilaration. i am happy. i am happy to be doing this and i hop ethat i can do more of this. i hope that i don't bore anyone with my stuff, and iff i do i want to know . i want to know all the stuff. i want all the good and the bad. i want to be able to take the critiques and work with them.

So much communicated in this bit that is about not really communicating! :) The exhilaration and happiness of just doing it. The worry to be boring (oh, who here wouldn't know about that worry?), and then, after the thoughts about meaning and quality which ring so true and come across with such endearing honesty, something I find very beautiful.

i think this is going to really make a differnece to the world you know. ya because if i am able to write in a way that people listen then i willbe ble to say all the good things that i have in side . doing that will spread a good thing and the world can sure use a good thing.

Something about this voice that touches me with an almost childlike quality. Innocence. Honesty. Just going there and bringing it up, letting it through in the writing.

wow time just slowed down. this might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. i wonder if anyone is giong to read all the way downto here.

Well, I did. Twice even. :)

what if nobody gives me any feedback. i can't beieve i am saying all these things.

Lovely. I just love to be included in the directness of this experience. Thank you for posting it!

Well, looks to me like you found your way in, Karen. Absolutely on the right track, just keep going. Looking forward to more!

think i'll read this after i press "SEND"

http://AliveLight.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:07:32 GMT

love this name up called truly bad writing. ok i am thinking that i should just write and not stop and thinik whichi is what i always do. and maybe i should just not evenlook at the screen or re-read what i write because then that stopes me and i go back and change everything. sometimes ive not only changed things, but i delete the wholething and start all over again. and again. then so much time has passed and i've lost the whole essence of what i wanted to write inthe first place. so i honestly and truly want to be able to write my thoughts in some kind of stream that makes sense to the reader. and i wold like to be able to communicate my thoughts in a way the is perceived by the reader as exactly what i am communication. if thatmakes any sense. i am not looking back. i am not correcting my bad spelling or grammer or anything. this is somewhat difficult and it feels a ittle exhilarating too. wow it really does kind of feel like the title of this thing is "diving Deeper". yes that is kind of what i feel. No its not its just Diving in. i feel like i just dove in and a feeling of exhiliaration is happeneing. like i just dove into cold water. i am alive. and i am grateful that this is here and that i am taking the opportunity -- oh oh i am starting to think. i just looed back. i am thinking of what to write. oohh i just want to swim without thinking and write and write and make sense. but how cani make sense if i am not thinking. that doesn't make sense. and whoever reads this might think i am a nut. i laugh. oh my go. thisis really quacky. i am laughing. just before midnight. the fireplace is firing and my tea just got cold. no words wow there is a blank a real blank in my head. i am also wondering if i am doing this right, you know an di have about 5 minutes left i think. so ya, how will this be percieved. i am in no way really communicating anything i don't think anyway. justing streaming off the top of my head. but i do feel a sense of exhilaration. i am happy. i am happy to be doing this and i hop ethat i can do more of this. i hope that i don't bore anyone with my stuff, and iff i do i want to know . i want to know all the stuff. i want all the good and the bad. i want to be able to take the critiques and work with them. i think this is going to really make a differnece to the world you know. ya because if i am able to write in a way that people listen then i willbe ble to say all the good things that i have in side . doing that will spread a good thing and the world can sure use a good thing. oh no, i think i am really starting to sound corney. ha ha ha ha oh there is stilla couple of inutes left and wow time just slowed down. this might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. i wonder if anyone is giong to read all the way downto here. i wonder if i'll be able to read other peoples stuff all the way down to heere. ok i am blank again. one minute left. slower. blan . exhilarated. stoppingnow. i look forward to feedback. i really look forward to feedback in some way. what if nobody gives me any feedback. i can't beieve i am saying all these things. great. siginng off now. thank you.:)
Karen.

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://cleaningdishes.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:38:29 GMT

That was a real Rush to read Ruth. It was also a good reminder of the inner critic, that has a talent for ruining a potent sentence. And not only that,
the trickster critic is good at writing paralysis; when you're just about ready
to start writing, when that pen is in hand, and poised to attack that empty space on a sheet of note book paper, the critic jumps inbetween you and that
wordless page and yells stop !!! who do you think you are ! a writer ??? are you kidding or what?! Why don't you do something useful, stop making a fool of your self, don't embarrass your self and your family, don't be ridiculous, leave the writing to the writers. Get out of bed and get to work , you know , the real world ! instead of the fantasy land your living in...

Peter

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:22:22 GMT

Jen: You donut know I will have to remember that one.

You're welcome to it, it's not mine though. I remembered it from the Mambo Kings, from the scene where the brothers appeared on I Love Lucy (or some later incarnation of that show). Lucy asked Antonio Banderos some question (don't remember what) and he looked up something in his little translation book and replied "I donut know." I remember silly things.

Sandra: I actually felt a kind of release of pressure myself after reading this.

So did I, I love this kind of writing...

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:09:32 GMT

Hmm, I'd forgotten how many meanings the word has. The one I had in mind for RUSH (where I capitalized it) goes something like this: the onset of euphoria, with or without drugs; a high...

My niece likes paper dishes, the better to avoid the washing of dishes. My friend hates paper and plastic dishes even more than dish-washing (and that's saying something). Me, I love washing dishes, it's zen.

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://sundovt.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:21:47 GMT

You are quite right Sandra-
Now that you mention it. Thanks for saving me from brainfreeze!

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://sandrajensen.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:53:13 GMT

I love it ruth. thinking we all should do this pre-nano.....
I actually felt a kind of release of pressure myself after reading this.
And I very much like the little glimpses into every day life of this character - those dishes, the coffee, the dictionary/thesaurus background. Fab.

Mudge.. I think you mean: Rushes (film), the first print made of a day's filming (thanks wiki). I'm not sure it's ever used in the singular.

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://jensiper.gaia.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:12:25 GMT

that was funny ruth and it was fun too. You donut know
I will have to remember that one.
I should do some bad writing, not that this is bad of course but just writing before the big day.
good idea
jen

it is not supposed to have a line under it but I can't get it off now.

Re: Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://sundovt.gaia.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:12:05 GMT

Ruth, you madwoman, you- I had RUSH stuck in my head, and went on a zany google. I'm convinced I'm right, but can't find what I'm looking for. A "rush" (n.) in the art or publishing is a synonym for a draft? Oh well.
I loved this ramble, sometimes we all have to blurt aimlessly, just because the coffee gets cold.
As for my dishes, (paper or plastic), thank you very much.

Truly Mad Bad Pre-NaNo Blather

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:19:47 GMT

Oh I want to write a mad bad just one more time before the real craziness begins, the NaNo rush---and I mean RUSH. It is such a rush and look I'm doing a timed bad and I want to look up in the dictionary and tell you which meaning of RUSH it is I mean when I say RUSH. Or do I mean both meanings. Well, yes, but the one meaning, the one that would come first in the dictionary (and I should know because I've been involved in the making of dictionaries, or at least in the revising of them for new editions, and I've been involved in thesaurus making from scratch---well not exactly from scratch because of course you always have somewhere to start from, right? It's not as if dictionaries and thesauruses of the English language hadn't existed before I came along---now that would be ego for you...

Oh never mind, dictionary writing is not what I came here to write about today. Although I think that might just have been the funnest job I ever had, in a serious sort of way.

Wait! What am I doing? Get serious now about this truly mad bad writing that you're supposed to be doing here---last chance hotel sort of thing before NaNO. Do it! Now!

I am so not good at obeying orders, not even from my self. And sh*t, self, you made my coffee get cold with all your do this don't do that stupidity. Which even you should know does so not work for me. You made my coffee get cold but at least you didn't jiggle my right elbow making it spill, this one or at least one of the few times that all my coffee cups are in the sink waiting for the dishwasher (that would be me) to be turned on enough to do dishes. (Listen! I do not do dishes more than once a day and that's final and you should know that by now!) Anyway, so far haven't spilled it even though it's in a tippy glass and sitting right at my right elbow. {mumblemumblemumble} What do you mean, I'm repeating myself, self?

ANYWAY, if I could get a word in edgewise? Thank you! What I started to say probably in the first sentence already (we're talking practically 10 minutes ago, self!) was that I couldn't look up the various definitions of RUSH because as I was saying I am timing this badness. Oh never mind, did it ever occur to you that a sentence loses its potency after a while, like after about a billion interruptions from some other self that is always trying to control, to direct traffic. Listen! You donut know nuthin'! Is that a language you understand? Speak up! {mumblemumblemumble} Well then shut up!

Oh never mind, I think I've lost it now, the urge to write badly or even madly, and anyway, I'm not even that mad anymore.

Amazing what a little shouting will do. I just hope she stays quiet for about a month or so...

Re: Wretched Writers Welcome

http://cleaningdishes.gaia.com — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 04:07:59 GMT

Thank you Sandra, I just now noticed your reply.

Peter