Gaia: DIVING DEEPER: A Writing Workshop - Diving Deeper: POETRY - friends, kin, and travellers.

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://symbol.gaia.com — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:27:49 GMT

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions.
I think that the last little stanza is "outside" of the poem - i was trying to imitate some Persian poet.
After all this time, I don't really care for most of the capitals - they are there as an homage to Gibran, Blake, Dickinson, and all the other mystical poets who used that sort of thing, but now it feels a bit like trying on a costume.
I also thought of the caps as emphasis - making some words more accented than others to impart a certain way of reading the poem. purely artificial though.
The first lise served as a model and it became increasingly hard to conform to it - sort of an antithesis of diving deeper.

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://josy.gaia.com — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 16:35:00 GMT

I enjoyed this one!

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://maletbon.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 20:24:47 GMT

William, that was utterly lovely and inspiring. Reminds me of Kahil Gibrhan. The tone of the piece and the way you use the words raises it in formality, makes it step out of the quotidian and into the legendary. It is very biblical, seeming prophetic and from some unknown ritual. Have to mention that I think it works best for me without the last stanza. The last stanza is charming by itself, but for me it lets some of the air out of the wonderful balloon I had been floating in. If you meant to bring us back abruptly into real life, almost a waking up as William does in the poem, then it worked perfectly, but I kind of liked that other place better.

Love,

Tom

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 00:08:55 GMT

hello William - how beautiful. I love when poems do that... very special poem I think. thank you for sharing it with us!

It reminds me of the agreements made before birth...

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://singerseeker.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:05:31 GMT

Ah! resurrection. Very timely... I'm intrigued with your use of capitals... care to share why you did them like that?

Beautiful piece,

Love,

Nicole

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://swirl.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:13:11 GMT

Powerful dream..

I like the biblical language..Massive pictures..

The first four paragraphes could easily stand alone..

Like the ending..Takes the entire grandiose symbolism into the daily life.."Stumbled into sunlight"

The Ultimate Accident..Beautiful..

Those poems that I have read from you, have stayed with me for a while..This one will too, "Take our Places in the Family of Man"....

Made me want to dream a poem too..

Re: friends, kin, and travellers.

http://jensiper.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:38:03 GMT

hey william,

neat to awaken with a poem

I like the part about seeing your father's heart in everyone you meet and meeting again as strangers and praying to greet as friends and fellow travelers. i love that, jen

friends, kin, and travellers.

http://symbol.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:49:21 GMT

~o~

I Dreamt that I had Quarreled with my Brother
and Woke to find His Blood on both my Hands.

Sister Told me we were Both born only Children
and our Kindred wandered Far across the Land.

Each of Us must Search to find our Mothers;
Take our Places in the Family of Man.

As we Gather up our Promises and Wisdom
and Suffer in this Place of blood and Sand

Learn to See your fathers' Loving Heart
In Every one you Meet,
and Hear his breath in Every word you Say

Someday You and I will Meet again as Strangers
Pray we greet as Friends and fellow Travellers
and Recognize our Kinship on the Way.

~o~

Don't look surprised!
Poor old William
Shook off his winding sheet
And stumbled into sunlight!

-March 25, 2008

I woke from a dream and wrote this.

The first three couplets took fifteen or twenty miutes, and the rest, capitals and style, took the remaindier of the hour.