I Finally Understand

This is a somewhat edited version of this poem. I think I edit it a little bit every time I read it.


There's something about the air.

Something about how it's so idle-
I get the feeling you are the air
and somehow you're not really here.
Butterflies grace my insides
as I think of the rift that your absence creates
I am a crater.

There's something about the fireflies.

Something about their longing desire to twinkle like stars
the way they hide from our childish hands
as we reach to capture their beauty.
We long to gain their glamour
and their love for the midnight air
as they swim among the unworthy.
I am inadequate.

There's something about this night.

Something in the way it lives for us-
we keep it alive.
We touch and caress it like it's our own.
It is our own.
We dance in happiness upon the night's air
Your hand in mine
I never let go.

There's something about this feeling

Something about it's uncertainty-
I'm scared it's love
I don't know how to love you back
I'm afraid to be hurt and I'm afraid to hurt
I don't know what to do with your heart
but break it.
This feeling won't go away
I fear I misunderstand it

There's something about you

Something about how the words melt off your lips.
They fall into uncertain puddles
that leave me in Nirvana.
And your sun-soaked lips tenderly kiss mine
and I too melt, and I feel bliss
I never thought joy was so feasible

There's something in the way your arms wrap around me
I feel so safe and protected.
The sky wraps around us and the fireflies share their secret of beauty
I now understand why they dance.
Joy has never been so feasible.

You and I dance together.
The fields are alight with your happiness
I too am elated and I feel bliss.

There's something I finally understand
Pure Happiness.

Re: I Finally Understand

This was a delicate, gentle read for me – I felt lovingly pulled along the words, unsure of where I was going, but sure that I'd be carried well.

I enjoyed the repeated refrain “There's something…” . It grounded me, like listening to music, where you know a certain phrase, the chorus, but not the inbetween bits. it gives me a place to rest in, these words, There's something..

Actually there the poem does have a feel of a song to it. Lovely.

~  Sandra

Re: I Finally Understand

What a beautiful poem to read! I'm with Sandra, in that I like that returning phrase “there's something”…like that tugging you feel in your heart when you come across something so magical that you can't quite seem to wrap your mind(or your words) around it.  I felt it right along with the poem and it pulled me thru to the end. Very nice.

Re: I Finally Understand

C- There is a really beautiful symmetry to your poem.  And it spins and dances around the uncertainty that lies there right in the middle. There is such light in that confession, that feeling you express there. Can you linger there in that fearful place?

Re: I Finally Understand

This poem reminds me of macrame or knitting, the way it comes back in on itself and repeats and grows in a lattice. It's very beautiful, and touching.

Thank you for sharing it, Crystal, even though it hasn't yet Crystallized, so to speak. Works in progress are perfect for playshops like Diving Deeper.

There's something about that poem.

The line: I don't know what to do with your heart/ but break it., is shatteringly true. Maybe the reason you're still toying with the poem is near what Ron said, even though I think he said it for a different reason. Is there something there, some fear perhaps to be faced? I couldn't know. Only you can, though it's hard enough for a person to understand her own motives, but beneficial for a writer, I think.

Hope you don't mind my personal comments. Ron and I, and Sandra, are in disagreement about this. - Kind of a “good cop, bad cop” thing. We're just not sure yet who is which.

I'm lobbying for full frontal exposure (of the soul that is). I have understood Diving Deeper to be a more than ordinary writer's workshop, where we play for higher stakes and thus run more risks. Writing may be dangerous and painful for the ego but Diving Deeper is a real threat to one's entire persona and way of life. At least, that's my dearest hope.

Ron and Sandra prefer a more measured approach toward posting responses to members' work, treating the work separately from the writer to provide a modicum of safety, which is a net sorely needed, since writing is like running as fast as you can towards the edge of an ever-receding cliff. And you never know when that cliff will suddenly stop receding.

Keep running, C. We're here to catch you, even if our nets are different colors. Mine has a hole in it though, I'm afraid. You might have to grow wings.

Love & Gratitude,

Tom

Re: I Finally Understand

Writing may be dangerous and painful for the ego but Diving Deeper is a real threat to one's entire persona and way of life. At least, that's my dearest hope.

Tom - I actually suspect we are very much 'on the same side' -  I totally agree with what you say here about Diving Deeper. 

And since this is early days for the pod, my aim is to support everyone to feel 'safe' here so that the big leaps can be taken. Some of us may be ready for the high stakes immediately, and others may not - we do not know where someone is on their journey - and it's all relative anyway. What is high stakes for you may not be for another.

My suggestion to you, and to all, in my 'On Commenting' piece - that whatever you see in another is yours - is actually a huge leap to take - it is total responsibility. Are you ready for that, dear Tom? It's huge. Look into Ho'oponopono (or here) for some lovely inspiration.

I liked that you asked Crystal questions about her process. And I'd still love for you to talk about your own fear in relation to the poem - if you feel it in the poem, it's in you. This is the leap…

I'm not against 'personal comments', not at all -  I am 'for' really looking into the comments we make - Asking ourselves questions when a thought  or feeling arises about another person's piece. Be curious. Is this a judgment? Where does it come from? Am I just being automatic here in my response/reaction?

So I ask that deep awareness is brought not only to the process of writing but also to the process of commenting.

What is 'personal', in fact? - it is you, or the other? Do we know what is another? We don't even know who we are.

I'm not suggesting it's all futile ( to comment personally), rather the opposite:  that the process of reading other people's work and commenting on it is part of the 'personal' journey, part of the unfolding and dropping away of our persona, ego and automatic way of living/thinking/being.

Sending love to you both,
Sandra

Re: I Finally Understand

Responsibility? I think I have that on my list for tomorrow.

No, actually your eagle eye has pierced my flabby carcass once again, dear Sandra. I shall take note and try to heed. If what you say is true, then I am a very multifaceted and admirable guy, if somewhat crotchety upon occasion.

Thank you so much for leading us deeper into this journey into ourselves, Sandra, using the world's greatest all-purpose tool, art, to dig into its most fabulous mystery, us.

Do have a question, though. What exactly are we diving deeper into? Is it deep into an underwater cavern, where lifelines are required? A place where shadowed gemstones and treasures winkle in the wavering liquid light of our headlamps? From your beautiful logo it looks as though we may be diving seaward, down into the depths of the open ocean, light growing dimmer above us. Naked, I see. I like that, of course. We weave our way through the watery weed into the green.

Could it be a lake? Reputed bottomless, a lake deep in the old forest, no doubt.

Or maybe we are delving into the very earth itself, a dive of digging into solidity, into the rock beef of all of us, past brimstone and gemstone to the very molten iron core, whirling and magnetized.

I know one thing, we aren't diving into the deep end of a pool. If we were my head would have a knot on it the size of a pineapple.

Since I'm now responsible for you, Sandra, I ask that you take better care of yourself. Get some sleep, nature's balm. Breathe in the love we're all sending you. Remember to think happy thoughts. Feel wondrous feelings. Be more like you whenever possible.

Love, Peace, and Can I Have a Map Please?

Tom

Re: I Finally Understand

Tom, I need to find a name for you! You are one of those little ( not so little ) fishes that nibble at me when I'm swimming, reminding me there is more, always more; reminding me to stay present, to stay open, to dive deep into my own heart, again and again.

I will most definitely be writing another addition to my Notes Along the Way series, and I will use some of what you have shared here to inspire me. Thank you.

Off to get a 'treat' ( some kind of Kuchen to munch on while I finish the last chapters of the novel I'm reading - William Boyd's aptly titled Any Human Heart).

Love to all,
Sandra

Re: I Finally Understand

This is my first comment on this website but….
I am compelled to say that is one of the most loveliest poems I've read.  I am not a poet, just a simple student, but that poem to me, seems like a work of art.

There is my two cents, don't think it contributed to the conversation much though…

Re: I Finally Understand

two cents is just wonderful, Mr. Credible.. we need all the cents we can get ;-)

If you like something you read here, even if you don't have much more to say than that, I really appreciate that you say it. We all need encouragement.

Love,
Sandra

Re: I Finally Understand

Mr. C.

You shared your truth from the heart. I don't guess you know what a blessing that is to all of us, especially the poet. Your entry was my favorite part of this whole conversation, even though the other ones are packed with wisdom and love of the highest sort.

No wonder you're called Mr. Credible!

Thanks, and if that's your last post for whatever reason, that's okay too. It will remain a beacon of credibility in the wilderness of words.

I'll give you a nickel for your two cents.

Love & Blessings,

Tom

Re: I Finally Understand

I really love this poem and the connections you make.  Everything really draws me in and then I am fully sucked in when I get to the part after There's something about this feeling.  You have created a very tender piece that really makes one look deeply into the whole love thing.

~ with admiration ~ mike

Re: I Finally Understand

dear Chrystallized,

the only reason I havn't commented on your (and some of other's) poetry so far is that I often feel touched by reading them, but somehow inadequate to share comments that are useful and supportive
 
- meaning, more then 'loved it, keep going', which is nice to know, but somehow not really nurturing in the way I'd like to be nurtured as a writer myself… -

so. I'll give it a try.

it's a bit of an intuitive energy reading of your poem.
hope sharing it here is useful and supportive.
please let me know if it's not.

I'm experimenting with commenting and being tuned in and precise about the writing and what is touched in me, without intruding into the personality of the writer.

(there is a lot to say about this from my perspective, which I might do when I have
more writing time again, next week.)

there are some parts in the poem with a very powerful beauty and depth.
in the wording, in the way the pictures are gently touched, so they can emerge before my inner eyes.

it unfolds in the second verse.

There's something about the fireflies.

Something about their longing desire to twinkle like stars
the way they hide from our childish hands
as we reach to capture their beauty.
We long to gain their glamour
and their love for the midnight air
as they swim among the unworthy.
I am inadequate.

this one I find breathtakingly deep and wise and beautiful.
layers and layers in the words and the pictures, resonating in me.
a yearning, and a knowing  deep inside, that it's futile…
beauty and pain.

There's something about this feeling

Something about it's uncertainty-
I'm scared it's love
I don't know how to love you back
I'm afraid to be hurt and I'm afraid to hurt
I don't know what to do with your heart
but break it.
This feeling won't go away
I fear I misunderstand it

there is something very strong here, too,
the lines about the heart standing out.
so lovely, and real, and touching.
almost like a doom lying over it,
which is a wonderful tension.

There's something about you…

the last verses feel like there is something very strong, too,
but like they need more space , time and maybe reckless writing
to let their power come through fully.

something in Ron's comment, about lingering in that fearful place,
 feels very 'on' and connected and like that is where the power
and the beauty of the poem have their roots.

lovely, inspiring and very touching - and worth diving even deeper,
when the time has come!

with love,
Gabriele

Re: I Finally Understand

Dear Gabriele -

I enjoyed reading your comment very much. I would love to hear how it 'landed' for you, Crystallized / Tiffany.

the last verses feel like there is something very strong, too,
but like they need more space , time and maybe reckless writing
to let their power come through fully.

something in Ron's comment, about lingering in that fearful place,
 feels very 'on' and connected and like that is where the power
and the beauty of the poem have their roots.

For me, if I wrote this poem, I would feel invited by Gabriele's words to 'go deeper'. I'm not saying you need to do this, Tiffany - I'm mostly commenting here on how Gabriele's suggestions come across to me.

The only thing I might suggest, Gabriele, is to include yourself more directly -
e.g. but like they need more space -  could be:
To me they feel like they need more space

(I'm sure this sounds nit-picking to some, but Gabriele has asked me for specific feedback on her comment.)


~ Sandra