Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 9

I have all these whys inside, whys one doesn't necessarily speak out
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This post is anonymously posted in response to this assignment. For more details on how this works, also see this anonymous topic assignment.

COMMENTING:
with this assignment  (as with all work posted on Diving Deeper ) it is important that all comments be about the piece, - the writing - how it affects you, what it is about the writing that works for you etc; not to whoever you think or imagine is the 'author' of the piece.
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I have all these whys inside, whys one doesn't necessarily speak out in public or concerning the public of course. I'm with those now whom this concern as well, although in very little part. They are not important.

And who is? Me? Of course not, I'm not important. Not more or less than those this doesn't concern.

I am so sick and tired of my life. I'm never pleased it seems. I would like to make a living as a free artist and writer. When I sit here in my workplace it feels so meaningless. I just sit and work with my darn computer eight hours a day in an office, running it, kinda. My co-workers are not that interesting persons, for me interesting. They want to have house, wife/husband, kids, money, cars etc.

Well, not that I want to live without a house and car but… well, I don't want to speak with my co-workers. It doesn't lead anywhere. Been there trying. No more.

Spiritual nourishment, ah, I know, it's everywhere, and even here with the meaningless… perhaps it is here it is. I'm blind, see. Too. Fuck.

When I am here at my job I dream of having a life without money problems and therefore I could just paint and write and make exhibitions and whatever. I would explore colour and write the word, the word. And when I am at my work I don't have that much of money problems any more. Not that I have enough money to ease my cravings. It's an evil limbo. A god damned to have or not to have.

So, why do we have to have this kind of society? Why do we have to be successful and “beautiful” and talk small-talk? And frankly, writing this piece makes me pissed more so. Because I know I just strengthen my feeling. Pisses me off. Just a little bit though, course I'm too bored to piss me off big time. So it pisses me.
Do I seem to like that word?
Shivering thought.

Why can't a person just walk out and contribute with whatever and that would be fine? Is there such a place on this earth? Why do I have to go along? Speak with my co-workers so they wouldn't think I'm proud or something. What and why…

It pisses me off to write this…

Sorry, need to stop.

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 9

Reading this, I'm thinking yes, yes, been there, done that, me and a horde of others like me. Having to work to support the lifestyle I think I'd prefer but choosing to stay in the lifestyle I abhor. Bored with the mediocrity, the mundane, everyday small talk, small concerns of people who work in an office (or wherever else). A place to be until life shows up. It's an evil limbo. A god damned to have or not to have.

This felt like an aha moment for the I-character:

Spiritual nourishment, ah, I know, it's everywhere, and even here with the meaningless… perhaps it is here it is. I'm blind, see. Too. Fuck.

And yet, s/he continues in the same vein:

Why can't a person just walk out and contribute with whatever and that would be fine?

But that's just it, isn't it? All it takes is walking out, not conforming…

Why not? Doesn't every why have its opposite?

Which brings me to this: I really, really love the abruptness of language around the aha I mentioned above:

I'm blind, see. Too. Fuck.

And especially, I love the juxtaposition of blind, see. (Why? Why not?) And I'm waiting with bated breath for the character to really see, to turn [you] see (which is how it reads) into I see.

Ruth

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 9

Huge ditto to what Ruth wrote. Something about this piece really got to me. I think it's because of the 'present-ness' of the I character – his/her awareness (or maybe self-consciousness?) of what is happening as they go along..eg:

I'm too bored to piss me off big time. So it pisses me.
Do I seem to like that word?
Shivering thought.

For me the voice is really inside this world, so in touch (identified?) with the feelings and experiences they are having - so much so that I get to feel the same way, with them, as I read, as if I were the voice. For me the ending was perfect. And yes, I'd love to hear more – another 'chapter' - perhaps something would shift. Or not. That would be just fine too, that would 'show' stuckness if not change.  I could read several entries – I find myself wanting to follow the emotional road this person is on. Again, I think this is because of the close-up quality of the writing. The way the sentences themselves 'show' the emotions (as per Ruth's :”Which brings me to this: I really, really love the abruptness of language around the aha I mentioned above: I'm blind, see. Too. Fuck.” )

More please.

Note for everyone: I might post this up as a separate assignment - but I just thought - those who have already responded once, why not do it again, after reading the comments from the 'outside' world to the piece? (Send it to the original mod you sent it to, and we'll post it up on the same thread)

Sandra

Re: Anonymous Assignment - speaking out 9

Strong immediate voice, very close to the surface and easy to engage and relate to. I liked this. I felt the i character and his/her struggle throughout without actually getting caught up in the details of the struggles themselves,, which often takes me as a reader from the flow and energy of the feelings and experiences of the character. 

It would be interesting to see what happens if this was continued in a totally different mood and writing space.  Woud the voice be the same? if not, is that a bad thing? If so, how long could the writer stay in this feeling without needing to make it shift for personal comfort?

Nice dive.

Peace,
michael