greetings and wisdumb from a zen curmudgeon

hello.  i am new to the scene and had a question for you all.
zen is supposed to be a transformative practice, filling people with calm acceptance of what is. though i have been practicing “religously” and sincerely, my journey seems to be a different one. this is not to say that zazen hasnt brought to me a clarity and general peace of mind, but my ideation and dissatisfaction towards human affairs has not lessened a bit. i am genuinely angry and hurt about the way mankind conducts itself, short-sighted, greedy and frankly just plain stupid. not a single day goes by that i am not truly saddened or frightened by how seemingly animal and heartless weve become as a species.
this isnt just a  post-adolescent rebellion phase, though i did  suffer that acutely in my teen years. im pushing thirty now, and though i am not so naievely idealistic, it does not seem to be my dharma to become a lone monk on the mountaintop looking down at it all with an academic detachment.
how does somebody such as myself proceed?

Re: greetings and wisdumb from a zen curmudgeon

Hey Wyle,

There is a certain “lawfulness” that we humans act by. No matter where you go everyone seems to act the same, just read the headlines. But why beat your head against the wall and take possession of others ills and needlessly suffer yourself? The calm detached mind must meet the market place. I posted this below on another group on a thread about gratitude but it seems to fit here as well.

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Before each sit, I bow 3 times. Traditionally this is taking refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. I do that but with the caveat that Buddha, Dharma & Sangha are also I, WE, IT (reference to Ken Wilber's AQAL). That is, I bow in gratitude and take refuge in my life. When I first learned to meditate and saw everyone doing this, I was a bit put off but thought, in for a penny in for a pound and went with it. Turns out the ego does not like to lower its head on bended knees. But I have learned to embrace this aspect of practice. To whole heartedly bow in gratitude to my life. It sets the tone for the sitting. Like I am square with life and can sit in peace and work on my sitting practice. I don't have to worry while sitting about my life. I can put all that down with 3 bows and pick it all up when I am finished sitting. More times than not, I do metta practice next, for myself and everyone I know and don't know…for all living beings. Again, this sets a tone and I can put my relations down and sit in peace grateful for the opportunity this occasion affords, wanting not to waste this opportunity at practice. When I am done sitting, I see if I held up my end of the bargain. The world allowed me this opportunity and did I practice in earnest aligned with my desire to foster wholesome mind states or did I just waste the time in day dreams. I end again with 3 bows only this time I am picking it all back up but with a different intention. With the intention of bringing whatever peacefulness I was able to cultivate on cushion off into the world where a calm focused benevolent mind is sorely needed.

lov e

Re: greetings and wisdumb from a zen curmudgeon

How to Proceed is a serious question and I  held off from responding to this one. I hope you didn't drift away in the mean time. This sounds to me like the point when one consults a teacher.
That being said, I can offer my own foolish observations. You have Anger about what is wrong in the world. Man's inhumanity to Man, and generally all other things living or otherwise. Some how this reminds me of Avalokiteshvara, when he looked out over the suffering of sentient beings and his head exploded. Amitabha put him back together as i remember in my kindergarten version of the story.
Some of us respond to suffering and injustice by weeping and some get angry, (Ido a little of both,) but the best of us get busy. The emotions come and go, they change shape so as to always appear fresh but I think that they come from the body, the ego, conditioned responses and all kinds of causes. When these feelings arise for me, I try to acknowlege them and give them a pat on the head and ask then to wait quietly while I practice. Sometimes it works.
I used to believe that It was righteous Indignation, that I was angry for good reason, but now I wonder if maybe it was the roast beast I had for dinner. Maybe my getting angry was just as much a cause as it was an effect.
And I remember Allen Ginsburg at a Poetry reading in the eighties saying, “If you see something terrible dont hold on to it, If you see something beautiful don't hold onto it.” I learned recently that this was something told to him by the wonderful Dudjom Rinpoche, when Ginsburg asked for advice about the awful visions he was having when he took LSD.
So that's the advice I have - don't hold on. Let the anger pass. It is just energy let it go through and don't get burned.
And about that n\mountain top retreat, you really should ask a teacher. There are special reasons why people go and do that. It really isn't to get away from the world. If you have the emotions when you are in the midst of busy life, they will be with you in the reatreat on the mountain as well. People I know who do go on retreat talk about “The Test,” which happens after one has gone to a special place and had this special experience, then they have to return to the real world and some one gets in their face with unpleasant complaints, or they have to drive through really bad traffic while the baby is cryng about the poopy diaper. Suddenly it hits them, and there is an opportunity to really see oneself.
When you try to take control and repress  the bad emotions,  that's one kind onf clinging and when you get into the juice and just go with all the anger that's another. When you transform the situation and recognize ythat you are doing it then something has happened and you can say you passed the test.
Often I find that Zen can be an abstract area of discussion. People can be very evasive and mystical. Also very independent. people go on practicing on there own, sometimes with no apparent benefit.  I found a Vajrayana group that suited me for a while. But that has its own areas of abstraction and concept.
I think the best thing is to have a spiritual friend or a teacher with whom you can be very honest about these questions like anger in meditation. That is why I like the Vajrayana group. The practice is with other people and there are other activities like setting up the shrine and collecting dues to pay for the practice space, getting donations for the homeless and raising money to bring lamas in to teach. All this gets done with a certain amount of mindfulness and purpose. I'm sure that there are Zen groups like that.
I guess that it's a way to look at Refuge. There's the enlightenment itself, the teachings, and the community of people who are putting their shoulder to the wheel to make Dharma happen.