We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning.

Every day people engaged in the clever defiance of their own intuition become, in midthought, victims of violence and accidents. So when we wonder why we are victims so often, the answer is clear: It is because we are so good at it.

The hijacking of an American jet in Athens looms larger in our concern than the parent who kills a child, even though the one happens rarely, and the other happens daily.

And why do we worship hindsight (as in the news media's constant rehash of the day, the week, the year) and yet distrust foresight, which actually might make a difference in our lives?

No matter how famous the victim, no matter how powerful the advocates, it simply isn't always possible to control the conduct of other people.

We have to teach young people that "No" is a complete sentence.

"No" is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you…  Declining to hear "no" is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it.