Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hello all. I've been working through a lot of books, trying to discover my life purpose. They ALL say that I should write down what brings me joy, and strangely enough, I can't think of much. I've been thinking back through my childhood and can't remember very many joyous times from back then, either.

I was never beaten, sexually abused, or went through any other severe trauma in childhood. But I did grow up in a very unloving, dysfunctional family.

My question is, do you think a childhood like that can stay with you through adulthood and make someone kind of constantly, slightly depressed and, here's the big question, how does one get over it?

Any suggestions for good books on the topic or methods to overcome some blockage that is preventing me from experiencing my joy?

Thanks millions.
Betsy Franz
www.betsyfranz.com

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Betsy!  How can my sweet friend be without joy when you brings so much joy to others?

You are a writer, you love nature and the environment… seems to me you might just be living your purpose.

While I do happen to be a writer too, and the books try to help people discover their purpose in life…  my recommendation is… ironically… forget books…. and listen to your heart.

Our purpose is found not so much in feeling joy, but from giving joy to others.  When we give our love to others, there is this feeling of equal or more love flowing into us from the universe.  Whatever we are doing at that moment, is related to our purpose.

So, here is a question..

When you give your energy and love to someone, anyone, do you ever feel energy flowing through you and towards that person?

If you do, what are you doing at that moment?  One word answers are best… are you teaching, helping, playing, healing? 

Love you kiddo.. and ever since we met, you have brought me incredible joy.

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Dave, you are so wonderfully sweet. And perhaps I should answer you personally but I will, instead, answer on this thread.

I USED to get quite a bit of pleasure in helping others. But that was before my mother got dementia and my conscious required me to become her primary love/joy/care-giver. For 11 years, I have been helping her with all of her legal, medical and emotional needs and I really DON'T get any joy or personal satisfaction from it. I've kind of made it one of my personal mission to make sure that she is happy (in case she dies at any minute, I would like her final hours to be happy). And I do give her incredible joy and incredible happiness but it is SO draining. I think that it is causing me internal conflict which might be blocking my ability to find or live my real purpose. Does that make sense?

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Betsy,

It makes perfect sense, and thank you for sharing so honestly.

It would seem to me that you in forgoing what you love to do, to take care of your mom, you have a huge amount of purpose driven energy that is pent up inside of you.  As soon as that energy backs up.. it blocks your flow, and it can become impossible to feel the kind of joy you are so wanting in your life.

I can tell that you are the kind of free flowing spirit that smiles at strangers, and makes them feel warm just by looking at you.  You feel your giving spirit during those tiny moments, but you do not find joy in them, because you feel so much more joy and love than that wanting to burst out of you.

I don't know if you can find a way to take care of your mom, and return to that same joy you once had… but your mom's heart would want that for you, and God is yelling at you through your heart to unblock and let your love flow…. not only to your mom, but to so many others who would be warmed by your gifts.

If you can find that balance, the universe is calling you to do so.  If you cannot, then there is purpose for you to be going through this lengthened period of intense caring you are giving your mom.  While it may be difficult at times, I am sure you put your entire being into her care, and try to take joy in the fact that it is making you stronger, and one day, when you return to the things you love…. you will explode onto the scene, with more love and more purpose than you would ever have thought possible.

Your universe is unfolding as it should… try to find joy in trusting that.

Love and hugs,

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Thanks Dave, for understanding me so well. I do get great pleasure just in sharing a smile with strangers.

I do think that it is a wonderful thing in life to want to give joy and love. But I also think that part of the pleasure in doing those things is in getting it back. The echo or reflection, if you will. I smile at a stranger and the smile is returned. I give love to my garden, and it grows. I give love to the birds in my yard and they return. I give love to my husband and he loves me back.

But for the most part, the love and the pieces of myself that I give in life (through my writing, photography and tending to my mother) don't give anything back. I need the echo. I don't think there is anything wrong in saying that.

I live a fairly solitary life (working and writing from home). I don't spend a lot of time with friends (most of them are online) and my husband works a lot. AND I never had any children.

So I can put a million positive messages out to the world through my writing and websites and photography. And I can fill my mothers life with smiles and happiness. But I really need to find a purpose or a passtime or something that will allow me to feel the echo…to feel the love and positive energy coming back. Or to at least feel like I am making a difference somewhere.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Do you have a sexy pool boy?  Sorry, just kidding!

I hear you entirely Betsy… and went through the same thing myself, and sometimes still do.  Echo is a perfect word… 

As much as I love Gaia, and sharing on the web in general, the echoes that come from the online community is substantially less than being in real community.  It sounds like in caring for your mom, that you may be somewhat of a shut-in too..  and it is so very difficult to feel the echo of your energy and joy without being in a community of people who share your passion, and give you back the love you give out.

I went through a long period of work and home, work and home, and we are without children too… I almost went insane.  Sometimes I'd see a movie or tv show and burst out crying, when nothing was sad… my family and friends told me I was depressed, and to take pills, and my doctor and priest told me I was without the joy of community, and that what I felt inside was blockage of love… not depression…

I promise you, when you can get back out there and share your gifts with the real world, not the virtual one, you will feel the echo, your joy will escalate, and even your mom will feel more love from you than you imagined you have…. and you will feel her echo even stronger.

Love ya,

D

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Thanks again. And now we are back to square one. How to get back out there to share my joy. Hence, the search for purpose.

I have an appointment next week to apply as a volunteer at the local hospital. I have messages out on several local forums and boards looking for people that might want to start a group for “good times and good deeds” (maybe the sexy pool boy will respond - haha). and I'm going to the library this morning to check out some books on starting a non-profit.

Maybe I just need some good old human hugs. Should I stand on a street corner with a sign around my neck “hugs needed”? Probably not.

Thanks for the talk, Dave. You're the best.
Betsy

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

A good friend taught me a little hug trick. 

At exactly 11:15 am this morning close your eyes and imagine yourself floating 1000 miles above the earth.  I will meet you there and we will give each other a huge hug.  Then we will stand, arm in arm, look down on the beauty of our planet, and realize how close we really are.

Ok?

You are definitely on the right track Betsy, and once you get out there, doing it, your purpose will be clear.  So.. stop reading self help books and as Nike says.. just do it!

Love ya,

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi Dave. I had to run out this morning and I was not sure you are in the same time zone as I am, so I hope you felt the hug at 11:15 am Eastern Time.

Hugs

Betsy

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Sure did Betsy.. wonderfully loving and warm.  Make sure you remember the pact we made !

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Uh oh. I don't remember the pact. Unless it has to do with looking for each other when we get to heaven.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Don't remember the pact?  Pacts made at 1000 miles above the earth are not to be forgotten.  Not only your joy that's blocked now is it?  lol… 

Heaven… we won't need to look around to find each other… I'll be greeting you at the pearly gates (I plan to palm St. Peter a few bucks for your expedited entry).

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

It's kind of funny. I was meeting someone for lunch at 11:30. And had errands before that. So although i did stop and sit and ascend to 1000 miles for our hug, my mind was definitely scattered.

Big smiles.

Betsy

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi Betsy,

It's funny but you seem to have a lot in common with what my wife is going through. She also grew up in a very unloving, disfuctional family. No physical or sexual abuse, but definitely emotional. I grew up in a very conventional, loving environment. When she met me, she had to face a lot of issues that she'd never dealt with, as she had to learn to find joy within herself to be comfortable with her new family. She had to understand that we loved her, not what she did for us or what she could give us, but just who she was. So she had to allow herself to face the realities of her escape mechanisms, things that made her hide from her own demons. She has a very close relationship with her mother(despite the fact that her mother had little to do with her upbringing, and helped to cause a lot of the issues that she deals with). But her mom is one of her few social outlets. They talk everyday, and I fear that the influence of this perpetually unhappy person weighs heavily on LeeAnne(my wife). Dave's point stuck with me too. We have friends, but they are scattered throughout Florida and we do not get together anywhere near as often as we like. But she is a person who feels best when she is serving others, making others happy.

Having said all that, I can't say I have much advice as we are going through some major transformations right now, facing things about ourselves that we have not previously dealt with. She got laid off last friday so that definitely adds to the task. So I guess all I can say right now is that you are not alone. I'll let you know how things continue to develop for her(at the moment she is happier and healthier than she's been in years, despite the lay off) if you stay in touch and let us know if there is anyway we can help you. Of course that kind of childhood can stay with you! When loving, being loved, and allowing for joy is not taught at an early age, it's pretty hard to pick up in adulthood. But I believe it can be done. I wish you all the best.

much love
Chris

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi Chris. Thanks for the supportive message.

Your wife is very lucky. I think that people that grew up in loving families don't really understand what it is like if you grow up in an unloving one. But I think that love is something we learn, so if someone learns it from damaged people, it can be very detrimental. Some of us are lucky enough to find other people in our lives that DO know what love is, and if we keep trying, we can replace our original feelings and ideas about what love was (something painful) to what love really is (the ultimate pleasure). Perhaps part of my problem right now is that helping my mother is a constant reminder of the fact that I didn't grow up with love.

Anyway, I appreciate your support.
Hugs
Betsy

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Dear Betsy,

I believe that you can definitely overcome the situation and even genetic history you were born into.  I'm working on that, as well…trying to get to a point where I feel loved all the time.  I felt like my last romantic relationship was a situation kind of like yours with your mother, where I was giving and giving and didn't feel like I was receiving.  That was incredibly draining for me, and I had to get out of the relationship.  My mother is in a similar situation right now caring for her father, and it has been really draining for her, too. 

It seems that everyone goes through the question you are now facing…
what obligation do I have to provide for the well being of others?

I think people like me run into trouble when they feel like they are the only way that someone can receive care.  In this case, they sacrifice their wonderful self, when they really don't need to. 

Can you hire someone to help you with caring for your mom?  It needn't be a large change.  You could try getting help for just an hour every week and see how it feels.  I believe it could be a great thing.  It wouldn't cost much for just an hour, she might enjoy a little change in routine and the newness, and you could have an hour every week of mental relaxation. 

good luck!  may you feel a little lighter,

Leah

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi Leah. Thanks for the response. My mother lives in a nursing home, but she does not get any of her love or other emotional needs met there. I have hired a young girl that visits my mother from 2 - 6 hours a week, so she is a great help. A great blessing. But I will still always feel obligated to visit my mother every week. Even though she doesn't remember it from one day to the next. Plus, I have to deal with all of her legal and medical problems and any problems that come up with the nursing home. Its just difficult.

Anyway, thanks for the response.
Betsy

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Dear Betsy,

Live for today. Life is far too fragile and too finite to let the monsters of your past bind your hands and keep you from experiencing what the world has to offer. The beasts of yesterday are nothing but rotting carcasses that lie in the back of your mind, their stench silently preoccupying your thoughts. Even if you do your best to dispose of the rotting flesh, the odor still remains and persists. So, what is there to do?

If it's any consolation, my childhood wasn't the greatest either. I went to a small, Baptist school where I was mocked on a daily basis (I'm totally not asking for sympathy, I'm just saying what happened). I tried therapists and self-help books, but neither of these helped much. I found that the only thing that truly blocks out the horrid stench of my past is pure spontaneity. Do things that you wouldn't normally do that often.

Feel the warmth of the sun on your fingertips, let the moon fill your eyes, read a poem, sing a song, kiss someone, dance until you're out of breath, travel the world, enjoy a good book, and look to all that is positive within the biosphere.

I hope that this post full of hodge-podge information has been of at least some vague assistance :-D. If you need anyone to talk to at any time for any reason, please feel free to send me a message!

Blessings,
Sara

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Genetics is always a crap shoot. Nevertheless, surf for Bouchard's longitudinal study of identical twins adopted out at birth to different sets of parents. He tested the kids all thru development and into adulthood. Even tho they never had any interaction or even knowledge of why they were being tested, it was easy to see on the basis of just the personality profile assessments and talent scores, who the twins were.

Short of severe trauma, accident, disease, or whatever, the testing was over 95% sufficient to identify twins. With fraternal twins, it dropped to 70%. He also tested unrelated kids who were all adopted into the same family. As adults, they were no more like each other than a random grab off the street.

I've posted this many times, and the silence is just deafening. People just cannot believe the data. Which is what Janis' studies on Group think would predict. Some of have the genetic endowment to just move on, and some dont. If you do, you are damn lucky.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

The only way to get over it is to put it behind you.
There are so many sad childhood stories -and I won't elaborate
to add mine -but I will share my theory.
You see- although sometimes I can't help but be reminded of past
events -for the main, I can and do, put them behind me.

I reckon, be buggered if I am going to let that past pain, ruin my life now.

And although it takes strength of mind to do so -it IS worth it.

Peaceful loving to you all,

sandy

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

daybrown and sandy,

there is certainly truth in what both of you are saying… genetics / pre-natal development do play a major role in our 'instinctual behaviors'.  I don't think it has ever been proven that gene structure plays a greater role than the environmental factors / experiences within the womb, and that may be extremely difficult to do.

I am the middle kid of 5, and while we are all genetically linked, and experienced the same childhood, we are so different from each other it is unbelieveable.

We had some tough family issues, some of the kids rebelled, got into drugs, and others went to church and played a ton of sports.  To this day, there are 2 kids in their 40's and 50's who refuse to let the past go, and there are 3 who have moved on, forgiven each others transgressions, and have very healthy, happy and fulfilling individual lives.

I agree with you Sandy…. choice is everything.. the power of the mind and heart to overcome any physically ordained behaviours is extremely powerful…. and the only thing worth doing, is to choose a positive path forward, one filled with love and dreams, and put the past behind.  Everyday we live in the past, is a day we have not moved along our path.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

I don't think I live in the past or dwell on it. The main reason I brought up the topic is, because of the self-help books I have been reading, I have been trying to remember what things in life bring me the most joy. And I can't really think of anything. I can think of many moments of pleasure and contentment and, of course, the rush that goes along with new love, but I can't think of many times where I really experienced joy. I can remember myself being stoic, even as a child. When I see kids like that now (riding a roller coaster, perhaps, and refusing to let themselves break out into a full-out grin), I feel sorry for them, because I wonder if they will grow into adults that don't know how to really experience joy.

I would like to be more joyous and more joyful and that is what has led me to the question - could it be something about my childhood and, if so, is it something that I can overcome?

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Betsy… we really haven't come full circle now… I believe what you are hearing from almost everyone… is that joy is not something you have or don't have… joy is a choice… your choice… it is your actions that create joy, or don't.

You had a tough childhood for a reason, and that is so evident to me and I am sure to everyone who knows you.  Your tough childhood made you a loving, giving person… which is a wonderful gift. 

You said earlier, what you are missing is the echo back of the love that you share. 

I will say this with the love I hold for you, but the reason you do not feel the echo of your love, is because your love is conditional…  if I am wrong,in your eyes, please read this then as what I am seeing…

if you give and do not receive back… you feel unrequited… and dream of the joy that comes with the love of others flowing into you…. but it doesn't come.. it is self fullfilling.

As soon as you expect the echo, you are sending love that while people feel it, appreciate it, they are not inspired to return the love… for it is your conditional love.

Joy does not come from outside of you, it is within you, and it is yours to nurture, and express unconditionally. 

So… how do you nurture and express joy?    Read your Gaia profile… you are speaking about who you are… what you are passionate about… and the words are full of incredible joy… I felt that the first time we crossed paths, and I hope you have felt love echo'd back from me… because I love who you are…

If you are not feeling the same joy as you are expressing… IMHO… the degree to which you are living your profile - who you truly are - is not sufficient enough for you, and you have levels of passion and love to share that has yet to be tapped. 

You feel a certain anger that your caring for your mom is holding you back… I promise you, there will be something else holding you back when you are no longer caring for her…  what is holding you back… is you…

I know what I am talking about… I spent the majority of  my life blaming the world around me for my failure to embrace my gifts and live them to the fullest. A career, my marriage, my mom and dad's illnesses, …  I was afraid to accept that I could actually live my life overflowing with joy, without having to change my marriage or my job or anything else…. and that I deserved to live it.  My fear was not about the joy, it was that I'd have to face the fact for the first 40 years of my life I wasted my time being unhappy… and there was no one to blame but me.

The echo of joyful love that you will feel back, will only happen, when the love you share is jam packed full of joy.

Now, instead of thinking of myself as a business man, I am a writer and photographer who is publishing my own books.  I thought about sharing all this stuff on the web, but the truth is… a book is more personal.. it is material, and people read and look at photos that are published, much differently than online. 

I remember the first time my wife met my Aunt Kathleen.  Kathleen was, and is my great aunt on my mothers side, but also my 'guardian angel'.  I know when times are tough, she is always in my heart.  Anyway, my family was telling my wife that Aunt Kathleen was very frail.. in her 90's' and she had a stroke that paralyzed her entire body.  They made clear feel fearful of meeting the aunt I so loved.

I told Claire about Aunt Kathleen's spirit, and her heart, and that even though she cannot speak, or even move.. you will feel her love flowing out of her.  Claire decided to bring Aunt Kathleen a brand new pair of speakers, and tell her they were going to go for a walk together and talk about me.

Aunt Kathleen's eyes opened wide, sending incredible rays of love… and yes.. she smiled… even though that was physically impossible.  My family could not believe Claire was so 'insensitive', but the truth was, Aunt Kathleen held onto that one moment of meeting Claire in her heart… and probably tried very hard to get rid of the pity that everyone was heaping on her.

So.. you can ask how to experience the joy… will you be able to overcome the past… and all I am saying is… that is 125% your choice… a choice you can make right now… there is no other way… than to choose.

How can you do it?  We have never met, and if we did, I am sure I could see the joy in you that you are not feeling.  Given that we cannot meet, now anyway.. all I can offer is…

Be your profile… I love you for that profile… and feel the joy of your love … live it to the fullest that you can… and accept that the power within you has yet to be fully released… and that is why you do not feel joy… because you have not chosen to release it yet.

Love,

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Wow. I'm not entirely sure what to say. I'm speechless. A lot to digest, yes, but part of the “lot to digest” is just the fact that you took that much time to develop a reply to me.  I wish that I had that message on tape so that I could play it over and over and listen to it while I work in the garden or take a walk in our woods because I think even the cracks and crevices of that message have incredible wisdom.

I think, perhaps, its not just that my love is conditional. I think, perhaps, my whole attitude towards LIFE is conditional. It's something else that has been playing through my mind lately but that word “conditional” didn't really come to mind, since we so often only attribute that word to love.

BUT, I live very much of my life in a conditional way, just like many people do. “IF this happens, then I will have a good day and be joyous”. “SINCE it is 93 degrees outside, I cannot possibly go outside and play in the yard, therefore I cannot be happy”. “SINCE my mother has Alzheimer's and has been slowly dying for the last 11 years, I cannot possibly live a life of joy because at any moment, a phone call may come that will bring me sadness”. “SINCE I am married and Dave and I live in different parts of the country, we cannot share phone numbers and be the kind of friends that perhaps, we need to be to each other.”

In the words of today's rough society “WHAT THE F**** have I been thinking?”

Holy crype!!! Holy childhood trauma!!!

It's not so much that I am not giving love out because I am not feeling the echo. It is just that I have a million other conditions that I am surrounding myself with to prevent myself from just feeling the joy in every moment. THEREFORE, I am just not FEELING the joy and love that is inside me. I (huge capital I) am the one that is not reflecting the love or sending out the love.

I gotta go think about all of this!!

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi Betsy!

Good on you!

This weekend, I will repeat what I said in a voice clip and send it to you.  I just finished doing a voice over for a flash ad / demonstration, so gots all the tools to create it.

Love ya,

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Yes, my dear, childhood trauma can stay with a person for a lifetime If that is their choice.  You are very fortunate that you were never abused…….I was constantly physically abused for 13 years, and allowed it to affect me for many years.

Fortunately, I finally learned how to make it stop affecting me:  true forgiveness…..not for my buser (because he says it never happened), but FOR MYSELF.

As for your purpose……..I agree that looking for what brings you joy is helpful…..however,  I have found that when I've actively sought out my purpose, many times I ended up mistaken.  Perhaps one's purpose can be revealed by asking God daily to use you as He wishes…..then your purpose could slowly unfold and reveal itself before you; gradually….in His timing, not yours. 

Bessings to you,
Susan

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

There will be a time when the actor in the play walks off the stage, romoves all of his or her clothing and drops the story that has been played since???….  and in this moment a quick look back will heal the actor as he or she sees for the first time that every scene was simply a dancing of light with no dancers.

Until then know that by simply removing the idea of a “you” experiencing a drama, will heal and reveal Truth.

Peace pretending to be… Mike

Deeksha

Betsy,
 I don't know you, but at the same time, I do. We are all connected, and I know this, so I feel your pain. Plus, we have all had times where we feel that there is no joy. But, here's my little suggestion that has really helped me.

Two months ago, I started going to a group meditation. It's called Deeksha, and there I get the “Oneness Blessing.” I know this may sound really weird, but don't stop reading yet. All we do is sit in a circle and meditate. We let our minds go wondering, and then someone will come around and give this blessing. All this blessing does is connect with God, Spirit, Source-whatever you want to call it-and gives you energy. You may not feel anything in the session, but what this blessing is designed for is to get all these negative experiences out of your system. It's kinda like a cleansing.

I may not have explained this very clearly, but I feel so much better after these classes. I have found new joy-not happiness-deep rooted joy.

I also agree with your friend. When you give love to others, the act of giving it means that you have it. You have to have something to give it someone else, so just by loving others, you have love. Same with joy. By giving others joy, you have it. I learned that in reading a book “Tomorrow's God.” But I would start out with “Conversations with God” in that series.

Also, there are a few books on Deeksha. One is called Deeksha. The other one is “Oneness Blessing” (I think). But, I bet you could look of Deeksha meetings in your area. Or there's also a similar practice called Reiki. I've never done Reiki, but from what I know about it, it is a one-on-one deal. Hopefully, this helps. If not, just disregard this and good luck in your journey.
Lindsey

Re: Deeksha

thats really good that you go to a meditate gorup because ive been wanting to go to one for the longest time to get stress off of my mind

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Taking the steps to find happiness is one of the most important things you can do.  That is a decision you made to break the cycle. You cant change the past but you control your future.  I hope you find the happiness you desire

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi Betsy:  I heard and felt your pain.  Like you I am a survivor of a Dysfunctional Family.  Here is a suggestion, and that is all it is, a suggestion. Its a ritual I call Going to the River.  I find a nice flowing river, or stream or any moving body of water.  I bring with me some handmade paper, an envelope made of the same paper and pens.  I find a nice quiet and private place away from others.  I sit there and write out my pain, my anger, my fears, my shame, all of it.  Then I seal it up in the envelope, put it in the river and let it GO!  Sometimes it takes more then one trip to the river but it helps.  I can also be quite emotional afterwards, and thats OK.  One of the things I have to remember, It was done TO me, not BY me!  and going to the river actually reminds me.  Use this if you like, no pressure here.  I had to learn how to look after me, instead of looking after everyone else first!  Thats hard cause then we feel selfish.  But you know, sometimes we need to say No to look after ourselves.
I am sending you lots of Healing Thoughts and a huge Zen Hug.  Those go long distance you know!  ;}  Wishing you all the Best!
Blessings
Full Moon Dancer

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

I can relate to you because I too had a horrible childhood, but I was abused sexually and physically.  I have brought so many negative feelings with me where ever I go until I decided to stop letting the past take away my happiness today.  I have found medatation to help but I also read a lot of books about abuse and I can understand the stages of healing as they come.  I reccommend reading some books about the inner child as if you didn't get what you needed as a child, be that as a hug, praise, etc., your inner child was starving for the attention she so desperately needed. 

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Findig your joy?
Fake it till you make it.
A intentional smile (at yourself) is a good start.
Rev up your endorphines with exercise and laughter.
Chocolate helps too.

We all have good days and not so good ones.  Paying attention to the moments when all is well will show that they are the majority.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Heck yeah. I find it absolutely amazing to see how our experiences in adolescence return to us in unconscious ways; in emotions, in physical manifestations, in how we relate to self and others. I think it can be especially hard to recognize the hurts-  the emotions, behaviors and experiences that may rear their heads- when you can't quite put an “abuse” tag on the difficulties that were experienced. I have a good friend who is writing her thesis on just this type of experience. If you would like, contact me and I'll ask her if I can share it with you (anyone who might be interested)- she's also got a plethora of books on the issue- I could ask her about 'em if you like.

What a journey life is, eh? To each turn, bend and road bump along the way, I wish you many blessings and much peace :)


Breathe in, Peace out…
Aimee

http://www.wellnessgossip.com   

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

I have a purpose…it is children. Statistics of abuse are outrageous. As a pediatric nurse, I saw  things that should never happen to children. Things that are kept secret . I met a friend in Gaia  last March, and together we are creating a beautiful global vehicle for change. We believe we can make it better for all children with your help. Old patterns do not have to repeat. Things CAN change NOW. I hope you will come visit and join us in this world wide transformation ?!  :)

 http://2senseworth.gaia.com/blog

Love,

Janie

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Betsy,

When was the last time you just let it all go?  When did you know that you were going to have some time to yourself, take the phone off the hook and just let it all go?  Allow yourself to let it all surface.  Cry, scream, curse, beat up a pillow, rage and just melt?  Sometimes the catharsis is just what you need to start over.  Think of it as a reboot of your system.  I think it only works if you know you will have the privacy to do it.  If you feel like you will be interrupted, it inhibits your natural responses. 

It sounds to me like you have been stuffing your natural feelings to care for others and now you can't find your way back to the joy because of the wall built.  Once you demolish that wall, you can find your feelings (all of them/good and bad).  Once you let yourself go, then do someone wonderful for yourself.  It can be something as soothing as a warm bath or a walk along the sea shore, meditation in the woods or listening to music, you can fill your vessel with joy once again because you have opened the door to life. 

Be kind to yourself and joy will come to you.  A bad childhood is a sorrow but the tragedy doesn't happen unless you let it rule the rest of your existence.  You hold the power in your life now.  You can live or not as you choose. 

Be well and good luck, I know you will find your joy once again. 

Christina

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Quote “Any suggestions for good books on the topic or methods to overcome some blockage that is preventing me from experiencing my joy?” unquote

Yes, perhaps I can help you very constructively and actively (helping such situations  happened to be my profession until I retired).

You need to have a basic understanding of “Injunctions”, “scripts” , and how the childhood upbringing influences our “life positions” at later ages.

I suggest that you start with the excellent book “Born to Win” written by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward. It is a Signet book, and should be easily available.

In case you need any direct help to understand the concepts in this book, please feel free to email me. I would consider myself blessed if I am of any help to you.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi again,

Further to my earlier suggestion to read “Born to win”, I have made a new Blog entry entitled same as this topic “Getting over childhood trauma”, wherein I have quoted excerpts from chapter 2 of this book for your quick view about the basic idea. I hope this blog will be of some help.
 
Good luck

Eli

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hi -

Yes you can get over childhood trauma. Find a therapist in your area that works closely with conscious breathwork/rebirthing or any kind of therapeutic breathwork. Breathwork gets to the “root” of the sadness/pain/distress and clears all of the less than positive emotions/thoughts etc that are held on a cellular level. Clearing these blocks from the cells and learning how to breathe fully and deeply can work wonders in your life.
I speak from experience.
The highlights of my childhood:

angry, fairly violent household
instances of “sexual misconduct” at the hands of a neighborhood boy at age 9
mom died when I was eleven
two mean juvenile delinquent brothers who teased me mercilessly
father remarried into another crazy dysfunctional family with stepmother who was certifiably nuts
violence continued
dad divorced stepmom, moved us into out own house and then remarried her a year and a half later, leaving me with two crazy brothers
on my own at age 15
raped at 18
more intermittent violence …

the sage continues, but that'll give you an idea ..

at any rate, looking at my life now and what I have accomplished one would never even imagine where it started.  I am a mostly well adjusted human being. Sure, I have sadness and remnants of that crazy past, but for the most part, I've gotten through the worst.  I attribute it to Rebirthing/conscious breathwork and the drive to go deep into the dark places in order to come out the other side into the Light.

Good luck to you.
God bless.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Hello Betsy and all my other loved one out there in Gaia land. 

This is a subject that I'm all too familiar with.  One thing that I've learned is that no book can tell you exactly what you need to do to get over things.  One thing that I also learned is that the support of others can help you along the way.  Take for instance all the intimate experiences that our loved ones have been sharing throughout this thread.  You can take those experiences, and make yourself a “get over it patchwork quilt” of sorts.  You take all the things that resonate in your spirit woman, and you cover yourself with them.  You take your life one second at a time, and, as selfish as it may sound, you take some time in the midst of taking care of others to remember to take care of you.  Remember to love Betsy.  If you do nothing more than taking a moment to do your favorite thing just because it's your favorite thing to do. 

The best way to move on, is to move.  Just take a step in any direction, and trust whatever force that guides you to lead you.  There is no formula, only movement, grace, and openness to healing.  I'm sending love your way and prayers for healing.

Peace and Blessings to you Betsy!!!!

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

I had that to.
dont let the tail wag the dog.
Might it be you or some thing external to your self ?
My best advice is to let what enters your personal sphere be subject to scrutiny.
Darling, you are not alone in this experience.
Best i can say is , garbage in, garbage out, so, choose carefully what you allow to interface with your self.
All my life i have said, Idont care a rats what any one thinks, but, the luoder i said that, the louder i heard other wise. 
Wishing you well, good luck in all your commings and goings.
In my experience the problem seems to be at a fundamental level requiring deep investigation.
I am left with believing there is nothing in my life or any one elses that indicates otherwise.
If a thing is in our life we seem to need to look deeper to find meaningfull answers within our selves. Wishing i could find an easier answer for you and i.
Fair thee well, and lots of loving to you and all other Gaians.