Gaia: Gaia Lounge - What is the Lounge? - Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://medeadbugger.gaia.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 02:13:27 GMT

I had that to.
dont let the tail wag the dog.
Might it be you or some thing external to your self ?
My best advice is to let what enters your personal sphere be subject to scrutiny.
Darling, you are not alone in this experience.
Best i can say is , garbage in, garbage out, so, choose carefully what you allow to interface with your self.
All my life i have said, Idont care a rats what any one thinks, but, the luoder i said that, the louder i heard other wise.
Wishing you well, good luck in all your commings and goings.
In my experience the problem seems to be at a fundamental level requiring deep investigation.
I am left with believing there is nothing in my life or any one elses that indicates otherwise.
If a thing is in our life we seem to need to look deeper to find meaningfull answers within our selves. Wishing i could find an easier answer for you and i.
Fair thee well, and lots of loving to you and all other Gaians.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://opentograce.gaia.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:34:57 GMT

Hello Betsy and all my other loved one out there in Gaia land.

This is a subject that I'm all too familiar with. One thing that I've learned is that no book can tell you exactly what you need to do to get over things. One thing that I also learned is that the support of others can help you along the way. Take for instance all the intimate experiences that our loved ones have been sharing throughout this thread. You can take those experiences, and make yourself a "get over it patchwork quilt" of sorts. You take all the things that resonate in your spirit woman, and you cover yourself with them. You take your life one second at a time, and, as selfish as it may sound, you take some time in the midst of taking care of others to remember to take care of you. Remember to love Betsy. If you do nothing more than taking a moment to do your favorite thing just because it's your favorite thing to do.

The best way to move on, is to move. Just take a step in any direction, and trust whatever force that guides you to lead you. There is no formula, only movement, grace, and openness to healing. I'm sending love your way and prayers for healing.

Peace and Blessings to you Betsy!!!!

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:33:48 GMT

Hi -

Yes you can get over childhood trauma. Find a therapist in your area that works closely with conscious breathwork/rebirthing or any kind of therapeutic breathwork. Breathwork gets to the "root" of the sadness/pain/distress and clears all of the less than positive emotions/thoughts etc that are held on a cellular level. Clearing these blocks from the cells and learning how to breathe fully and deeply can work wonders in your life.
I speak from experience.
The highlights of my childhood:

angry, fairly violent household
instances of "sexual misconduct" at the hands of a neighborhood boy at age 9
mom died when I was eleven
two mean juvenile delinquent brothers who teased me mercilessly
father remarried into another crazy dysfunctional family with stepmother who was certifiably nuts
violence continued
dad divorced stepmom, moved us into out own house and then remarried her a year and a half later, leaving me with two crazy brothers
on my own at age 15
raped at 18
more intermittent violence ...

the sage continues, but that'll give you an idea ..

at any rate, looking at my life now and what I have accomplished one would never even imagine where it started. I am a mostly well adjusted human being. Sure, I have sadness and remnants of that crazy past, but for the most part, I've gotten through the worst. I attribute it to Rebirthing/conscious breathwork and the drive to go deep into the dark places in order to come out the other side into the Light.

Good luck to you.
God bless.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://EliRoberson.gaia.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 05:30:49 GMT

Hi again,

Further to my earlier suggestion to read "Born to win", I have made a new Blog entry entitled same as this topic "Getting over childhood trauma", wherein I have quoted excerpts from chapter 2 of this book for your quick view about the basic idea. I hope this blog will be of some help.

Good luck

Eli

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://EliRoberson.gaia.com — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:44:08 GMT

Quote "Any suggestions for good books on the topic or methods to overcome some blockage that is preventing me from experiencing my joy?" unquote

Yes, perhaps I can help you very constructively and actively (helping such situations happened to be my profession until I retired).

You need to have a basic understanding of "Injunctions", "scripts" , and how the childhood upbringing influences our "life positions" at later ages.

I suggest that you start with the excellent book "Born to Win" written by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward. It is a Signet book, and should be easily available.

In case you need any direct help to understand the concepts in this book, please feel free to email me. I would consider myself blessed if I am of any help to you.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://swanodette.gaia.com — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:14:17 GMT

Betsy,

When was the last time you just let it all go? When did you know that you were going to have some time to yourself, take the phone off the hook and just let it all go? Allow yourself to let it all surface. Cry, scream, curse, beat up a pillow, rage and just melt? Sometimes the catharsis is just what you need to start over. Think of it as a reboot of your system. I think it only works if you know you will have the privacy to do it. If you feel like you will be interrupted, it inhibits your natural responses.

It sounds to me like you have been stuffing your natural feelings to care for others and now you can't find your way back to the joy because of the wall built. Once you demolish that wall, you can find your feelings (all of them/good and bad). Once you let yourself go, then do someone wonderful for yourself. It can be something as soothing as a warm bath or a walk along the sea shore, meditation in the woods or listening to music, you can fill your vessel with joy once again because you have opened the door to life.

Be kind to yourself and joy will come to you. A bad childhood is a sorrow but the tragedy doesn't happen unless you let it rule the rest of your existence. You hold the power in your life now. You can live or not as you choose.

Be well and good luck, I know you will find your joy once again.

Christina

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 03:24:19 GMT

I have a purpose...it is children. Statistics of abuse are outrageous. As a pediatric nurse, I saw things that should never happen to children. Things that are kept secret . I met a friend in Gaia last March, and together we are creating a beautiful global vehicle for change. We believe we can make it better for all children with your help. Old patterns do not have to repeat. Things CAN change NOW. I hope you will come visit and join us in this world wide transformation ?! :)

http://2senseworth.gaia.com/blog

Love,

Janie

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://lovingrebel.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 05:28:44 GMT

Heck yeah. I find it absolutely amazing to see how our experiences in adolescence return to us in unconscious ways; in emotions, in physical manifestations, in how we relate to self and others. I think it can be especially hard to recognize the hurts- the emotions, behaviors and experiences that may rear their heads- when you can't quite put an "abuse" tag on the difficulties that were experienced. I have a good friend who is writing her thesis on just this type of experience. If you would like, contact me and I'll ask her if I can share it with you (anyone who might be interested)- she's also got a plethora of books on the issue- I could ask her about 'em if you like.

What a journey life is, eh? To each turn, bend and road bump along the way, I wish you many blessings and much peace :)

Breathe in, Peace out...
Aimee

http://www.wellnessgossip.com

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://roswan.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:57:42 GMT

Findig your joy?
Fake it till you make it.
A intentional smile (at yourself) is a good start.
Rev up your endorphines with exercise and laughter.
Chocolate helps too.

We all have good days and not so good ones. Paying attention to the moments when all is well will show that they are the majority.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://flutter-by-on-a-breeze.gaia.com — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:55:47 GMT

I can relate to you because I too had a horrible childhood, but I was abused sexually and physically. I have brought so many negative feelings with me where ever I go until I decided to stop letting the past take away my happiness today. I have found medatation to help but I also read a lot of books about abuse and I can understand the stages of healing as they come. I reccommend reading some books about the inner child as if you didn't get what you needed as a child, be that as a hug, praise, etc., your inner child was starving for the attention she so desperately needed.

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://fullmoondancer.gaia.com — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:10:21 GMT

Hi Betsy: I heard and felt your pain. Like you I am a survivor of a Dysfunctional Family. Here is a suggestion, and that is all it is, a suggestion. Its a ritual I call Going to the River. I find a nice flowing river, or stream or any moving body of water. I bring with me some handmade paper, an envelope made of the same paper and pens. I find a nice quiet and private place away from others. I sit there and write out my pain, my anger, my fears, my shame, all of it. Then I seal it up in the envelope, put it in the river and let it GO! Sometimes it takes more then one trip to the river but it helps. I can also be quite emotional afterwards, and thats OK. One of the things I have to remember, It was done TO me, not BY me! and going to the river actually reminds me. Use this if you like, no pressure here. I had to learn how to look after me, instead of looking after everyone else first! Thats hard cause then we feel selfish. But you know, sometimes we need to say No to look after ourselves.
I am sending you lots of Healing Thoughts and a huge Zen Hug. Those go long distance you know! ;} Wishing you all the Best!
Blessings
Full Moon Dancer

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://inmymind.gaia.com — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 02:17:43 GMT

Taking the steps to find happiness is one of the most important things you can do. That is a decision you made to break the cycle. You cant change the past but you control your future. I hope you find the happiness you desire

Re: Deeksha

http://peraung.gaia.com — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 19:33:35 GMT

thats really good that you go to a meditate gorup because ive been wanting to go to one for the longest time to get stress off of my mind

Deeksha

http://lindseyparkinson.gaia.com — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:17:37 GMT

Betsy,
I don't know you, but at the same time, I do. We are all connected, and I know this, so I feel your pain. Plus, we have all had times where we feel that there is no joy. But, here's my little suggestion that has really helped me.

Two months ago, I started going to a group meditation. It's called Deeksha, and there I get the "Oneness Blessing." I know this may sound really weird, but don't stop reading yet. All we do is sit in a circle and meditate. We let our minds go wondering, and then someone will come around and give this blessing. All this blessing does is connect with God, Spirit, Source-whatever you want to call it-and gives you energy. You may not feel anything in the session, but what this blessing is designed for is to get all these negative experiences out of your system. It's kinda like a cleansing.

I may not have explained this very clearly, but I feel so much better after these classes. I have found new joy-not happiness-deep rooted joy.

I also agree with your friend. When you give love to others, the act of giving it means that you have it. You have to have something to give it someone else, so just by loving others, you have love. Same with joy. By giving others joy, you have it. I learned that in reading a book "Tomorrow's God." But I would start out with "Conversations with God" in that series.

Also, there are a few books on Deeksha. One is called Deeksha. The other one is "Oneness Blessing" (I think). But, I bet you could look of Deeksha meetings in your area. Or there's also a similar practice called Reiki. I've never done Reiki, but from what I know about it, it is a one-on-one deal. Hopefully, this helps. If not, just disregard this and good luck in your journey.
Lindsey

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://instanttruth.gaia.com — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:09:45 GMT

There will be a time when the actor in the play walks off the stage, romoves all of his or her clothing and drops the story that has been played since???.... and in this moment a quick look back will heal the actor as he or she sees for the first time that every scene was simply a dancing of light with no dancers.

Until then know that by simply removing the idea of a "you" experiencing a drama, will heal and reveal Truth.

Peace pretending to be... Mike

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:10:09 GMT

Yes, my dear, childhood trauma can stay with a person for a lifetime If that is their choice. You are very fortunate that you were never abused.......I was constantly physically abused for 13 years, and allowed it to affect me for many years.

Fortunately, I finally learned how to make it stop affecting me: true forgiveness.....not for my buser (because he says it never happened), but FOR MYSELF.

As for your purpose........I agree that looking for what brings you joy is helpful.....however, I have found that when I've actively sought out my purpose, many times I ended up mistaken. Perhaps one's purpose can be revealed by asking God daily to use you as He wishes.....then your purpose could slowly unfold and reveal itself before you; gradually....in His timing, not yours.

Bessings to you,
Susan

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:13:16 GMT

Hi Betsy!

Good on you!

This weekend, I will repeat what I said in a voice clip and send it to you. I just finished doing a voice over for a flash ad / demonstration, so gots all the tools to create it.

Love ya,

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://takecareofyourshare.gaia.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:55:05 GMT

Wow. I'm not entirely sure what to say. I'm speechless. A lot to digest, yes, but part of the "lot to digest" is just the fact that you took that much time to develop a reply to me. I wish that I had that message on tape so that I could play it over and over and listen to it while I work in the garden or take a walk in our woods because I think even the cracks and crevices of that message have incredible wisdom.

I think, perhaps, its not just that my love is conditional. I think, perhaps, my whole attitude towards LIFE is conditional. It's something else that has been playing through my mind lately but that word "conditional" didn't really come to mind, since we so often only attribute that word to love.

BUT, I live very much of my life in a conditional way, just like many people do. "IF this happens, then I will have a good day and be joyous". "SINCE it is 93 degrees outside, I cannot possibly go outside and play in the yard, therefore I cannot be happy". "SINCE my mother has Alzheimer's and has been slowly dying for the last 11 years, I cannot possibly live a life of joy because at any moment, a phone call may come that will bring me sadness". "SINCE I am married and Dave and I live in different parts of the country, we cannot share phone numbers and be the kind of friends that perhaps, we need to be to each other."

In the words of today's rough society "WHAT THE F**** have I been thinking?"

Holy crype!!! Holy childhood trauma!!!

It's not so much that I am not giving love out because I am not feeling the echo. It is just that I have a million other conditions that I am surrounding myself with to prevent myself from just feeling the joy in every moment. THEREFORE, I am just not FEELING the joy and love that is inside me. I (huge capital I) am the one that is not reflecting the love or sending out the love.

I gotta go think about all of this!!

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:16:08 GMT

Betsy... we really haven't come full circle now... I believe what you are hearing from almost everyone... is that joy is not something you have or don't have... joy is a choice... your choice... it is your actions that create joy, or don't.

You had a tough childhood for a reason, and that is so evident to me and I am sure to everyone who knows you. Your tough childhood made you a loving, giving person... which is a wonderful gift.

You said earlier, what you are missing is the echo back of the love that you share.

I will say this with the love I hold for you, but the reason you do not feel the echo of your love, is because your love is conditional... if I am wrong,in your eyes, please read this then as what I am seeing...

if you give and do not receive back... you feel unrequited... and dream of the joy that comes with the love of others flowing into you.... but it doesn't come.. it is self fullfilling.

As soon as you expect the echo, you are sending love that while people feel it, appreciate it, they are not inspired to return the love... for it is your conditional love.

Joy does not come from outside of you, it is within you, and it is yours to nurture, and express unconditionally.

So... how do you nurture and express joy? Read your Gaia profile... you are speaking about who you are... what you are passionate about... and the words are full of incredible joy... I felt that the first time we crossed paths, and I hope you have felt love echo'd back from me... because I love who you are...

If you are not feeling the same joy as you are expressing... IMHO... the degree to which you are living your profile - who you truly are - is not sufficient enough for you, and you have levels of passion and love to share that has yet to be tapped.

You feel a certain anger that your caring for your mom is holding you back... I promise you, there will be something else holding you back when you are no longer caring for her... what is holding you back... is you...

I know what I am talking about... I spent the majority of my life blaming the world around me for my failure to embrace my gifts and live them to the fullest. A career, my marriage, my mom and dad's illnesses, ... I was afraid to accept that I could actually live my life overflowing with joy, without having to change my marriage or my job or anything else.... and that I deserved to live it. My fear was not about the joy, it was that I'd have to face the fact for the first 40 years of my life I wasted my time being unhappy... and there was no one to blame but me.

The echo of joyful love that you will feel back, will only happen, when the love you share is jam packed full of joy.

Now, instead of thinking of myself as a business man, I am a writer and photographer who is publishing my own books. I thought about sharing all this stuff on the web, but the truth is... a book is more personal.. it is material, and people read and look at photos that are published, much differently than online.

I remember the first time my wife met my Aunt Kathleen. Kathleen was, and is my great aunt on my mothers side, but also my 'guardian angel'. I know when times are tough, she is always in my heart. Anyway, my family was telling my wife that Aunt Kathleen was very frail.. in her 90's' and she had a stroke that paralyzed her entire body. They made clear feel fearful of meeting the aunt I so loved.

I told Claire about Aunt Kathleen's spirit, and her heart, and that even though she cannot speak, or even move.. you will feel her love flowing out of her. Claire decided to bring Aunt Kathleen a brand new pair of speakers, and tell her they were going to go for a walk together and talk about me.

Aunt Kathleen's eyes opened wide, sending incredible rays of love... and yes.. she smiled... even though that was physically impossible. My family could not believe Claire was so 'insensitive', but the truth was, Aunt Kathleen held onto that one moment of meeting Claire in her heart... and probably tried very hard to get rid of the pity that everyone was heaping on her.

So.. you can ask how to experience the joy... will you be able to overcome the past... and all I am saying is... that is 125% your choice... a choice you can make right now... there is no other way... than to choose.

How can you do it? We have never met, and if we did, I am sure I could see the joy in you that you are not feeling. Given that we cannot meet, now anyway.. all I can offer is...

Be your profile... I love you for that profile... and feel the joy of your love ... live it to the fullest that you can... and accept that the power within you has yet to be fully released... and that is why you do not feel joy... because you have not chosen to release it yet.

Love,

Dave

Re: Getting over childhood trauma (crap)

http://takecareofyourshare.gaia.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:01:10 GMT

I don't think I live in the past or dwell on it. The main reason I brought up the topic is, because of the self-help books I have been reading, I have been trying to remember what things in life bring me the most joy. And I can't really think of anything. I can think of many moments of pleasure and contentment and, of course, the rush that goes along with new love, but I can't think of many times where I really experienced joy. I can remember myself being stoic, even as a child. When I see kids like that now (riding a roller coaster, perhaps, and refusing to let themselves break out into a full-out grin), I feel sorry for them, because I wonder if they will grow into adults that don't know how to really experience joy.

I would like to be more joyous and more joyful and that is what has led me to the question - could it be something about my childhood and, if so, is it something that I can overcome?