Spiritual Dating

I am not sure what to call this post, so I call it “spiritual dating.”  I am new to the whole dating process.  I was in a relationship for 15 1/2 years that ended about 7 months ago.  I live in a very conservative part of Louisiana.  I am finding it hard to know even how to begin the process of finding a guy that I can connect with on a spiritual level. 
 
It seems that most of the guys in my area are not interested in spiritual matters.  They are only interested in going out to the bar, drinking and drugging, looking good, etc.  Now, it is very possible that I am simply making snap judgements of the gay community without really getting to know these guys.  However, I do think there is some truth to what i am saying.
 
I have joined various online communities and one dating service (match dot com).  I have made a few connections with people that have had a spiritual aspect, but they tend to be miles and miles away from me.  I also made one connection that turned out to be with a very unstable man.  I am getting frustrated with the dating process and don’t know what to do. 
 
I am sure that part of the problem is that I am very shy.  I do go to a church that is very progressive and that has several gay members.  I have thought that I need to make friends with these guys as a way to get more involved with the gay community – especially the part of the gay community that does not hang out at the bar. 
 
Anyway, I am posting this here to start a discussion of dating and how to go about finding the guy that you can relate to on a spiritual level.  I am a fairly new student of A Course in Miracles.  I am a practitioner of The Work of Byron Katie.  I am getting certified in a meditation technique called Integrative Restoration (iRest).  I am a very progressive Christian with a profound interest in a respect for all the world’s religions.  I want to meet someone (hopefully locally) who is similar to me when it comes to his spirituality and his values regarding relationships.
 
Lets discuss…  Any ideas on or experience with the dating process?
 
Thanks,
 
Billy   

Re: Spiritual Dating

Hi, Billy,

I appreciate your openness and willingness to share your self with us.  I checked out your website and your work is very interesting and profound.

When my relationship of 4 years ended, after a few months I was eager to find someone else, and instead I began to find myself.  I have been single for over 4 years now, and I love it.  I needed time to heal and process, and the Universe responded to my inner wisdom, and I had absolutely no ‘luck’ in finding anyone to even date.

I am at the point in my life where I am finally living on my own (my 18 year old son just moved out) for the first time really in my life.  I have always had a partner, roommate, wife, child, parent, somebody, living with me.  I relish my time to myself and my freedom.  However, I do miss intimacy and companionship, and so far I seem to be bouncing between extremes - either I find someone who instantly wants to move in together after the first date, or I meet guys who are on to the next person after a couple of ‘rolls in the hay’.  I don’t know what that says about my consciousness.  I would like to find a happy medium in there somewhere, and so far it hasn’t happened.  Since I don’t drink or smoke, I don’t frequent the bars much, the Internet isn’t really working, and the social club I joined so far hasn’t proven fruitful either.  So I just keep working on my relationship with ME and practicing staying present.

Blessings,
dale

Re: Spiritual Dating

Billy, interesting & wonderful post, and I wish you god’s speed in finding that special someone. As Dale said try working on yourself- sometimes when you have to go without, the best solution is to go within- And Dale, you say “I’d like to find a happy medium”, does this mean that your perfect partner would be a content man with clairvoyant/psycic powers? ( sorry, just being silly, please forgive me) and do be careful when rolling in the proverbial hay that you don’t get stuck by that proverbial needle-but then again, it might be just what/who you need to find, the elusive needle in the haystack!?
  Happy hunting, blessings to you both, Mike

Re: Spiritual Dating

I realise that the image didn’t copy, but if you click on it…..

Re: Spiritual Dating

Hi,

I'm new in this group and I wanted to join in this conversation.
Thank you for being open and sharing your experiences.
I like that there are more people (in general) and gays that are looking for a spiritual partner first. To me that is part of this “change” that we are all going through.
I'm also single and happy with myself at the moment. Yes, I would like to have a partner with me, but I won't just take anyone.
I've been using an affirmation from Yogananda:
Heavenly Father bless me that I choose my life companion according to Thy perfect law of soul union.
He recommends practicing this affirmation for 6 months daily. Even if you think you've  found someone.
It's been working great for me.

Re: Spiritual Dating

Hey, guys,

Here's an update from me - just moved into a new little house - with a small creek and trees in the backyard - and it's my sanctuary. I am finding more and more how much I enjoy my own company, being in my new home, meditating, praying, affirming, listening to music, playing the piano, singing, exercising, walking, gardening - falling in love with ME.

Here is an affirmation that I have been using from James Ray (my version):
“I am so happy and grateful that I am already in my primary love relationship!”

That is either with myself, or with God, depending on how I feel at the time I say it.

I have also made an extensive list of all the quailities that I desire in a partner, and my intention is to embody each of those qualities to the best of my ability.

I AM the needle in the haystack - and I found me!!!

The benefit of this work is that I am finding that my existing relationships - family and friends, people I meet on the street - are blooming and unfolding in amazing ways, probably due to the fact that I am much more present to them than ever before.

LOVE and BLESSINGS
dale

Re: Spiritual Dating

That's it Dale.
That's the Spiritual Dating.
I believe that the relationship that we need to strengthen and nourish is the one with ourselves. The one with God (or whatever you want to call her/him).
And that IS spiritual dating to me.
After that the other relationships come natural. We “attract” them. Instead of going after them.

Re: Spiritual Dating

Beautiful post, both! 
Dale, My hearts sings to read your words, and is filled with joy that your journey has taken you to you… and your relationship with your Higher Self!  

I am Love, Jeff

Re: Spiritual Dating

Lovely Billy!

I feel very shy stepping into this conversation, but I just wanted to say how deeply touched I was by your post, and how certain am that your very action of putting yourself out there like this will do wonders in helping your sweetheart find you.

(I'll confess, too, that this was part of the impetus for Gaia Soulmates; if you have a look at the site, which is certainly gay-friendly, you'll see that the questions we ask are designed to elicit the spiritual yearnings and inclinations of members.)

Also, please don't give up hope! I know many gay men who are deeply involved and engaged in spiritual topics (in some ways I think growing up gay in this world forces a sort of inner questioning or awakening that people otherwise avoid), and I'm sure your own love is out there. You'll find him. You'll see. :)

Re: Spiritual Dating

Yes! Yes! Yes! to all of the above- may every haystack find his/her needle and viceversa or find him/herself

Re: Spiritual Dating

Hello everyone! I hope that even though I'm 14 you guys will be okay with me jumpin' in.

I'm having trouble with this guy, he said he thinks he might be bi, he knows I like him, and since he's found out he's been alot more… touchy I guess you would say, he'll see me laying down and cuddle me and since he found out I'm gay he hugs me. Yet nothing goes anywhere. Any advice on how to move it along? Should I make the first move?