QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

My greatest fear about coming out was that I was going to be alone and regret my decision.   When I came out I had not yet been in a gay relationship, had gay sex, or even had a gay friend.  I was about to give up my marriage, my Church, my friends for something that I was not sure was right for me.

Re: QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

I never had one.  I figured who I had sex with and the details were my own business.  I find that people balk the most over having to think of details that turn them off soooo badly they tend to revolt.  I did my thing, no one asked.  During one of my more vocal periods if someone decided to speak and ask a question in a sneering sort of tone, I saw the fear and the anger over their being curious and I said well hmmm describe the positions you like best with your partner and the thing he does to you that turns you on best.  Often the response was shock, other times it's dismay because they are stuck in bad sex and cannot or do not know their own bodies enough to ask for more.  Sometimes they said well!!! that's none of your business i dont' have sex in public.  My answer is, neither do I.  So, don't ask me to.

elisa

Re: QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

My biggest fear was that of my parents, especially my father. I felt that I was a disgrace, a let-down and that I should be ashamed of whom and what I was/am.

- Mark -

Re: QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

Please how do you feel you got that way?  Feeling I mean?  Before anyone ever said anything to you?

Re: QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

It was part of my upbringing. Although my parents may have had a loving intent they expressed their doubts in me often.

I have a brother who is a year and half older than me. He would skip school to go smoke up on the railway tracks. I had five jobs when I left high school. Two of them were my own businesses, but it was I that was the disappointment in the family. They knew I was gay even before I did and their disdain showed.

I owned a Lottery Center. It was third busiest store in the entire Niagara Region. My parents would say things like, “What are you going to do when you grow up? Run a LOTTERY CENTER?”

Meanwhile, my brother had no job.

In grade seven or eight I came home with a project that I had started in woodworking. They looked at it, admired it and then said, “That is really nice, but you will NEVER finishit. You never finish ANYTHING.”

Of course I never finished it. After that, who would?

If parents only understood that children strive to PLEASE their parents in everything that they  do. Good or bad, right or wrong teh ATTEMPT and INTENT is there and when the parents send adverse signals and reactions, the child gets mixed signals. The child takes the blame and carries guilt for decades and even a lifetime.

I understand that I suffered minimal physical abuses from my parents, but a host of physical abuses from my brother. My parents offered more psychological abuses and neglected to notice or pay attention to the physical abuses that I suffered by my brother.

I was sent to hospital 13 times as a result od my brother's abuse, but no one stepped in. No one pretected me. No one called childrens aid. “Boys will be boys”… fucking BULLSHIT!

I have yet to meet anyone who has suffered as much by their brother or sister than I have. My brother used to rally his friends together to assault me, tie me up or punch me out, even when he wasn't there. Most brothers protected their siblings in public, even if they ridiculed them privately.

By the age of ten I started carrying around hand cuff keys… Just in case. I had been tied to trees and abandoned. Hog tied and left to my own defences. I learned to be an escape artist by the age of nine.

Ironaically enough, my brother and I love each other and although we don't see each other much, we care about each other. He changed after he had his first child.

My Mom is loving and compassionate. My Dad… Step-Dad however is NOT. It is in his eyes that I feel shame… although I understand that it is really now in MY eyes.

- Mark -

Re: QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

Thank you for sharing that and answering me. 

Re: QOTW: What was your greatest fear about coming out?

My greatest fear abut coming out was, how would I be when I am older? I understand that if you declare something like that publically, you really have to stick with it. Now, that I feel more comfortable with accepting my homosexuality, I can help others to do the same. I mean, I am not the regualr gay guy, but mor of the free minded individual that is open to having kids when he is older, and love the growing old aspect. But I do not think, right now I am ready to commit being gay, all my life. I think it is more of a tool for me to use as a was to understand the over all meaning of love. There is some characteristics of me that I enjoy, of being gay, and those are the simple bonding that I have with females, and the understanding of pure love. I am more sensitive to understanding the human emotion.