What are the issues?

what are we looking to heal?

what are we looking to transform?

Re: What are the issues?

The healing is here. It may take some time to feel really good but I do feel that the healing is here.

To be gay was something to keep quiet even just 20 years ago but then two women kissed on Star Trek, wow did that get attention. Then there were more shows trying it on for shock value. Then Ellen Degenerous came out on TV and the Oprah show. That means EVERY ONE KNOWS when you say it on Oprah. lol Then there were more gay characters finding their way into the evening sitcoms and a show all about gay life (from one angle anyway) Will and Grace. Even the big theater with Brokeback Mountain has put it out there. If this keeps up, “gay” will be just another “normal” part of life. Some will still have a prejudice and the healing will continue even into their hearts I hope.

I would like to see gay blend in more. Like, there are people who are single, some who are married, some are fat, some like to color their hair bright orange, some black people marry white people, some like black licorice and others like red…it goes on and on. These things happen all the time and we hardly look up from our news paper to make any big deal about it. But it is still a little shocking for some people to see two guys holding hands in a movie theater. But like I say, all this exposure is helping and someday, two guys holding hands will not cause a second look. Maybe someone will even say “isn't that sweet, they look like they really care about each other” and then go back to whatever they were doing.

Re: What are the issues?

We all want assimilation into the community more. Yeah we are people to. We want love and comfort just like everyone else, just our lives are different. Different is scary to people. I believe we have to start with ourselves. We can project our ideas, thoughts, wants etc out into the world in hopes that people will hear but it’s also a shot in the dark too. People can scream and make fuss all they want but if they don’t’ cultivate anything within themselves its all empty. I’m reading a book right now written by the Dalai Lama he talks about universal regard for all. We are all so interdependent on everyone. Its a web connecting us all and when one part of that web is broken or goes dark it spreads out into places and affects people that we don’t’ even know. Again it starts at the core understanding that we are all one. The core. Sure there is the saying we are born alone and die alone but some form brought us here. We feel alone because the mind isolates us because when you are wrapped up in your mind it’s where you whole life dwells. Emotions thoughts everything control our “self.” Get over it. Get out of it. Believe and allow things to happen in oneself. We are connected but I am all I have. We are enough. I do what I can and try my best to see the needs that will help me live. Just doing. Moment now.

Re: What are the issues?

jeremy…

glad you shared that. interdependence is one of my favorite concepts and the awareness of it truly can be pretty wild in our society that likes to operate under the delusion of independence so much of the time because people use money, not realizing that without others that money is worthless ultimately.

-d

Re: What are the issues?

jason…

is healing here? or is outer liberation here? slaves have been freed for some time now, but there is still prejudice there and the wounds are still within the community as well as the effects of them. .

i think while the future youth certainly may have it better i don't think ultimately that means that healing for those who have been through trauma is happening without the emotional inner work that needs to be done. if you see it differently let me know.

while there is a lot going on in the media and in communities and certainly a lot of progress, but black people still deal with prejudice and poor treatment after more years of dealing with prejudice than we have dealt with. we don't even have full legal rights at this point and even if we did there are plenty of heterosexual people who are not healed around so many different issues.

it seems to me we need layers of healing within the community beyond just acceptance from outside. how we treat each other needs work. how we value ourselves needs work it seems to me.

you are right, there is less silence in some key areas, but beyond the frustrations of lack of outer acceptance i find a lot of issues around past pains which if unresolved will last people the rest of their lives, many of whom are just in their teens. those issues likely will be passed down in their own ways, much the way parents and children and friends pass down different issues.

i think we are looking for more than just healing, hence the name of the group includes the word transformation. i think we need new expressions creatively. expressions that include love, not just sex. expressions that include intimacy, not just romance. i think we need different musicians and artists developing and exploring subjects that we haven't really scratched the surface on as far as what is possible within the community. black people have a bunch of gospel music, jazz music, etc… which they have developed over the years. we have some surely.

we need not just for people to be kissing on tv and causing controversies that way. we need people loving on tv. caring on tv. supporting their families on tv. yes it is sorta there on will and grace and six feet under and yes there is progress, but there are still layers of shame within our culture. women have fought for their rights, but misogyny is still alive and well among many. some women still wish they were men.

we can be liberated externally in a variety of ways and still not liberated internally. kids are still being called 'sissy' in grade schools. that gives us their wounds through their lives at least to be dealt with in many cases. also, gay people may be more accepted, but have we dealt with the sexual objectification within the community? can we treat each other as objects and be whole? healed? well? can people live lives on substances with emotions unresolved for so long and be healed merely by outer liberation?

i think outer liberation is wonderful, but i think we need to have more conversations about true inner liberation. your comment is helpful in that it helps me see much of what i think is definitely missing. we are aware that we are not equal externally and that there is progress. how many are aware of the effects of the traumas they have experienced? how many have tools to really mourn and free themselves of those inward issues? how many are actively working to heal from their addictions and substance abuse issues? there are those who get into aa or those whose bodies can no longer take the eating disorders or the problematic diets, but how many are really able to even find a good church group at this point?

when tv and movies are not the only thing, but when gay people have solid church communities and when a gay person without a six pack is not shunned, then i think we will be closer to being healed. that to me seems like a ways off still and worth working on.

what do you think?

Re: What are the issues?

Hi David,

Wow, I can not even begin to answer all those questions. ;-) They are great ones and well worth looking into ourselves to see how we can contribute to the healing of those like us.

“Layers of healing” was something you brought up, that is definitely how I see it too. The media is helping a few of those layers come off. Not just those layers of the gay community but of the world that used to say “we don't speak of such things”. The ice has been broken and the conversation can begin. The non gay world must pull back some layers too. This will make more clear the unique and beautiful differences between us as well as all the common threads that tie us together.

Depending on how we look at things we are either in the worst time in history, with war, a president that often seems to make a bad thing worse, global warming, etc. OR we are at the most amazing point in history. We have a black candidate for President, A woman candidate for president, an ex-vise president raising the attention that we are at a planetary turning point with global warming. Since the second one feels better I am sticking with that one :-) but I am aware of what is playing in the background.

I am excited that gay issues are in the media. Marriage for example, weather it is winning or loosing at this point , its being talked about PUBLICLY. That is amazing! The veil (no pun intended) is being lifted and yes, it is but a layer but it is one more layer to the inner beauty of the gay community.

I would like to see more coverage on gay life that shows two men or women in a “normal” view. But it seems “too normal” to the news groups. Whenever there is a gay pride parade who gets the greatest coverage? -Drag Queens, feminine boys and women with short hair on motorcycles. That is great I love those people and I think that what ever “turns your crank” is fine as long as it's not hurting anyone but it limits how some see the gay community. If all you ever see in the sitcoms and news is tough women and men who act like women then naturally you can't see beyond that.

I would enjoy to see more love stories that did not circle into the drama of a violent gay bashing, death from aids, a cheating partner, a group of drags queen on a road trip. Those stories are fine and they represent a part of our community. But there are success stories in our community of lifetimes of love, faithful partners, men who are masculine and women who are feminine. When these types of movies and stories make it to the media the thought of “they are everywhere…and perhaps even a bit like me” will perhaps, begin another layer of healing. We are drag queens and construction workers, we are tough women on bikes and women in dresses that model for magazines. I'm not sure that our “whole image” has been portrayed yet. But it is coming.

I tell you this Imus event was a bad thing that is shaking to life the right thing. That one little comment, rude and thoughtless, has re-awakened the issue of standing up for morals. There have been a large number of women who are tired of the comments on TV and in some of the rap music that is terribly degrading. Now those voices are being joined by more voices and it is a wake-up call for everyone. I don't like the word faggot. It is not lessoned when someone who is gay says it to another person it is still a word that has been used for pain not love. Imus, I'm sure with out any intention, has caused a great deal of momentum in the world of respect. Another layer for healing. I know I try to be mindful of my words but if we are purchasing music or not gently correcting other when they slip from time to time we might as well say it ourself.

Ok one last thing (I'm writing as long as David :-) ) I know there are surely great “out” gay male singers but “one” out female singer that I truly respect for her beautiful words is Cris Williamson. She is more or less folk music I guess. If you don't like folk…it may not be to your liking. Anyway, she puts on a concert that is so heart centered, I am moved every time buy the kindness she radiates. She writes music with consciousness. She has been a big contributer to the womens gay community for many years. She contributed to my healing however, even as a gay man.

Jason

Re: What are the issues?

in regards to the state of the world, for gay people it can surely be better now than other times. for me it isn't about better or worse so much as where we are and what the issues are and what we can do. the fact that we can communicate with people from around the country and around the world i think is a step in the right direction. i don't think it is a matter of better or worse so much as a mixed experience and rather intricate given the sheer volume of media we are faced with and our increasing awareness of our interconnection with each other and just our increasing interdependence and the relevance of our national and international relations. i think to own that we are in challenging times in the world as well as in magical times where we are not burned at the stake for talking about what some would surely have considered 'witchcraft' years ago or been called heretics for not pledging our allegiance to christ. so i certainly think life is not horrible, not to mention we have food, shelter, etc… in ways that are surely more pleasant than were easily accessible at times generations ago.

thanks for the mention of cris williamson. i do in fact like folk music and would love to see more gay folk singers and out gay singers in different genres. checked her out on youtube. would you elaborate on how her music was healing for you? curious about that given that i am curious about the healing process in general and the healing process for gay men specifically as well.

-d

Re: What are the issues?

I checked out you-tube as well.  I was not impressed by what they captured of Cris Wiliamson. Here is a link to one of her older albums.  http://cdbaby.com/cd/cris1  She has written many, some are better than others. I do like this one. Waterfall, wild things, sweet woman, and one of the light, are some of my favorites, remember this came out in the 70's. lol. The one of her at Carnegie Hall is very good too.

The thing is, in concert, you find out the meaning of the songs and she is very magical the way she will bring  an audience together. At the end of a concert you are so sure that the world is better, your happy, connected at peace. It's like a workshop that just sort of happens to you.

How did it heal me? Well, I was living in North Idaho at the time. It just was not a good place to be gay or black or anything other than white with blue eyes. I heard she was going to be in concert in Spokane WA. I made the long journey with my mother (YES, my mother drove me, I was 17 :-)  ) It was amazing. There were about 3,000 lesbians…and maybe 15 men. lol. I'm sure it was not all lesbian. My mother does not play for that team. Anyway, It was my first feeling of “community” and the first time that I was sooooo very very proud to be a gay person. Cris sang and spoke of the good in the gay community and the struggles and you could feel that everyone just GOT IT. We were in it together. My mother had tears from the love she felt in that concert hall. When you see something that well done and full of kindness you don't feel so different but really special. I think at that moment mom saw the gay world very different too. She thought I was headed for a lot of hardship but now she saw were I was headed for could be wonderful. It sealed our relationship in a whole new viewpoint. The healing for me was enormous. I was with “family” Cris is a STRONG woman and a big heart and vision.

Now I have seen her 5 times. The audiences are smaller now but the feeling is the same. By the concerts end you will feel like you are sitting with family and it's truly a gift she has. At the end of the last concert I was able to walk up to her and get a signature on some CD's. I quickly mentioned how touched I was and the tears welled up a little (now 35 yo). She stood up and gave me a great hug and said, “how beautiful to have a man at my concert come up to me at tell me that with such an open heart, bless your heart. I'm so glad you've been touched by my music”

Ok you asked. :-) She is not for everyone. It was just where I was in my life and her being there has forever changed me.

Re: What are the issues?

I forgot I do know a male artist with Pride, Power, Heart, and Talent. James Roy, friend of mine in Denver. He is more electronica/ dance but still puts his messages out there.

Check him out, James Roy Music

Jason