Gaia: Goddess Within

Well, hello...here goes nothing :) Does anybody recognize this?

http://AtonalCicada.gaia.com — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:56:26 GMT

I just joined Gaia...I've just been joining a few groups and getting to know the site :)

I hope to learn a lot through this site and talk with others who've shared similar experiences.

However, I've also had a lot of emotional pain and I've always kind of ignored it. Recently I figured I'd give a shot at trying to resolve it. I'm also wondering if maybe some people here have had the same problem(s) and might be able to help me....

But I kinda wasn't sure where to start...I eventually figured I'd start here because...my biggest problem that I'm really tired of has to do with myself as a female. Regardless if I find anybody who has a similar affliction, I'm sure I'll love learning and talking on Gaia and this group :)

Anyways...this is kinda hard for me to talk about but I'm gonna give it a shot because I am REALLY tired of this.... I dunno how often people check this group or if I'll get a response at all but...here goes. It'll probably turn out kinda long too x_x ugh I hope people don't think I'm selfish. I feel like I can really help other people though if I learn to fix this problem I have. Ok well I digress, here goes I guess....

So I'll start by pointing out this thread I guess, http://groups.gaia.com/goddess_within/conversations/view/1470#68154

I've also seen threads on sites like YahooAnswers where girls (for whatever reason, bored I guess) ask things like "what feminine thing do you like about yourself?" And I've seen these replied to with things like "I like my curves" "I like my voice" etc, etc.

So...here's my thing. I had a serene, homeschooled childhood that was great, but I never looked forward to growing up. When it started to HAPPEN...I was 11.... I was devastated. That IS the word for it, too. I was ashamed, devastated, disgusted.

I'm 19 now. I feel even more ashamed because I feel like I'm too old to still have this issue. When I told people about how I felt, they told me it would go away. But it hasn't, and I don't think it will unless I do something about it. I think I've just started to realize that this is a really deep spiritual issue. I'm not sure where it comes from or why I have it, but I do.

So basically: I really don't like being female.

But I want to get something straight: I'm not a transgender, I know that I'm not. I'm very heterosexual and I have no desire at all to be male. I am not a "male stuck in a female body". But I don't like being female either. Anything that is specifically female; curves, baby-feeders (lol), etc, I feel ashamed/disgusted at all of it. I don't even like SAYING things that pertain to femininity (in case you haven't noticed). I look for ways to avoid saying "woman", "breast", etc...I cringed when I wrote those just now....

When I look at other females, I feel like they have a happiness in them about being female...it just seems like they all are able to embrace it and feel powerful about it. And I feel like there's some kind of spiritual power that's hidden in being female, but for some reason, I can't embrace mine, it is abhorrent to me for some reason. I don't have that innate female happiness that most girls seem to have....

This has caused an intense jealousy in me towards other girls. It really bothers me. I want to feel proud of being female, and be able to embrace it, etc. I'm not sure if I'm getting across the intensity of this problem. It's with me 24/7, always in the back of my mind. It's been there for years, and I think it's really holding me back in my life.

I've also ALWAYS had extremely bad menstrual cramps, I have to take 800mg Ibprofen for it, and even then it doesn't take it away completely. Herbal teas/exercise has not helped. I really, truly believe that the pains are caused by my inability to accept what I am. I've always felt this way about it. I think if I learn how to embrace it and not feel afraid of or hateful towards being female, then I really think I'll stop having pains. I dunno WHY I think this, but I do.

Well...there it is.

Does anybody recognize these symptoms? Is there a name for it? Do you know what's causing it? Do you know if there's a "cure"? Do you think I'm a nutcase? lol....

I also posted on YahooAnswers. Just so people know the responses I've already gotten, I got one that said:
"Just do whatever you really like to do and you'll be a happy woman. Besides, periods suck, no matter how excited young girls are to get their first."

Here's my problem with that response. I DO do whatever I like to do. I do many things that I love. The issue is deeper than that. And I actually would like to be able to view periods as NOT sucking...is that weird of me? I want to be able to like ALL aspects of being female.... Is this unrealistic of me? I just feel like there's a spiritual power here that I can't uncover unless I accept ALL aspects....

Another said:
"The only essence that you have to have is the essence of YOU, and you don't have to conform to anyone else's idea of feminine."

I don't think they understood my issue....

Well, people here might not get it either...but I guess it's worth a try....

I kinda feel like I'm gonna get some raised eyebrows...even in this super spiritual community.... Well I'll give it a shot anyways.

And it did turn out rather long...GRATITUDE to those that make it all the way through lol...which...maybe nobody will...I dunno...lol....

Welcome

http://mercale.gaia.com — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:29:54 GMT

Welcome to all those who have recently joined us!

Please feel free to post, share and ask questions any time! This list is quiet, at times, but still actively watched by it's members :)

Re: Lakshmi, Goddess of Abundance

http://DominiqueK.gaia.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:35:39 GMT

Lakshmi has been very supportive:) She always come through for me, even when I don't see how it can possible work out!

Re: "A Gift To All In This Consciousness Expansion Work"

http://mercale.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:29:51 GMT

Nice to see this link pop up again. I started watching this the other day (and was enjoying it) until the distraction level became overwhelming : ) (All the kids came down stairs, the phone kept ringing, and unexpected company stopped by) lol

I look forward to finishing this up!

Bright Blessings,
Mercale

"A Gift To All In This Consciousness Expansion Work"

http://theascensionfacilitator.gaia.com — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:22:35 GMT

A Gift To All In This Consciousness Expansion Work Greetings and blessing to all.

Speaking as one whose aware of the variables of our individual paths and the limited nature of what's available that can truly nurture us as we travel back into remember of our self as Light Beings … I offer this link to the 5-Way Channeling that empowers us TO KNOW we are loved, treasured and saluted by those on the other side of the veil of The Flesh. And one of the Channelings is FROM GAIA!!

Although it is not necessarily “Pleiadian”, Kryon Team enlightens all about their “other than worldly existences”. I chew upon this message weekly to keep me in touch with my highest truths as I await the unfoldments of desires through the System Of Synchronicity.

Note: I have been blessed to discover some information called “Pleiadian Teachings” that is so insightful it can serve to enlighten, to reassure, to clarify and/or notify. If you can't find it via a google search, please email me, for Spirit Within indicates that the quality of That Light, must be requested or searched for.

Blessings my family!!

Here's the link:

https://www.kryon.com/cartprodimages/downloadsedona_02_08.html

Re: Lakshmi, Goddess of Abundance

http://druidcircle.gaia.com — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 15:12:18 GMT

Hi Ads

This is a beautiful mantra for Lakshmi, thanks for posting

Re: Lakshmi, Goddess of Abundance

http://mercale.gaia.com — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:36:05 GMT

Wow! Thanks for sharing!

Can't wait to show hubby!

Many Blessings,
Mercale

Re: Lakshmi, Goddess of Abundance

http://wanderingbutterfly.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:21:23 GMT

One more!!

There is a goreous little Indian girl bornwith eight limbs who is believed to be a reincarnation of Lakshmi, her parents have named her after the Goddess and she has recently undergone a huge surgery to help her be able to walk. It's such an amazing story.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lakshmi_Tatma
http://cuteamazing-fun.blogspot.com/2008/04/six-limbed-girl-in-india.html

Re: Lakshmi, Goddess of Abundance

http://wanderingbutterfly.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:11:04 GMT

This is also a lovely article on Yoga Journal by Sally Kempton. It's about Durga as well as Lakshmi.

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1980

Re: Lakshmi, Goddess of Abundance

http://wanderingbutterfly.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:03:24 GMT

A Mantra for Lakshmi:

Om Shrim Maha lakshmi-yei Swaha

Rough Translation: 'Om and salutations to that feminine energy which bestows all manner of wealth, and for which Shrim is the seed'

This mantra has not only been used for the purpose of attracting prosperity, but also for drawing in proper friends, clearing up family misunderstandings and quarrels, and smoothing some health problems. As we all know, there are many different kinds of wealth. As you use this mantra, focus on the kind of wealth you wish to manifest in your life.

(This is from www.sanskritmantra.com )

It's a lovely energy to chant this femanine mantra, I really enjoy it.

Goddess Slide Show

http://matagiri.gaia.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:15:44 GMT

Hi everyone,
The goddess takes an outer form too, so I wanted to share these video slide shows of the many faces of the goddess (and a few gods). A bit of history - Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati is an American who teaches an interfaith path, although when she paints it is mostly from a Hindu tradition. She has painted literally thousands of the faces of god and goddess. One of her students put these programs together. I can't make a video link here, so search Gaia for "Ma Jaya," or go straight to You Tube. There are 4 sets, each about 5 minutes long.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebs_ap6-Sz8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLEdE-JCCTM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgC9K2IyGC4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89pBMJN1KfY

Enjoy,
Matagiri

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Re: The Winter Solstice

http://anna.gaia.com — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:42:48 GMT

Awesome Mercale!! Thanks for sharing. I'll be humming it for the rest of the day - and that's a good one to be humming.

Re: The Winter Solstice

http://druidcircle.gaia.com — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:49:12 GMT

just taken this sunset picture for the winter solstice 2008

Re: The Winter Solstice

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 17:03:00 GMT

Happy Yule to you Mercale and to everyone else. I enjoyed the caroling now on to the hot chocolate. Blessings to all on this wonderful day.

The Winter Solstice

http://mercale.gaia.com — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 13:46:16 GMT

Just wanted to pop in and say Happy Yule to everyone! I hope your celebrations are wonderful and touch each of you with a deep sense of beauty.

(to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)

"God rest ye merry Pagan folk
Let nothing you dismay.

Remember that the sun returns upon this solstice day
The growing dark is ending now and spring is on it's way

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy

The Goddess rest ye merry too
And keep you safe from harm

Remember that we live within the circle of her arms
And may the year bring you and yours a very special charm

Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy\

Oh tidings of comfort and joy"

Lol - virtual caroling! I know you love it!

Happy Yule!

Mercale

Re: Faeries

http://druidcircle.gaia.com — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:16:23 GMT

Inspired by faery energy!

Faery Kisses

Faery kisses filled with love
Faery kisses from above

Faery laughter fills the air
Faery laughter lifts despair

We are here to fill the earth
With laughter, joy and merry mirth!

NOV 08
Tai

Have a fun filled day with lots of laughter and joy!

Re: Faeries

http://mercale.gaia.com — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:38:18 GMT

I love faeries : )

When I was pregnant with my oldest, I lived on an acre of property in the country, and I ALWAYS had faeries around. There were so many that hung out in his room all the time, that you could literally feel the "buzz" as soon as you opened his door. You could even feel one give you a little poke now and then for fun. It drove my husband at the time nuts. He smacked one once, said he felt a cool splat where he had been poked, and then WOW was the room a flurry of crazy energies. I banned him from my son's room for a week, so I could calm our "little friends" down.

They used to have tantrums when my son would go stay the night elsewhere, lights would turn off randomly (even with just-changed bulbs) my cds would all start skipping (no scratches) and keep going UNTIL I stood up to fix it. My washing machiene would act crazy, etc. I think they had a real good time with the cd thing, lol. Of course, they were also helpful, and I would enlist thier help to find the infant tylenol in the middle fo the night when my son was sick..

They also eventually taught my son to astral travel, and if you've never experienced it. it is CREEPY to roll over in the middle of the night and see your disembodied child standing next to your bed!

I've been lucky enough to have many expriences with the fariy folk over the last few decades. I've never seen the movie in question though. Maybe I should look it up! Aside from just loving them, my name "Tanya" also is derived from the Russian Tatiana, meaning queen of the faeries. So it's an extra kind of neat little reason to explore faerie lore from around the world.

Thanks for sharing this! : )

Mercale

Re: Faeries

http://anna.gaia.com — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:48:25 GMT

I'm pretty sure I've seen that movie.

I totally think that faeries exist and agree with Taikunpig that when we're feeling a little extra "zing" that it's from them.

Re: What are your favorite areas of study?

http://anna.gaia.com — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:45:27 GMT

;~) I feel the same as you about getting a one-card reading for myself and then feeling muddled if I try more. I've been trying to work on it a little each night before I fall asleep. I find I can focus for about 30 minutes which is a huge leap in that direction.

I'm gonig to check out your pod - thanks for the invitation.

Re: Faeries

http://druidcircle.gaia.com — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:41:51 GMT

Hi - I've seen this too - but I still believe!

Little sparks of light and that joyous, fun feeling you get, when you just want to laugh and play like a child.

I love my faery oracle too and find it extremely accurate for myself and others.

I have little faery ornaments and larger ones for outside.

Recently I've written a few poems too.

Taikunping (faery side)

Start painting - I would love to see your work