Re: Neediness...

I have found that being needed by someone you love is a wonderful thing.  Knowing that they look forward to your advice or companionship is a joy ( a warm fuzzy).  However, to me, there is a difference between needing someone and being needy.  Being needy is giving away your personal power to someone else, like not being able to make a decision without your partners okay.  Not big decisions, mind you, but small ones.  I went to school with a woman who couldn't go to a store without asking her husband if it was a good idea.  This to me is neediness.  It is the flip side of the control freak.  Although neediness is a form of control in my eyes.  I think it can be very trying to the partner of someone so needy.  At first it seems like he or she needs you and that is nice but after a time it becomes more and more frustrating. 

I think that when you love someone you celebrate her/his independence and strength.  I feel that a relationship is healthy and loving when the two respect each other as equal contributors not as master and slave.

Can we work through it?  I don't know.  It would be a lot of hard work.  Where I work I see a lot of needy people (drug addicts, homeless, etc.) and most if not all, women especially, have been brought up being told they are nothing without a man, they are worthless, etc.   Some people never grow out of being needy some do. 

Peace