Transcendent Sex

I was just listening to the Jenny Wade dialog on Integral Naked in which she discusses her book Transcendent Sex.  I was impressed and intrigued enough by this dialog when I first heard it several years ago that I borrowed it the book from the library and devoured it - fascinating and entertaining indeed.  I've never had a non-ordinary state of consciousness during sex, but according to Jenny Wade's research (and some other research she refers to in the dialog) about 1 in 20 people have had spontaneous mystical/spiritual experiences during “ordinary” lovemaking (i.e. they were not trying to achieve such state experiences by practicing tantra, taking entheogens, doing holotropic breathwork etc.)  The experiences include posession by animals or spirits, past-life memories, experiences of the void, etc.

Have you ever had one of these experiences, or do you know anyone who has?  Have you read the book, and if so, what did you think of it? 

Here is an excerpt from her website:

Finally, Something New About Sex … Dr. Jenny Wade's new book!

Click here to Buy the Book! Transcendent Sex:  When Lovemaking Opens the Veil documents one of the best-kept secrets in human history:  that ordinary people, the kind we pass on the street every day without a second glance—people just like us—can suddenly, without any warning or preparation, find themselves in otherwordly realms when making love, as though God’s lightning bolt of grace had illuminated the bedroom, transforming everything.  The book is based on the narratives of 91 people who were not using drugs or practicing Tantric or other sexual or meditative techniques to bring about an altered state during sex.  Their stories are amazing, touching, funny, heartwarming and inspiring as they relate how going to bed the way they always had suddenly turned into an awe-inspiring experience that forever changed the way they understood themselves and reality—and the power of sex and the body as a vehicle of realization.   This book also explains how such powerful experiences may be hazardous to some individuals.  How-to chapters tell you how you can foster such experiences in yourself as well as how to avoid the hazards that may be associated with such events for the unprepared.

Re: Transcendent Sex

No pressure or anything…

Re: Transcendent Sex

Liz: “No pressure or anything…”

hehehe - well, as we've discussed before, feelings of pressure are sure-fire indications of a disowned internal drive - feeling pressured, are you?  :p

arthur

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Re: Transcendent Sex

….I didn't used to know that because I was looking elsewhere for something harder….

Is the pun intentional? or is it just me….

Re: Transcendent Sex

You boys are naughty. I like it.

Liz

Re: Transcendent Sex

One in eight sounds like a really high number to me. Is it possible that I just hang around with a particularly non-transcendant bunch of people? Women talk to each other very candidly about their sex lives (there I go, making sweeping generalizations again!). I can think of only one friend in all my life who had such an experience.

Liz

Re: Transcendent Sex

One in eight?  In the dialog with Ken, Jenny says her research found one in seventeen, and mentions another study that found one in twenty.  They also talked about a lot of people either being too embarassed to talk about it (even if they are otherwise candid); or assuming that a spiritual experience by definition could not happen in a sexual encounter (one woman described understanding God as a result of such an experience, and still said it wasn't a spiritual experience!), or possibly not even recognizing the experience was different from a more (relatively) mundane “mind-blowing orgasm” [but not a nonordinary state experience].

spiral out,
arthur

Re: Transcendent Sex

I took it from the text you posted:  ”Research suggests that conservatively this kind of sex will happen at least once to one out of every eight people.”

I don't know why the numbers are different depending on where you read.

Liz

Re: Transcendent Sex

Liz: “I took it from the text you posted:  ”Research suggests that conservatively this kind of sex will happen at least once to one out of every eight people.”

“I don't know why the numbers are different depending on where you read.”

I think it must be a typo in the text, because in the dialog she seemed pretty adamant that it ranged between 1/17 and 1/20 according to the research - this in response to the BBG saying at first that he was sure it would be much higher than that.

arthur

Re: Transcendent Sex

Although I've never relived past lives, had visions of divine avatars, channeled supernatural entities or seen the face of God, a couple of times sex has seemed like a mystical experience for me – leaving me feeling transparent (as if light could shine through me), awed, and profoundly surrendered. But I just thought that meant it was exceptionally good sex, a peak experience – not necessarily “transcendent.” A neat idea to ponder, though ….

Re: Transcendent Sex

Maryw: “Although I've never relived past lives, had visions of divine avatars, channeled supernatural entities or seen the face of God, a couple of times sex has seemed like a mystical experience for me – leaving me feeling transparent (as if light could shine through me), awed, and profoundly surrendered. But I just thought that meant it was exceptionally good sex, a peak experience – not necessarily “transcendent.” A neat idea to ponder, though ….”

Hmm…I wonder if they would count?  Possibly. 

I've had two personal reports.  One woman I knew started speaking in tongues during sex, which nonplused her partner to say the least.  She said she couldn't stop the glossolallia - it just ran it's course - and found it quite embarassing.

The second woman was dating someone when she was legally too young to have sex according to local laws, and the first six months of their relationship were spend waiting for her 18th birthday (interestingly she would have gone for it, but he insisted on waiting).  They kissed and made out during that time, and I would imagine built up quite a charge.  When they finally had sex, they both had a profound spiritual experience in which everything in their environment, including their bodies, became blazing light of various colors.  She recognized this as some sort of profound subtle-level spiritual experience and was totally digging it, whereas he was scared, fearing that he was going insane.

spiral out,
arthur

Re: Transcendent Sex

“One woman I knew started speaking in tongues during sex, which nonplused her partner to say the least.  She said she couldn't stop the glossolallia - it just ran it's course - and found it quite embarassing.”

Tim Buckley sings of talking in tongues in “Sweet Surrender” (Greetings from L.A.). I always thought he was referring to, you know, cunnilingus ….. now I know it was just glossolalia all the time. Still, glossolabia .. sorry, I meant glossolalia .. is such a sexy word.

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I had a very beautiful female friend in college who reported having visionary experiences during sex.  I was her “buddy,” the lucky guy-friend in whom she chose to confide these things, and her stories sometimes just drove me crazy.  She'd tell me in great detail how different acts and positions would cause her to lose all sense of time, to see blazing lights and hear transcendent music, to feel the walls of the room expand, etc.  Being shy and far too polite for my own good, I would listen to her stories, give an understanding ear and sometimes take her on philosophical journeys, but I never …(fool that I was) … asked her to show me first-hand what she was talking about…

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ma rig pa - I thought I'd leave out the very obvious pun, 'cause I'm so much more mature than you are.  :p

Balder - my condolences…sounds like you were almost as clueless as I was in university.  d'oh!

arthur

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This is rapidly degenerating…what a surprise!

Seriously, is it only women who are having these kinds of experiences, or is it that women are just more forward about sharing them?

Liz

Re: Transcendent Sex

Here is the FAQ from Dr. Wade's website for your further edification:

What is transcendent sex?

Three factors distinguish transcendent sex from the most intense “regular” sex:

• Transcendent sex involves altered states that seem to come out of nowhere and overcome one or both lovers. The term “transcendent sex” comes from the sense of transcending (going beyond or breaking through) the usual sense of space, time or self that constitute normal, waking consciousness. For instance, a person might suddenly be out of body, hovering over the bed, or traveling back in time to a past life, or expanding to include the consciousness of all living creatures.
• In transcendent sex, there is a pervasive sense that these events participate in, or come from, a supernatural force, which people usually associate with Spirit, however understood. Whether it’s stepping into another reality, seeing visions, being possessed by a power animal or imploding into the utter emptiness of the Void, most people attribute a numinous quality to the events, even if they consider themselves atheists or agnostics. They feel they have been given a glimpse of the Greater Reality, the Absolute, Truth, God.
• Transcendent sex involves relationship, even if it occurs when a person seems to be alone. It is rooted in the ground created by the lovers, even when one person is taken so far beyond reality that the partner and the lovemaking recede into infinity. Or, in some cases, even when the partner is not human or appears not to be “real” in the ordinary sense.

Are transcendent episodes brought about by sexual mechanics or technique?

Transcendent episodes have little or nothing to do with sexual mechanics or technique. They can occur within the general context of lovemaking no matter what the couple is doing. Some people are swept away even before they touch. Since mechanics are not a factor, people engaging in a wide variety of behaviors have transcendent experiences—whether or not those behaviors conform to religious or social norms. Transcendent sex happens in heterosexual, gay, and lesbian relations in ways that might be considered mainstream, as well as ways that might be considered specialized (such as bondage, cross-dressing, and the like). It can happen to any adult engaging in consensual sex. You don't have to be a great lover or to be engaging in “correct” or “socially approved” sex to have a transcendent experience.

Are transcendent episodes more common for women than for men?

Transcendent sex is not related to physiological differences associated with male and female arousal. The arousal curve spiking at the single orgasm typical for most men and the ability of some women to be multi-orgasmic or to “chain” orgasms almost indefinitely make no difference in either the ability to have a transcendent experience during sex, nor in the kind of experience produced. Men and women can and do have the same kinds of transcendent episodes.

Aren't transcendent episodes just a more intense orgasm?

Orgasm actually does not cause transcendent sex or even have much to do with it. Orgasm can occur before, during or after the transcendent episode as a discrete event often unconnected with the state. For most people, climaxing is completely overshadowed by the pleasures of the transcendent events. It becomes irrelevant, or even a nuisance that detracts from more compelling delights. Often, the transcendent episodes areso powerful that some lovers have no idea whether they climax. Some try to avoid it entirely because it shatters or diminishes the ecstasy.

Are transcendent episodes more likely in a committed relationship with a loving partner?

Transcendent sex isn’t limited to certain relationships. It can happen under any circumstances, even after years with the same person or during a one-night stand. People have reported it in relationships of high trust, like long-term monogamous commitments, but that isn’t a prerequisite. Transcendent sex is not limited to “true love,” nor is it a sign of it. It’s also not a function of high-intensity infatuations, such as falling in love or a sudden hot connection. It has occurred, against every expectation of the participants themselves, when they felt they doing something morally wrong (such as having sex with a partner they didn’t love, engaging in a same-sex liaison or adulterous affair). It is definitely not a sign that you are “with the right person.”

Are transcendent episodes a result of religious beliefs, meditation or spiritual practice?

Transcendent states have no discernable relationship to a person’s spiritual beliefs or practices. Atheists and agnostics may see God. Zen meditators may have shamanic journeys. Jews and Presbyterians who have never meditated a day in their lives may glimpse satori. Roman Catholics may activate kundalini energy. Long-term meditators may have not have very unusual sexual altered states, while someone who has never followed a practice designed to bring about altered states may have a full-blown, nondualistic experience of the Void. Most contemplative traditions suggest a fairly fixed progression of altered states along the path to the ultimate goal, but the spontaneous transcendent states that occur during sex have no relationship to a contemplative practice.

Transcendent sex sounds great. Are all the experiences positive?

No, many transcendent episodes can be extremely disturbing. People can experience things that are overwhelmingly frightening, creepy, or sad. Altered states of any kind have the power to be destabilizing, especially for people who are not expecting them (this is especially true during sex) and for people who have had little experience with waking altered states when they were not using alcohol or drugs. For example, near-death experiences, which are considered to be mostly positive, have profoundly disturbed survivors who may have trouble reconciling what happened to them with “normal” reality, going back to their lives in light of their new understanding, or coming to terms with their new insights and capacities. The same is true of people who have had a spontaneous transcendent episode during sex. The more you know about what may happen during the state and afterward, the better you will be able to cope with whatever occurs and integrate it in a healthy way into your life. The more you know about what to avoid, the more likely you are to stay out of danger.

How can I increase the likelihood that I will have transcendent sex?

There are many ways you can facilitate transcendent sex. One way is to take up one of the ancient practices of sacred sex, such as Tantra or Taoism. Both paths have been Westernized, but can still involve techniques that will help you achieve altered states during sex. You will want to be extremely careful, though, in choosing a teacher and a tradition that are principled, ethical, and safe. Too many “teachers” have watered down the teachings to a “more-and-better-orgasms/relationship” approach, or have abused and exploited those who are seeking learning. Another way is to experiment with the methods that have facilitated transcendent sex for others, and that facilitate falling into altered states generally, such as focused but relaxed attention, certain breathing methods, certain positions and motions, etc. Everyone has the capacity for transcendent sex; different avenues work for different people.

What are the benefits of transcendent sex?

Transcendent sex is not a panacea, and there are no guarantees that any experience will have the same effect on one person as on another. But people who have had spontaneous transcendent episodes during sex report:

• Healing from incest and other sexual abuse
• Increased self-acceptance, especially of sexuality, gender, and preference for partners
• Self-actualization from a previously neurotic, constricted life
• Taking up an altruistic or spiritual vocation as a life of service
• Living in a more loving, connected way not only with a partner but with all beings
• Acquiring miraculous gifts, such as psychic or subtle energy powers used to heal others

Re: Transcendent Sex

A quote from Annie Sprinkle (Post-Porn Priestess of Pleasure)

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“For me, sex, making love, has always been my most spiritual experience. I have had my most spiritual feelings here, my feelings of connectedness to god, or the divine,” she explains. “The moments of orgasm are the most pleasurable moments that most people will ever know. There are many different kinds of ecstatic moments, but not too many people have better moments than those moments during orgasm.

“Some of us have been lucky enough to study with spiritual teachers, and have spiritual moments of realization through meditation and other practices, great heart orgasm, or whatever. But for the average person, orgasm is about the closest thing to this. I am not a spiritual expert, but I do know that.”

~~~~~~~~~

Re: Transcendent Sex

interesting post. but I'm not sure how this is related to Integral.

I can however say that I've had some “transcedent sex”, but I'll save everyone the details. 

Which poses the question what is transrational sex? teehee

Re: Transcendent Sex

Klare: “interesting post. but I'm not sure how this is related to Integral.”

Hey Klare - everything is related to integral.  :)  You know, “comprehensive, inclusive, leaving nothing out…”

Klare: “I can however say that I've had some “transcedent sex”, but I'll save everyone the details.”

Well, of course that's up to you, but feel free to share anything that you like, including any experiences that a friend or “friend” may have had.

In another thread (Sex - Complete and Utter Horseshit?) Martin Gifford shared this:

~~~~~~~~~~

Once I was having sex in the missionary position. As I climaxed, I had a kind of out of body experience. The top half of what I guess was my astral body bent back out of my body. This new upper astral body was dark and had like wooden shavings resting on the arms. Weird. After the climax I was just stunned and speechless. She was oblivious about what had happened. Of course, a psychiatrist would call it a dissociative hallucination or something.

Also a yoga teacher told me that the sexuality between her and her husband gradually became ecstatic and transcendental. She would utter such things as, “I'm gone”. Her husband got frightened and left the marriage after 10 years.

Anyway, I suspect that sex is more than horseshit as Ramsses proposes. And I wonder if many other couples have such experiences but don't say anything about it. It must happen sometimes at least. Birth, Sex, and Death are the biggies in ordinary life. I also wonder how people don't believe in ESP. It seems to me that every woman knows when a guy is looking at her sexually, etc. Most people can feel a merging of energies without physical contact. Of course, scientists would say it's hormones.

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spiral out,
arthur

Re: Transcendent Sex

see also The Evolution of Intimate Relationship