What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

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Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Hey, wouldn't it be cool if the Rapture actually happened? They'd be happily esconced in Heaven, and we could do the work of getting this planet back in shape. Win-win! Plus, we get beer. We all know that there's none in the Hereafter.

Sure, we'd be stuck with all the neocons who don't really believe in Jesus, not to mention all the fundamentalists of other religions, but once they found out that there actually was a God, and He was Christian, they might just get called up to heaven once they converted, too.

And then, it's party time.

Of course, Mary might get called up and be stuck in Heaven with a bunch of really boring people, but she'd probably get put in charge of things and have a corner office and shit.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Liz, you inspired me to start a thread on a fundie forum… 

You're a bad influence.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Yes I am, Bruce, and it's about time I had some influence on you!

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

of course the Rapture for Christians is now FACT for New Age Mayan 2012'ers.

Better get your affairs in order folks, you just might be ascending in 4 years.


Or is it alien invasion?

hmmm

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Spooky, Gina.

In the meantime, get your 2012 gear here!

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

this quote was my favorite from your 2012 link Bruce

Vincent Bridges, co-author of The Mysteries of the Great Cross of Hendaye:

“Dude, what an incredible piece of work… Definitely worth many doffings of the old Phrygian cap…over all it is an honest masterpiece. I've read it twice straight through, and some portions several times more, and I must say that you are about as right as it is possible to be on this subject. Simply and overwhelmingly impressive. Everyone, all the damn whackos, need to read your book…”

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Hey, I think we could all join this guy's company….really, they will need pet care takers in every city and town…….he can't possible have the national franchise tied up it….I am writing him a letter… uh, by the way, do the raptured ones all end up naked in heaven, er, uh, just like that, clothes left on the streets and park benches just like that…. wow, I'd kinda like to see the entrance to the great hall on that day.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

They get heavenly robes, like a bible movie from the 50's. Charlton Heston meets you at the door.

Don't you people know anything?

Liz

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Heston, Schmeston! I'm expecting this gentleman announcing the Great Fish Fry ….

After which we'll get so high ….


:-)

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

I think we will be darker in heaven. It'll be the subjective euphoria of the negros, the material blessings of ole whitey over a big fish fry…once we get the munchies from passing around that big blunt God has in his hand's…he's got the whole world in his hands.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Heaven is segregated??

Oh, wait, I just realized: we'll all be black in Heaven! Sign me up, Jesus!

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Bruce I was excited to find myself some swank new apocalyptic clothing when you said get your 2012 gear here, and all it is is a bunch of dumb information. I was hoping for some Burning Man-esque fashion at bargain prices, yo, but like, even more cutting edge! And something fire-resistant since we'll likely be passing the Sun on our way.

Jane wants nudity and Liz says its gonna be the heavenly robes, and maybe they're both right cause maybe you don't get your robes till you land in Heaven and we'll be naked as we rise, but if we get curious and look at others' privates while we're flying maybe all of a sudden we might get struck down! And if we succeed and save lots more people before the Rapture then the sky will be really full of people when we're flying and you might just see without even meaning to, I mean like what if someone's, ahem, crotch, is like right in front of my face?! Well, I'll just squeeze my eyes tight shut and think about that nice man who's going to take care of Fluffy and Spot and trust that my gluten allergy will dissolve en route so I can eat my fish all battered and greasy like it's supposed to be.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Sorry, Lauren!  They do have gear, but it's pretty tame … and lame.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

This got me thinking … the other day I thought, rember the Y2K bug? How stupid.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Yeah, like so lame!
Though the design looks more like a pepe (my nephews' word for penis) than an ascending ass-holon. Or maybe it's like a map of the whole pelvic floor, unwaxed…



You know, when I started this thread all I was thinking was good clean thoughts. It's y'alls fault.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

I want an AQAL kaupina.  One with a nice little quadrant logo on the front.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Lauren, Lauren, dear. We're not going. We're not saved! And worse, I was saved, and turned my back on Jesus (or rather, his church and the intolerant, self-righteous, misguided fools in it). So we're going to be right here with our gluten allergies. There's a really great fish place in Portland that does gluten-free breading. If you ever get there, have Colin take you there. Also gluten-free beer!! It's better than Heaven and all those uptight people's crotches.

Other advantages of the Rapture:

• no more dealing with Sunday traffic at all those mega-churches
• no more calls for prayer in schools (it'll go back to what students were already praying about–math tests)
• we can really disagree about the exact nature of evolution in public without worry
• we can always answer the doorbell
• the floodgates of immigration will be open! we'll need a labor infusion
• rapidly reduced carbon emissions.
• pedophiles will actually get psychological help instead of being shielded by the church
• politicians can focus on important stuff and we can ignore their sex lives

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Arrgh, I just got back from Portland yesterday. Rode my bike past the Hawthorne Fish House wondering if that was the famous spot (word of it had already reached me.) But really was in PDX for only a few days as I felt drawn to spend most of my time at Breitenbush Hot Springs where the people hang out naked!

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

In somewhat relevant news, I was on the T (subway) on Friday night and a young man came and sat next to me, a glint in his eye. Uh-oh. Not sure which kind of bad mischief was inspiring that glint, but my defenses went up. Then I breathed, remembered I could stay open and well-boundaried, and he said: “Hey! Do you believe in God?” My eyes wandered down to the clipboard in his hands. The uh-oh feeling arose again. I was a little stumped for a minute – if I wanted to answer that question sincerely how would I answer it? – but I sensed also… not a good time to attempt a sincere answer. Hoping to deflect his attempt to save me, wishing that the Rapture had already happened so he would've been in Heaven already and I'd be free of this discomfort, but wishing also to be gracious if I could, I smiled and said “How about we don't have this conversation.” He paused, smiling smugly. His friend sitting opposite us snorted. He said, “Do you believe in Godzilla?” Then he proceeded to proselytize, careful to distinguish that he once was a believer in the power of original Godzilla but that he'd come to see that it was Mothra who was the True Savior. Or was it the other way around? I asked when it happened that he took Godzilla into his heart. He said, “this morning.” His snorting friend and I were now having a great laugh together while the Godzilla's Witness remained in character and never broke a smile.
Rapturous.


Maybe this image belongs over on the monkey thread.

Re: What will happen to your pets after the Rapture?

Forget the pets, what will happen to you during the Rapture?