Michael Sheppard

I am sitting here with tears running down my face and a big sadness sitting on my heart……


So Michael managed to slip out the back door here into the great beyond……more than a month ago already, and all of us are only now finding out…..  


I need a space where we can all hang around for a little while, and feel this sadness…… Jay-sus! Death…. what is that all about…. and Michael of all people….. Mantle Cell Lymphoma….. even that seems metaphorical….one way to dissolve the outer shell… 


I will write more later, just too sad now… feeling lots of love for him, and all of us…… what a journey this is that breaks open our hearts….  
Jane

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh my god, Jane, I'm speechless.  This is such a loss.  Michael was such a gift!  I can only hope he had a loving environment around him in his last days.  More later, probably, but I'm just trying to process this right now – it's knocked the wind out of me.

I wish we could have some sort of ceremony for him.
Thanks for letting us know.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Jane, all,

Bruce had posted a link today, which got me reading Michael's thread weaving.

Coming home, a search yielded word.

He feels so accessible! So many instances of influence are flooding awareness.

It's like he multiplied his him-ness by us. 

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh God, Jane! Seems like such a short time ago that we met with him down my way. I'm sorry that he has gone so soon. Bless his cantakerous, wise and woolly heart! Praise Jay-sus for his generous, open soul! And may all his family and loved ones find beauty, love, and laughter in their memories of him.
Perhaps we could seek out, bump up, or re-post some of his sharings here as a kind of memorial for him….
With love,
Mary

Re: Michael Sheppard

SHIT !!!!!! (my ditto)

Let's start a thread with links to all his posts we can find in Gaia, and figure a way to keep his profile going so his blogs, those awesome heart-tearing blogs, are still available. Siona, how can we keep the profile up?

Shit !!!!!

OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

I'm sorry to see you go, Maxie, my friend. You've been a surprisingly important influence in my life, and we've never even met face to face. I very much feel we have, though, met Face to Face. Thank you so much for being the person that you were.

OM, nice idea. To get things started, I thought I'd mention that, according to admin stats, he contributed 860 posts to the Integral Pod. Here is his first:

Reconsideration of the Law of Attraction

and his last:

Second-Person Relationship with the Divine (in response to Liz)

I've also tweeted this thread forward here, and I've started tweeting some of his Gaia content using the hashtag #ripmaxie (as well as using the #integral hashtag for most of these tweets). If you're on “the Twitter”, look for these tweets and repost them.

Big Love to you, brother. Rest in Peace and all the best in the Great Journey.

Grey

Re: Michael Sheppard

Here's a nice obituary for Michael in the Homer, Alaska, news.

G:D

Re: Michael Sheppard

Thank you Grey. That is a lovely obituary.

Oh, dear Michael, how very deeply you are already missed, and will be missed.

In February, not long before he became too ill to be on Gaia anymore, he animated this wonderful discussion in the God Pod, I invite you all to enjoy his delightful sense of humour, his love for others and stark honesty in it:

Are You Ready?
I agree with the idea of an online memorial. We could set a time in an online chatroom perhaps…

Love, with great sorrow,

Nicole

Re: Michael Sheppard

I started a thread in the God Pod for Michael: In memoriam - “maxie”


I also started a candle group for those who would like to remember him that way: here

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh, Michael!
You are deeply missed.
I am thankful for having known you. The momentum and wild intelligence in how you expressed yourself, and the way you sought to open to what wanted to move through you, it was a privilege to witness and participate with you.
I hope you are having tremendous fun right now!
Much love,
Lauren

Re: Michael Sheppard

Thank you Jane for starting this thread, Grey, for bringing the fact of Michael's death to my attention via FB and for digging up that beautiful obituary from the Homer paper, and everyone for such a sincere and generous memoriam here.
I like holding hands with you all, as we remember and appreciate dear Michael.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Thank you, Jane, for starting this thread.  I learned of Michael's passing yesterday, through Kerry's lovely and moving Remembrance blog.  I had been wondering recently how he was doing, not having seen him here in awhile. 

Michael, your big heart and passionate presence will be missed here, my friend.  You were an inspiration to many of us.

I interacted with Michael the most through two places – the old, eventually contentious and fractious (but initially fun and magical) Song of the Nile discussion, when Michael would occasionally call me on the phone to talk about his creative ideas (he never forgave me for breaking his leg in the Aviary scene!); and in the Integral Men's Group, where Michael shared of himself deeply and without reserve, and for which I will always be grateful…

If anyone wants to look at the Song of the Nile discussion, I had an old blog entry about it with all the links.

Re: Michael Sheppard

:)

Writing at the same time. Thanks, Bruce!

~G

Re: Michael Sheppard

In case you haven't seen this already, Kerry has written a lovely blog post in memory of Michael, too.

~G

(BTW, I've been trying to search Gaia for more references to Michael and his passing, but Gaia-wide search seems to be dreadfully ineffective.)

Re: Michael Sheppard

Please post anything you find here, Grey, if you do.  Yesterday, I dedicated a song to him on this thread.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Will do.

BTW, Nicole mentioned the thread she started in the God Pod, but I see she also posted a similar blog post in response to today's appropriate installment of “Questions & Reflections”: What does pain feel like?

~G

Re: Michael Sheppard

Hi Grey, 

This may be somewhat complete list as of time of writing:

So far, Gaia discussions in his memory:

In memoriam - “maxie” - God Pod
Michael Sheppard - Integral Pod
Requests for prayer - One Light Many Windows
Dedication to Maxi - PassingIn Gaia Networking Song dedicated to maxie in Integral Archipelago
Light for those who loved “maxie” - The Power of Light


Gaia Blogs:
Rememberance X - Kerry
What does pain feel like? - Nicole


Off-Gaia:
Light a Candle for Maxie


Love,


Nicole

Re: Michael Sheppard

Diving deeper thread.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Goodbye Michael.

Julie

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh, Maxie.

Oh.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Dayyum! Michael, no one was - and still is - more alive than you.
What you gave, you get back a thousandfold. As you know, I will always love you, wherever you roam.
 

Re: Michael Sheppard

Ciaou amigo.

There went a man full of juice.

Thanks for starting this thread, Jane.

Jon

In memoriam.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I have just seen this..such a sense of loss.

Rest in peace, dear Michael

Liz

Re: Michael Sheppard

This is so poignant. Perhaps prescient?

(Thank you, Gray, for digging up Michael's very first post on zaadz.)

Maxie said on Feb 12, 2007:

 When I say that the route to integration is experiential this is what I mean:  Every saint or mystic or avatar, or shaman when asked this question, “What's it like in there?” almost always says the same thing.  “It is ineffable.  It cannot be described.  It is an experience.  Once you have had the experience, and seen the Truth, you will know.”  All of them, saying the same things.  Well the real ones anyway.  We'll just skip the pretenders and wannabees.  The best approximation of a “description” that I ever heard about  enlightenment that rang true to me was this, “It's as if the entire Universe in all of its mysterious dimensions was bursting from a single spot in your heart center.”  Now that would be distracting.  I think I'll save that til just before I die.  That would be a good way to go out.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I'd like to think this is exactly how you went out of the body and straight back home, my friend.




 

Re: Michael Sheppard

“I think I'll save that til just before I die.  That would be a good way to go out.”

Oh, I hope this was a self-fulfilling prophecy!  Or we could get a little purple and say that Michael manifested his experience of the “end.”

Feeling so much love for him and y'all right now.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I am still crying in that joyful sad way too much to write anything yet….. I was hanging out at my favourite pond half way up the mountain today, with the golden eyed frogs and the copulating damsel flies that make heart shapes as they fly around, sometimes dragging eachother through the water if they skim too low…..what a mystery this is….oh, back to crying….  I will have to tell you some of my Michael stories soon….. It must feel so odd in Homer and in Portland and at the VA rehab place…… like as if Michael could just disappear or something….. 
I know how much Michael loved all of us too….dangitall..
Mascha, I think he really did do that thingy….'with the universe bursting from a single spot in his heart'….That is what he was sounding like the last time I talked to him….peaceful for sure, but curious and grateful…. what a ride he has been on….ahhhh! back to tears… 
I will check in later…
love to you all
Jane

Re: Michael Sheppard

It's good to see all you beautiful ones coming together here.
I need to huddle, snuggle up to people who have had the “Michael Experience”… those who know why it could be so much more than online exchanges have any reasonable right to be.

Right from the start, he leapt off the page and became a swashbuckling force with unpredictable moves doing it's thing in my courtyard. What a stunner, what a mind-blowing freak. The nerve! The skills and charm and range to get away with damn near anything! An adept with tremendous personal power and no master to hold him down… a real gosh darn Renaissance man.

Oh, snot and snarfle and tears rolling again. Jane, I do believe that Michael went out the way he wanted to. I imagine he just  leapt forward out of his chest and zoomed like a rocket straight through - past the greeting committees of seers, sages, old friends…they couldn't have been more than a brilliant blur - and straight into the Godhead. Clear light, baby, bam!!! Nothing more to become. He'd done it all a million times over, and better and deeper and more layered than most of us can cram into a single lifetime.

Then I imagine he'd have the choice to come down a little from the absolute dissolution heights, re-form ever so gently, gingerly, and blend with the Oversoul he's a part of anyhow. But who knows? Maybe he's looking over my right shoulder at the screen, enjoying what I'm writing about him. Archangel Michael or whatever you are, you sure did rock some boats in that form. Lotsa boats, lol.

Re: Michael Sheppard

This is beautiful, Mascha.

What's really strange is that all day I've been wanting to tell my in-person friends about this, but if I were to say that he's an “online friend,” they just wouldn't get it.  It's amazing how he's touched all our souls.

Re: Michael Sheppard

M,  moments ago I was refering to Michael as a Renaissance man.

For all the activity around recollecting him today I've been poised in a stillness about… him… , a silence, out of which rings a million impressions made in all the attentions shared with him.

It's two years to the day that we opened the Integral Men's Pod, and while he gave a comparable candor to his posting in general, it was there that I broke through to speaking together with such bare souls, as if our last days were soon.

That depth of encounter fuels a peace about his passing, knowing that we said the heart right out into the open, trusting (without disappointment!) eachother to love.

The closest I ever got to him was flying over Cook's Inlet when he was in Homer. But I swear I feel accompanied by all I ever knew him to be, since aware of his death.

This day has changed, is changing me and I'm still somehow oblidged to pay close heed to the silences springing with his memory.

K   

Re: Michael Sheppard

Ah, I just got a strong whiff of the still dark fathomless peace. It transmits through your words, Kerry. Absolutely palpable.

And Tely? Same here. So I just told someone that Michael was a very old, very close friend of mine and omitted the part about it being merely online. It actually feels truer to put it that way.

Love to you all.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh man, Michael.
Look what you've done.
Look what you evoke.

“I swear I feel accompanied by all I ever knew him to be.” Kerry, this moves me. And Mascha, I bet Michael would beam hearing you describe him that way (What a stunner, what a mind-blowing freak…)

Re: Michael Sheppard

It sure feels good to read all this. Thank you all.

My own process has progressed beyond the repetition of SHIIIIT!!

I am now in the GOD DAMN IT!!!!! stage.

What awesome courage the man had…..

I always thought I would meet him, Portland being so close, and we had said we would meet. Hard to believe that's not an option. Not in the flesh anyway. He must have felt he was finished here, but I bet part of his energy stays close to this plane to offer guidance, warmth, and humor….

Hugs to all,
OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

So sorry to hear this news. Thinking of him as the welcoming big warm hearted innovative & generous man he came across as. Here are some sweet drums for ya Michael. I am sure you'd approve of this cool inverted steel technology, with its beautiful sound.

Re: Michael Sheppard

“only” online - anyone who says that can have no idea how deeply someone can reach into your heart and pluck out joy and wonder by the way that they are in online fora, as Michael did so amazingly wherever he went. 

He was completely and wonderfully himself as much as if we had met him in person - this is one thing I discovered very much last year when I met a number of Gaians in person, the more real they were online (and you don't get any more real than Michael, imo!) the more completely I recognised them in person, no disconnect, just a deep sense of familiarity and knowing each other.

oh Michael, I feel selfish wanting to cling to you longer when it was your time to go and fly free. but i do miss you…

Re: Michael Sheppard

All so true. 

Michael was a profoundly inspiring example/model of the fierce and relentless courage to dive deeply into self, to accept, heal, and transcend everything past and to become all one truly is and can be. Among the other sweet, funny, amazing, awe-inspiring, quirky, intense, and beautiful things about him!!

OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Michael! Have you left us? I don't know if you remember but I almost kicked you out when you first entered IIZaadz. Fortunately I didn't, there was just something about you which was far too interesting to apply the rules rigorously.

Even though we never met properly, I always felt a deep affinity and recognition for some of your parts, and deep admiration for other parts that I plainly lack myself.

I hope you've found your peace now Michael. I'm sure one of your patents will kick ass some day, once society catches up with your mind.

I will remember you.

Re: Michael Sheppard

My Dear friend Maxie,
I hardly knew you. I just became 'friends' in the last 6 months. I suppose being 63 myself, I found your process especially poignant. I felt that you found that overwhelmingly compassionate 'Being' within you and shared that with us all here.
I'm tender with gratitude for having known you, friend.
Save a place for me there, eh?
And all you living posters here,…Love to all you divine appreciators. This truly is a reminder that we can resonate together even in this virtual space Ha Ha…is there any other kind??
Doug 

Re: Michael Sheppard

From The Song of the Nile, Michael's entrance:

One day from heaven the Archangel Michael arrived without steed or sword.  He sat down a respectful distance from the mouth of the great dragon Ramsses's cave.  It was just morning, and as the cave faced east to the river, the sun was on Michael's back and lit up the entrance to the cave.  Wisps of smoke pulsed from the cave mouth while from inside, a rythymic crackling could be heard.  The sun reached the back of the cave.  A bief pause.  No smoke.  No sound.  Of a sudden the dragon erupted from the cave, wings aflare and mouth on fire.  He stretched his horribly beautiful neck and guttering countenance to his utmost height, the better to see over this mysterious sillouette before him.  “Who has come to disturb my perfect repose!!!?”  With the “Who” and the “-pose” came great gouts of ragged flame.  The air filled with a sulphurous stench and the sand at Michael's feet began to steam.  With the steam, Michael rose to his feet and said,

“Come Ramsses, to the well and drink with me
We will sit back to back, no words will pass
You looking West to your lovely Nile
And me to the East and the drifting sand”


And Michael's exit:


Ramsses reacted to the touch of the Yogi by springing to his feet saying, “Despicable fool!  You come to me with this pathetic plea for brotherhood, for belonging to my court!  You pig of a mere man.  I scoff at you and render your efforts to the wallow.”  The Yogi sat beneath him looking up softly into the King's enraged eyes.  “Has it ever occurred to you why I have paid so much attention to your feet,” asked the Yogi while stretching as if to touch them.  Ramsses stepped back out of reach revealing the pool of his urine between them.  Extending a finger to the edge of the pool, the Yogi lowered his hand and just touched the surface.  A drop, tiny, shining, golden hung there sparkling in the torchlight.  Looking up again at the King, the Yogi raised his hand and pressed the drop to his forehead, holding it there for a moment while slowly rubbing it in.  “My brother,” he said, “your feet are what make you human.  No King, no God, no Pharaoh, may walk this earth on more than human feet.  Why is it, do you suppose, that the shoes of the Guru are important to the devotee?  Why are there footprints of great beings the world over carved into stone to mark their passing?  Look at your feet.  They are perfect.  The small toes are separated one from the other just so.  The great toes are splendid in shape.  The nails exact half moons, pink and shining as if newborn.  There are no scars, no evidence of any travel, no consequence at all shows from your time upon this earth.  Now, look at mine,” the Yogi continued.  “Mine are a bit different.”  And, lifting a foot from beneath his cross-legged position, the Yogi presented it for his own and Ramsses inspection.  The foot was gnarled, the toes splattered in all directions.  The nails were dark and cracked and the sole was calloused beyond description.  “Now this foot, has seen some action.  It has climbed mountains and flown down them.  It has carried me through caves and through the ashes of the ghats in Benares.  It has supported the weight of my children, the wounded, the burdens of wives, and long upheld the heart you so despise.”  The Yogi put down his foot, and, as he spread his arms wide into a great circle while pressing upward from the edges of his weathered feet to stand toe-to-toe with the King.  Neither man flinched as they stared into each other's eyes.  The Yogi spoke softly, “My brother, within my arms lies the entirety of God's creation.  Every spark, star, vortex and mote, all within, all resounding to OM divine.”  With that, he closed his hands upon the scalded throat of the King who tried to struggle at first but feeling no real pressure from the Yogi's hands, he decided not to resist as he knew the Yogi, who was close enough to kiss him, might turn lethal if resisted.  So he waited and, while waiting, he could feel a warmth beginning to come from his enemy's hands.  The warmth grew to just the point of irritation where one knows the medicine is really working.  With that, the Yogi released his hands revealing the taught and perfect skin of the King's throat. 

The Yogi then passed by the King and crossed the gilded bridge to bow before the court.  He looked directly into the eyes of Rani and Ja-ne.  “My sister, my Mother, thou knowest who I am.  Ever I go upon this earth I will take thee with me.”  He continued towards the portal to the Osirion, through the assemblage which parted before him.  Stopping at the entrance, he stopped to bow before the servant Nefertitti.  “My darling,” he said whispering, “thou hast borne the brunt of some of this.  Know always that you too will remain in my heart and prayers.”  With that, he exited the Osirion, walked through the Seti temple while bowing to the images of Ramsses father, and walked out into the peach glow of morning in Abydos.

The Raven arose, stretched her wings and took to the dawn skies.  The scarab, who had just observed the death of his beloved, fell from his grasp to the ceiling landing dead at the King's feet.  Ramsses foot rose and dropped crushing Khephri's body.  With a yelp the King hopped to one leg while lifting the other to have a look.  In the center of his once-perfect sole, there was a deep gash.  Gouts of blood poured from it and dripped to the floor to mix with the remains of his urine.  No one moved.  Rani and Ja-ne edged closer together reaching for each other's hands.  Ramsses put his wounded foot tenderly back on the floor and stood there, unbalanced and alone on the altar.

The Yogi, moving swiftly with intention now, came to the pyre where the ashes of the crone still smoldered, bowing deeply, he raised his palms to his chin, intoned “Namaste” and continued on to the quay by the riverside.  He reached deep into his purse for the last of his coins and held them forth while pointing across the river.  A young man, early to rise, saw the Yogi and nodded yes.  The youth snapped to, the lateen sail was lowered and its boom made fast to the breeze.  The Yogi hopped aboard and together he and the boat's captain crewed the sleek craft through the maze of other boats to the open waters of the Nile.  The sail cracked into shape in the morning air and the little craft jumped in response.  Soon there were was a vee of white foam streaming from the bow.  “A bone in her teeth,” the Yogi said with a wide grin to his young captain .  “Aye my Lord, a bone it is. It won't take us long to cross.  Where is it that you are bound for?” Pausing, the Yogi said, “The Sinai at first for the heat of day and the cold of night to purge me of the confusion in Egypt, beyond that I don't know, India perhaps or maybe Ceylon.  The Himalya are warming at this time of year or over to the Taklamakan.  There are great cities there with splendors that have never met an outsider's eyes, with grapes the size of a giant's thumb and dates like your fist.  Dancing is permitted and no one cares what or who you are.”

They reached the shore and the Yogi, after tousling the boy's hair, leapt to the beach proceeding inland without looking back.  After walking for hours, he sat behind a boulder and closed his eyes in the shade.  He knew how to find water in this barrenness.  He knew that vultures would lead him to meat.  He knew the Sinai contained secret wonders of learning enshrined in caves.  He knew that he would find companionship and brotherhood soon.  He let himself drift within.  The soft rustling of wings caused his eyes to open and there before him stood the Raven and the Owl.  As the Owl was staring directly at him, the Yogi sought to prostrate himself but the Owl raised his wings and shook them while blinking at the Yogi as if to say that the protocol was no longer required.  The Raven shifted from one foot to the next while they all looked at each other.  The Raven and the Owl closed their eyes and the Yogi soon followed suit.  Immediately, he could hear the mantra of the Raven playing in his head, “Kronkety bonk, de wonk de thonk, da katcheta cock Katchoolya.”  It repeated after a pause and then again and again the pauses seeming longer each time.  Slowly, the Yogi came to realize that an interpretation in his own language was filling the gaps.  After a couple of more repetitions, the sound of it came clear, “Breathe in, breathe out, move, add music, expect the joy of your birth and your true home, to be with you always.”  As he opened his eyes, he could just see the birds, stroke for stroke heading west and back to their duties in Egypt.

The Yogi turned northeast into the heart of the Sinai, repeating “Breath in, breathe out, move, add music, expect joy to rise within … . ”

The saliva returned to his parched tongue and lips and, as he strode deeper into the desert, he began to whistle.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Michael, our friend has left this mortal coil.  My heart is touched by remembering him and stepping into the what was and will never be again. 

Laughing, I remember reading a few of his first posts and thinking by gawd, is this man a verbose blowhard.   Ha.. and overtime, while his verbosity never really changed, I grew to love his mind, his prose and his blazing Fire.

His words in this place will be missed the thought bombs he exploded will forever be dismantled.  His spirit however, will remain.  Jaysus, Maxie.. you are somethin'

Thank you everyone for your sharing and thank you Jane for starting this thread.

With love,

Gina

Re: Michael Sheppard

Gina, this is lovely.

“What was and will never be again.”  The hard part is “will never be again.”

It's so interesting to me that after someone dies, they're only what others make them out to be, but they're not there to say anything about it.  Then again, I guess that's not too different from when a person is alive.  And it's nice that Michael is remembered so fondly – he's leaving a lot of love behind.

I felt similarly to you when I first encountered Michael – he was like a storm that blew in.  But I soon came to recognize his amazing heart and mind in all that he expressed, and for that experience, I feel grateful.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I dug up the following post because it gives us a glimpse into the part of Michael's life where he became a fisherman in Alaska. Of all the things a flamboyant rogue mystic can do, this must have been one of the most amazing adventures…

    
Re: Perspectives on Siddhis

maxie said Feb 25, 2007, 1:11 PM:   


Pelle said:

“Non-locality is not a big thing. Thousands of people have already experienced non-local healing energies so to me it is not even controversial anymore. It can easily be proved as well through simple experiments, if anyone is interested in doing so.”

I resonate concurrently with every word of this statement and will soon show why.

But first, one of my own experiences with passionate intention acausally manifesting in the environment.

I fished for 20 years in the North Pacific and Alaskan waters.  Offshore, we called it “Big Wave National Park,” for good reason I assure you.  In the middle eighties, and at the peak of my career, I was making big $ deckhanding in the blackcod/halibut longline business.  These were the “derby” years where regulations were changing and the style of fishing was of the YAHOOO! cowboy style - short, intense “openers” - a 3 day - 24 hr - a-day non-stop, smash and grab free-for-all.

The “opener” was over, the boat was nearly loaded, and the weather had gone from rough to dangerous.  We had been a couple hundred miles offshore and were headed back to Kodiak to the NE.  The wind had come around and was intensifying out of the SW.  This put the waves on our stern - a very pleasant way to ride when the waves are smallish, <20ft, but when the waves get up to >30ft, everything changes and the boat, at 90', becomes prone to broaching, or rolling over in the worst case.

Not only was the wind picking up into the +60 knots category, the temperature was plummeting into the low teens and ice was beginning to build on the decks and rigging from the overwash and flying spray. There were 9 people on the crew and we all took turns in the wheelhouse and out on deck attempting to smash up the accumulating ice.  We were already wallowing because of the load and everybody, in good nautical fashion, was affecting good cheer to stem the flood of fear.  Every hour or so, one of us got to below to take an hour or so of rest.


When it was my turn, I went to my bunk and crawled in rain gear, boots, and all.  I strapped myself in so as not to smash into the bunk above me when the boat bucked in the seaway and set about trying to calm myself down that I might get a bit of sleep.  Strangely, I began to think of the superstitions that abound in the fishing business.  “No whistling in the wheelhouse.” is what came to mind.  As I was thinking about that and simultaneously wondering if I was going mad from the exhaustion, powerlessness and terror, this enormously bright and burning question rose in my mind,  “What can I do?  What can I do?”  A voice manifested in my mind.  It said, “I will tell you what to do if you promise to use it only when your life is in mortal danger and never tell it to another soul.”  “Yes!” I agreed, “for fuck's sake yes!”


I did what the voice said and within minutes, I could hear the wind in the rigging begin to back off, and 30 minutes later, the storm had completely died.  The waves lost their sharp peaks, the wicked chop was gone and the ride mellowed to the point where the entire crew, with the exception of the wheel watch came below to sleep.


During the rest of my career,  I found two other occasions to use this bit of “technology.”  The same results manifest both times in exactly the same way.


Statistically speaking, three incidents does not make much of a set, but a positive outcome in all three incidents does raise a certain curiosity.


As Pelle reported above ”Thousands of people have already experienced non-local healing energies so to me it is not even controversial anymore.”  I am moved to offer that statistics alone can prove the case of  the existence of paranormality, siddhis, reincarnation and the like.  Millions of people have reported various experiences regarding these states.  Millions more have never shared such experiences.  It is, from a statistical perspective, impossible that ALL of these people are lying, or suffering from orientation pathology, or totally lost in “magical” non-integral thinking jungles.  IMPOSSIBLE.  Statistically speaking, only one of these stories has to meet the most stringent requirements for the entire phenomena to be considered existant.  To say that NONE of them could meet that standard is itself an absurdity.


Best,

Michael

Re: Michael Sheppard

Wow, those excerpts from Michael's various writings, what a treat, the additional (for me) glimpses into this amazing man. Thank you for those posts.

Re: Michael Sheppard

This is an amazing thread; thank you for starting it Jane.  I'm remembering Michael as the consumate storyteller, the visionary humanist, a reverential servant to the universe, the prolific pontificater, the fearless adventurer.  All labels–all dropped.  His spirit must be soaring.  It's wonderful rereading his writings and all of the beautiful sharing that's arising here, now. I know that he caught me when I was stumbling on the path several times; directly and indirectly.  I can't imagine how his son and family are feeling.  Love, light and hugs to all.  
Chris

Re: Michael Sheppard

This is an excerpt from the most recent “Message from Matthew,” one of the most accurate and useful channeled messages series available these days, IMO. The website is www.matthewbooks.com.

Interesting about the name. This is the third paragraph in the Message:

Michael [Jackson] is one of the most prominent souls who recently chose to make transition, but millions who are known only to families and friends also have been choosing to leave Earth lifetimes, and many millions more will do so before the Golden Age is fully established. 


While some will have completed their soul contracts, others will amend their contracts so they can move out of the heavy negativity in their surroundings and, from the spirit world, help to reduce its effects on the planet by adding their light from above. 


So please do not feel these “lives are cut short,” but rather, know that they joyfully returned to spirit life and feel gratitude for their love-filled service to Earth and all her life forms.


Blessings, OM        

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh, I keep sitting down to write something, and then I am caught again by all of these sharings…. I can imagine Michael, the archangel, saying something like, “Jaysus, you have to die just to get some quality air time around here! okay then, if that is what it takes….FINE!!!!” 


In the last few days, I finished reading a wonderful book, called Undefended Love, and at the same time I have been thinking about mantles….about shells.  The trail I hike up the mountain has had all these shiny shimmering trails going across it, little thin threads that catch the sun light at certain angles and times of the day….and after thorough investigation, 'Hmmm, what are those shiny, silvery threads?' asked quietly in my head X10, I have this to report: I started discovering the odd discarded snail mantle,  and even the odd dried up slug-like-looking snail. I finally figured out that these silver streaks across the red clay were snail slime trails…… footprint equivalent of these persistent and heavily-burdened creatures…..  silver threads….. 


I am reminded again of that beautiful poem by unknown….


True love's the gift
That God hath given
To man alone 
Beneath the heaven.


It is not fantasy's hot fire
Whose wishes, soon as granted, fly
It doth not live in deep desire,
With dead desire, it doth not die.
It is the secret sympathy, 
The silver link,
The silken tie
that heart to heart 
and soul to soul
In body and in soul 
can bind.
———


Michael!  he left his silver streaks, infused with 'secret sympathy' all over this place…….this place is drenched really!  It is almost overwhelming just yet….. 


oh, I am so grateful to be here with all of you….. I am reminded again how important this community is to me…… I am in the final few days with my feted mother before heading back to Labrador, where I am going to stretch out and figure out if I can write the story of my Michael encounter…. (ya might have to help on this one Mary)…. there was gnashing and hair-pulling….discarded mantles and slug-like looking moments…. and all those silver streaks, everywhere……


lots of love to everyone….oh, how I do love you too!
Jane

Re: Michael Sheppard

I asked Siona if we could have a Gaia memorial for Michael. She suggested a Gaia-hosted toll-free teleconference for us to share together. What do you all think?

Loving all these posts,

Nicole

Re: Michael Sheppard

That's a generous offer, hosting a call.

However,

not only is a call difficult to schedule with our widely staggered availabilities, but also, given how I know mourning to be 'on it's own schedule', needing un-forced space for it's unfolding, and that these written threads have already served to relieve the initial pressures of isolated response…

On second thought, a call may be a great opportunity for even more reasons.

K 

Re: Michael Sheppard

Thanks, Nicole, and thanks, Siona. Like Kerry, I am ambivalent, for the same reasons. OTOH I think a real-time voice-to-voice sharing is what some are needing, craving, and would satisfy something in us that squiggles on a screen can't satisfy, no matter what is evoked by them. 

But yeah, scheduling would be a real challenge, for a global community!!!

I'd even get up at night for it, but I suppose it would be Boulder daytime, if anything.

Blessings, OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Hmmmm, I'm afraid this thread will turn into a flurry of posts about organizational logistics instead of the heartfelt tribute to Michael it was until now.

My hope is that Jane and others who had the closest relationships with Michael will start writing down the things they want to tell us - in their own sweet time and in their own unique ways.

On the other hand… yes, there are quite a few other hands, as always.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Sorry, Mascha, good point. Yes, that's my hope too.

Love, OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Everyone.

I still can't think of this without crying. I never met Michael in person but we had a few rich and lengthy and profound phone calls, and I can still hear the sound of his voice; all I want to do, after reading this, is pick up the phone to call and ask him now what?? But I don't want to try, because as long as I don't call, that number, in my mind, will still be his.

I'm not being very coherent.

I wanted to ask (as others above mentioned) whether there was interest here in creating a little telegathering / memorial. I'll reserve a bridge line that we could all call into to share a few words on; we can record it for those who might not be able to make it. I don't want it to be a major production–I just thought I'd post a time, date, and number, and if anyone wants to join me, they'd be welcome. That's all.

It's raining as I type this. My eyes are wet.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Thank you, Siona. For those of us who can make it, I think it would be one way to honour Michael's memory.

Warm hugs,

Nicole

Re: Michael Sheppard

This is for Michael – a song by Balmorhea.  I also posted a couple songs by them on my blog in remembrance of our friend.

Re: Michael Sheppard

OMG I can hardly believe this.  Michael was one of the first people I connected with when I came to the Integral Pod.  He was passionate, too smart for his good and searching.  What a guy! and he made me laugh.  Strangely enough I was thinking about him lately and wondering how he was doing.  Michael so hard to believe you have left our planet.  Be well friend, and blissed out in the Mystery.  Gitanjali

Re: Michael Sheppard

There was one thing that Michael once said,

“It's so cool that you remember that about me”.

That in childhood, he was enamored of Mario Lanza.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I feel sad to hear about Michael's departure.
From the obituary I saw he died 10th of June. That was my father's birthday. This brought to my mind my father's death, that was a powerful and amazing experience to me.
After my father's death I occasionally felt his intense presence swirling as a warm glow in my heart. It has grown weaker with the years, but now I can again feel some of it. And in that warm glow mixed with my father I can feel the presence of Michael.
I did not communicate personally much with Michael, but he once sent me a long PM, that I appreciate very much.
I always felt and still feel good about the subtle energetic aura around Michael.
Isn't that funny, I have never met Michael physically, but I could always stongly sense his aura.
 I had some difficulties in following his posts because of his profuse use of dialectical expressions. However I always appreciated the overall feeling and energies that got transmitted to me through his writings.

Irmeli

Re: Michael Sheppard

Our entire generation was enamored, Kerry. That voice still thrills me to my core. I suspect Michael also resonated with the fact that Lanza was a self-made man, in the sense that he taught himself how to sing that way, by “singing along” with Enrico Caruso records, as a child. This fact was fairly widely known, Michael probably knew that.

Thanks for the link. Googling the term Lanza Legend turned up other interesting nostalgia stuff too.

OM 

Re: Michael Sheppard

Here's a fabulous example of Michael's ruthless and courageous self-honesty, this time wrt romantic relationships, the link was turned up by Patrick. There are other substantial posts by Michael in that thread in the Shadow pod. Patrick was posting in our current memorial thread about Michael in the Starseed Sanctuary.

Blessings, OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Re: Michael Sheppard

I just heard. I'm weeping.
We spoke once on the telephone a long time ago and it feels like yesterday and I'm thinking why the F didn't I tell him how much I loved him?
I love you Michael. You were a truly beautiful man. I hope wherever you are you are is the best adventure yet.
I love you.

Re: Michael Sheppard

one of the poems Michael posted on Diving Deeper:

No Escape

Up close, you must admit,
and from any distance you might choose,
it is all beautiful - almost distractingly so.

that's how it fits for me,
even the blood and brains in the street,
or the tearful diagnosis

all fits, all beautiful,
all spiralling endlessly forward like the rose
from the roots through the stem to the bud and bloom,
straightforward to the sound of OM.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Checking out Michael's list of musical faves – I thought I'd offer some more songs as a way to commemorate and celebrate.

Re: Michael Sheppard

A couple more of Maxie's faves – for dancing in the bardo!

Re: Michael Sheppard

I went in search of Mario Lanza and found this, recorded in 1956. Michael said he had once been, among other things, an altar boy. In 1956 he would have been just about the right age.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Michael, dear, you loved the Righteous Brothers…

Re: Michael Sheppard

The thread in the Passing pod is wonderful, and has this link to his obituary in the Home AK paper, a most unusual obituary indeed, an essay, far from dry facts. 

His middle name was apparently Quigley, his mother's maiden last name. I know he got a good laugh from that, as a soul (Think a combo of squiggly and quirky.) Also, it has become a strong hypothesis for me that souls choose their last name to have meaning. Don't know why I never considered Michael, Shepherd. It fits some aspects of him, eh?

Loving the various poems and music.

Hugs, OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

BTW the obit comes right out and says “Agent Orange-induced mantle cell lymphoma.” 

A Vietnam casualty, these years later. And not alone in that.

Forgive me if I go into outrage…..

OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Dear Friends,

I did Shitro practice for Maxie last night and this morning… practice of “the Yoga of the Peaceful and Wrathful Manifestations” of the Bardo Thodrol, creating/placing a cause for liberation through hearing in the bardo. In doing this, and visualising him in front of me, I felt deeply connected to Maxie, maybe for one last time. But with that depth of connection came also a deep loss, for what's missing… and after I felt something of a hollow man, a stuffed man, codpiece filled with old socks…alas.

In love and grief,

Lol

Re: Michael Sheppard

Dear Lol, I hope you don't mind me asking… did you feel a connection to Michael as he exists now? Or was it more a connection to your memories and feelings about him?

To OM, Irmeli, Gitanjali, Chris and others - I resonate with the impressions you've shared. Thank you all.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Dear Mascha …both, I would say… I visualised him as I see and remember him in my mind's eye, his form containing that whole gestalt of memories, feelings, associations, interactions… plus all that ineffable other… but I was addressing and in relationship with whatever form of 'self' his karmic vision is currently constellating around. I can't pretend to have any sense of what that might be… assuming he hasn't already liberated and gone beyond all of that, that is : )

Re: Michael Sheppard

I wanted to share the first thing Maxie wrote on Diving Deeper, May 5, 2007 11:11 pm

Re: Michael Sheppard

Wow to all the sharings.

Though we've already been graced with one version, Albert just posted this amazing version of Amazing Grace for Mikey_Dee's birthday in the Multilingual Group, but it's oh so appropriate here too. The people, the huge setting – all fitting for your hugeness and sweetness, Michael. 

(My attempt to embed was unsuccessful. Hope people can access via this link:)

 AMAZING Grace:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY8J35OXVxg&NR=1

Treasuring shared tears,
OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Om. Lovely. Made me think of the Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole 'IZ' tribute, where he's singing 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow', which brings tears to my eyes everytime I see it:

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh yes, that's an underground classic. Glad you brought it here! Michael, wish you would report back from over the rainbow !

Here's an URL for the search for that, has other options as well:

http://tinyurl.com/maonoz
[Open in new window]

Re: Michael Sheppard

Ha ha, here's some vintage Michael for you. He sent me this message in response to a contentious thread I was involved in many moons ago:
________________________________________________________

by maxie

oh yeah!

You go girl.  lemme know if you want me to kill anybody for ya, ok?
_______________________________________________________

Life on Gaia will never be the same without him (lets out a long, wailing howwwl together with a LOL).

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh boy, YES!! 

Laughing while crying can lead to choking on the tears. Beware.

xo
OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

I have another Michael gem to share:

Re: Michael Sheppard

The last message I got from him, near the end of February:

You are such a dear, Nicole, really.  I appreciate your help over there on the “readiness” thread.

Chemo has my poor brain almost shut down totally.  Its hard to write at the best of times, but when I'm achy and blue it will hardly come at all.

That's not true about it being hard to write when times are 'good.'  I can write my ass off  then.  Now, though, I just would rather not - so thanks for the help over there.  Funny how people keep showing up, eh?

all love,
Michael

Re: Michael Sheppard

…go with God good brother…
…I'll see you in my dreams…
…Will…

Re: Michael Sheppard

Through a series of coincidences triggered by Albert, I have had an attack of exuberance today, and it just feels as if maybe I sense Michael in the background of all that, moving me to appreciate being alive more than usual. Plus a couple of other contributing experiences today too, all coincidences of course…..

Don't care whether the interpretation is “correct” or not, I am still feeling “high” and I am aware of Michael and sending some of that his way, too, though flow might be more in the other direction…..

Anyone else experiencing a sudden upsurge in enjoyment of being alive??

Hugs
OM 

Re: Michael Sheppard

Over these five days since we've known of his passing I've sensed a parallel, or concurrent-ness to, on the one hand, what I go about doing, and, on the other, a kind of qued-in-ness to what Michael means to me.

The very passage of 'time' seems altered. And there's a feeling, also, of time being of-the-essense, that our participations and intentions in this period following his Parinirvana are somehow needful or helpful or due.


Today is the annual Feastday of one of his hero[ine]s, Mary Magdalene.

I find that the bits of data I hold in reference to Michael, have been presenting for a moment of acknowledgement, then proceed to burn off like a stage off a rocket, spent, let go.


John of the Cross, in Spiritual Canticle:

Scattering a thousand graces,

He passed through these groves in haste,

And, looking upon them as he went,

Left them, by his glance alone, clothed with beauty.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I'd like to give voice to an experience of frustration in participating in this thread. In person as a group conversation, I suspect we all would be nodding, smiling, giving nonverbal feedback of various other kinds, holding hands to hearts, radiating gratitude for each sharing as it is made. But to jump in here in the cyberspace thread with a verbal post after each sharing, and go Yes Yes Thank you, would be highly intrusive. Yet, I am sorry that the silence here could be interpreted as lack of response to what is being shared. 

So I hope each one here knows that the readers are being moved, and are grateful, even in the cyberspace apparent silence. 

Hugs to all,
OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

Yes, yes, dear OM (nodding, sniffling with a crooked smile), you are so right about that. Our silence is filled with agreement and with insights and further musings that never make it to the page.

Thank you (again & for the umpteenth time) for saying what I mean.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I hear what you're saying OM. And, just in case the silent ebb & flow of attunement, gratitude and resonance have not yet been fully expressed (at least by me)…I have cherished this outpouring of mutual recognition for the tender depths of Michael and all who participate here. I have saved all the emails of these postings to savor for a while and share some of this story with my intimate other.
I have been to funerals and am amazed at the richness of presence here in this virtual space (Oh, I already said something to that effect above, but it is true).
The outcome of this thread for me feels like a powerful community of practice I've rarely known in 'meat space'.
Truly I'm blessed to witness and participate with all you bodhisatva's.
Jai Jai

Re: Michael Sheppard

(As Doug wrote his above repsonse I was writing the following on my blog.)
 

I almost want to rest in the solice that this is all the familiar recurrent occasion of someone dying, and others grieving.

But I am swept up, borne aloft in this wake-up-call of an actually unprecedented event. The momentums of each of these lives of ours converging as we have here, in these moments, at this point in this era… I feel like we're acting a mutation of the processes of response to death.

Where else in cyberspace, or in history, have a such a sundry far flung gang given such careful persistant attentions to subtle communing, practicing relational integrities with zeals and honesties so rare anywhere, let alone through correspondence.

Something's new here. No lone one of us knows quite what. But WE is getting to articulate it.


(As I was returning to the blog to fetch that post and bring it here, Mascha was asking me to do as much in her post in that blog.)

Re: Michael Sheppard

Dear All… or as I used to love Michael putting it… Dear Ones,

This thread has so brought me back in from the cold. May it run for as long as Jesus Christ Superstar. Thank you, thank you, thank you all for sharing these treasured memories, fragments, insights, priceless Maxieisms.

Here is one such treasured memory, which I'll entitle ”When Michael first introduced himself as Maxie..”, taken from the comments section of one of Maxie's blog entries, “Ego, A Dramaturgical Perspective, Part One”. How interesting it is that I can delight in going back to look at a friend's posting and yet feel the cringe-factor when re-reading some of the stuff I've written myself. One of the reasons I've been away is because I felt I didn't have that much to contribute to an integral forum, and that I was to my ears sounding a bit like an old, cracked mono single… in contrast to Michael, who steered such a wide-ranging course, dropping anchor at diverse exotic ports. As for Bruce… so, to further whet your appetite, let me tell you that Balder enters this comments section a little further downstream with a wonderful passage from a Herbert Guenther translation of (and commentary to) a text by first-among-equals Dzogchenmaster Longchenpa, worth reading for itself alone if you read nothing else all year … and now my mind has flipped tragi-comically to imploring Bruce: now don't you go leaving us, you understand!!!! … but I digress… here is pure, unadulterated Maxie in response to Bruce's comment-post:

Bruce,

I suppose we have that rascal Lol to thank for this.  Deep and welcome gratitude arises.  I am beginning to experience life in the abstract.  As my attention shifts towards abstract contemplation/practice and away from the burdensome complexity of my life situation, I begin to sense the abstracts of peace and freedom as palpable conditions of being.  Its that simple.  More soon.  Glad (that's the short form of Grateful) you are aboard. 
We've a following sea now and the sky looks clear ahead.

love,
Maxie

But back to the ”When Michael first introduced himself as Maxie..” and how it came about, taken from the beginning of Maxie's reply to (the end of) my initial comment (which you can find here, continuing downstream if you're interested):

” 8 days [I've always been slow on the uptake] later marigpa said:

… However I do very much like and resonate with what you'd affirmed earlier, that “.. the evolutionary moment is expressed on the quantum boundary where that which is implied in the field of all possibilities (the implicate) becomes manifests into “fact,” (the explicate) ..”

And for some reason I keep getting an image of you as an Errol Flynn type in tights swinging down on a rope onto stage from your 4p perspective above …. ;-)

I'll end as I started. I really love what you're doing here, Mikey. (I've for a long time wanted to call you Mikey …. hope you don't mind!!)

With much love and appreciation,

Lol

Re: Michael Sheppard

Gosh, I think you're right, Kerry, something new here, and even as you noted in your postscript in parentheses.

And, triple whammy, I just posted this.BEFORE I read this post !!!

Michael is probably grinning from ear to ear about all this level of communing. “Yep, yep, you guys are 'getting it.' ”

Blessings, OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

A big thanks to Balder for posting the news on the ModPod thread, otherwise I would not have known for even longer…


Dear Michael,

The online forum can often be reduced to simplistic black-and-white with walls of text that are too often colored by my own perception.  So much to read online, that I so often find my self scrolling past to get to the next little tidbit.  But somehow you managed to grab ahold of my fleeting attention (maybe because you gave of your words so generously you knew anyone would have to–at some point–stop and wonder what the hell this guy's all about :) ).

And in the short time we have had to engage here in the digital realm, you both challenged and touched me, and I'd spent plenty of time reflecting on our interactions and many of your MANY other contributions here.  It didn't take me long to get over my intital perceptions, where skepticism turned to true admiration for such openness and relentless sharing of oneself.  Looking at all these heartfelt remembrances and tributes on this thread and elsewhere, you've showed me how agressively loving everyone without expectation or condition can affect people deeply, even if it is through, what at first seems, such a seemingly impersonal medium.  Many thanks to you, Maxie! 

Journey Well My friend,

Bryan       

Re: Michael Sheppard

The song of the nile…
It is going to take me ages to read and remember and glean all of the pieces of this mysterious, ever-expanding puzzle that we  share together….not only in the Song, but everywhere.  
I first noticed Michael in the Chapel early in January 2007…..he and I shared this, dare-I-say, compulsive fixation on the geometry of the whole unfolding…he brought his favourite Phi to the table of fascination and I brought my Pi….. and then we got to the spiral and the tornadic vortex, Shiva and Shakti, and honing 'the point of attraction' so sharply that it becomes singular such that everything become nothing becomes everything…. that singularity is 'the eye of the needle', the interface between spirit and matter….and how the imagination of God pours through each heart into all this, and back again…. 
 Michael wrote somewhere in one of his blogs that at this late stage, when he discovered this community, he had started doing 'loneliness'…….I don't entirely know what he meant, but I resonate with that too…. as here there is a place where so many of us are trying to wake up to this mystery from the inside out…. there seems to be an understanding that each one of us has the clues and cues to solve this riddle of how we actually got here out of the grand mystery of apparent nothingness, to this place so filled with 'stuff', and so distractingly entrancing….. and as an intrepid adventurer of this time/space/knowledge event horizon, it has been such a relief to find fellow adventurers…. and even if we look like a hapless crew sometimes, I love this little band….  Michael is the first of us to go over the event horizon….into the unknown…his molecules released. Oh, how amazing is that! and how does it work….. how many births and deaths have I witnessed, and all I feel each time is awe.
There is lots to “publish” here about this adventuring….. and it is a beautiful tribute to Michael and actually to all of us, showing up in our own ways. Like Einstein, sitting on a beam of light,  we are traveling at a pace so fast that you arrive at the same time you depart, having crossed the expanse of the universe in the meanwhile, from infinity to eternity….from this movement-so-fast-it-becomes-stillness and the arising tension becomes our intention is born, our freedom to choose…..
I well up again with tears, with gratitude, with relief, with loss, with love….I love what everyone is writing, I love these many varied perspectives……In some version, Michael is held in all these living fractals that are US….how deeply we are all affected by him, and by each other!  ahhhhh, this breaking heart…… 
Jane xo

Re: Michael Sheppard

Oh dear god in the form of you people here…..

 Reading Jane's last sentence, this old heart just broke some more. I welcome it. This breaking apart of subtle shells that keep me in a crab-like state is glorious. And painful, yes. I won't be able to work today. Too much light shining through my cracks. I'm blinded by more tears. Good tears; sweet, powerful, transforming holy waters flowing from these eyes. You all demonstrate that everything is taken care of very well. What I can't formulate, you will. What I can't see, you will point out. What i can't do - you guys have a thousand hands to do it with.

This is what Michael always wanted to happen – on the I-Pod and in our soul group at large, isn't it?

Re: Michael Sheppard

in rememberance…..

Re: Michael Sheppard

Wow, Michael's gone…

I knew him best through the Integral Men's group and we dialogued privately for a bit too, when Elise was born 2 years ago (he did her horoscope).

He is a part of us, just like we are all part of him and as such nothing changes - yet I am sad to hear he is gone.  Ii is nice to read this thread and all the lovely memories shared.

Love to all,
Frans

Re: Michael Sheppard

Dear Ones,

I want to share something Michael wrote to me a few years ago. Oh, my heart swells and cracks…
Still with us, Michael, strong and true…

Love,
Lauren


Dear Lauren,

I do not know what it is to lose a child.  That thought haunted me all the while my one boy was growing up - what would it be to lose him?  Could I survive it?  I talked to my counselor about it as the concern would occasionally border on the obsessive.  My counselor reminded me of all that I had already lost in family, friends, and compatriots.  And I remembered foxhole conversations with men I loved so truly it goddamn near killed me to lose them - how we dreamed of going into business together and raising our families near the same beaches and parks and schools and churches and how our children would marry eachother and we would compete to be best grandfather and how these dreams would rise and then one day, and another, and another, one by one they cracked and broke into pieces and some went missing and I saved all I could and let go of the spirit, let it rise away, and the dreams seemed like rubble, like jagged reminders of lost innocence and time went by and still, despite my sorrows, the flowers still bloomed and the bees still serviced them, and the clouds still came and went, and the birds with them and the tides, currents and seasons.  Then, one day I noticed that I felt whole again, wealthy, sound, with joy a part of my yearning and I wondered how this could be?  And I thought again of the losses and broken bits of dreams and how could I now be so purely free of what had seemed inescapable?  And it came to me that the broken pieces of my dreams had been incorporated into my foundation and that now my life rose in a far more selfless and human splendor because of the losses and not in spite of them - that ultimately, my life had been profoundly enriched because of the blessings of such achingly brief and magnificent encounters with others.

Please just know that I am still with you, strong and true,
Yer pal,
Michael

Re: Michael Sheppard

Lauren, thanks so much for this from Michael. It is absolutely beautiful…in so many ways.  feels like something I'd like to read over and over again.
hugs.
S.

Re: Michael Sheppard

What more could one ask of life than this:

And it came to me that the broken pieces of my dreams had been incorporated into my foundation and that now my life rose in a far more selfless and human splendor because of the losses and not in spite of them - that ultimately, my life had been profoundly enriched because of the blessings of such achingly brief and magnificent encounters with others.

And what more fitting epitaph for Michael:


 I am still with you, strong and true,
Yer pal,
Michael


I think that's what we are all detecting, each in our own way.


Thank you, Lauren, for sharing, and thank you all who have shared personal correspondence, as well as other writings, and current experiences, and……


Hugs, OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

After some reflection, I deleted my previous post because I quoted from a communication from Michael to me that had the tacit understanding of confidentiality.  So I thought it best to remove what he said about his own life and to simply reiterate this:   Our communication and understanding meant a lot to me.  I will miss Michael and his laser intuitiveness and easy way with words.  He was truly special. 
David

Re: Michael Sheppard

For me it feels so unfamiliar, strange and new to know someone and yet never have met them face to face, to have seen their soul gazing out from their eyes.  And now to know that I never will. Cyberspace sometimes feels like a spiritworld itself, connections across space of unbodied hearts.  so strange.

Once Michael said he was thinking about coming to Oz and I was so casual about it. I forgot where he was.  I didnt imagine his time could be coming to a close.  Even in daily life I can forget people's stories and its even easier in cyber space.  My self-absorption, like a hood that hides me from connecting with my own heart in you.

This song is one that sings to my soul I dont know why for I dont know this language or this land.  And yet mystery of our connection. For Michael.

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Re: Michael Sheppard

I'm stunned, to hear of this news.  Saddened, immensely.  Need some to time to let this seep in, and want to widen my open embrace as I read through this grace-filled, glowing thread…

Michael, you touched me, always making a wave, delicious or devilish ;)… I loved it all, you. Blessings and tears…

Re: Michael Sheppard

Bruce and Mary, thanks for writing to tell me of this, and thanks also to Ramsses for linking to this thread (I think, the link didn't work.)

It's not a surprise, but it's a shock, as they say. And I don't have time to read all of this, as i have to leave for the last day of the last module of the practicum soon. Endings, sigh.

There, I will also bring the news, as Julie knew him as well. Someone please make sure to write to Colin today, as I don't see him here and he adored Michael.

I did have the pleasure of meeting him. In person, he was what you would imagine, only MORE. More cantankerous, more delightful, more fun, more funny, more human, more tender, more brilliant, and just a wee bit crazier.

I'm sorry I've neglected this place, while my focus has been on my meat-space life, and I haven't connected with many of you in awhile. It's good to see you.

Now I have to tell Arthur. Oh, so sad.

Liz

Re: Michael Sheppard

Arthur here: my heart is filled with sadness.  He was such a sweet guy, and I'm so glad we made the effort to meet him face-to-face when we had the chance.  (If there is anyone you feel a warm connection with online, please make the effort to meet them in person if you can – you'll never know when you've missed the last chance ever.) 

I remember how delighted Michael was to see us in the house he grew up in, I remember his smile and him saying it was blowing his mind. I also remember us driving to a restaurant and Colin referred to a traffic situation as a “Jumblefuck” – Michael was delighted by that word, so much more jolly, he said, laughing, than “Clusterfuck.” Then the wild, rambling conversation in the restaurant. That was such a great visit. When I met him in person he seemed like a kindly fatherly figure to me, a very different impression than I had from knowing him previously online. And what people are saying in the thread about preserving some of his “digital ghost” (that's how I think of it anyway)…it reminds me of this poignant Laurie Anderson lyric…
When my father died we put him in the ground.
When my father died , it was like a whole library had burned down. - Laurie Anderson
Love to you, Michael, wherever you are.
Arthur

Re: Michael Sheppard

Namaste
Michael, your passing…fills me with grief and laughter…Mahalo!

LOVE
Betsy

Re: Michael Sheppard

Arthur:
(If there is anyone you feel a warm connection with online, please make the effort to meet them in person if you can – you'll never know when you've missed the last chance ever.)

Wise words indeed. If Michael's health had been better last summer, then I'm sure he would have come to the theory conference. That would have been great :) As things stand, it's kind of hard for me to meet people IRL, since most of you live across the Atlantic.

It's easy to say that one felt a special connection to a person who just passed away, but I did feel that way about Michael. I'm grateful for having sensed his spirit and his soul.

Pelle

Re: Michael Sheppard

Yes, Pelle, ditto and Yes again to Arthur's words. And if you can't meet in real life, telephone. And if that isn't happening, keep tuning into those who touch you, and stay connected. I realise as time has gone by since I heard the news that I feel a lot of regret not telling Michael how wonderful I thought he was, and more selfishly, I have a lot of regret that I 'missed' out on more connecting with him, especially reading everyone here, especially those who did have extensive connecting with him (in this life, at least). I realise how I took Michael's being 'around' for granted – and let myself get distracted and busy – I let other things become more important.

Yesterday I unpacked a box of old letters, letters written to me maybe 20 years ago, some longer. I read the people who have travelled through, and out of, my life. A few I still feel energetically connected to, and I will see if I can get back in touch.

I think about Michael most days -I'd say every day.  In some ways this feels like a great gift. A chance to be touched, to be reminded.

Love,
Sandra

Re: Michael Sheppard

A beautiful blog by starlight:

For Maxie…

Re: Michael Sheppard

I've had Bruce's notification email flagged to trigger a return trip to these virtual pages; alas, not until today was I moved to visit coincidentally with available time, and now I've spent the last hour and more revisiting our “Dear One.”

I revisited our PM exchanges and was reminded that Michael and I struggled to find each other while keeping true to ourselves several times in various threads, as is likely true for many of us who dared to fly free in this realm, as he did.

Finally, as fellow Portlanders, we found our way to face to face meetings, twice. The first visit was 2.5 years ago and, I believe, after his first round of hard-hitting chemo. He was very visibly weak on the physical level, but his character and spirit came through like a light that resonated within me deeply. We wandered through Forest Park, and he told me wonderful stories of practically living in those lush green woods as a boy. I let him set the pace, and - like the intense, determined wandering warrior that he is - he pushed it harder than perhaps was best, taking us much further than I thought we would venture.

Our second visit, with the accompaniment of Liz and Arthur, also took us through those woods, then to a local wine bar for dinner and, finally, to my home where he met my wife, Melissa. He showed us a model of his inspired invention - the “reticulon,” which I was surprised to find reference to in the tear-inducing. lovely obit - and once again I was struck by his depth of intellect, character, and heart.

The last time I “spoke” with him was November. We were going to get together in Portland while I was home from San Francisco, but he had to cancel due to another trip to the hospital. I wrote him this note in response:

Michael,
I hope this hospital visit is a successful round of kickin' the ass of the fuckers that have hijacked your soma. Or perhaps even something more opti-mystic. My Heart feels for you. Best wishes for moving towards Health.
I'm not sure when I'll be in PDX next. Hopefully our paths will align again not too far down this road.
All is generally well for me. CIIS and San Francisco are fantastic.
Big Love!
Colin

A third visit was not in the cards. Oh, Michael, I enjoyed our WE space tremendously, I grew through our collisions, and I find peace in the remembrance of you. Godspeed, my friend.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Hey Colin, you awol person, you! Glad to 'see you' in this way with the  eyes  that don't sit on our faces, lol.

I've been meaning to say something about the impact of online connections, but I can't get it together. The words refuse to line up effortlessly. So there's always been this awareness in me that it is essence that I'm really attracted to. Always just the essence of an experience… A very short contact only once in a lifetime can mean more to me than years and years of living together in meat-space and “getting to know each other” conventionally. Visits in the astral by some of my teachers are all the proof I need that it is true: A moment of being enveloped by a great spirit can leave a more indelible mark than decades worth of hanging out with lovers, friends and relatives.

Essence is essential. It's aromatherapy for the soul. Rubbing flesh together in meat-space is optional and easily forgettable - or so it seems to me.

Re: Michael Sheppard

I loved reading this, Mascha. Makes me think of the many 'essence' meetings I've had, so short, so unforgettable. Right now I think of a young Indian man on the train from Calcutta to Jammu -this over 20 years ago - sitting in the dark & dust & muck along with everyone else stuffed in there -  more like meat-space than almost any other I've been in, and yet there he was, discussing the meaning of life with me -  his beauty stunning. We never touched, and all else dropped away.

Thank you for reminding me.

Michael in my thoughts today.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Hey Sandra. Thanks for appearing here. We've barely talked to each other on these forums during all this time, yet I think of you as a sister. A soul sister - more important than some of my blood relatives. There are many experiences we have in common, and traits, and perceptions as well, though I never told you this in so many words. Somehow it didn't seem necessary to spell it out. There's a tacit understanding of sharing cosmic common ground. Same as with Michael and several others here.

 I don't know if you can relate to the concept of belonging to a tribe of beings in the subtle realms who work together and take turns reincarnating while other tribe members stay on the other side but lending a hand during dreamtime and meditation… I think you might.

It's a wonderful feeling not to have to explain who I am to a stranger… that's how I feel about you.

Re: Michael Sheppard

Mascha I get this.
It's hard to explain, but how I've been phrasing it for a while is with the idea that sometimes lives touch………..those people who influence aren't always the ones who are around longest, they may be fleeting contacts..but by touching something important, everything afterwards is forever changed.
It matters
love
Liz

Re: Michael Sheppard

 Somewhere in this heaping hunk of amazingness marigpa/Lol said:    

“This thread has so brought me back in from the cold. May it run for as long as Jesus Christ Superstar. Thank you, thank you, thank you all for sharing these treasured memories, fragments, insights, priceless Maxieisms.”

Yes, yes and triple yes. I was browsing here for a little while, re-reading a few posts, clicking on links and music I haven't had time for yet.  Then I cried. Again. With no restraint. And it was good.
 
I gotta tell you folks, if there is such a thing as a thread that never dies, let this one be it.


In that spirit, here goes… Someone asked Michael to explain what he meant by 'the abyss.'
           
Re: greetings from the abyss (heh heh)  
maxie said Nov 21, 2008, 10:18 PM:

      

The abyss, hmmm . . still and deep
shadowed halls of the interior
an ocean of self-discovery,
remembering, I lift its bottom
to the surface as I rise.

~~***~~

Re: Michael Sheppard

Meenakshi found a Maxie gem and posted about it in the Gaia Networking Group. I copy her post below:

Searching for other Woodstock references on Gaia, I came across this gem from dear maxie written last year “Woodstock birthed the 'we' imo, in the midst of a conflagration of self-indulgence”


Blessings, OM 

Re: Michael Sheppard

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2aLSat3h0w


Waiting for us there, he is.
OM

Re: Michael Sheppard

I don't remember whether anyone has put this into the service yet. It is my favorite thing to contemplate, at memorial services, because it is the closest I know to the truth of what or who we are. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XmWamnH4RA


It seems to be attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye, but I had also heard it attributed to the Hopi Indians.


“Do not stand at my grave and weep, 
I am not there, I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow, 
I am the softly falling snow. 
I am the gentle showers of rain, 
I am the fields of ripening grain. 
I am in the morning hush, 
I am in the graceful rush 
Of beautiful birds in circling flight. 
I am the starshine of the night. 
I am in the flowers that bloom, 
I am in a quiet room. 
I am in the birds that sing, 
I am in each lovely thing. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry, 
I am not there — I do not die. ”