Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I recently read an inspiring and profound article in AQAL Journal (Winter 2006, vol 1, No.4): Reviving Our Interiors: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets, by Annie McQuade. It is a brilliant example of using an integral framework as a map to meaningfully address a pressing social issue. There are many things I love about this article, and I'd like to share an overview and some excerpts from it.

After giving a very brief overview of the AQAL framework, she states her intention:

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The intent of this article is quite simple: I will share my subjective experience of temporarily living on the streets as a spiritual practice and the experiences that ultimately drew me to work with the homeless. I will then offer insights that I have gleaned from studying the crisis and serving the homeless in various capacities over the last three years, all the while situating my experiences within an AQAL framework. I imagine that others who are attempting to manifest service from a space of deeper developmental awareness will resonate with the article. I hope that you will connect with my interior, creating a “We,” and that our connection will nourish us both and help us feel less frustrated and less isolated in this fragmented world. Replenished, may we return to the impossible task of relieving suffering. (pp. 117-118)

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Here's an elaboration on her practice:

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To become familiar with the experience of the people I serve, I spend a week every spring with fellow practitioners living on the streets of Denver with nothing. Each year we meet at the bus station with our sleeping bags. We do not shower for the preceeding week. We take no money other than our bus fare (we beg for our return fare): no cell phones, no toothbrush, and no food. (p. 118)

footnote to above: I've spoken with many people who feel that I can never understand the experience of living on the streets because I am not homeless and I know that I will go home. This is a valid point. I am only trying to move closer to this experience and gain some insight to help me become more effective and compassionate in my service. However, this is an injunction (a practice), and before you jump to quick conclusions about the superficiality of the experiment, I suggest you try it. I think you would be astonished at the outcome. (p. 147)

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She goes on to give a number of snapshots of her subjective experience on the streets. Here is one of them:

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I'm standing in the middle of the St. Francis Day Shelter. There are some 150 homeless people around me. Some talk, some play cards, some stare off into space or sleep against the walls. Some just wait. It's loud and smells of unwashed bodies. I see Daryl. I hardly recognize him as his hair has gone completely white. Two years ago when I was on the streets, I talked with Daryl for three hours one night. He could barely finish a sentence. His thoughts were so disorganized, almost as if he were speaking in tongues. Now he is sitting not ten feet from me, wearing headphones, looking down at his legs, and making eye contact with no one. He is only 37. I feel a sharp and unexpected pain in my chest. I have no words, no thoughts, only this unnamable, direct pain. Unprepared, I cry. I cry and cannot recollect myself. Some time must have passed when another homeless man places his hand on my shoulder, quietly passes me a cup of coffee, and sits beside me silently and respectfully.

Since that time, my experience of Daryl's suffering has not left my side. When a friend calls to tell me she loves me, I wonder, who calls Daryl? When I take a bath, I wonder: can he clean himself? When I buy groceries, I see him alone, white-haired and discarded. (pp. 118-119)

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Another subjective snapshot:

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Three months after my last time on the streets, I am walking downtown and see a homeless man begging. I turn and walk in a different direction to avoid him. My heart quickens. The image of Daryl rocking all by himself in that big room flashes before me. My chest aches. I remember peeing behind a dumpster, praying to God that no one would see me. I cry. I don't want to feel, and I am feeling anyway. Soon there is so much pain and affection mixed with so much resistance that it feels like something is tearing inside me - something gets in or gets out - something heartbreaking, and I feel not just for my self, not just for Daryl, but for everyone. I feel love and it's devastating. (p. 123)

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McQuade goes on to discuss characteristics of the interiors of many living on the streets, and how many people - even those who work with the homeless - avoid deep contact because of the great pain involved. But, she asks, “how can I serve well without a willingness to at least connect to their plight, without building an intersubjective bridge, a 'we' that discloses our experiences to each other?” (p. 123)

She notes, “On the streets I was angered by the suffering that I witnessed but decided to direct my anger. Instead of immediately looking for someone to blame (society, the government, the individual, the current administration, etc.) and formulating ill-informed strategies to 'fix' the problem, I decided to simply relate to the phenomena and use my anger as motivation to understand this mess.” (P. 124)

She proceeds to detail how emerging worldviews (e.g. postmodernism) have affected the situation of those living on the streets, often in unexpected ways.

Following this, she gives a brief overview of Spiral Dynamics, and then uses that lens to demonstrate the strengths and limitations of people with various “first-tier” SD worldviews (chiefly blue, orange and green) in dealing with the homeless, and the need to meet them where they are:

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In serving the homeless, I seek to understand the worldview of the person I am serving in hopes of acting in accordance with it (skillful means). I do not force my worldview upon them (because it simply does not work). Entering another's worldview is a process that few service workers seem willing to undertake. Usually the service worker's own level of developoment (most likely First-Tier) renders them incapable of truly empathizing with multiple perspectives and levels, as they are convinced of the righteousness of their own. This section, therefore, emphasizes how little intersubjective space we share when serving the homeless. (p. 129 - emphasis in original)

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In this section she notes, for example, how necessary rules are in various contexts, and how people holding Blue values and those holding Green err in opposite ways: Blue imposing too many rules too rigidly, Green too few too loosely. She talks about the necessary strengths of both value systems as well - I was impressed by the degree to which, thoughout the article, she holds a balanced and comprehensive integral perspective.

Also in this section, she gives an awesome example of firmly setting a boundary while treating somebody with respect: “Once a male client told me he was undressing me with his eyes. I dropped my awareness into my solar plexus, stood up, moved close to him, looked him straight in the eyes, and in an even, no-nonsense voice said, 'I understand you have needs, but you will never speak to me that way again.' I never had any problems with that man again. So we can have power without annihilating another's basic goodness.” (p. 131, emphasis in original)

Annie ends this section thus:

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The main point I want to reiterate is that individuals embedded in First-Tier value structures (e.g. Blue, Orange, or Green) often fail to reflect on their own level of development and fail to understand the level of development of their client. For example, most service workers at First Tier never translate their message or their intention into the language of their clients. They do not create programs and outreach that interiorly motivate their client's level of development, so their clients never fully buy in. Therefore, there is no “We” and thus no shared understanding.

Granted, there are some clients who will not buy in no matter the approach. Most forms of psychosis, sociopathic personalities, and antisocial personalities are resistant to most forms of “We.” In these cases, society is faced with the more difficult ethical dilemmas involved with caring for the person or protecting the communes from this person. (p. 135)

~~~~~

Following more discussion of her own subjective thoughts and practices in working with the homeless, addressing the interiors of the homeless themselves, and how those two factors intermesh, she concludes by taking us through a day of her social work - detailing the external circumstances of several client encounters and her interior experience of them - in a beautiful section titled ”I-Thou: Twenty-Four Hour Lament.” In a future post I might quote one of those poignant encounters.

I hope you found this overview enjoyable and/or useful, and I recommend seeking out the full article.  :)

spiral out,

arthur

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Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Wow!

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Great overview, Arthur; thanks for this.

I especially appreciate how Annie is honest about both her compassion for the confused homeless man, Daryl – as well as her revulsion, her desire to avoid the homeless. And the not wanting to feel, but feeling anyway…

And I love her injunction, her practice of moving closer to the homeless experience (by living on the streets for a week each year) even as she recognizes that this does not bring her into a complete understanding of what it is to be homeless. Closer is still closer, still worth something; moving partially into the we space of the homeless serves more deeply than looking at that space from a comfortable distance, as many of us do.

Mary

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Maryw: I especially appreciate how Annie is honest about both her compassion for the confused homeless man, Daryl – as well as her revulsion, her desire to avoid the homeless. And the not wanting to feel, but feeling anyway…

I loved the contrast between those two glimpses into her experience, which is why I quoted both of them; I also loved the raw honesty and rich insight which pervaded the entire article.

And yes, her injunction is great, walking her talk…it's a good thing.

Incidentally, I just discovered that there's a 'plex thread on this article, which Annie McQuade has been participating in; the link is here. 

spiral out,
arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thanks Arthur,

Annie's courage to be and be with, to open to and be opened by, makes her an exemplar of Big Heart whether she wants that or not. One of Genpo's monks here on Zaadz lists Annie as his Hero, with good reason. That guy has a well developed sense of what it means to be a Boddhisattva. To share the precarity of those who, in their vulnerability and brokeness offer us a clear taste of our own vulnerability in no uncertain terms is indeed heroic. But if Annie's anything like me, all she knows for sure is that it hurts. The Agapic embrace inspires. The Love of deep Service drives. The renewal of perspective relieves. But it hurts, until the heart, pounded into a fuller space, fills with more to give. And we have to give.

I've had the priviledge of working with the homeless in a few different contexts. One, the NY Catholic Worker Community, where there's nothing impersonal, or clinical about our being with those who come for help, or those we go out to be with, or those who room with us as space alows. I can tell that I haven't been there in years. When there, much of the us/them identification, by design, collapses.

I want to return to this thread later.

It is a rich practice, which I cannot recommend. I think that you have to know that you have to do it or you might just be at it  for a reason insufficiant to see you through it without more harm than good.

All for now,

jiki

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

What is going on here? I think I must be in an altered state, but I haven't taken any drugs. The quality of the discourse here –  first Annie, then Arthur, Frans, Mary, Jiki –  it all feels so relevant,  timely and lucid to me, almost heavenly.

Acceptance of the pain…

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi all

Annie McQuade has contacted me and would like to join this discussion; there is a temporary glitch at zaadz that prevents new members from joining the pod - it is being worked on and as soon as it's fixed there will be several new members, including Annie. 

I wanted to give you a head's-up in case there's anything you'd like to ask or tell her.  I'm looking forward to a continuation of this discussion with the author of the article.  :)

spiral out,
arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Here are a few exchanges from the Multiplex equivalent to this thread.  First, I posted this:

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Hi Annie

I just discovered this thread and wanted to jump in and tell you how much I loved your article, in so many ways - the raw honesty, the rich insight, the brilliant demonstration of how to use an integral map to meaningfully (and spiritually!) address a major social problem.  I found it fascinating and inspiring and it moved me to tears.  Thanks for writing it. 

I started a discussion thread today over on IIzaadz with an overview and some quotes from your article.

spiral out,
arthur

~~~~~

Annie responded:

~~~~~

Hello Arthur,

Thank you for your kind words. I can't say how glad I am that my experience is of some service to you. As you know (cause I emailed you on Zaadz) I tried to join the discussion, but I have to be a member of the discussion group, so as soon as that happens, I will join you.

Suffice it to say that I am honored, and then some. Really. I loved in your post how you appreciated the tension that I felt between so many different points of view. That really is what that time was all about for me (and still is) the tension between so many different reactions to the world.

I stayed up late last night working on a proposal, then got up early to proof it, and got a skype from Nomali saying I just had to read your thread, that people were talking about me. At first I thought uh-oh, what have I done now? :) But then she said it was about the article. I am excited to see what comes of our interactions

annie

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi

Not sure if this is just a UK book. Not quite as direct as actually living on the streets but it does give another perspective, in fact I may propose it as my book-club book.

There was also a recent t.v. series (again in the UK) where wealthy people did just what Annie did, although done as a challenge rather than as a service. The turnaround in their perspectives on rough-sleepers was marked.

Juliee

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Juliee: Not sure if this is just a UK book. Not quite as direct as actually living on the streets but it does give another perspective, in fact I may propose it as my book-club book.

Thanks for the link to Stuart: A Life Backwards by Alexander Masters.  It does sound interesting, judging by this review from that site:

~~~~~

A true story populated with real characters who will stay with you - a wonderful book., 18 April 2007

By	H. Eaton “Helena Eaton” (UK) - See all my reviews

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Annie asked me to post this:

~~~~~

I've read this thread and am just so thrilled that this article, that represents a practice I engaged in for a number of years, is of some service to someone. As a volunteer in all of these situations, I had no positional power, and the few times when I thought I could offer some advice, I feared it would fall on deaf ears. So I essentially became a student of failure-my own failure, institutional failure, cultural failure, and the failure of personal accountability, which is often not possible with the clients I worked with, and, let's admit it, a challenge for us all at times.

The good news of that is/was somewhat surprising. I am not as afraid of failure as I used to be, and I got over a lot of illusions about how much progress any one of us might actually make in this life, and how that so-called progress might actually come about. Does it happen the way we think it does? So I am bit more relaxed and I wouldn't say I have lowered my expectations, I can just suspend them more easily when it is called for.

Jikishin, I was taken aback by your kind words. It can be challenging to hear something so positive, and just for a good laugh, you said that a monk of Genpo's has me listed as his hero…well, he is actually the hero as he was brave enough to marry me! We live in Salt Lake and study with Genpo.

Of course questions are welcome, but I am curious about you guys. Jikishin, you said you volunteered in New York, any others, on any issues? Perspectives about service, even if you have never done it?

Also, I have a very challenging job. Today I had a break in the schedule so I could jump in, but that won't always be the case, so please just know sometimes I will not be able to respond.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi all

Let's continue the conversation on this very important and fascinating topic.  :)

Annie McQuade has graciously agreed to make her article available to facilitate this discussion - please send me Z-mail/PM if you would like a copy of it; include your email address and I'll send it to you right away.  (Of course, anyone with a sponsor or above membership with Integral Institute can access it through the Winter 2006, vol 1, No.4 issue of the AQAL journal.)

Annie will be able to take part in the conversation herself as it unfolds, so please think of anything you'd like to ask or say to her and share it here.  :)

Also, for the next while I'm going to pin this thread to the top of the Operating Principles and Practices board, so you'll know where to find it easily. 


spirals,
arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Here is another quote from Annie's article:

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Now let's talk about the level of development of those being served.  Most people living on or near the streets, particularly the mentally ill, are at a Beige, Purple, or Red value structure.  I need to understand “where” a person is before I know how to be of service…

I take my time and relate to people from “don't know mind.”  This doesn't mean that I feign stupidity or set aside my knowledge and experience.  I just don't jump to a lot of conclusions or strategies.  I don't initially strategize about how to get someone on medication or into drug and alcohol treatment (important steps in the Upper- and Lower-Right quadrants).  I just relate to them.  If my mind starts trying to solve the issue before I have even related to the issue, then I slow down.

When I do spend a lot of time strategizing about how to relieve suffering, it is precisely because I do not want to feel that suffering.  Sadly, as a result, the being before me suffers alone.  Certainly the call of service is to alleviate suffering by any means necessary, but for the feminine server (the feminine type), I am sure that the more urgent call is to ensure that no one in my presence suffers alone.

- Annie  McQuade, Reviving Our Interiors: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets (Winter 2006, vol 1, No.4 issue of the AQAL journal; pp 136-137; emphasis in original)

~~~~~

This passage reminded me Robert Augustus Masters' essay Distinguishing Sanity From Insanity, about how psychiatrists generally fail to empathically engage with the people they are working with, rather labelling and dismissing them.  Clearly from what she descibes in the article, this is a big problem with how mentally ill street people are typically treated by those who are attempting to help them.  However, whereas the kind of problematic labelling Robert talks about distances the therapists from the patients, preventing the latter from even really being seen, Annie in her article talks of using a labelling scheme (in this case Spiral Dynamics) to more accurately perceive where the people she works with are coming from, what worlview they inhabit; at the same time, she puts the labels aside and groks the person who is before her from the standpoint of “don't know mind.”  To me this exemplifies the balance of perspectives needed in working or relating with the mentally ill.

spiral out,
arthur

______________

Annie McQuade has graciously agreed to make her article available to facilitate this discussion - please send me Z-mail/PM if you would like a copy of it; include your email address and I'll send it to you right away.  (Of course, anyone with a sponsor or above membership with Integral Institute can access it through the Winter 2006, vol 1, No.4 issue of the AQAL journal.)

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I want to second Arthur's enthusiasm for this article. You might think from the title that it would be a depressing read, but it's far from it. It's not just inspiring because Annie is so damned smart and compassionate. It's inspiring because it's a real-world application of the AQAL model and her spiritual path, and it rocks. I had Arthur read most of it to me in the car on the way home from Vancouver the last time, and I was so moved I nearly cried. (But I was driving, so I held it together, of course.)

So many people are stuck at that place where we put integral into action, and this article really shows how to get down and dirty with its real world application.

Liz

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thanks again Arthur, Annie, …

Understandably, “…the more urgent call is to ensure that no one in my presence suffers alone.”

As for being with the mentally ill homeless I found that to share their space, with all that entails, was to enter the areas of myself which I might rather keep comfortably away. It was a sharing in the unpredictability of their world.

Revisiting this thread one particular (formerly)homeless and mentally ill person came to mind. I'll call her Dolly, a lady who I would, for a few years, accompany on her weekly doctors visits, that is, when she was anywhere to be found. Dolly showed me that, while some speak of folks like her as 'fallen through the cracks', “the cracks” comprise the greater range of possibilities for the mentally ill poor, while averting them is a narrow path of quadrantial fit which only a fraction achieve. This woman didn't have the luxury of a fear of falling. The cracks (“in the system”) were about as wide as her world. 

It was often said that it was a miracle that she was alive. Her doctor, a renouned pioneering cardiologist, had performed the first of an innovative surgical technique on Dolly thirty some years prior.

On one hospital visit, after a long silence in the waiting area (and when the poor wait they really wait) Dolly suddenly stood up and yelled, “No I won't let you kiss my ass !”.

On returning from another visit, she strode ahead of me for half a block then turned around and shouted, “I don't love you! I love somebody else!” Needless to say I was somewhat aware of the spectacle this became on that crowded Manhattan street. This was Dolly's world. And I willingly, if unwittingly, shared it.

Years later, here in the South West, a cardiologist who had done an internship under that famous NY doctor (and who happened to have had Ram Dass as a patient) saved my life. This is my world, Dolly's, and yours.

jiki

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Those stories of Dolly are touching and hilarious. I've had moment where clients have said just about the funniest thing I have ever heard.

I had one client whose primary delusion was that she was raped by George Bush (all politics aside, this is just funny). When a client is a threat to themselves or others, the state often takes away their personal right to refuse medication and places them on medication. Of course, this is a sad moment in anyone's life and often these clients, particularly the paranoid ones will testify on their own behalf, which usually removes all doubt that they are insane. So this client got up to testify that she should not be forced to take medication even though she was a danger to others (she would jump out in front of cars often when not regularly medicated).

The lawyer asked her, “do you believe you have been raped by George Bush?” She stops, looks around the courtroom in a sort of paranoid fashion, and then almost whispers in the mike, “aren't we all being raped by George Bush?” Needless to say, everyone lost it. it really lightened the load on all of us for about a week.. We just kept laughing.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Oh, Annie, that is so delicious!

That woman was stating a truth we'd almost all agree on, yet she was also clearly mentally ill, and not all of her views are equally valid. It's sometimes difficult to try to see someone's perspective while maintaining the personal boundaries and more “objective” truth that one needs in order to function.

I loved this part of your article where you illustrate just what separates real compassion from idiot compassion (quoted here from Arthur's earlier post):

“Once a male client told me he was undressing me with his eyes. I dropped my awareness into my solar plexus, stood up, moved close to him, looked him straight in the eyes, and in an even, no-nonsense voice said, 'I understand you have needs, but you will never speak to me that way again.' I never had any problems with that man again. So we can have power without annihilating another's basic goodness.” (p. 131, emphasis in original)

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

that is funny that you mention the incident on the train, Liz. I have done the same thing you did (of course). What woman hasn't? And what woman hasn't felt slimy after it? AAAAAAHHHH, I hate that feeling. it's the worst!

The thing that got me to learn to defend was that after my first street retreat I began to help Fleet lead them and was in charge of my own group. A lot of the participants on the street retreats would be young women from Naropa, most of whom were extremely kind and valued compassion (a great thing, but in the wrong environment it can get you in trouble).

When I was out there I would have to nip these kinds of interactions with men in the bud, or they might follow us, or follow one of the pairs of young women. You don't want guys with these kinds of issues finding out where you sleep, or recognizing that you are vulnerable in any way. If you give them an inch in your first interaction it is only going to make the second one worse. So this is what finally got me into that healthy red that I needed–protecting others. And it wasn't just an act, when you are that threatened out there you get real serious, real quick. It's a strange and exhilarating feeling to have to become the alpha dog immediately.

And after a few days on the street, with your hair standing straight up with grease, you get a little more down and dirty.

Rock on,
a

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

and another thought Liz. It could be that you did the exact righ thing. You got out ok, and that is the most important thing. I might have done the exact same thing in that situation. I think it can be very difficult to know what is the best thing to do for your own protection in those moments, don't you?

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Yes, of course. It's always difficult for someone who is trying to be conscious and compassionate. When the choice is pretending the person doesn't exist vs. taking abuse, it's not a decent choice at all. This also brings up the point that women are put in a particularly difficult spot regarding the homeless. We're more vulnerable, as are they.

Last week I was talking about aging with a friend's mother who is in her 70's, healthy and active. (We were all camping. She kicked my ass at Scrabble several times.) The subject came up in conversation of invisibility. As we women age, we are respected less and less, and even seen less and less. This woman was describing the experience that young men in particular don't even see her anymore. They will skip right by her if she's waiting in line, and people try to cheat her by giving her the wrong change on a regular basis.

Here is one of the essential dilemmas of being a woman. We want very much to be seen, yet someone overly interested in us is also a threat. So there are many parallels between being a woman and being a homeless person, yet those same factors are at work in our frequent decision to render the homeless invisible for our own safety. To know what that feels like for someone else and to feel fear at even trying to simply be with that person, well, that sucks.

Liz

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I had a micro-taste (it might have even been a nano-taste, the merest glimpse) of the invisibility of which you speak: once, many years ago I was waiting for a friend on a street in Halifax; tired of standing, I sat down against a building.  After a while I wondered what time it was, so I started asking people walking by.  “Excuse me, do you know what time it is?”  Almost no one would even look at me, let alone answer my question.  It felt very weird and uncomfortable.  I felt like I understood a very tiny bit part of what it would be like to be homeless.

As for “authentic” street people, my default mode is often to ignore them.  I feel a level of inner discomfort, insecurity - a stronger version of my tendency toward shyness around people I don't know.  Sometimes I make eye contact, smile; apologetically say “no” to requests for money.  I feel like I “should” be helping them, but if I give them money - which I don't feel I have to spare - will they use it for drugs?  The dynamic of people on the street asking me for help is something I don't feel very comfortable with, and I've never come to any resolution about it - that is one of the things that drew me to Annie's article.  I'd be very interested in hearing how other people interact with street people.

spiral out,
arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi Arthur - Thanks for the question. Took me away from completing non-profit application paperwork (blah!). I often am speaking to various community groups and they usually ask this same question - should we give money to people who are homeless? This is my standard answer - First, I am in a fortunate position to know most of those who are homeless in Boise, so I have a really good sense about who's asking for money to buy drugs or alcohol. I also know who's asking for money to get into a motel for the night - sometimes for themselves, or they're in a relationship (currently while the shelter I manage is closed - note - we've been a winter shelter for 2 years and are purchasing a bldg. on Sept. 1 to open year-round beg. in Nov.) and there's no couples shelter spaces or they have children and for one reason or another can't stay at the one women's shelter that takes families (either because they have boys over a certain age or they can't or won't comply with the regulations - it's a Rescue Mission). I personally won't give money to support addictions. I just can't. As I mentioned in my intro, I conduct the memorial services for the homeless community and the last three in this year were a result of alcohol abuse. One of the men who died last year asked me for money one day - I asked for what because 'you know David, I'm not going to help you buy beer.' He said food, so I took him across the street to a Blimpies. For those who don't know who's who - it's a personal question to grapple with.

Besides the money issue - before I started working with this population, I would sometimes make eye contact but usually would walk buy as if they were invisible. Probably a variety of things were going on in my head - I don't have money to give or something else. Now, I always make eye contact and say something. I think it is important simply to share some human contact - 'I see you.'  A simple, hello and comment of some sort. Again, I'm in a slightly different place as I know them - so i stop and give hugs or check up on their housing applications or other things I know they're working on. I give out shower passes to the Y. Sometimes offer rides if I have the time. I also eat at the local church dinners for the homeless at least once a week and attend the Sunday 'BBQ' at the park - and so am able to connect with new folks in town and maintain good relationships.

Our shelter operates primarily with volunteers - about 80 people per week! What I've heard people say is 'before I volunteered, I avoided people who were homeless or I didn't even see them, now I see them everywhere!' It's like your eyes open. They were there all along, but you couldn't see them. And once you volunteer and get over your fears and barriers, then you feel more comfortable in interacting on the street. I provide various levels of volunteer positions that allow people to get their feet wet slowly.

I will also say that probably this issue is different depending on where you live. In Boise, those who are homeless aren't that visible and don't often congregate in groups - like in SF or Seattle - two places I've been where it's just overwhelming. I don't know how I would respond to so many. I would hope in a similar way.

(sorry this is so long!) I visited Portland last Spring to learn about their homeless services and learned about an interesting program they have there - Sisters of the Road Cafe. Click to  read more as it's a great program. People can buy meal coupons that they can then distribute on the street. I think that's one good way to address helping people if you have an attachment to what they do with the money. I'm working on creating something similar here in Boise through the downtown restaurants.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Nice conversation. I have to say, Arthur, I so appreciate your honesty about how you really feel. I get where you are coming from. Jayne your answer is awesome. Totally dig how much effort you put in that. You have so much experience I don't know what we would do without you.

As far as my reaction to street people I am of different minds at different times. Sometimes if I do acknowledge and talk with or make eye contact then I feel guilt (whether I should or not) about what I have and what they don't have. I am in a very new line of work now. I am a president of a non-profit. We also have a for-profit side. My boss shipped me a company car–a Mercedes for christ's sake. Before that I had a 1988 Honda with Rust Off all over it.  When I encounter homeless people while I am driving that Mercedes, let me tell you, I feel differently than I did before, and then some. It almost feels harder FOR ME to cross that divide.

It is difficult to describe, I am not against money, but I can't help but feel the discomfort at the difference between us–the position I have, and the one they have–earned or not! I have similar issues about power. I tend to downplay my gifts because I don't want to be taken down for them (even that sounds like some arrogant jerks I know), and I don't want to feel the discomfort between what I have and what someone else may not have. Meanwhile I am sure that whoever that other is, they probably don't care too much about me and what I think I have. But I sure feel it. I feel nervous even posting these sentiments online.

It is important to acknowledge how many people feel the way you do Aurthur. It just gets me curious about what it might be telling us. Is it telling us simply that we avoid uncomfortable situations and emotions we perceive as negative, or collectively is it telling us that somehow we are obligated to others, even if we don't have the right way to fulfill that obligation at the moment?

I agree in principle about not supporting addiction, but for a different perspective, often times when I do actually give, I just let go of how they chose to spend that money. Homeless people have so little choice as to when and where and how, that if they want to chose that, I am not in support of it, but won't actively seek to control it. It is not always what I think, but it is what I think sometimes. Of course, if someone looks like a waistoid, or looks waisted in the moment I would never give them money–that is like a loaded gun.

But I remember craving a beer on the street. I remember really craving a beer, and I don't really even drink.

I guess this whole conversation brings me back to how many ways there are to look at this and how I am of different minds at different times.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi Jayne,

Re. your comment on the dilemma of givig money to the homeless - I lived in Calgary for a few years, when the homeless problem started to really play there. I never gave money, but every Friday me and my then wife would buy lunch at a take-out place in the downtown area for what started as one young guy, and grew to about 5 “regulars” and usually a few others every Friday. We did this for almost a year, at which time I moved to my present localle, where there is no homeless problem. The food was always warmly welcomed and we had some good conversations about pretty much anything while eating.

i now work usually about a day a week in Calgary where i take individuals and groups with tracking dogs in the downtown area and it never fails that the homeless people will come out and ask what we’re doing, saying that they hope we’re not harming the dogs - the “normal” people have such concerns…it just shows you that the homeless have just as much , if not more, humanity than we do.

Frans

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Interestingly, if you try to make eye contact with a homeless person who is not initiating contact, they will not meet your eyes. I find this deeply saddening.

Last year, I started to say hello to one man who is on the way to the train from my house. I had to look at him for a long time to catch his eye the first time. He is nearly always in the same place, and doesn't seem unstable or dangerous. I don't know if it matters to him at all, but I at least don't have to ignore a person on my way to work.

Liz

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

… just wanted to thank you all for such heart felt, informative posts … 

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Ditto to what Kate said! This is a wonderful thread. Thank you all.

Re: the dilemma on giving money directly to the homeless – I go back and forth about this as well. I know that generally it's not the best assistance for the homeless, but on the other hand, I really don't know what anyone's specific situation really is. If I'm approached by someone who asks for some change, and I have a couple of quarters in my pocket (and no time or money to buy them some food), it usually doesn't feel right to say “No; I'm sorry,” although I have done that on occasion. And if I give them the fifty cents, how will I ever know if it helped to support an addiction, or if it helped them to survive another night?

On the other hand (oops, I think that's three “hands” now),  when I was in Berkeley last summer, I was constantly accosted by beggars – eventually it was easy to say “no” because I really didn't have anything left to give! And some of them were scary, aggressive, and persistent. So I can see how, as Jayne said, the situation can become overwhelming and people can learn to ignore the homeless, erect defensive barriers, define them as a “problem” …

For several years I was a member of a centering prayer group that wanted to extend the contemplative prayer into some small act of service. We met at a church in the poor part of town, near some trolley tracks where a lot of homeless congregated. We started gathering bottled water, socks, nutrition bars, and blankets to give out from time to time. (I actually resisted this at first – the idea of approaching a homeless person to offer them something worried me: how will they respond? What if they ask for money? What if someone becomes violent? And after all, I already had my nice “safe” ways to give things to the poor, through middlemen charities like Goodwill or St. Vincent de Paul). The people who who received our water and food were always grateful – quite heartbreakingly grateful– and never asked for anything (except for one guy who asked for a hug).  Participating in these little givings whittled away at my resistance and fear – and yet I'm still left with this sense of: my God, the problem is so huge, and I'm doing so little about it … I give someone some water, a nutrition bar, and socks, and then go home to my well-stocked kitchen and warm bed …

Another little story: many more years ago, in the 80s, I had an on-again, off-again boyfriend who lost his job and place of residence and thus ended up living in my car for 8 months one winter. It was a strange and uncomfortable situation – I was trying to extricate myself from this dysfunctional relationship and was sharing a one-bedroom apartment with a friend who did not get along with this guy, so my car was really the only place he could sleep most nights. I'd sneak him into the apartment so he could take a shower on days when my roommate went to work. Otherwise, he had to use the Mobil gas station a couple of blocks away to get cleaned up. He eventually got a job as a night janitor in a local rest home – and the only way he was able to do so was that he could put down my address as his mailing address. Without some kind of address, you can't apply for a job, or even for unemployment or other kinds of assistance – a dilemma that had never occurred to me before. Anyway, his job gave him a little income (minimum wage), but he drank a good amount of it away at a local pub … thus he tread water for quite a while, working and drinking and living in my car. Eventually he found a job situation in a national park that paid him both room and board, which got him out of my car … But it's the kind of thing that makes me wonder: did I simply extend a bad situation by letting him live in my car and drink the months away – idiot compassion? (Or co-dependency?) Or did it give him the time he needed to get back on his feet? I don't know.

Because of this situation, though, I got to know a few of the local transients and alcholics – they hung out at that same pub, which opened at 6 in the morning and closed at 2 in the morning. None of them ever panhandled, and most of them did not look “destitute.” So I know now that when I see someone who is obviously homeless, I'm seeing just one of the more noticeable situations. So many of them really are “invisible.”

Anyway, Annie, I have yet to read your entire journal article, but thanks in advance for something that I know will bring tears to my eyes.

Grateful,
Mary

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thanks for sharing that, Mary.  We really never know the situation of people living on the street unless we get to know them.  In university a friend of mine had a brother who would go with a co-worker of his to a nearby city on days off, spend most of the day begging for money, then go drinking with the proceeds; then they'd return to their regularly scheduled 9-to-5 jobs.  (As an aside, eventually my friend's brother committed suicide.)  A friend of mine a long time ago had a best friend who worked with “street-involved youth” and he would end up hanging out with his friend and the kids various times. He witnessed them telling strangers stories about themselves he knew to be completely untrue.

On the subject of giving food and/or money - at one point years ago I did give away energy bars for a while.  One day I offered a bar to two people who asked for money.  The first person took the bar very reluctantly; it seemed obvious that he really wanted money for some other purpose.  The other person looked at me with a look of such open gratitude that it melted my heart; she was in pretty rough shape and I think she was deperate for food - and kindness.

Maybe because all this has been on my mind, when I was coming out of a movie theatre yesterday afternoon a guy asked me for change; reflexively I said, “Sorry, no” (while making eye contact and smiling).  Then, as I continued walking, eating some raw almonds, it occured to me to go back and offer him almonds.  He accepted the almonds with a “god bless you.”

spirals,
arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Another question I have for Annie or anybody else who has worked with street people (mentally ill or otherwise) or in other professions which bring you into contact with a lot of desperation and suffering is: how do you cope with the stress and burnout of such work?  Does having a spiritual path help?  How do you keep your heart empathically open in the face of that degree of suffering?  (Or does your heart self-protectively close up anyway?)

arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi Arthur - Thanks for sharing your experience - it made me smile (the almond story).
Stress/Burnout - spiritual path - keeping your heart open… Things I consider often. I believe a spiritual path is essential but of course can be whatever works for you - even if you don't call it a 'spiritual path'. This is the essential difference between 'volunteerism' and 'sacred service' (as I refer to it - or karma yoga/seva). Volunteers burn out because the giving is often coming from the ego self - there's attachment to results - the energy source is coming from their own personal reserves instead of being an open and clear channel for universal energy to flow through. Big big difference and a recipe for burnout.

The first week I worked at the shelter two years ago, I stood in the middle of the floor one night (as I was walking up and down the aisles of beds) while everyone was sleeping and vowed to myself, my soul and the divine - that I was going to keep my heart open no matter what - that I would not protect myself - shield - and that I wasn't going to run no matter what. I knew this was my path of spirit and had been conscious of walking the path of the bodhisattva for many years. My commitment is to Love itself, which is how I define the Divine. I know that if your heart closes because you are afraid or can't handle the suffering around you, that you also close off the flow of divine love that can flow through you. You can't do both - be love and close or protect a piece of your heart off as well. I believe it's all or nothing. Now, saying that, I will also say that there are many things you can do to prepare yourself for this type of work, keep yourself full, and heal yourself up when you're alone at the end of the day. I have had to create a lifestyle that is conducive to all of this in order to be effective - almost like an athlete in training. As a nun, this was easier! And now, since November, I'm learning more of what it's like to attempt to do this while truly living directly in the center of the world. (note - I'm figuring it out and it's been a bit clunky with continual adjustments being called for!).

I've got to run. If anyone's interested, I wrote on these topics on my blog site recently.

The first is about the role of a spiritual practice in the path of sacred service: http://sacredservers.wordpress.com/2007/07/29/sacred-service/

The other is a continuation that also addresses stress/burnout and includes some good advice by Andrew Harvey  - http://sacredservers.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/remembering-god/

Most recent is about understanding/accepting suffering with some good insights by Eckhart Tolle: http://sacredservers.wordpress.com/2007/08/14/understanding-suffering/

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Arthur,

I echo Jayne’s perspecive here completely: you give your very best effort, but you don’t attach to the outcome, i.e. you try not to work from an ego level.

Jayne, I strongy get the feeling that your life is your practice - thanks for sharing!

Frans

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I just stumbled upon an interesting web page about creative homeless shelters:

Creative Urban Furniture: Convertible, Inflatable & Portable Homeless Shelters

Helping the homeless means more than handing out food or coins on the street. The urban landscape of most major cities is unfriendly to the homeless population. Urban centers discourage homeless people from sleeping public spaces - without necessarily providing alternatives. However, some activist artists, designers and architects have developed clever solutions to this problem.

The image above depicts typical public urban furniture designed precisely to keep people from lying down on it. It is a lose-lose situation, forcing the homeless to seek shelter in unsafe places and keeping the public in the dark about issues of homeless dwelling.

Convertible: Fortunately, some artists and activists have found creative, clever and innovative ways to rethink these designs. One such designer, architect Sean Goodsell, has developed a series of urban benches that convert into homeless shelters.

Inflatable: Another designer has proposed a series of inflatable dwellings that run on the waste air of buildings. The creator of ParaSITE, Michael Rakowitz, works on various projects designed to raise public awareness of various urban social issues.

Portable: Industrial, graphic and architectural designer Agustin Otegui has taken things a step further by designing mobile urban furniture for the homeless, doubling as shelter and storage.

Thoughtful: Though less design-intensive, the Salvation Army also presents a simple but effective strategy: blankets that are both practical but also send a clear message and raise public awareness.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I love this discussion. You nailed it Jayne. I couldn't agree with you more. For me at least, there were a couple of steps before the love you spoke of.

I think that Jayne really has something when she says that people, and especially volunteers are attached to the outcome, to “succeeding” in a very conventional sense. and this becomes problematic. But more than just opening your heart to let the big kahuna flow through you, I think first you need to decide whether this is the issue that you will allow to turn you inside out. I think you have to commit to the situation, almost like a marriage.

I really do think commitment is a huge issue, and like marriage (at least at our level of development), you have to really want to commit to your partner. It doesn't really work to commit because it will make you look like a good person, or because other people are doing it, even really cool people. It will only work if this is what you love. Clearly, Jayne's love for this work shines through her entire post and I admire it. i am also a bit jealous.

I don't know that I had the commitment that Jayne has. Sometimes I don't know if I have that kind of commitment anywhere in my life (except to my husband), but my husband is not my purpose, he is my husband.  I sometimes feel jealous of others who seem to have that part of their life down. I did commit to the work that I did, but i don't think it was for a lifetime. I commited to harvesting something from the experience to help–that is for certain.

I know a number of people who feel like you do, Jayne. I was waiting for that feeling for so long, and it has yet to come along in this manifest world, so in the meantime, I decided that I didn't need a purpose to address some of the problems in front of me. II started to worry less about what my purpose might be and just got to work. I hope it is OK to be this honest.

But if you do commit, I don't think you should challenge yourself in every domain of life.  You need some areas of your life to relax, to space out, to enjoy. For example, I would not chose a very challenging “practice,” if this work were my practice. at the time that I was doing the work that I wrote about, I engaged in a very supportive practice for me. I walked for exercise because I love it and there were nice rolling hills near my house. I watched much more light hearted movies at the time, and strayed away from my usual penchant toward dark “artsy” movies. I tried to get out a lot, even after some hard days and not isolate myself. I tried to get near the water as much as possible, especially the ocean, because surfing makes me laugh. I like to long board.

But, quite frankly, my small self did get fairly down. It was painful. I did let that pain in, and sometimes it moved, and honestly, it feels like some of it hasn't, so I went about just accepting it, and doing what i could to keep the smaller, more fatigued parts of me happy.

So, at least in this way, and in this arena,  i am a reluctant servant. It may also depend where you work. It would have been great to work with someone like Jayne (like a dream). I worked with a lot of blue and orange folks, and I distinctly remember one punitive ex-nun who could literally suck the joy out of the room from a mile away. So in a sense i was challenged on many fronts, not just by the clients.

What do you all think about this nonsense?

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I think that Jayne really has something when she says that people, and especially volunteers are attached to the outcome, to “succeeding” in a very conventional sense. and this becomes problematic. But more than just opening your heart to let the big kahuna flow through you, I think first you need to decide whether this is the issue that you will allow to turn you inside out. I think you have to commit to the situation, almost like a marriage.

Seeing the solution to a problem and it's outcome as outside oneself is always problematic. Shifting the frame a little…instead of seeing the heart open and close and something *other* flowing thru, then being lucky or it was grace etc….let's look at ourselves as that ‘thing' i.e. love. Most of us have had wide open moments within particular domains and felt this. This sense of being way over our heads but finding that we can breath easily under water. But then we find that ability gone within other contexts and we are again dipping our toes in to see how the water feels. With awareness tied to the heart, learned in whatever context, it is an easy matter to refocus and uncoil and allow that openness to pervade more of our daily life. Then no matter the other…a homeless person, a coworker, a lover, (m)other, whoever…there is an unbounded willingness to not look away.


–

Stress/Burnout - spiritual path - keeping your heart open… Things I consider often. I believe a spiritual path is essential but of course can be whatever works for you - even if you don't call it a 'spiritual path'.

Yes, coming to see simply that the path is our life is essential.



love

e

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

e,

I take your point. I think it is a good one, and know that it is valid.  However, it is only one way to look at it and how you look depends on where you sit in any given moment. Sometimes I look from the absolute side of the street. Sometimes I look from the relative side of the street. Sometimes I look from the reactive side of the street. Sometimes I see others. Sometimes I see one. Sometimes I feel nothing. Sometimes I feel sadness. Either way the view is nice, or painful, but mostly it is just a view. 

Needless to say the way you have suggested is profound, but it is not how I always feel, though I do feel it often. I tend to avoid ideas about how I should feel or look or think or speak, and prefer to just look and speak as I do. I also do not hold the idea that it is bad to look away, as there are times when looking away seems appropriate for me.

What do you think about that?

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hi Annie,

I love what you have written here, especially the honesty about your process and the commitment level of your service.

I don't know that I had the commitment that Jayne has. Sometimes I don't know if I have that kind of commitment anywhere in my life (except to my husband), but my husband is not my purpose, he is my husband.  I sometimes feel jealous of others who seem to have that part of their life down. I did commit to the work that I did, but i don't think it was for a lifetime. I commited to harvesting something from the experience to help-that is for certain.

I can so relate to this… this comparison of commitment and somehow I relate it to the idea that what we give is not enough.  Maybe the expectation of who we are and the judgement of that expectation is what leads to the not enoughness…..

I have tried some service programs, Meals on Wheels, Battered women's shelters and other smaller programs and I have come up with longing for a similar feeling of  what Jayne has.  Maybe in terms of a 'calling?'    Instead, I stumble around and while I am able to sit with my UL process, I am so driven to want to put into action that way of Being…

you said:
But, quite frankly, my small self did get fairly down. It was painful. I did let that pain in, and sometimes it moved, and honestly, it feels like some of it hasn't, so I went about just accepting it, and doing what i could to keep the smaller, more fatigued parts of me happy.

Thank you again for your honesty.  There is such a gift here in knowing that pain is part of the love of service and the balance of those is on the head of a pin.

You have touch me deeply……. and your honesty here has really given me great strength.

Thank you.


Gina

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Gina,
What a lovely post. It is so good to know that I am not the only one. Your point about not being enough strikes a chord with me. a strong one. Perhaps my commitment and experience was just different than Jaynes. Maybe some of are born servers and some of us do our thing on this planet in a totally different way.

I've always found it difficult to be honest about my experience on this issue. Usually when I am honest, others give me the impression that I am just too spiritually immature, and if I keep transforming then I will get it (I don't get that from anyone in this pod). Or that I have to transcend the self or what I feel.

Well, if we all have to transcend the self, we are in trouble because there are 6 billion of us out there selfing it up. Thanks for throwing me a line. It means a lot.
a

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hey Annie,

I take your point. I think it is a good one, and know that it is valid.  However, it is only one way to look at it and how you look depends on where you sit in any given moment. Sometimes I look from the absolute side of the street. Sometimes I look from the relative side of the street. Sometimes I look from the reactive side of the street. Sometimes I see others. Sometimes I see one. Sometimes I feel nothing. Sometimes I feel sadness. Either way the view is nice, or painful, but mostly it is just a view. 

I am well aware that our inklings are 100% relative.
Just sharing a view on how heart and view are not two.



Needless to say the way you have suggested is profound, but it is not how I always feel, though I do feel it often. I tend to avoid ideas about how I should feel or look or think or speak, and prefer to just look and speak as I do. I also do not hold the idea that it is bad to look away, as there are times when looking away seems appropriate for me.

I rarely couch in good vs. bad. And yes, circumstances at times dictate that I look away. However, the limit is always me, myself and I and not the ‘outer' or ‘other'. In trying circumstances when awareness is buffeted and cannot be maintained, it increasingly double backs…with an inner smile…to whom or what the turning away ensued.

love

e

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hey e,
I like this back and forth and want to play some more. I love debating things, and it distracts me from a project that I can't quite figure out yet.

Just to clarify, I don't think my inklings are 100% relative. I think they are both relative and absolute, as they both exist, and so I make room for both of those sides of the street in my life.

And the heart and view can be two depending on how you look at this. The reality of the relative is that we are many, and unique, varied, and strange, etc.

From the absolute side the heart and the view are not two. I guess I don't think that there is one reality.

Then I am curious about something else, why do you think looking away is a limit? And for me at least, it kinda seems like that conficts with your previous point that there are not two, but I can't tell yet because it could be just some language thing. On the relative side of the street when I turn away it is me that is turning (even though I decidedly do not consider it a limit). On the absolute side, no one is turning anywhere.

I hope this is fun for you because I am having a blast. If it is not, let me know.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hey Annie,

I like this back and forth and want to play some more. I love debating things, and it distracts me from a project that I can't quite figure out yet.

Well when were done with debate, post the issues with the project and let's have a go with that. :)


Just to clarify, I don't think my inklings are 100% relative. I think they are both relative and absolute, as they both exist, and so I make room for both of those sides of the street in my life.

Ok since you want to debate and not just chat, I am gonna get more specific so there is less room for ambiguity. The absolute is not a ‘side' i.e. it is not partial in any way, shape or form. We cannot say that it exists, because that which came into existence will one day not exist. In other words, that which begins, ends…and that aint absolute. Also, You cannot make room for ‘it' as You are partial. So how can the partial make room for that which is beyond room or sides? So all that which is partial i.e. You and your views, thoughts and emotions, are by definition ALWAYS relative.


And the heart and view can be two depending on how you look at this. The reality of the relative is that we are many, and unique, varied, and strange, etc.

Yes but all ‘problems' stem from duality. Any sort of developmental framework or spirituality worth it's salt is pointing towards this. By saying the heart and view are not two, I was not saying that is the absolute, but a way to begin to intuit that absolute via relative concepts. To have an integrated heart/mind leads towards having a happy waking dream and hence towards nondualtiy. Re: “The reality of the relative” Do you see a wee bit of a contradiction here?


From the absolute side the heart and the view are not two. I guess I don't think that there is one reality.

Yes, I don't use any sort of monism for non-duality. Oneness implies two, three and then the 10,000 things manifest, leading the seeker in the ‘wrong' direction. Was watching Nightline last night and they had 3 PHD mathematicians on. One lady said that from the number 1, all numbers could be proven to exist. Was it Trinity that said to Neo in the car when they were looking for the bugging device? “You have been down that road and you know where it ends.” That one road ends back at the 10,000 fold matrix of delusion.

Then I am curious about something else, why do you think looking away is a limit? And for me at least, it kinda seems like that conficts with your previous point that there are not two, but I can't tell yet because it could be just some language thing.

You seemed to have a few issues with my first post. I then posted a ‘bridging' solution.


On the relative side of the street when I turn away it is me that is turning (even though I decidedly do not consider it a limit). On the absolute side, no one is turning anywhere.

Freedom is the freedom to look. Anything that hinders the capacity to look is a limit. Maybe you feel that you are free to not look (to turn away) and if so have not yet fully realized that you are caught in dualistic desire. Positive and negative is then still yanking your chain.


I hope this is fun for you because I am having a blast. If it is not, let me know.

:-) You kidding, I love talking about this stuff!!


peace & love,

e

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

damn, I am supposed to be working on a report, and i fear that we will drive all others on this post mad with our rants, but to hell with it, this is fun. In some ways we are saying the same thing, in some ways we are not

Ok, I loved this:
Ok since you want to debate and not just chat, I am gonna get more specific so there is less room for ambiguity. The absolute is not a ‘side' i.e. it is not partial in any way, shape or form. We cannot say that it exists, because that which came into existence will one day not exist. In other words, that which begins, ends…and that aint absolute. Also, You cannot make room for ‘it' as You are partial. So how can the partial make room for that which is beyond room or sides? So all that which is partial i.e. You and your views, thoughts and emotions, are by definition ALWAYS relative.

From the koan study I've done I have come to see that I am the absolute. Not the self, that would be grandiose narcisissim. What is Big Mind? Me, and what are all things to me? Me. In fact so many of the answers to koans lead you right there. Apparently, this is the most difficult aspect of practice to own. When people are asked, what is Big Mind? they usually say “It is…” and then following with some complex thing about always already and blah, blah, blah. But it is no different than me. I am Big Mind. the self is trapped in the world of the relative. I, as Big Mind, am not.

I also loved this:
Yes but all ‘problems' stem from duality. Any sort of developmental framework or spirituality worth it's salt is pointing towards this. By saying the heart and view are not two, I was not saying that is the absolute, but a way to begin to intuit that absolute via relative concepts. To have an integrated heart/mind leads towards having a happy waking dream and hence towards nondualtiy. Re: “The reality of the relative” Do you see a wee bit of a contradiction here?

Frankly I don't see the contradiction. I think that notion itself if dualistic. The Absolute absolute transcends and includes the absolute and the relative. It does not deny the relative. it does not deny form, any more than it does not deny emptiness. Emptiness is exactly form. Form is exactly emptiness. I wonder, and I could be wrong because it is difficult to grapple with these issues over email. I mean, for God's sake, we could be saying the same thing and not know it!, it seems that you prefer the absolute, which is dualistic. you are giving preference to emptiness. But emptiness is form. Is that true, are you prefering it? Am I making clear what I am asking you?

Freedom is the freedom to look. Anything that hinders the capacity to look is a limit. Maybe you feel that you are free to not look (to turn away) and if so have not yet fully realized that you are caught in dualistic desire. Positive and negative is then still yanking your chain.

I don't agree that freedom is the freedom to look. I would not qualify freedom with anything. I would not define it in a way that limits it at all.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hey,

I've been thinking about this back and forth and why it matters to me and why it matters to the question of service. There is a way that I feel many involved in spirituality transcend and exclude the self, or transcend and negate the self. I believe that this approach is dualistic. I wish to transcend and include the self.

I refuse to deny that I am a human being, and I also refuse to trash (however subtle) the human side of myself. I consciously chose to be a human being with all that it entails, big mind to little mind, desire, pain, joy–realized and unrealized. None of it is out of the question for me.  I think that is why this is important to me.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Hey Annie,


e: You and your views, thoughts and emotions, are by definition ALWAYS relative.


Annie: From the koan study I've done I have come to see that I am the absolute. Not the self, that would be grandiose narcisissim. What is Big Mind? Me, and what are all things to me? Me. In fact so many of the answers to koans lead you right there. Apparently, this is the most difficult aspect of practice to own. When people are asked, what is Big Mind? they usually say “It is…” and then following with some complex thing about always already and blah, blah, blah. But it is no different than me. I am Big Mind. the self is trapped in the world of the relative. I, as Big Mind, am not.

I=self=ego=me

–

Re: “The reality of the relative” Do you see a wee bit of a contradiction here?


Frankly I don't see the contradiction. I think that notion itself if dualistic. The Absolute absolute transcends and includes the absolute and the relative. It does not deny the relative. it does not deny form, any more than it does not deny emptiness. Emptiness is exactly form. Form is exactly emptiness. I wonder, and I could be wrong because it is difficult to grapple with these issues over email. I mean, for God's sake, we could be saying the same thing and not know it!, it seems that you prefer the absolute, which is dualistic. you are giving preference to emptiness. But emptiness is form. Is that true, are you prefering it? Am I making clear what I am asking you?

I, as a separate being, existing in time, can only prefer one side of a dualistic opposite vs the other. In emptiness there is no form, no feeling, no perception, no thoughts & emotions, no consciousness…no I to be preferential in any way, shape or form. So, I cannot prefer or even experience emptiness. Where I end, emptiness “begins”. And so, it is impossible to cling to emptiness. PS There are 2 absolutes?

–

Freedom is the freedom to look.

I don't agree that freedom is the freedom to look. I would not qualify freedom with anything. I would not define it in a way that limits it at all.

This thread contextualized the way I wrote about freedom.

I've been thinking about this back and forth and why it matters to me and why it matters to the question of service. There is a way that I feel many involved in spirituality transcend and exclude the self, or transcend and negate the self. I believe that this approach is dualistic. I wish to transcend and include the self.

self = dualism

nonself = nondualism

Any sort of transcendence of self has to come with an understanding of nonself.

–

I refuse to deny that I am a human being, and I also refuse to trash (however subtle) the human side of myself. I consciously chose to be a human being with all that it entails, big mind to little mind, desire, pain, joy-realized and unrealized. None of it is out of the question for me.  I think that is why this is important to me.  

We, as Annie and e, are the mentally ill. The only difference, in our well adjusted and normative minds, is that we can keep the fissures in egoic consciousness from fracturing by not looking at them too closely. Surely you realized this while living on the streets with the ‘mentally ill'. The only way to end suffering is to see that this fundamental dualism between self and other is a completely 100% thought bound illusion. The maintaining and clinging to the feeling of a separated identity bound being in any way, shape or form (this feeling of ‘I am') merely prolongs the delusion and the suffering. In saying this, I am not trashing humanity or any form of sentience. I am simply saying that if there is clinging to any form of sentience, then there is bound to be suffering because that temporal form is constantly changing and will inevitably end.

“Why are you unhappy?

Because 99.9 percent

Of everything you think,

And of everything you do,

Is for yourself -

And there isn't one. ”

                  Wei Wu Wei

peace & love,

e

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thank you so much for this conversation, e.
It has been delightful.
a

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I had to get up early for work today, and our conversation was still on my mind. It's not that I haven't heard a point of view like yours many times, and it is not that I do not understand your point of view. I do. I just don't agree with it. According to Zen, in particular I am thinking of Tozan's five ranks:

self=self
nonself=nonself
simultaneous realization of both=nondual

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thank you too Annie.

Right, Tozan's expression is nice too. He is using nonself as the opposite of self. In this thread, I have used self and other as the dualism that needs to be dissolved and love as the solvent.


Re: Tozan. What is nonself? What would happen if a particle and an anti-particle met? Would either survive?


love


e

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

If they did not have a sense of humor, they would not survive.
I know nothing of physics, but without a sense of humor it seems that nothing can survive a collision. :)

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

I have a question for everyone.. can you tell me all that you feel when you see a homeless person? Right now I am not that interested in what you think you should feel, but what you actually feel. You may feel different things at different times, and I would be interested in hearing that. What impulses, feelings, reactions arise?

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

HI Annie - Interesting this question came today as yesterday I had a very different response to a man who's homeless. I know almost everyone who's homeless in Boise by name - if not by name then by sight. My usual response is welcoming. And they're happy to see me.  Yesterday I had a very different response though. I was walking in front of a coffee shop with people sitting out on the sidewalk when I saw one of our shelter guests crossing the street. Now I had just seen him about 3 days prior and stopped and talked with him. I had heard he was spiriling down - drinking WAY more than usual and not taking care of his personal hygiene. He looked worse last night. Actually awful. Now he's a nice guy really - calls me Lady Jayne and always bows and takes my hand. When I saw him last night though, these were my thoughts - God he looks awful. I wonder if he's going to panhandle at the coffee shop? Should I greet him? Do I want to? Then, most surprisingly, I don't want to hug him and interact with him in front of all these people. I have never felt that way before. He didn't notice me as he got distracted by a parked motorcycle and I continued walking. I contemplated my reactions. I did think though that next time I see him which will probably  be within a week, that I'm going to have a real talk with him and ask what' s up? Why the no showering and dirty clothes? What's really going on?

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Annie, I think “please don't ask me for money” and lots of other pretty mundane thoughts. Nowadays, I also think, “This is a radiant expression of the Divine. If I can't see that, it doesn't mean it's not so. It means I have work to do.” Not always, of course, that's just one thing I tell myself.

I also wonder if and when they are going to get mad at me. They are so very patient, always waiting for what they want and need…I sometimes feel the frustration in them welling up and feel some fear of them. This would be 99% projection on my part, of course.

I have a student who frequents the computer lab who is homeless, so I do have an insider giving me his perspective sometimes, too. He's not terribly clean, but he tries, and doesn't smell that bad, so he must be cleaning himself at firly decent intervals. I often wonder why he doesn't brush his hair. This seems like something that would be a no-brainer. No facilities necessary, just a hairbrush.

He takes classes here, so he's fairly knowledgable about the programs we teach, and applies to be a tutor every semester. We never hire him. On top of being homeless and totally unpresentable professionally, he's something of a know-it-all and doesn't get social cues, like when to end a conversation. He talks too loud. I learned long ago never to hire a tutor who can't modulate their voice. It's disastrous, and they never believe you when you tell them they're too loud.

I sometimes wonder whether this disconnect was the cause of his homelessness or a result of it. There are a lot of people out there who are so very close to being able to get off the street, who just have some slight disability or quirk that keeps them there. I don't know what percentage that might be, but Jesus, we should be able to house these folks!

Liz

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Annie: I have a question for everyone.. can you tell me all that you feel when you see a homeless person? Right now I am not that interested in what you think you should feel, but what you actually feel. You may feel different things at different times, and I would be interested in hearing that. What impulses, feelings, reactions arise?

~~~~~

It depends on my inner state.  If I feel nervous and contracted I really don't want to make interpersonal contact with anyone, and so in the presence of a homeless person (who is likely to ask me for something) I would feel uncomfortable and want to avoid them; I would also feel uncomfortable and want to avoid someone who's handing out flyers or promoting Amnesty International.  If I'm in a more expansive, relaxed mood, I don't perceive the potential interaction as intrusive; then I'd be more likely to smile and at least minimally engage the person. 

Sometimes I feel fear, especially if the person seems crazy or resentful - unless they are at a safe distance, at which point they may seem interesting or amusing (there are some great ravers out there…I remember one Jamaican christian raver in Vancouver who was pretty entertaining).   I  often feel some degree of sympathy, occasionally sharp empathy - but I tend to be too guarded  a lot of the time to really let that in.

Occasionally I'm more open and more likely to interact with homeless people; I've had some touching and/or fascinating encounters with homeless people at such times.  During 2001-2002 I was “broken open” for a while, and didn't have many barriers in place.  I don't recall being afraid or uncomfortable then…I had bigger fish to fry.

I might expand on this answer at some point, but there's an initial response off the top of my head.

spiral out,
arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

from Good News Network:

Homeless Credited With Saving Woman, 93, From Burning Car

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

see also Free-Lunch Foragers (An article about the freegan subculture, who choose to live off of consumer waste.)

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Annie:  I have a question for everyone.. can you tell me all that you feel when you see a homeless person? Right now I am not that interested in what you think you should feel, but what you actually feel. You may feel different things at different times, and I would be interested in hearing that. What impulses, feelings, reactions arise?

Hi Annie,

My experience with the homeless is varied, like others have posted.  Growing up in Tucson, AZ we had quite a few homeless folks (Tucson still does as I understand it) and my responses went from fear, to repulsion, to apathy, to concern and so on and those still hold true today depending on the day.

These days I encounter homeless nearly everyday.   Mostly I smile at them and try to treat them as I would anyone else I see on the street.   Occasionally, I will buy extra food and have it available if they approach me or I see them when coming out of the grocery.  One experience I had after giving a man some food (after he come up and asked for 'help')  I went to put my groceries in the car he approached me again and asked for money, to which I said no.  He got angry and threw the food I had given him on the ground.  I picked up the food, and put it on a wall close by in case he changed his mind but the experience left me a little shy to engage others.

I see these people as people with various reasons for their current living situation.   I don't have any idea what their reasons  for being homeless might be (on an indivudual basis) so I guess I see them all as individuals and act more from that perspective.

Like others.. it varies depending on what is going on in my world.

g

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

hey Ive just discovered this great thread.  cant wait to  read the whole article! god bless you annie for taking that step…

when I see someone homeless it seems to depend on my mood or situation how I react.  If I'm sitting on a park bench just moseying, then I feel moved, and some part of me flys to this person and tries to feel what he or she is feeling. and some part of me does feel there but for the grace of god go i

If Im rushing around doing tasky things then i can totally ignore that person or sometimes have the thought this person is “in my way”

if they smell bad then the smell puts me off and I may mostly focus on sitting somewhere else but may feel some shame that I imagine they are feeling (which they themselves may not be feeling at all btw).

i'm sure i have lots of other reactions but these come to mind first…

diane hamilton talks in one of her lates clips (with willow and sofia) about getting to the stage where one can really revel inthe homeless person's being and story…not judge their choices ina a separating way..sounds wonderful amazing

Love g 

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

thanks for these responses. Yes, I've heard Diane say that, and I agree, but I am also a firm believer in impermanence–that our feelings and thoughts change depending on the situation, the day, the year, our mood.

What I so appreciate about what you all have written here is that we are not discussing an ideal, or how we should feel, or how we might eventually feel, but how we do feel. I have to say it has helped me tremendously, and helped me feel less lonely.

thanks so much,
a

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Annie:  What I so appreciate about what you all have written here is that we are not discussing an ideal, or how we should feel, or how we might eventually feel, but how we do feel. I have to say it has helped me tremendously, and helped me feel less lonely.

thanks so much,
a

That's it. You said what I wanted to express. I don't want to go into how contact with the homeless makes me feel, except to say that I tend to bend over backwards to give what I've got every time.  Quietly, I think to myself, “there but for some mysterious grace go I.”

But when I read about your work, Annie, I want there to be a way to clone myself so that one of those selves can act like you. I admire you so much and I want to be better because of beings like you.

m

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Liz and I recently watched the documentary Dark Days, about a group of homeless people who were squatting for years underground near train lines.  We both had some reservations about it, but overall we enjoyed it and found it quite fascinating.

Here is a Youtube video of the first 10 minutes of Dark Days (This gives a much better idea of the movie than the trailer, which I link to below.)

Here is a clip from the movie of two guys who are like Cheech and Chong on crack (seriously).  Here's another brief clip of them: Mr. Rusty does eat rats.  And finally - last and definitely least - here's the trailer for the movie, which IMO gives a completely false impression of the movie, making it look like a cool rap video.

The wikipedia article on Dark Days gives some interesting background on the movie:

~~~~~

Dark Days is a documentary made by Marc Singer, a British filmmaker. The film follows a group of people living in an abandoned section of the New York City underground railway system. When he relocated from London to Manhattan, Marc Singer was struck by the number of homeless people he had seen throughout the city. Singer had befriended a good number of New York's homeless and later, after hearing of people living underground in abandoned tunnel systems, he met and became close to a set of folks living in The Freedom Tunnel community stretching north from Penn Station past Harlem. After living with them for a number of months, he decided to create a documentary in order to help them financially. The film's crew consisted of the subjects themselves, who rigged up makeshift lighting and steadicam dollies, and learned to use a 16mm camera with black & white Kodak film. Singer himself had never been a filmmaker before, and saw the production of Dark Days as a means of gaining better accommodation for the residents of the tunnel. The post-production process took years, as financial difficulties created delays, as did Singer's insistence of creative control to protect the tunnel residents.

During filming, Amtrak announced they would be forcibly evicting the homeless living in the tunnels. This announcement, plus the police presence backing the decision, prompted Singer and photographer Margaret Morton to go to the Coalition for the Homeless for help. Eventually, Singer and Morton managed to secure housing vouchers from the Department of Housing and Urban Development for the film's subjects, which enabled them to move out of the tunnels and into their own apartments.

The film features music by DJ Shadow, including excerpts from Endtroducing… as well as his album with U.N.K.L.E. Melissa Neidich was the editor of the film. Cinevision, a New York City camera shop, supplied Singer with cameras for the two-and-a-half years of filming. When Singer ran out of money for film, Kodak supplied free damaged film for the project.

Dark Days was released in 2000, and was nominated for several film festival awards. The film won many of these, including best documentary at the Independent Spirit Awards, best documentary / non-fiction film at the Los Angeles Film Critics Association Awards, Senior Programmer's Pick at the SXSW Film Festival Awards, and three Sundance Film Festival awards in 2000: the Audience Award for best documentary, the cinematography award for documentary, and the Freedom of Expression Award.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Just came across an interesting project: Give Us Your Poor -

The Give US Your Poor mission is to create a revolution in public awareness, dispel myths and inspire action towards ending epidemic homeless in the United States. It works to affect change at the policy level, engage volunteerism and contributions at the individual and corporate levels through media, technology and education; and to funnel support to partner homeless organizations.

The Movie:

Never before has such a comprehensive look at homelessness in the United States been put to film. Give Us Your Poor is told in large part through the voices of homeless people. Some of them have found homes, but others are still homeless. Homeless people have been involved with the film at every stage of its production – design, content development, fundraising, and promotion.

Empathetic, intimate documentary portrayals of homeless people and the circumstances leading to their homelessness, coupled with information and stories demonstrating working solutions for prevention and intervention, will provide the audience with the substance needed to grasp the dimensions of the homeless problem. The audience will learn that ultimately, there is hope.

Filming has already begun in New Mexico, and will include people and locations in Omaha, Boston, San Francisco and Washington, D.C. From the desert Southwest, up to the Northwest corner of the country, across the heartland of America, to the cityscapes of the East Coast, this demographic and geographic diversity will increase understanding of the many faces of homelessness.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thanks Jayne,

One trailor for Give Us Your Poor gave me a look at my former boss, Dorian, who now directs the state's Youth and Family Services Division. I can see that it is taking years to produce this documentary and that even parts taped one or two years ago contain the likes of a few people I see every month, one of whom I saw today.

I'm not going to watch the east coast segments tonight. I don't want to wander too far down Memory Lane now, but I'll make time for it when it serves my work or writing.

  be really well,
 
  Kerry

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

This blog entry may be of interest: http://zencowboy.zaadz.com/blog/2007/10/detroit_street_retreat_snapshots

It is from Zencowboy.  He promises to add some more about the experience later.

Mark

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Thanks for that link Mark - I just dropped a note to him about his street retreat experience.

Jayne

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

Roll on, Arthur. You rock!

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

see also Ken Wilber on Social Work (Jan 12th ISC call)

Is anybody on IIZaadz going to be taking part in this call?  We have until Wednesday, January 9th - the day after tomorrow - to get in questions and possibly get to be on the call.  I'd love to hear some of the folks who have participated in this excellent thread talk to the Big Bald Guy himself on the topic of social work.  It's so relevant to this thread, and also to some blog entries being worked on for Integral News and Views.  I'm looking forward to this one!

spiral out,
Arthur

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

from http://www.smartmobs.com/

Google partners with homeless shelter

Google is partnering with homeless shelters in San Francisco to distribute free phone numbers and voicemail accounts to those without homes, the company said Wednesday. The Internet giant is expanding a service that was started by Grand Central, a San Francisco-based start-up that Google acquired last year. Grand Central’s technology allows calls to be routed to a home, business, or cell phone using a single phone number. The service offers people a way to organize and unify their communications, a Google spokesman said.
Source: Marguerite Reardon, CNET’s News Blog, February 28, 2008

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

That is very cool Arthur - thanks for sharing. I'll keep my eyes open when Google is ready to expand this service to other cities.

Re: Serving the Mentally Ill Living On Our Streets

You're welcome, Jayne.  :)

BTW if anybody wants to hear Annie McQuade talk and get a glimpse of her delightful personality, she has a brief interview clip on the Falling Fruit website called A Crisis of Curiosity (damn, they stole the name of my forthcoming autobiography).  It has nothing to do about homelessness, but it's still interesting and Annie-rific.  :)

spirals,
Arthur