Gaia: Integral Relationships

Re: Connecting Spirit, Shadow and Sexuality

http://voyager.gaia.com — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:10:32 GMT

And it will be most revealing how these themes will be dealt with in diverse cultures. Living in Europe I see already big differences in European mentality and US Mentality.

The same issues -even integrally inspired and informed ones- are communicated in very different ways.

Re: Living with an "unenlightened" partner

http://ADLIAC.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:26:00 GMT

I have contributed this thread to the Collective Wisdom: Library of Community Threads.

Hope more people jump in here and add even more wisdom on this important topic!

Blessings, OM

Re: Living with an "unenlightened" partner

http://ADLIAC.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:12:49 GMT

Just wanted to add a P.S. about the FORM of relationships. Our society offers us just a few "boxes" into which relationships can be put: spouse, live-in lover, friend, no-contact, and a few others.

But I believe each relationship has its own natural expression, its own natural form and way of being structured and carried out, unique to the two people involved. It might not be easily labeled. It might not fit any conventional picture.

Many of us suffer because we don't let a relationship be what it is, we try to cram it into one of the boxes, and of course it doesn't fit, and that causes great distress to both parties. Expectations and roles are set up that just can't be fulfilled.

Takes some courage to "go outside the box" literally, in defining what your relationship to someone will be, but consider the alternative, and perhaps the courage will happen!

Specifically what I mean is that just because you "love" someone doesn't mean you have to live with them or focus all your partnering energy on that person!

Blessings, Rev. O.M. Bastet

Re: Living with an "unenlightened" partner

http://ADLIAC.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:00:45 GMT

I can resonate with your perspective, BJ, in that I don't make advance decisions about who to be in relationship with, although I have no strong resonance with people who have not made a conscious decision to engage in personal growth. Those decisions about who I get close to are made by wiser, vaster portions of my self. And they are always growthful, as you said, BJ. For me because that's my choice, and for the other if they choose.

I'm not sure I agree, Knud, that everyone is "interested in development" and "reaching." Some people are not apparently growing or interested in growth. It's happening, because life does that, but it might not be apparent to anyone! I like the ones who have made the choice and are carrying it out, who indeed are obviously interested and actively reaching.

And I like even more, the ones just ahead of me or just behind me. Those are the most enjoyable. But growthful and enjoyable aren't always the same.

So my human self takes whatever relationships flow, but that human self also has strong preferences for enjoyment and Quality of Life-enhancing partners!

Thanks Aliya for opening this thread again. It really is a classic and important issue in relationships, and worthy of extensive discussion.

Blessings, OM Bastet

Re: Living with an "unenlightened" partner

http://knudriis.gaia.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 10:24:03 GMT

I don't think I will have a partner who was not interested in personal development. But isn't everybody interested in own development? - thinking integral, we all are at some level/stage, and are reaching for higher. It just sometimes looks like reaching for nothing, when our friends/partners reach for something that we ourselves have given up on our own path.

It takes a lot of empathy to see where our partner is and what s/he is striving to gain. Right now I have the luck to be in a relationship where we are running in parallel, but this is ... just pure luck, I guess :-)

Re: Living with an "unenlightened" partner

http://boydie.gaia.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:22:38 GMT

I've had "enlightened" and "unenlightened" partners.
Both have their own rewards and challenges and all my relationships have been beneficial for my own growth (and hopefully theirs). I no longer have a preference.
I can't help feel it's a bit like the grass is greener on the other side.
We never know when we (or other factors) are going to change their spiritual journey or when they are going to change ours.
Isn't love part of the spiritual journey?

Re: Living with an "unenlightened" partner

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:04:25 GMT

Although this topic was posted a long time ago, and hasn't been updated since 2007, I felt a need to post because this is an interesting topic that I resonate very much with.
But instead of being with an unenlightened partner, I was the unenlightened partner. My now ex was very into spirituality, philosophy, metaphysics, etc. I wasn't. It's not that I'm not an insightful and deep thinker, quite the contrary, but many of my thoughts and ideas exist here in the concrete and physical world. Anything I can't touch or see doesn't even come into my though process. He wanted to teach me, but gave up after he realized he didn't know how.
This is partly because he's working on external growth, as he's been wrapped up for so long in learning all about spirituality and everything, that he has a hard time coming back down to this reality. It's also because as much as I was interested in learning, he didn't know how to get me very interested in a way that truly resonated with me.
Now that we've broken up, it's been a very good kick in the head for me. I've talked to so many people with so many insights, and this relationship really acted as a great catalyst towards my internal and spiritual development. He actually gave me the book The Power Of Now for Valentine's Day, which I didn't read before, but I'm now ready to begin.

I don't think it's impossible to get your partner to become interested in enlightenment and spirituality, I just don't think it's as easy inside a relationship. One of my teachers told me now that I'm alone again I have to use this as my time for growth. When you're in a relationship, you sort of get trapped in a bubble and only really focus on the dichotomy of the relationship itself and not on you alone. My huge problem was the cynical walls and boundaries I put around myself and others, which he helped knock down, but there was something that just didn't click with him to me.

And this is what really brought me here, so while he's out doing external growth, I'm here working on my own internal growth.

Thoughts? Insights? Stories? Opinions?

Re: Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://ADLIAC.gaia.com — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 09:04:02 GMT

Wow, thank you so much for YOUR sharing, Cheryl, I recognize so much. I know that my Twin Flame will never be my ideal Romantic Partner, he is just too different from that. But, the twinness on so many levels is just boggling. And while not ideal, I see him as a potential romantic partner of a less intense sort. We are both (of course) into polyamory.

And yes, self-healing seems the best approach to me too. Relationships are downstream from our self-work.

Thank you for your wishes. The same to you in your journey!

Blessings, OM Bastet

Re: Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://inspireme2.gaia.com — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 06:11:27 GMT

OM Bastet, thank you for sharing your experience as well. I met my Twin (we call each other Twin Love, but at a distance) last year in Feb 2008. We knew that we were significant to each other immediately and continue to communicate via email and text, not on the phone or in person. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. He gives me advice and was there when my cat passed on, just things like that. Again, very interesting, spiritual bond, but yet we are not together romantically. I just know he is my Twin. There is something to these types of relationships (not a soul mate type, karmic etc.), but the true Twin Flame. We are psychically connected much like the identical twins; however, he and I live very different lives and are different in so many other ways. Erica Boersma (http://harmonicutopia.com) mentioned to me that when we focus less on the Twin Flame relationship and focus more on our lives and our passions, our Twin will appear quite unexpectedly. I have chosen to move forward with my life and not dwell on my Twin (although I long for him daily...again the identical twin syndrome), I am aware that when we are truly vibrationally aligned, we will be together. I also realized that due to the intensity of the Twin Flame relationship, we are probably better off not being together romantically until the healing process is completed. Erica mentioned something else to me and that is that the "death of the ego" must occur before the Twin Flame relationship can come together successfully; therefore, I'm all for healing now and getting together later..(LoL). I'm enjoying the journey and going with the flow. I send you love and light in your journey to reunite with your Twin Flame! With blessings and love to you on this day, Cheryl

Re: Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://ADLIAC.gaia.com — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 10:13:14 GMT

Yes, thanks for your poem, Cheryl, and Siona for your interest in that topic.

I met my Twin Flame last year, and life has kept us apart mostly since then. And I know two other folks who are Twin Flames, and very different, who lived together for awhile and now have gone separate ways.

Twin flameness doesn't mean a happily ever after romantic relationship. Unfortunately. For many, it means healing-crises to the max !! And I agree with Cheryl, often there is healing of each required before a good deep manifested human relationship is possible.

Twin Flames are to me embodiments operated by the same Spirit a couple of dimensions up. They are never identical, as that would not serve the purpose of gaining wisdom via differing experiences. So their similarities and differences can be compatible, or NOT.

But the sense of similarity. Ah, there is nothing like it, but similar to what many identical twins talk about.....

Why do you think it is coming up for you, Siona?

Just buttin' in here !!

Blessings, OM Bastet

Re: Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://siona.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 04:05:00 GMT

Oh, Cheryl... how amazing. Your awareness around your process is beautiful, and so sweet. And thank you, too, for that link: I'm listening right now to the podcast on that site. Thank you, again. This seems like a wonderful resource.

Re: Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://inspireme2.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:06:06 GMT

Hi Siona, I believe that I have found my Twin Flame and his name is Reginold. We both have a connection that is amazing; however, we are both going through our healing processes and whether we will reunite in this lifetime is to be determined. I have learned that Twin Flames unite when they are ready for the journey which is after they have healed and are vibrationally aligned. Reginold and I keep each other close as friends, but we are both healing and working through our past wounds (from this lifetime and previous lifetimes). By the way, I came across a great site on Twin Flames, http://harmonicutopia.com which I find very enlightening. Check it out when you get a chance. Cheryl

Re: Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://siona.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 02:16:08 GMT

Beautiful; thank you so much for sharing.

And apologies, but I do want to ask... I read your profile and was so intrigued by your description of being aware of your Twin Flame, and also single (and, presumably, not looking?). Would you mind revealing a bit more about this? It's a topic that's come up in my life multiple times in the past week alone, and you seem an ideal person to ask. :)

Spiritual, Soulful Connections

http://inspireme2.gaia.com — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:16:46 GMT

Hi, I'm Cheryl and I want to thank you for this beautiful site. I would like to share a poem I wrote on spiritual, soulful connections to share with all of you...What do you think? We all need spiritual, soulful connections in our lives!

Spiritual, Soulful Connections

What is a spiritual connection you ask?

Well let’s break it down by task

Life is but an illusion

And our hearts are in fusion

Love is a many segmented emotion

That provides us all with the notion

That we are here to love everyone

And to give, to hold, to touch one by one

It begins with initial attraction

And the first touch and spoken caption

For as we sail away in the midnight blue

It is always just me and you

A soulful connection is the way to go

To feel true love and to know

That you are blessed in all you do

As we fly away in the sky so blue

I have learned that each and every day

My love will grow and forever stay

Within your heart and mine so close

We now have a love that we can boast

I have tried and tried to have the superficial thang

But no matter how much I try, I just can’t hang

For I need true love that is lasting and real

That no one can take, grab, or steal

Give me a spiritual, soulful connection today

So that I can continue on my way

Knowing that I am loved for who I am

Not just for the physical thang, I’ll be damned

Give me love or give me reason

To take my love and share thru the season

For you and I were meant to be

A Spiritual Connection, can’t you see?

To love me is to know me

Not for what you see

But for what I am on the inside today

Can we make a way?

Please me, love me, tease me

Know that I’m the truth and the way to see

That Spiritual connections is what God has for us

Do you now understand that isn’t just lust?

Be true to yourself and you shall see

That time is an illusion for me

We are never separated for we are ONE

And once discovered our search is DONE

Re: Connecting Spirit, Shadow and Sexuality

http://voyager.gaia.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:23:04 GMT

Many people can say something about this.

So the form to communicate these issues in public- and I refer to the themes, not lawcases -is essential.

I see no other spiritual teacher worldwide who is comitted to publish and to speak about these themes. THIS is remarkable. And the integral communities -in fact the developed world in toto - MUST create a way to deal with all of this stuff.

No easy going is possible here. There fore one of the GREAT integral field tests.

This time about the 3 S and even beyond...

Re: Connecting Spirit, Shadow and Sexuality

http://integral-options.gaia.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:53:55 GMT

Gafni has a long history of sexual misconduct with students, and keeping this in mind, his teachings are questionable at best.

Gender Liberation Beyond Feminism

http://voyager.gaia.com — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:37:18 GMT

A newly emerging blog about gender liberation beyond Feminism:

www.pellebilling.com

Bestr,

Albert

Connecting Spirit, Shadow and Sexuality

http://voyager.gaia.com — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:55:30 GMT

See also new homepage from

www.marcgafni.com

This work is about connecting Spirit, Shadow and Sexuality.

its embedded in the appraoch of Evolutionary, Integral Kabbalah.

And its unique insofar as collective shadows in culture and society are inspected too. The public spheres in the time of internet and new media as much as conventional ones are full of blind spots rearding these themes.

Integral Relationships need this in depth work.

Re: romance vs. evolutionary, erotic camaraderie

http://voyager.gaia.com — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 08:05:35 GMT

A quote from German Mystic Eckhart was paraphrased in the denoument of the movie Jacob's Ladder: "Eckhart saw Hell too. He said: 'The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth

Re: romance vs. evolutionary, erotic camaraderie

http://voyager.gaia.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:59:21 GMT

This called the practice of growth.

And in the context of different life cycles, patterns of community, family, friends, colleagues and most complex life conditions of all kind.

Like to focus on the process. Labeling it in any way is always near of making a thing out of it.

Thanks again, George , for picking up and spotlighting an important topic and difference:

"What if the recognized, driving need of partnering was not the egoic reason of both parties wanting to become a better person but the evolution of consciousness itself?

What if the passion and juiciness of relating would come not from the romantic projections on each other but from the mutual appreciation of the shared dedication to reaching the next level contribution of the "we" cultural/social evolution?"

I myself went through at least 5 big cycles in this way. One of the most difficult and painful ones was the process with my family in first 25 years of my life. And the rough fights with my cultural system of conservative roman catholic values system of repression and suppression .

To liberate the "WE" on Micro- meso. and macro levels is perhaps the biggest challenge worldwide.

Thanks for referral to Ottos new blog. When I spoke with him personally in 2004 I had this fresh feeling he described himself from his talk with Vittorio Hösle even weeks after the talk.

The practice is not so much a complex to do list for me. Its about diving through all dimensions. Recognizing that no single constellation of structured relationships and forms of WE in itself is it.

Its about co-creating and shaping the pyschophysical plasiticity of the WE space. Taking out ALL dramas as we know conventionally.

As Otto Scharmer says: Creating landing stripes for the future.

German 20th century artist Joself Beuys had coined this terminus when he realized that creating social fields is perhaps the greatest art form for 21st century.