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Damon,
I’d like to deeply Thank You for the beautifully rich dedication. Truly, this is a wonderful gift. I’m looking forward to our journey together here as I too am deeply committed to evolving strength training “beyond the scales” as you framed it.
I am passionately driven to embrace the full spectrum of what is possible within this wonderfully rich and widely misunderstood practice.
With that said, thank you for sharing your honest candid strugging with the ego, vanity and your intense drive to shift beyond this conventional relationship with strength training.
I’d like to offer up a few suggestions of my own that might be of interest to you and others struggling with these or similar dynamics.
As for strength training being ego fulfilling as opposed to ego transcending I’d like to say that these two do not have to be fundamenally opposed. You can continue to develop your ego, strengthen your ego’s ability to function, increase your ego’s capacity to manage itself, its core internal dynamics, improve your effectiveness in the world, navigate relationships with more skill and so on. All of this does not necessarily create more of a barrier for transcendence, this would include being bigger and stronger in the more conventional sense.
The stronger your ego - or to frame it another way - the more developed your ego is the more effective you are at acting and being in this world of form, whether that’s skillfully connecting with someone, lifting 280 pounds or managing your own internal issues without reacting unconsciously. Strength training can be used to develop the ego’s core capacities (physical, emotional and mental capacities) and as a result can enhance your ability to act on and bring your life’s purpose into greater fruition within the world of form.
This is not in any way fundamentally opposed to transcending your ego. In fact, the greater your ego strength the easier it is to transcend ego (of course strong well developed ego’s have their own typical “sticking points” that must be worked with skillfully as well). Generally speaking though, the weaker the ego, the more dissociative the spiritual awakening tends to be and thus the more distorted the realization becomes as it finds its way into form through and as a individual body-mind.
Now I am assuming I’m casting “ego” a little bit differently than you were using it - nonetheless, I wanted to share it because it’s important. Not all of “ego” is pathological or obstructive to spiritual development and awakening.
Let’s dive right into some of the issues you brought up though.
I’m assuming that reinforcing vanity is one aspect of what you’re calling “Ego Fulfilling” - going with this definition I would say that one trap you’re seeing quite clearly is the identification with one’s appearance & perhaps one’s accomplishments.
Vanity’s “sticking point” doesn’t have much to do with the “appearance” nor the “accomplishments” themselves in my opinion. What’s “challenging” about vanity is the self grasping and identification with these elements and the way the ego contracts its self sense around these objects.
There’s absolutely nothing problematic with appearance or accomplishments even if they are “superficial.”
The challenge emerges in how the ego establishes a struggle and thus a sense of self oriented around these objects.
My question is this, your more “egoic” sense of self is struggling with vanity and something deeper. Ego reinforcing and ego transcending as you put it. Fundamentally my sense this is just a more evolved and sophisticated egoic struggle.
Your struggle with appearance has got you whether you look good or not because you’re invested in- that is to say you’re attached to - the meaning of how you look. Whether you have a more yogic look, perhaps just the appearance of a meditator, one of a strength trainer or of someone who eats fast food and watches TV 24/7 your particular ego loves to create a struggle around how you look and how this dictates how you’re seen in the world.
I’m obviously speculating here, so please take all of this “you” with a grain of salt. I’m simply offering up my own reflections, my intention is to spark some insight within yourself.
With that said I’d like to turn this to ego transcending… exactly what is it?
This is quite the subject matter, but I’ll toss out a starting point. Ego Transcendence is the part of you that fundamentally does not struggle (if ego’s basic process is itself struggle, then truly this part is indeed transegoic).
That’s to say it is the part of you that is completely OK with the very struggle we’re discussing. There’s no problem with any of it.
This part of you is the part that does not seek. I believe this is at least part of the “deeper experience” you’re pointing to.
My guess, and perhaps my hope is that this basic ground of being is what strength training is helping to realize more fully. I hope this deep stillness is what is creating a positive shift in your awareness, a shift in a central relationship, has impacted your presence of mind, deepened your meditative practice and increased the vitality you feel within your body-mind.
Yes the literature is shallow, but don’t be fooled by this. Read the shallow literature or don’t take what’s useful or discover on your own. Regardless of how you proceed I’m thankful you’re one of the few Strength Training beyond its current form…You’re doing both by simply lifting with your full engagement.
Looking forward Damon,
~R
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