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PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessPangPå said Oct 10, 7:41 PM: |
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This post is dedicated to the all-mighty-radiant-divine-hardchillin'-perfection Sasha (yep, that is the name of the gorgeous rabbit at the end of this post :) ) School destroying Apparently, most people in the West completely trapped in the straitjacket of thought. But what about the newborn - has he or she the ability to “see”? A child has no representation - and therefore also no mental limitations. But the ambient one-sided emphasis on thinking skills quickly steering the children in a single track. Up of school age, many children in certain situations, see. But as soon as they start school, it is lost - the adaptation to thought becomes full. Much energy is also down to build a show around the child - you want it to be a person, I am. Ego, the most fundamental idea in our thought world. The child becomes John and Barbara, and with it follows a full description of what it means to be just this specific person. But the idea of John and Barbara are not built on what is - it's made of memories, expectations, admonitions and experience. It is a product of the past. It is not true. Therefore I - Ann Lundstrom - a fiction. Sure - you have an idea, a theory as true or false as any other idea whatsoever. And it is this idea which we then spend much of our lives to defend. That is what we boast about, it we curse and cry over. There are those who are hurt, neglected, failure and success. And it is [the] defense of the idea, the ego, which is our fear - fear that is the root of all our conflicts. As long as we are afraid of the ego and the need to defend it, we can not see. Do you mean that everything that makes us fear is created by the idea? All fear comes from the idea and is basically the fear of losing what I as we ourselves have created. The idea safeguarding its own creation - his own illusion, one might say if you were Hindu. For really, if you look after, can not hurt it that deep down you are - the only thing that can be damaged is the image of you. And what does it actually mean? But what about your body? There is a natural urge to protect the body. An operation to protect the material in us. The error is that we believe that the psyche is subject to the same laws as the body and therefore must be defended - it's not. The idea first Which comes first, feeling or idea? Of course the idea. The idea is largely automatic. When something in the outer world touches an old recorded tape in the brain picks up the idea, draw their own conclusions limited and consigning the emotional signals. Same old memory traces are used over and over again without really has something with the actual events that do. It sounds as if most people act as a record player that hooked up. Is it possible to get out of the track? Yes, but only by leaving the tank and start looking. But it is possible. Thoughts, fantasies and feelings appear to be layers upon layers within us. A thought can think of another idea. It seems to never end. To see is to see behind all this. Behind the idea of thinking of the idea that thinking to the thinking. We must go straight through and see what's there. It is not something I just invented - it is entirely possible. What happens if we succeed? When we become free. Free from all notions of what the world should be, whom we ourselves are, from all the constraints we now live. Only when we understand what it means to have real love, not to a person or thing, but to everything. When we understand what real intelligence and knowledge is, and what the word togetherness really means. I sat at my desk in front of the computer, and suddenly I got an insight into what the article/quote actually meant - which resulted in a flashing transpersonal peak experience. Previously I had Krishnamurti as an role model, an ethical authority, I had looked up to him because I myself have not had any clear ideals in my upbringing. I had appricheated his deep emotional seriousness - he was never sentimental, but instead always radiated a very strong sense of integrity. (This kind of integrity is also radient of conspiracy theorist David Icke, check him out :) ). Krishnamurti also had an ability to give me answers for very fundamental questions in life - I had never in my life had any strong intellectual or spiritual relationship to any adult or mentor. It was precisely the truthfulness conveyed in Krishnamurti, that I myself, had felt all my life up to that point (due to my upbringing, free of psychological demands or repression), the will of following your inner voice, and through this attunement to take a position in a social context based on your highest ideals mediated from that inner voice. Moreover, I appreciated Krishnamurti's constant truthfulness - the willingness to inquiry into the “truth”, by setting aside conditioned normative assumptions and/or beliefs of the conditioned mind. Anyway, my respect for him was highly idealized (in good and bad), but it was the first time I got an practical insight into what theoretically often is called transpersonal consciousness. —————————————- Experience of Cosmic Consciousness —————————————- The experience itself was a flash of insight, an “aha!” experience, similar to that of understanding a joke or cracking a mathematical law. But this experience was an insight into that the “small self” (or “ego”), that the self was a socially conditioned construction, due to personal history. I felt that the keyboard in my hands was perceived as “just as much as I” like everything else I previously felt was me. I realized that everything in my senses, was just as much “I” as my body and my emotions, a kind of insight that my “experience of reality” was a projection, a stream which passed (and was “filtered”) through me before the “actual experience” was projected as “something outside me, not part of me” (and therefore “not me”), I realized the “constrution-ness” or “condition-ness” of “experience itself” as mediated (and “justified” or “compared” or “filtered”) through the (“morality” or “reality conception”) of the “small self”. This meant that I felt I had a feeling of not being able to “lose control” because everything was created by and thorogh the consent of the “small (conditioned) self”. (Another way to explain this, is that my “free will” (or subjectivity, or “will”) was essentially distorting my perception with an agenda of searching for patterns in the experience that was matching what was by my conditioning expected to have some kind of “agency” (ability to act), and therefore might have the potentiality to be hostile to my conditioning (acting as a shield)). This insight carried with it, the meta-cognition, or meta-understanding of the mechanics of primary emotions like fear and surprise. Surprise was an internal conflict between what “is” (i.e. perception) and what “should be” (i.e. conditioning) there is therefore a conflict between our expectation and that of what is (happening). The altered state persisted for 2 weeks, a period when I, for the first time in my life, was constantly, totally, fearless/doubtless and purely spontaneous. Everything that happened around me, was me, and it was “pure spontaneity” a kind of flow of constant-synchronicity with the environment-as-me, my action was always “perfect”, .i.e. my actions was always meeting the creative stream of perception with un-strained fluency. While I, at the same time, felt as acting as the center of the whole universe (but not in some kind of narcissistic way, since narcissism is the “constant battle” to submit our perception of other agencies to our conditioning in “desperate hope” of becoming the center of the universe (or “The Protagonist”, and not “a statist” of our own narrative or life-tale). Experience was effortlessly, since it was understanding, or insight, or meta-cognition of the mechanics of conditioning (as distorter of perception). This was a kind of absolute-relativism of me acting as the center of my perspective). Properties of this insight/state: 1. the “little self” as a socially conditioned construct, i.e. other peoples expectations and opinions about me/us have created an unconscious image/ideal we are constantly trying to live up to, unconsciously action out a role (trying to actualize the main archetype in our psyche), and that we also create these subconscious images of others in our “so called” relationships. No longer did my conditioning interact with others conditioning - I did act, as a soulful transparent being with immanent presence of changing circumstances. 2. the experience of perception as constructed by the mediation-of-me (mediation-of-ego). 3. centering of the universe from my own perspective or presence, with the intuitive understanding of the meaning of the universe (i.e. pure love, or bliss). 4. one immanent feeling of spontaneous play-of-love, no boundaries between subject and object - i.e. I and the world ex-isted (i.e. standing out, illuminated). 5. constant stream of creativity, synchronicity with all events. 6. a cessation of fear, surprise, confusion, I got an understanding of emotional meta-cognition or emotional pre-cognition, a way to describe it is that my “stream of consciousness” and “interpretation of it” no longer passed through “the filter” (amygdala?) that my meta-cognition was, so to speak, a new kind of neural pathway in my brain. 7. previous unknown knowledge I have never been in contact with, was sent to me via an “intuitive channel” (contact with some kind of previously subconscious(?) or collective subconsciousness(?), or a kind of quantum-physics-channel(?) opened in my brain, with information streaming from some other realm(?) or being(?)). Central to the pre-requirements, that lead to this experience: 1. Constant witness of daily events/experiences, and my action. 2. A basic trust in my own intuition, cognitive and emotional capacity to understand the world around me. 3. A basic positive view of human beings (that all people strife for goodness) and that everyone has a spark of god in their soul (maybe also a worldview of moral naivete with no marks of the shortcomings of cynical realism or repression of emotional faculties by previous trauma). 4. A central and explicit goal in life to attain enlightenment/liberation of suffering. 5. Good self-trust (awareness of actions, so that ignorant repelling reactions did not occur when unexpected events did arise, i.e. a kind of “meta-cognition” - to process any emotional content rational/conscious before they were are allowed to manifest as behavior). 6. An ethical worldview, fueled with altruistic ideal of morality, a willingness to help others (a problem with this I later have recognized: all ideals are based on conditioning, by parents and so on, so our own ideals also subconsciously defines our role in social context and therefore also indirect define other peoples roles and therefore we constraint other peoples behavior (and freedom) to account to our own ideal, our own ideals can therefore unconsciously for us, set demands on other people to relate to us in specific ways (limiting their freedom) - if we do not have clearly developed a sense of “independent integrity”, so to allow beings to be them-self in self-freedom - with no requirement for them to act in specific roles, i.e. loving them). The problem was that I, even though I read a lot about Zen and Krishnamurti, still was overwhelmed by this altered state. Due to my lack of developed integrity (i.e. maturation, or “personal self”, i.e. the insight that other peoples opinions and expectations always stand for “them-self”, and that we don't have any - what so ever - need of changing other people, i.e. we do not try to project roles to other people), I was trying to convince others around me that this state was the highest truth - that I i.e. was an “enlightened master” (a very rude claim ;) ). I experienced that I was “the all-incredibly-important-savior-of-humankind”. ;) When i acted out this ideal (in relation to myself), I simultaneously acted out a role of higher-human-being with the expectation that other people must act a submitting role to mirror my role. I had basically an entire internet forum against me, because my claim of “enlightened mastery”, and to others I was clearly a case of hybris ;), (Maybe you could argue that I did have a very stage-specific interpretation of this mystic experience, ála Wilber-Combs Lattice).Then finally, after two weeks of constant “meta-cognitive flow”, I got a small ounce of doubt due to interactions of other people, and this led to my entire mystical state, faded away. Clearly my insight was immature, but since I had no experienced spiritual practitioner to support me, or confirm me, my claims gathered a “mob of human rage” (mirroring my own divinity and hybris) that, humnity, in the end refused to play at my crazy terms. After I had “fallen”, I felt an enormous desperation, of wanting to “get there” again. Depressed with a kind of “ultimate abstinence” or “dread of separation”. This, I think, might be compared to someone who had taken heroine for the first time, and want to experience “it” again. I heard (and is to lazy to confirm it :) ) that the drug was named heroine, since the doctor who invented it, had observed that his client had started acting like “heroes” after getting injections of the drug. Traps: 1. Compulsive in trying to play the “helper role” (strong sense of femininity), demanding others to “submit” to my “help”. 2. Weak integrity, I failed to organize independence, due to lacking understanding of the “purely private nature of spirituality” (the insight that you can't “help” anyone else, unless they have given their own explicit agreement to trustfully submit to you, which doesn't mean it is a good thing to try to “help” anyone, since it demands alot of sacrifice and conscious, exclusive investment), and self-confidence to be independent, to stand on your own, against all kinds of external authorities. Ending notes: I listened a lot to the album “Behind The Music” (especially the song “Sister Surround”) by “Soundtrack of Our Lives” during my 2 week transpersonal trip. If you haven't heard the album, go get it! The problem with Krishnamurti, something I realized later, was that he strongly downtunes spiritual practice & discipline, and I realized later that it was precisely the lack of practice (among other things ;) ) that made me unable to anchor this state for a longer period of time. As a post-event-reflection, I have felt that this experience, (as inspiring it might me) probably did more harm than good to my life. Now, 5 years later, I have repressed most of the insights I had, because of many traumas that happened after this. But I also realize, that sharing this experience to you, here at Gaia, might just be “the right kind of action” that could bring meaning back to my life, and might help to heal my repressed wounds. With Love, Jimmy  |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessPangPå said Oct 10, 7:51 PM: |
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By the way, here is a recent picture of me :)  |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousness1Vector3 said Oct 11, 3:22 AM: |
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So which picture was you?? ROTFL !!!!!! |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessPangPå said Oct 11, 3:19 PM: |
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Thank you for your very kind response 1Vector3 |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessChristophe said Oct 11, 11:42 AM: |
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Oi, sweet fluffy rabbit, eh. welcome Jimmy. cool moustache of yours! :-D |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessPangPå said Oct 11, 3:23 PM: |
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Thank you for your welcomings (do you say so in English?), I will surely find my time here at Gaia be gratifying. |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Nov 19, 9:14 AM: |
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Buenas tardes a todos |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 12, 12:10 AM: |
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Integrale Wilkommen Bienvenue Welcome Parakallo poli Salam Uh Allei Koum Shalom Shanti Akuna Matata |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 13, 4:16 AM: |
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fides et ratio et panentheism regiam trans codificarum integralis |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 13, 4:24 AM: |
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sic transit gloria mundi |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 13, 5:20 AM: |
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ventosa totus est |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 13, 5:26 AM: |
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illegitimi non carborundum |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 13, 5:55 AM: |
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quis sum suus solutio in plenus pro suus quadrature ullus orbis procul Wilber |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 13, 7:05 AM: |
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Alter ipse amicus |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 14, 2:20 AM: |
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Ab esse ad posse valet, a posse ad esse non valet consequentia. |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 14, 5:16 AM: |
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non est vivere sed valere vita est |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 15, 6:29 AM: |
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Verus amicus amore more ore re cognoscitur |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 16, 6:18 AM: |
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Amor omnibus idem |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 17, 7:13 AM: |
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Amicus certus in re incerta cernitur. |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 18, 10:51 PM: |
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Medicus curat, natura sanat |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 19, 3:41 AM: |
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Vive Ut Vitas |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Dec 24, 2:18 AM: |
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“Άλλα λέει η γιαγιά μου, άλλα ακούνε τα αυτιά μου.” |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessNicole said Dec 24, 2:21 AM: |
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joyeux Noël et bonne annee mon cher ami! |
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Re: PangPå's experience of cosmic consiousnessxibalba said Sunday, 3:34 AM: |
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A bove maiore discit arare minor |
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