New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Hi everyone, 

Our other humour thread was getting very long, so I thought I’d start a new one with this Dharma the Cat cartoon I found in JoyBringer’s

blog:

Confessions of a TED addict ~ NYT, Virginia Haffernan

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Funny ;-) Here’s another:

Why Parents should check their kids homework

After the drawing was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:Dear Ms. Davis,I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This picture is of me selling a shovel.Mrs. Harrington

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

I think that one was in the other thread too. They are both great though. It sure looks like she’s on a stripper pole. lol

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Oh, thanks, Missy. The image doesn’t show up for me though so let me see if I can find it again - images have to be hosted somewhere on a website to show up, I have learned…

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

                                      Muscle Man

     A husband and wife had been married for many years. The husband had long since passed his prime and rarely exercised. He still liked to think of himself as a handsome, well built man. One day, his wife touched his belly, which had expanded several inches over the years, and said “Flabby”.

     The man took this statement to heart and resolved to do some-thing about it. He detested exercise. The next time he saw her hand move towards him he tensed his muscles. She didn’t say he was flabby. Over time, the man developed the habit of tensing up whenever his wife’s hand moved towards his body.

     One day the wife decided to test her husband.  She moved her hand towards his shoulder, he tensed up. It was rock hard. She moved her hand towards his arm. He tensed up there too, she giggled. She moved her hand to his buttocks, he tensed up there too. She giggled again. Her hand gently roamed toward the back of his thigh. He tensed up there too. She laughed.

Then, with a twinkle in his eye, he said “How do you like your muscle man?”

“I wish the man I was feeling was the man I was married to.” She replied with a smirk.

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Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

“Coolness” – What Is It?

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Life…… Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said:
‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said:

‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said:

‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’

But the human said:

‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

That’s too funny, Andrew! :):)

Hugs,

Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

I like that one! Got to send it to family members! Hugs!

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Claudia! Good to see you today!


DHARMA THE CAT SAYS: “Some things are better left unsaid!”

http://www.dharmathecatcartoons.com/

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

http://www.dharmathecatcartoons.com/

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

That site is great Nicole. Love it. And how are you doing? Now that I have a chance to get on here again. lol And Andrew those are funny too

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

I’m quite well, Naomi, it’s always great to see you.

Here’s some Tao for Nerds :)

http://www.edepot.com/taohumor.html


01

The tao that can be tar(1)ed
is not the entire Tao.
The path that can be specified
is not the Full Path. 
We declare the names
of all variables and functions.
Yet the Tao has no type specifier.
Dynamically binding, you realize the magic.
Statically binding, you see only the hierarchy. 
Yet magic and hierarchy
arise from the same source,
and this source has a null pointer.
Reference the NULL within NULL,
it is the gateway to all wizardry… 01

The tao that can be tar(1)ed
is not the entire Tao.
The path that can be specified
is not the Full Path. 
We declare the names
of all variables and functions.
Yet the Tao has no type specifier.
Dynamically binding, you realize the magic.
Statically binding, you see only the hierarchy. 
Yet magic and hierarchy
arise from the same source,
and this source has a null pointer.
Reference the NULL within NULL,

it is the gateway to all wizardry… here for full text 

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Here’s a union joke I just created:
 
Q: What part of your body is like a union that is on strike?
A: Your nose, becuase your are likely to pick it.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

argh! :) Thanks,

Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

That’s great. Especially for just made up. And hey Nicole how are you doing?

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Sleepy today, having a hard time prying myself off the couch to get to work :) hopefully this Brio Chinotto will help!


And you?


Here’s another one for you, from BodhiTree Creations:


WHAT U THINK

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

something like that :) thanks, dear Eli!


Back to the BodhiTree, where Karma has a close encounter with a bee :) 


LITTLE BUMBLE BEE

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

                                    Classroom Management

Mr. Dow, the Assistant Principal in charge of evaluating teachers entered the Principal’s office.

“How did your observation of Mr. Blake go today?” The Principal asked.

“I believe Mr. Blake needs to work on improving his classroom management skills.” said Mr. Dow.

“Oh,” said the Principal, “Why is that?”

“Well, after I was there for just a short time,” Mr. Dow said, “I noticed most of the students began throwing paper airplanes all around the room.”  He continued.

“Really,” said the Principal, “What was Mr. Blake doing during all this?” He continued.

“He was writing a problem on the chalkboard.” replied Mr. Dow.

“When I went up to Mr. Blake and informed him of the student’s activities, he responded in a way that told me instantly that he needs to improve his classroom management skills?” said Mr. Dow.

“What did he say?” asked the Principal.
“He told me that if I didn’t want to get hit, I had better duck.” replied Mr. Dow.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

LOL, Mr!




A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: “If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.” 



Source

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

That one is hilarious!! yep I wonder what the school teacher was doing. And I’m overwelmed and exausted Nicole lol although not as overwelmed lately

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Take it easy, and have a wonderful Valentine’s weekend, Naomi.


So let’s talk about love :)

It’s my fault, I married an accounting supervisor whose notion of accomplishing a task is delegating it to me.

This week she assigned me the chore of taking the cat to the vet.

I tried to point out, “It’s your cat…”

“Don’t even go there,” she warned.

It is a wrinkle that will never be ironed out of our relationship. Every couple of days she emerges from the laundry room with an observation, “The cat box needs cleaning.”

To which I respond, “I’ve noticed.”

“Well?” she says.

“It’s your cat,” I argue, “ergo, the cat box is also yours.”

She shakes her head no, “You are the one he loves.”

She has me there.

It’s her cat but it loves me, so I pay the price for this betrayal by scooping litter and taking him to the vet… more

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’ 
So he tied her up and went golfing.


 A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
 The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’
‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Just get out.’
 

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’ 
‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back.
‘I’m so tired of chardonay.


Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

—————————————————————————————————-

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,

‘I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.’

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,

‘You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.’

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Andrew, thanks (the two guys in the last one are so vivid!), and now let’s hear from the kids:

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”
“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)<BR>

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)

“Don’t forget your wife’s name…That will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the garbage.” (Randy, 8)

from Kids on the Subject of Love

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

(in the category: just arrived in my e-mail inbox)

The teacher in an adult Sabbath class asked a woman to read about the Israelites wandering in the desert:

She read, “The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!’  Now the Lord will give you meat.  You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month - until you loathe it.”

When the woman finished she paused, looked up and said, “Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Oh, very good, Eli!

Love,

Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

In a small town, the owner of Drummond’s Bar began  construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar  from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
 
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise in its reply to the court.
 
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, “I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Oh! Wonderful, Eli! LOL!

I found this, thought it looked like a good response :)

Prayer and God’s Sense of Humor 

Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc., but the kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

And that’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.

Unfortunately, as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went “boing!” and the kitten instantly sailed through the air and out of sight!

The pastor felt terrible! He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten. Nobody had spotted the poor little guy, so the pastor prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food … the woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, “Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?”

The woman replied, “You won’t believe this,” and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the woman finally told her, “Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.”

She told the pastor, “I watched my child go out in the yard, get down on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her!”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Hopefully, he’s still enjoying it too :)

Hugs,

Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Oh, my dear, Eli! :):)

Hugs,

Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot !”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Here’s a funny news item about someone else who talks too much:

Read the Story!


Hugs,


Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

hey they are all hilarious as always. Nice to read for a break from the craziness of life lol. 
Nicole how are you doing?
Peace
Naomi

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Naomi, I am well thanks! So, things are still crazy busy with you?

Here's another for you, then:

Where Did Pets Come From?

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

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Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Did you hear the one about the man who was an agnostic dislexic with insomnia?
For two years he couldn't sleep nights wondering if there really is a dog.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Eli and Mr, thanks for those.

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.


 ”God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!”




Lottery night! Someone else wins… Jock prays again. 




“God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!” 




Lottery night again! Still no luck.




Jock prays again: “Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!”




Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders: “Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

That is soooo cute!!!
I needed a good laugh today!
liz

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

I agree it is so cute and funny thank you so much needed that today. And I'm finally not crazy busy the semesters over for now.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

yay for end of semester, Naomi! Hope you find a good way to celebrate and relax. 

Humour is so important for our well-being, Liz. I'm glad this helped you and Naomi.

How about this one?

I'll Do It Myself

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that humans had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell God this.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we've decided that we no longer need You. We're at the point where we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't You just go on and get lost.”

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest.”

To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!”

“But,” God added, “we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem.”, and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go create your own dirt.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

WHOA!!!!
Here's a couple of my favorites.
A baptist, a Cathloic and a Christian Scinetist died and went to Hell.
The Devil went up to the Baptist –“Well how about it , boy?? What you doin' here?
The Baptist shurgged,”Wellll, somehow I blew it–so I'm here.”
Next the Devil went to the Cathloic. “So what's your story?”
The Cathloic smiled and said, “I'm not too worried. See, I have lots of people praying me out of here.”
Finally the Devil goes up to the Christain scinetist. “OK, how bout you?”
The Christian scientist just grinned and said. “Man, I'm not here!”

A Jewish man went to his rabbi with a problem.
“Oh rabbi you must help me! My son just became a Christain!”
“Funny you should mention that, ” the rabbi said, “my son just became a Christian too!”
“What can we do?, ” cried the distrught father.
The rabbi thought for a monent.
“We must take this problem directly to GOD!”
So they knelt down and the rabbi started to pray.
“OH Lord in Heaven, You must help us! Our sons have become Christians!
What can we do?”
Suddenly a light filled the room and a voice from Heaven thundered “FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT…..

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Thanks, Liz! :)

How about this one?

Good Sermon!After a very long and boring sermon the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons.”Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!” The pastor was thrilled. “No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why.” “Well - it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever!”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Senior Dress code

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combination DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
7. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
8. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
9. Bikinis and liver spots
10. Mini skirts and varicose veins

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Colourful contrasts, Eli! :)

Here's a good one:

A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the “uppity”. Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, “I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church.”

The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, “Did you get a different answer?”

The man replied, “Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

This guy joined new job. On first day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what he did till evening.
” Oh, the keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright”, he replied.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Oh my! :) Could you imagine? Here's another one:

Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon.

“How do you know what to say?” she asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”


:) Hugs,


Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Boss Asks Employee: “Do you believe that there is Life After Death?”
Employee: “Certainly not, there's no proof of it”, he replied.
Boss: “Well, there is now.  After you left early yesterday to go to your brother's funeral, he came here looking for you.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Very good Eli! 

Hugs,

Nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Museum Administrator, “That's a 500-year-old statue you have broken..”
Visitor, “Thank God! I thought it was a new one.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

What a relief! :)

God is talking to one of his angels.

He says, “Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.” 

The angel says, “What are you going to do now?” 

God says, “Call it a day.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Nice one both Eli and Nicole. Nicole did you make that one up? haha it's very good. And how'd your birthday go? Glad I could be a part of it in a small way.

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Oh, no, Naomi, I find all these jokes online, glad you liked it!

My birthday was lovely thanks and I too am delighted you joined in.

Ready for another set of jokes? Letters to God from kids: from here

Dear God,
please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda

Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Joyce

Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet



God,
I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison

Dear God,
how did you know you were God? Who told you?
Charlene

Dear God,
is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?
Anita

Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family
and I can never do it.
Nancy

Dear God,
I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really told some good ones. I like walking on water, too.
Glenn

Dear God,My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis

Dear God,
do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?
Nathan

Dear God,
did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

Dear God,
In Bible times, did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer

Dear God,
how come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?
Billy

Dear God,
please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.
Peter

Dear God,
maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother.
Larry

Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget.
Mark

Dear God,
My brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say?
Marsha

Dear God,
if you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Barbara

Dear God,
is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business?
Donny

Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God.
Charles

Dear God,
it is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon?
Jeff

Dear God,I am doing the best I can. Really !!!!
Frank

Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool.
Thomas

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one 
evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request 
to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, 
Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years 
and, clearly, they were still very much in love.


While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, 'I 
think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your 
wife those loving pet names'.


The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 
'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask what her name is.'

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

oh dear! :)

Dog prayers:

Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story? 

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle? 

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? 

Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad? 

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. 

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in? 

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street. 

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? 

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? 

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

astonishing! :)

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Those are hilarious thanks for the laughs, hehe. And glad I could finally check it again. how are you and your sister doing nicole?

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

good thanks! my mom just got back from toronto where she'd seen her - she is doing a lot of teaching and stuff but in a different setting from where she normally works so is finding it a nice change.

love,

nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Why do we…

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

just one of the many puzzles about the English language! hugs,

nicole

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

I had never thought of that very interesting there's a lot of other things I bet that make no sense in the english language

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Here are a  couple of really cute jokes that I read in Deepak Chopra's “Why is God Laughing?”

God and the Devil were argueing over the fence between Heaven and Hell.
“I have been keeping my part of the fence repaired, but look at yours!
It's a mess!”
The Devil said, “Well, What are you going to do about it?”
God said, “If I have to, I will get a lawyer and sue you.”
The Devil laughed, “Where are you going to get a lawyer?”

An athiest was out swimming when suddenly he say a great white shark swimming twards him.
“OH GOD! HELP ME!, He cried.
The heavens opened up and a voice thundered,  “HOW CAN I HELP YOU WHEN YOU DON”T BELIVE IN ME?”
“Well then make the shark belive in you!”
“SO BE IT!”
The heavens closed but the great white kept coming closer. Suddenly the shark stopped, folded his fins together and said, ” For what I am about to recive, I think you Dear Lord.”

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Why does….

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

I like work ….

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

That's great Eli I love it.  look at work? I wonder how much gets done? haha thanks for the laughs

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'   


Husband:       'Sure! What are my choices?' 
 Wife:          'Yes or No'

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

HAHA!! that's great! i love it Eli! :)

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

Re: New Humour Thread: Dharma the Cat and other joys

those are great Eli!! How is everyone? Nicole how have things been?