Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.


Q. What did God say after creating Adam 
A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? 
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? 
A. A widow.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common? 
A. They are all married.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? 
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. How does a man change a roll of toilet paper? 
A. No one knows - we’ve never seen it done!

Q. What do men consider foreplay? 
A. Half an hour of begging

Q. What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? 
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? 
A. Sexual harassment. 
Q. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? 
A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. How can you tell if a man is excited? 
A. He’s breathing.

Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? 
A: Because a woman who can’t afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Men Are Just Happier People — (sent to me by a lady friend)

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

(You can wear NO shirt to a water park.)

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress - $5000. Tux rental - $100.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes: one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.