The Way I See It!

    This is a recent posting on my blog I composed while musing on approaching, if not stumbling upon middle age.  En-Joy!!!

      As I look at 40 in less than six months, I have gained a certain amount of wisdom and ignorance along my life's meander.  All in all, it's been a fruitful and rewarding life.  If any of you younger folks are reading this, let it be a lesson to you!  My metabolism decided that it would be really funny if it would come to a screeching halt at age 25.  I used to be able to eat a large pizza in one sitting and still remain a svelte 145!  Now I look at a picture of a pizza and my ass is a voluminous 145!  I keep my weight under 170 by running after my children and eating lettuce, multigrain toast and pictures of chocolate cake.  

     Here is a little list of wisdom and foibles gained in these four short decades. 

Life - It's kinda like a good bed.  Make it real nice and wash the covers once a week.

Kids - Love 'em while their home.  Miss 'em when their not.  Be firm and frank with advice.  And make sure that you were nice enough to them so that when it comes time to, they will be changing your diapers!

Sex - If you got some, that's good.  If you didn't, that's alright too, as what you don't know won't kill you.  But if you got it only once….I suggest cosmetic surgery.

Work - Any job that doesn't have a ceiling is a good job.  Be patient and work hard and honest, and someday you will be the asshole boss!  Count on it!

Family - You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.  Some members are good, some are OK, and some are well, the stuff of talks at the Thanksgiving table.  How you act in family social functions will determine the types of rumors started about you.  If you are married, I suggest staying away from the alcohol.  If you are single, I suggest staying away from family social functions. 

Meditation - Sometimes I sits and thinks.  Other times I just sits.

Restroom - See Meditation.

Marriage - After nearly sixteen years married to the same woman, I can honestly say that I believe in the constitution: my wife's!  I am alive, therefore I am a good husband.

Household Chores - That silver roll of sticky stuff fixes everything.  Duck It and F*@k It!

Car Maintenance - Same thing.

Hobbies - The older I get, the safer they become.  I figure by the time I am 65 I will be heavily involved with something that requires a padded seat and orthopedic footwear.  Full contact sport fishing maybe or arm wrestling for the melon baller.

Religion - I figure anything that is done routinely is a religion.  We're all fanatics!  I myself am a staunch fundamentalist whiner.  Just ask my wife!

Movies - I am pretty much deaf after the THX sound promo so I just make up the dialogue as I watch the film.  Keanu Reeves actually said something interesting the other day instead of being in his “Own Private I Don't Know”.  Great fun!

Holidays - The designated days on your calendar which determine whether or not, according to your behavior, your children will take care of you when you are old and feeble.

Laxatives - Your only revenge in your old age. 

Fruit - See above

Cheese - Your children's revenge in your old age.

Vacation - The act of controlled chaos that ensues when one decides that a break from the work-a-day world is needed.  It usually involves gas station food, vehicle problems, family mediations, constipation, high park and hotel fees, small towels, purchasing souvenieurs that will be broken before returning home, realizing you left the coffee maker on at mile 350, listening to your kids' music for hours on end, and an average of six bottles of antacids.  When the vacation is over, you return to work to relax.

Television - Save your money and throw a spoon in the microwave.

Fitness - The human body's fitness level is easily gauged by the food it is currently taking in for nourishment.  No food should be harder than the body consuming it.  It's a good rule I think.  I'm sustaining myself on mashed potatoes and cotton.

Fiber - Two to Three grams per meal is the suggested intake.  Not the picket fence I see some people eating.  I saw one guy's meal the other day at my local whole foods store and his plate looked like a Logging Show.  I hope he washed it down with a shot of Liquid Plumber!

Sports - People who willingly eat the mystery jello molds at pot lucks.

Sadists - The people who make the mystery jello molds at pot lucks.

Entrepreneurs - Inventors of jello.

Pets - Anything that takes up more space in bed than you and the wife combined and leaves a wet spot that you cannot claim responsibility for can be construed as a pet.  Important note:  not to be confused with kids.  Although it can be hard to tell the difference at times.

Alcohol - Any embibed fermented liquid substance that is a potential catalyst for pets or kids. 

Dessert - If you had a long meditation this morning, last night's dessert was probably not good for you. 

Cars - Should all be taken behind the barn and shot!

Horse - The thing that thumbs it's nose at the gas pump.

Feet - What a weary ass is thankful for when it's tired of sitting.

Junkfood - Anything that tastes good.

Healthy food - My current breakfast cereal is called something like Crunchy Bits Of Branny Twiggy Granola And Grass.  This stuff is so dry it will suck the spit out of your brain…ooog.

Death - The reward of making it through one bowl of my breakfast cereal.

     And that is how I see it this week.  Next week, with a new prescription of bifocals, I may see it differently!

E Buzz outtie!

Re: The Way I FEEL It! :)

Erik,
this IS thought-kicking, hilarious and pure fun! No wonder you are Buzzzing all the time!
We are SO glad that you are alive, still in your thirties, mditatingly fit, NOT single and Happily employed with spare time to share your lessons with a bunch of joy-hungry strangers :)

I am almost speechless, your sense of humor is serious matter. You should consider a career change or at least a retirement hobby as comedian :)

Thank you for making me belly laugh today. It is such a great start of my b-day week!
Merci beaucoup for reigniting my JOIE DE VIVRE in my thirties!

Fully enJOYing & Learning from YOU!
Keep the lessons and fun flowing,
Darina

Re: The Way I See It!

Since I am an avid fan of Red Green, that was priceless.  My mother is pure Finnish from Da U.P. eye!  We are yoopers by heritage.  Duck tape was everyhwere for me growing up.

My Mom hails from Chassel MI near Houghton and Hancock (MI Tech).  

My Grandpa used to ask us when we five kids would visit:

Doo Ya want to go to da Pamida eye? (that was all there was up there then)

We grew up eating pasties (I now make them with the kids) and watching various relatives duck tape the hell out of things.  Hilarious.

Us trolls who live under the bridge (mackinaw) have a ting or too to learn about duct tape my grandpa used to say…

WatchEscanaba in Da Moonlight with Jeff Daniels.  He is also from MI (Near me in Chelsea about 30 miles from Ann Arbor area) 

Say Ya 2 Da UP hey!

I have been married for 12 years and survived my kids budding teenage years.  I give this advice for parents of teenagers,

always have money to throw at them and run…

If they are girls (my two are) always have chocoloate, Pamprin and Mydol in the house.

Never assume they are too young to plan something you wont know about…

Make sure your younger ones (my son is 10) are not left home alone too long with two teenage girls (they may paint his nails and do his hair)

Make sure you and your spouse are conversant in the terminiology of the day…

Shop at the mall with them at their favorite stores (my girls love Hot Topic and Ma Alive one is goth one is hip hip, think Baby Phat Kimora Lee's line of clothing) so you know what they like when shopping at Xmas…

Keep your door locked at night to avoid lenghty explanantions in the AM.

Know where your car keys are at all times

When you get in your car, immediately adjust the volume… 

Tee Hee.. 

Stace 

Re: The Way I See It!

Sorry the store name is Man Alive not Ma ALive  that would be a store for mom's to hide in when shopping whith kids…

Zaadz Ad No. 10: Bad Ass Zaady Love Comets!!

Zaadz comets gently knocking some Loving sense into the hearts of millions!

E Buzz outtie!

Re: The Way I See It!

Hey Stacey!

     I am a huge Red Green fan myself.  And I have seen Escanaba In The Moonlight with Jeff Daniels.  One of the weirdest characters I have ever seen is Jabber!!  Duct Tape Rules!!  And I am also an avid fan of the comedy song group Da Yoopers!!  “The Second Week In Deer Camp” hits too close to home. eeeeeeeeeeeP!!!  Well thanks for all the cool words!  Now go visit a Nagani Pops for me and have a cupple beeers!

E Buzz outtie!!

A Joyful Summer Song

Here's a Summery feeling pop song called Rainy Day Wishin' I wrote about yearning for my home in the sun but living in my Wife's home here in the rain.  Whine, whine, whine.  No cheese!

E Buzz musical!

Re: The Joy of Summer & Music :)

Erik,

What would summer be without you/r joy and music? :) Thank you for sharing this.
Is it just me for I was unfortunately unable to hear your song even if I opened your web site’s main page, but nothing beyond it… :)

And for those of us who want to take JOY in SUMMER & MUSIC altogether here are several wonderful songs to enJOY meanwhile…

The ethereal “Last Rose of Summer” by Celtic Woman
http://play.napster.com/track/14137669

The new flamenco delight “Summer of Joy” by Ottmar Liebert
http://play.napster.com/track/12169599

The all time classic “In the Summertime” by Mungo Jerry… :)
http://play.napster.com/track/15276693

EnJOY, sing, dance and just tune in or out :)
Darina :)

Re: The Joy of Summer & Music :)

Click on the link for streaming once you are on the music page!  Just drag your cursor all over the text.  You'll see what I mean.  There are two links.  One downloadable and the other streaming.  Enjoy!

When E Buzz Was "Icarus"

   

      About four years ago, I was composing and publishing Techno/Worldbeat or Technorganic for the local clubs and radio stations here in Humboldt County under the moniker of Icarus.  I had a blast doing it and loved working with the great big phatty beats and synth sounds combined with indigenous instruments, chanting and hand drumming.  I might do some more someday.  Anyhoo, here is the first that I will post on here in a list of a half dozen or so that I have selected as “worthy” for re-release.  This one is called Welt Elektronik and is sort of a Four On The Floor, Worldbeat, German Industrial, fast paced, club favorite.  This one got lots of club play for about 5 months.  Again, it was a total kick in the pants doin' it.  As usual, enjoy!

E Buzz B-cuz!                         Rave you monkeys, Rave!!!!!!

Re: When E Buzz Was "Icarus" - Keep Flying/BuZZINg/Creating! :)

Hey multitalented EBuzz aka Eric fka Icarus,

Way cool - you made for a surprising techno dance pause and pleasure!
I even danced the song away in some interesting literal/virtual trance move/s… :)

You have to open your gift box of creations and share more…
And listen to Dedalus once in a while for we want to keep you flying for a looooong time!

And zBUUZZZIINNNG too,
Darina :)

Re: When E Buzz Was "Icarus" - Keep Flying/BuZZINg/Creating! :)

Thanx Darina!  More Icarus coming.  I promise!

E Buzz B-cuz!

Hey Y'all! Have Another Shot Of Icarus!

     This was another Industrial Techno club favorite as it has big phat Trip Hoppy beats and bizarre synths and is also very long (about ten minutes).  This also got played on KSLG which is rare for a long song to get air time on the radio.  It is also very tantric as every other lyric is sexual inuendo and the background is peppered with the satisfied moaning of a woman in the throes of orgasmic bliss.  Some of my friends said it had a Nine Inch Nails flavor.  I could be compared to worse I guess!  Save for the sounds of the lucky woman, everything you hear is yours truly.  So without further adieu, I give you Holy Man.


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E Buzz B-cuz!!