Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

This is one I'd love to attend - because of the presenters - and because Denise lives there and we could visit and talk into the late hours of the night about any and everything.  Sadly, this doesn't seem possible to me at this time in my life - perhaps some day.

The conference is called Celebrate Your Life.  Among my favorite speakers and heavy-weight workshop presenters is the Rev Michael Bernard Beckwith (whose new book Spiritual Liberation is my current spiritual growth guide and one I will be discussing more in depth here - I may even create a separate thread, so useful do I find his perspective and the clarity of his metaphysical thinking).  Also, there will be Bruce Lipton (The Biology of Belief), Elizabeth Lesser (Seeker's Guide and one of the sources Oprah used for her A New Earth web class) and Neale Donald Walsch (Conversations with God).

In addition, other names you might know are - Dr Christiane Northrup, James Van Praagh, Robert Holden, PhD, Caroline Myss, Brian Weiss MD, Cheryl Richardson, Sonia Choquette, Alan Cohen, Dr Joe Dispenza, John Holland, Debbie Ford, Dr Darren Weissman, Karen Drucker, Barry Goldstein, Mark Anthony Lord, KC Miller and Michael Traub.

The conference will be held at The Westin Lombard Yorktown Center in Lombard IL.  You can call 866-716-8104 for reservations.  The website is http://www.CelebrateYourLife.org.

Cost is broken out for Main conference (Sat & Sun) and/or pre-conference (Fri).  Cost for the Main conference is $375, if you sign up by Apr 24th, and it goes up to $480, if you don't sign up until the day of the conference.  Pre-conference (Fri) only is $155 up to $175 depending on when you register, and if added to the Main conference is $120, up to $160.

Oh, Denise, this is one my heart certainly would do and then I could see you, too.  Maybe next time …

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

This is not far from me Deb. About 45 minute drive from my house. In the Chicago area, that's good! LOL You could stay with me if you want to attend. I have 3 dogs if you don't mind dogs. They don't mind people! hehehe
I might be able to attend one of the days.

Usually the first Sunday in June is the Cancer Survivor Day at Brookfield zoo. That's always fun too.

If you change your mind, my door is always open for ya!

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

That really sounds like a good one!  We're so fortunate that these types of conferences are starting to be held in so many places. YAY!

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I will start posting a journal of my experience here.  For a warm-up, here is a video (just click the play button, on the black box, to get it going), I discovered at the CYL Facebook group.  It will give you an idea of what the conference is like. In this video, are included Gregg Braden and Marianne Williamson, among others.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

It's contagious even from the screen!
Wouldn't mind at all coming along!
The way I've been feeling lately, I could really use such a boost.

Cant wait for you to tell us all about it.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I registered for free tickets.  Doubt I'd win them, I never win stuff like that.  But if I did, I would “give” them to you.  Of course, then the challenge would be, how to get here.  I might even be able to let you sleep in our “sitting” room at the motel.  Oh, well, I can dream.  I'd love to spend time with you in person.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

OMG even the thought of that gives me a lift.

I haven't been able to think  beyond that I wish i wasn't feeling that tired all the time.  I do sleep enough hours so i dont know whats wrong. Just hoping it passes.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Sending you vital energy. ;-}

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Well, I surprise even myself.  My lifestyle is casual in the extreme.  So, today I added a top, a couple of shorts and a light jacket (recommended by the conference and something I've never had need of) plus a couple more camisoles (as I have rarely worn a bra, since I turned 18).

But what really surprised me, is that for the first time in almost 20 years, I bought make-up.  Hope I made good choices on those.  I just thought, might as well feel special and good about myself; while I'm making the most of it.

But the authentic me is shaking her head at such behavior.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I like it and my authentic me is giggling…….

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

When I talked to my sister (13 mos younger) recently; she surprised me by saying she had been on a diet and lost over 30 lbs.  My sister has never struck me as the kind to diet, just always thin, guess I didn't know.  Anyway, she said she lost the weight on Prevention's Flat Belly Diet (subtitle - A Flat Belly Is About Food & Attitude.  Period.  [Not A Single Crunch Required]).  I am very impressed so far.  It does seem very do-able.

She said if you like Avocados & Peanut Butter, you would like this diet - well, I do, so I bought the book and it arrived late last week.  It has a 4 Day Jumpstart and I had just enough time for a 4 Day Diet before leaving for Chicago.  I've been holding in the high 120s-low 130s since my last diet but I've really been eating too many of the kid's sweet snacks and need more structure.  I'd be very happy to drop 6-10 lbs (the later would be thinner than I've been in a very long time).

Like many diets, it has it's own “special magic water” recipe.  I didn't think I would like it but it was very refreshing and tastes pretty good.  24 oz water, 1/2 tsp grated Ginger, 1/2 med Cucumber thinly sliced, 1 med Lemon thinly sliced and 6 Mint Leaves - left overnight in the fridge to steep.  Drink 4 times a day.

Day 2 (Sunday), I got pretty hungry but I'm really making this an exercise in mindfulness.  Instead of eating breakfast & lunch on the run; I sitting outside on the front or back porch, in the quiet, meditating and thinking about my food and other stuff, chewing well.  There are little “tips” by each meal.  By The breakfast tip this morning was “I'm doing this diet for me”, repeated mantra-like with each bite.  That is the truth and it is good to be mindful of that, too.

So, hopefully, my weight will be down a tiny bit for my Chicago arrival.  I just want to really “celebrate my life” and self, for a few days and absolutely, I intend to get all the maximum benefit I can, from all the effort it took to get an OK to go, in the first place.

I won't worry about “diet” while I'm there but the food sounds healthy enough.  I'll do another 4 Day Jump Start when I return and then try the “actual” long term diet after that.  Maybe 2-4 weeks, is all I could possibly need to get into the low 120s.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

As is normal for us, I am still not packed at 9:30am on Wed and some minor business issues may yet need to be attended to.  We have some errands to do as well, as we travel north.  My only hope is to make Springfield IL tonight and that should be do-able as long as we leave by 3pm ;-}  LOL  Such is the way with us.

I am taking books, by the authors I've read, to be signed.  One is a CD set for Bruce Lipton - can such be signed?  I guess I'll find out.  I'll take my player and try to refresh my memory before his workshop.I almost forgot that part about signing opportunities for attendees.  

I'll post updates here as I am able.  Otherwise, I'll share when I return and perhaps do a personal blog as well.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

I just got home.  I thought it would take 2 days but we were all ready to return, I suppose.  I hardly know where to begin.  I have so much material and I will go back over my journal and post here, how it unfolded, allowing my notes to jog my mind about other stuff I probably should have written down but did not.

I feel so much lighter than when I left.  I am happier and centered.  I can feel that the “energy” intensity of the conference has diminished.  2,000 spiritual beings, + or - a few, generate an amazing field.  Reintegrating into my tenses - past, present & future - an idea from Beckwith's lecture, is interesting.  I'm in a new place.  I have amazing new perceptions and tools to carry me forward and much homework to do.

I have not been really happy for some time.  I didn't know what was wrong.  My son cameoed me in one of his movies, in my workspace one day, and I was shocked by the “living dead” woman I saw, when I watched it later.  What had happened to me?  How could I get back to that basically happy, optimistic person? I had been 15-20 years ago (if not more recently).  Why was I so angry all of the time with my kids?  Why, why, why.  I reminded my husband he rarely saw anger in me before the kids were born.

It's not that I've answered of all those questions, and in some ways I have, and new insights will probably keep unfolding.  So, now you understand my “lighter, happier” comments.  In Elizabeth Lesser's workshop, I experienced my own death.  I had good images to work with, thanks to my in-laws.  Not to worry, it isn't my time, I'm clear.  But I “realized” the level I'm on in my higher self and it has changed me - significantly.

I lost alot of fears and gained alot of confidence from being at the conference.  I got an inspired answer that I've been searching for this morning.  It keeps coming to me in my meditations that I have some kind of sharing to do that will literally change the quality of my life in a very good way.  It has terrified me though.  I have feared having to give up my family to follow the call of spirit but in my latest vision of that, my husband and sons are happily with me.  I bring this up to set the stage for what has happened to me just today.

First, when I re-united with my family last night after being pretty much absent from their lives (leaving before they woke, tired at night and barely able to say Hi, I'm going to sleep now), my children immediately noticed the difference.  “Are you just happy to see us again?”  “Did you just miss us that much?” my older son said.  Yes, I answered but really in my heart I knew they were seeing the fundamental change in me.  

This morning I took my family to breakfast in the nice restaurant at the conference motel where we did not stay.  A couple stopped me on the way out the door and said my children were delightful and that their spirits shine.  I loved to hear that of course.  It was the only indication really that a conference had taken place and I doubt my husband realized what they were saying or why - he had stepped some distance ahead of us.  He may not have even heard.

All morning I just felt so very happy.  Nothing bothered me.  I got my answer to what it could possibly be that I would have to share that other's are not already doing in such settings - Anger - and how to come to terms with it, integrate it, transmute it, use it as Divine Indignation even, at times.  Am I ready to start teaching such?  No.  It is time to study now - my life, other's anger when I witness it, books, whatever.  I am happy to get that perspective and time frame more clearly now.  So, that was this morning.

This afternoon came heavy relationship time.  I won't try to share all the words, it isn't possible.  But the honest authenticity of it was something that has never happened in my 20 years of marriage.  My husband began by indicating that he thinks my on-line, non-business, non-family internet time is wasteful.  Not that he said “wasteful” but it was clear that he resented it and thought I should cut it out of my life.  Not to worry, I won't, but that wasn't the end of it.

At first, I admitted that some time management and re-prioritizing and balancing could be in order.  What one of us has not wondered if we have a useless computer addiction?  We talked of many business related things and strategies and it was all good and we needed that.  It seems the only time we can really talk is when we're in the car and the kid's are watching videos.

Later, it came up again.  I surprise myself a bit when I realize how much clearing the air I have accomplished today.  We really talked about my spirituality.  He can't “see” it, he doesn't believe it.  He doesn't need it nor does he need an on-line community.  He admitted at times, it has been useful, such as my mom's group and other family related uses we have put the internet to.

I told him directly that this is how I have been since very young, at least 10 or 12.  I told him I was that way when he met me, that he knows that and that it is a part of me and just as I accept that it is not his path, it is mine.  I'm can't, won't, change that.  I think it was hard, for both of us to get so real and honest with each other.  We talked a bit about what I mean by spirituality and I put it in the easier ways that I could, that he might understand.  I acknowledge how loving it was that he could allow me to do the conference when it made absolutely no sense to him.

He indicated there could be a point, if spirituality consumed me too much, that it could threaten our relationship.  Perhaps, it was a bit more vague and not that direct but the implication was there.  I told him that I don't plan to go anywhere and then I talked about unconditional love - that I have it for him but his love for me is conditional and that is okay, I accept it, I know that.  I won't leave but he could put me out.  I would leave space for him, perhaps he would realize he wanted me back, perhaps not.  That the kids would stay with him because they need a strong father, more than a loving mother.  Our marriage is not over, it is not even in jeopardy, but the stakes and risks are laid out now.

I indicated that I always seek balance - among my responsibilities and how I allocate my time.  I don't think I would ever allow spirituality to consume me (he brought up yogis, etc).

At one point, because it was scary for me to be so honest and I could feel the emotional energy, I felt my heart constrict.  I took some good deep breaths (thanks to practicing it often throughout the intensity of the conference) and openned my heart back up again.

I choose Love.  I choose Happiness.  I choose authenticity.  More later.

Deb

  

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Dear Deb,

When I first read this post I knew i wanted to reply on it, but it was late and I was tired so I thought I'd better come back later.
So many things go through my head when I read this post. At first your openess about such private issues as your marriage and how you are sharing these with us, and all your feelings and your growing. Deep bows to you Deb.  I feel for myself eventhough I'm very open in many ways,  I'm more restricted in sharing my deep emotional feelings and thoughts.  I do share sometimes a bit here and there and through poetry,  but a lot has been going on emotional for me the last 6 months, somethings very very difficult and it's been very hard for me to communicate it and it's not that I dont want to share, it's just hard for me. And I have no idea with whom to share because everyone always seems to have their own pain and  troubles and I don't want to come with my “stuff” then. I recently realized this is an old pattern I have, I also think i know where it comes from. So I always struggle through a lot of stuff alone. Yak.
Anyway, so I really respect your openess, I mean you've always shared a lot but your marriage is quite a private thing.
Eventhough I don't know your husband, the things he brought up don't really surprise me at all. It might all feel as a threat to him and all he was familiar too. You are changing and that will affect everything, but I think your vision might be right and it will affect things positively ultimately.
But changes are scary, it can be scary enough for the ones who go through them but even more so  for someon who “doesn't believe in spirituality” .
But it cannot be other than influence all the people you are so close and interwoven with, and it all might be a very great things for all of you, it's just that “stuff” needs to be faced now and that's exactly what seems to happen.
Yes when you're in such a great inspiring energy field, it gets you such a high but always when we come back home, it has to settle and integrate into our everyday life. And since you are such a spiritual devoted soul I'm sure that things will fall into place, it might not always be easy and bring lots of challenges but you're strong and capable and have a big heart.
It's very coureagous of you to mention the anger, a lot of socalled “spiritual” people don't want to hear that or deal with that or with any what they call “negative” emotion, but it's al there, every emotion waiting for us to be acknowledged and then we can grow from it and redirect the energy, let it change us. Every emotion is always an indication for something to look at that can serve our spirits. Anyway, I might learn something from you because I do get angry but not so easily and I have no idea  if that is because I'm just not so angry or because I sublimize it. What I come accross personally  is deep sadness rather than anger. I've looked at that in so many ways from so many angles and i've never “figured it out”.
Anyway, thank you for sharing, I'm looking forward to more.
Hugs your friend,
Lucienne

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Lucienne,

Friend of my heart.  How I wish you could have been there with me, and I thought of you while there, so in spirit, of course you were.

It is practice for me.  Somehow.  To share so much.  Time will tell …

Hugs-
Deb

PS - always feel free to write me publically.  I promise, if you remind me it is sensitive and private, it goes no further.  I can imagine you might be concerned regarding that.

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Lucienne,

I just had to laugh out loud at myself - I meant

“always feel free to write me privately” in you want a compassionate heart to listen.

Too funny, and I think knowing me, you know why.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

These are a few highlights of my personal experience, that I probably did not put into my journal.  Of course, there was meeting Denise / flowerchild.  We had coffee at Borders.  The next day (Friday), we were in different workshops.  I was in Neale Donald Walsch's.  I saw a “slow” moment opportunity to get my Home with God book about Death signed, during the morning break.  Walsch's new book - When Everything Changes, Change Everything - he says, summarizes the 3,000 pages of Conversations with God down to the essence within 300 pages.  So, I admitted that my book was the only one of his I had read and now, I could just skip over the rest and read the new one.  He felt very strongly that I should read Conversations With God Book 1 at least.  So, I will buy both when I get the chance.  He seemed surprised that Home with God was my first book of his, he said “You started with this book?”

He has a beautiful new wife with a beautiful smile and wonderful energy.  She writes the most heart inspiring poetry and has a book coming out soon.  Her name is Em Claire.  Her website is http://www.emclaire.com.

Denise and I were able to get together over lunch on Friday and a young man who was sitting in front of me at the NDW workshop, I believe his name was Tom, and he was from Minnesota, joined us. (Tom, if you come here and read, just know I'm terrible with names, when they are all new and I don't get alot of repetition, to lock them into my brain.)

Anyway, Denise and I talked a bit about Gaia over lunch.  We touched on melting hugs and I told Tom a bit about Gaia, as it felt like the right thing to do, and as an Ambassador, seemed like I should.  Later, in the afternoon as part of our day long workshop, we had a special meditation (I'll get into that more, when I share notes from that highly interesting workshop).  Towards the end of that, I got a message that I should offer Tom a melting hug before we left the room.  So, at the end of the workshop, I told him I had been inspired to offer him that, in my mediation, “Would you like a melting hug?” and he said “Sure”.  

As I hugged him for awhile, and then began to soften to let go, I could feel that he continued to hold me tightly and so, I just let the hug continue until he was ready to release me and then, thanked him for “allowing me” to give him a hug.

That night, our keynote speech was by Dr Christiane Northrup (currently, being raked over the coals by Newsweek along with Oprah).  She is a hoot - really.  I love her authentic self.  She explained to us that our bones, and even our ligaments, are crystalline.  We did a wonderful meditation where 2,000 crystals (participants) did a Divine Love Healing meditation.  We were told we could choose to send, receive and do both.  I'll tell you more about that later, but at the end she had us all stand up, and do a bump and grind - cool.  I noticed how sensuously a black woman in front of me made her moves (we were to re-connect over lunch on Sunday and it came about that I shared with her Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness program, which had already been mentioned to her a couple of times before).  It was noticing those moves that caused me to approach her to tell her how inspirational they had been to encourage me to let myself go and get into it.

The next morning I got up early to do a mix of Tai Chi and QiGong before the conference started.  During the morning's panel discussion, I sat next to a woman who I seemed to resonate with strongly.  Just before I left for the conference, Halal (here at Gaia), had privately suggested to me - twice - that is strongly for her, that I needed a personal coach.  I think she is right about that now.  Spirit brought me close interaction with 3 of them during the conference.  I wrote her a personal email today to see if this possibility is viable for me.

On my way to the first workshop after the panel discussion, Michael Bernard Beckwith “materialized” right in front of me in a hallway.  Someone stopped to talk to him, and then he went on alone, browsing the vendor tables.  In a moment that I was just behind him and he wasn't otherwise occupied, I said softly “Michael” and he turned around.  I told him about the Life Visioning weekly meditations I had been doing using his guided meditation CD.  I thanked him, for it had helped to get me there, and told him I would be in both of his workshops, that I was sure that even if they were the same, they would be different.  He said something to me that seemed odd at that time “I wonder what that will be about”.  We parted.  I did not want him to think I would be a bother or invade his personal space in any intrusive way.  I was over the moon that it had happened.

Over Saturday's lunch, I made the acquaintance of another “Virgin”, that is someone attending their first conference of this sort.  She had just finished Graduate School, her sister had some free airline miles, and this was her gift to herself, while she looked for work.  She mentioned Dr Wayne Dywer but when I tried to talk about the Tao, she would grow distracted and so, taking the hint, I dropped the conversation pretty quickly.

Denise recommended strongly that I should get a Toe Reading.  On Sat, I got in line for that, after the last afternoon workshop and before the evening's keynote speech.  I waited forever and it grew so late, they asked us to do our readings in groups.  I was with a mother & son couple, who weren't overjoyed at having me tag along but allowed it anyway.  The boy had an awesome reading.  Mine shows I'm been shouldering alot of responsibility - duh ?!?  I asked about my youngest son's webbed toe.  She tells me he will have some profound purpose.  

He is special, he is my peacekeeper.  In fact, as my older son has been bugging me to look at some creatures he has collected today, this is my only quiet moment to write and I will go to look, when I am finished.  He is so impatient, he just can not stand to wait and so, he whines (we are together all day, it will wait a few minutes) but I am up and down with my irritation and I've been threatened by the younger one, if I get angry (the punishment is not “bad”).  The help is sweet.

Because I ran late to dinner (arriving at the tail end, 20 mins before the evening program) there were very few people left in the dining hall.  The mother & son from the Toe Reading joined my table and there sat my young co-Virgin from lunch.  She had been getting a treatment, I don't remember from who, it seems like he was a musician.  So, we headed off to hear James Van Praagh together.  During a meditation, she saw her father who has passed, give her one of his trademark nods of assurance and now feels more confidently that she is on the right path.  Her mom has been pushing a little bit and so that encouragement was important to her.

In my meditation, I saw a beautiful, older (or ageless) woman in gorgeous purple robes.  She had short, curly white hair.  She was sitting in a wonderful garden on a bench.  She was “me”, I believe she is the image of my higher self, my own personal guide from the non-physical.  Now I know why when I was younger I always wanted to lighten my hair to white blond and more than once had curls added to my straight hair.

My new friend wanted to meet me for breakfast and we were in all 3 of the same workshops together on Sunday.  I was a bit apprehensive that so much of her, might keep me from connecting with others but between sessions we went our own way and did not lunch together (which openned the space for me to talk to the woman about Radical Forgiveness and share some tips for supervising others in the workplace from Cheryl Richardson's workshop, which I had just before lunch).

So, I gave up Tai Chi to meet Cynthia (my new friend from Philadelphia) for breakfast.  She had “lost” her glasses the night before, while using her laptop in the lobby, to write her sister about seeing their father.  She asked the concierge and he attempted to find them without success.  I told her nothing is ever lost, that Spirit knew just where they were and that they would turn up.  I could tell she doubted me.

Over breakfast, I discovered that she believed she was coming to an empowerment conference, and certainly the conference was good for that, but she had no idea that it was more accurately a “spiritual” conference.  She had no background for that but a conventional gospel type religious faith (no wonder she wasn't ready to hear about the Tao).  I assured her that if she wasn't ready to be enlightened, then she would not have been there.  That she was ready to awaken and it was then, that I understood, that I was needed to be her human guide, to help her understand better some of the content and concepts of spirituality, to answer questions she might have, if I could.  She hung on loosely, thankfully.

At breakfast, my waitress used the word “positive” as she brought our bill but encouraged us not to rush.  Suddenly, my higher self was speaking to her higher self.  Tanya had the most beautiful energy and we both realized we were talking spirit to spirit.  For the 2nd time, I told someone about Gaia.  Now I understood why I needed to go to breakfast with Cynthia, both to understand she had no foundation in spirituality and to talk to Tanya.  
As I was paying our bill, the man at the register said it would rain and I said not until tonight and he said no, it will rain before then.  I said, well it can rain before tonight but it won't be raining at 6pm because I have to walk back to my motel and I don't want to walk in the rain.  That is precisely what happened, it rained before 6pm and was not raining when I was walking back to my motel after the conference.  I noticed before I left, Tanya was hovering near the register - shining.

Cynthia thought I had alot of power.  In truth, I simply understand and allow power to move through me.  I don't claim ownership of what expresses except that I realize I am a unique individuation of my Source, the All that Is, God.  I am learning to “let” God express as me.  As I waited for Cynthia at the first workshop - I realized she might be looking for her glasses.  When I mentioned this to the staff member at the door, she suggested I pray to St Chaumuel (I may not have the spelling correct).  I did, no harm in doing it.  And in fact, when Cynthia continued not to arrive, I prayed to Chaumuel again to hurry up and let her find her glasses.  She did find them and arrived in time.

I got in line to get my book Spiritual Liberation signed by Michael Bernard Beckwith.  He called me “Sis” when I approached.  I thanked him for that and reminded him I had spoken to him the day before.  The girl behind me had a digital camera and offered to take pictures of us (her photos from the conference are at www.HappySnap.LifePics.com). The “event code” is CelebrateYourLife.  I just checked, the photos are not up yet.  I'll let you know when they are.  And if I can get a digital copy of the Beckwith book signing photo from Jennifer, I will attach it to this post later.

Michael put his arm around me and with my arm around his waist, I gave a light, little hug.  Not the melting hug I envisioned but good enough.

We were now at the end of the conference.  To the final keynote, ending speech by Robert Holden on Happiness, Cynthia brought a beautiful woman with a Muslim head scarf.  They had met at the openning speech and now found each other again for the closing.  I talked about my lack of a genetic culture.  I left the Happiness lecture very high and happier than I've been in a long, long time.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Dearest Deb, this happens- spouses feel threatened if they feel that we are getting consumed by something that is outside the family unit. There is a mix of feeling, emotion, intuition at work; including the fear that they may lose us.
What helped me was when I realized that this is precisely the emotional mix of fearful feeling that prevents most people from venturing into the “spiritual”  path. Once we realize that this takes us into a more aware, awakening-expanding-inclusive path, the fear vanishes.
Many of us have been monks in many lifetimes; and the fear that we have to - or will be called upon to - leave our families, is very real, whether for ourselves or for the spouse or sister or someone else. But many of us have decided in this lifetime, to live within the householder life. and be of it but not from it. Because it is only when we can shine the light wherever we may be that we will know it is real, it is light, it is universal, it is all-pervasive.

All the heart work that started even before the conference and came to a head there, will help, and when those close to you sense how much more you are able to be with and for them; when you are truly you, their fears will dissipate. Not theirs - the kids sense and know - but his. I feel that the kids, once they sense the space within you, will be easier to deal with; and he will sense all this, and the love, and…

Like Alluvja's post that I saw [I've to read you more fully now, dear] I am also honored by your deep and open sharings.  In this life, the way we live is the deepest teaching that we can give. As someone said, we are not human doings, we're human beings.

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Meenakshi,

Thank you for this.  The work within me is continuing at an accelerated pace and I've had an amazing insight just this morning and have shared that with both my mother and my assistant and they are like - you never realized this?

The kids are thrilled with the “new” me.  My assistant only came and went yesterday and she said she told her husband last night, Debbie is different, something has changed.  What has happened in me is that profound.

I like the reminder from you about living within a household and I take that seriously, in fact, I am such a serious person, Denise was moved to give me a quote about being less serious, when we met.  LOL  I don't intend to leave but I could be put out.  It probably won't happen but I'm not arrogant about that possibility.

Mirror - that always works for my understanding.  My husband fears me being consumed by spirituality because his behavior is as though he has been accustomed to my time being HIS to consume.  Not consciously but he feels he has that right to control and does exercise it to that extent.  That is what my mother and my assistant could clearly see that I was choosing not to.  

There is alot taking place within me still and huge work revolving around Anger (and even Rage) that has been expressing from me and that is finally making sense.  I realize I was not mad at what I thought I was.  Think Anger, Power, Money, Love Axis - the title of a chapter I read this morning, in a book I already have and have read some in but never finished.  I've been motivated to pick back up this book - Anger and the Indigo Child (hint - it's not the child that is angry, it is the child who triggers the anger in the elder, as part of their own purpose on Earth - heavy stuff).  Very good book based on some work called Transforming Anger with Love.  

Deep breath, open heart.  There is no going back but I don't intend to leave unless forced.  I love my life, I cherish the forest around me, I love my boys and yes, I love my husband but I have to love my self and value my right to be me and stand up for that.  I had become the Living Dead because I was hiding my expression of me, from most of the rest of my life.  Perhaps, I exaggerate but not by much.

I'm sure the days, weeks and months ahead will continue to unfold in amazing ways within and as me.  Stay tuned.  Thanks for your thoughts around this.  I believe my husband hoped that Chicago would be disappointing for me.  Instead I was uplifted and grinning like a Cheshire Cat, now its softened to a Buddha Smile.  

I realize that some people become addicted to conferences for the energy alone and it is significant.  It is also very hard work - like doing whole college semesters compressed into 1-1/2 hours, much more intense than summer college semesters.  I did 10 of those.  Imagine how long it is going to take me to work through all that.

I didn't buy any books there but just today I bought 6 selectively chosen.  Three are Neale Donald Walsch (my only day long workshop - 2 are only because he felt clearly I needed to read Book 1 of Conversations with God and so I bought the guidebook too).  I'm more looking forward to his new book When Everything Changes, Change Everything.

Two books are Cheryl Richardson.  Only she and Michael Bernard Beckwith had no script at all, no outline to their presentation.  Spirit speaks through each of those in their own unique individual ways.  Of Cheryl's work - I bought a book Stand Up for Your Life: A Practical Step-by-Step Plan to Build Inner Confidence and Personal Power and an audio The Art of Extreme Self-Care (Transforming Your Life One Month at a Time).  I knew nothing of her going into the conference.  She was just a space filler and I was that impressed by her content.

At the end of her workshop, I actually met Debbie Ford (who had popped in at the back of the room).  I interrupted a melting hug between her and one of her integration coaches.  I will probably end up with with that coach.  I am feeling like I need 2 - one personal, business coach and one integration coach to do shadow work with me.  

Denise knows more about Debbie's work than I do.  But because I have been interested in shadow work for some time, I felt this chance meeting had to happen because I did not sign up for any of Debbie's workshops.  So upon this coach's recommendation (I talked to her for quite awhile between my sessions) I have ordered The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance and Dreams.  

Debbie Ford has a dvd coming out June 26th with Deepak Chopra & Marianne Williamson called The Shadow Effect.  The write up says “Take an emotionally gripping, visually compelling journey into the human psyche's mysterious shadow self - the hiding place for our most disliked thoughts, emotions, and impulses - and discover how people have embraced their worst fears to become their best selves”.  Click on the dvd name above to sign up for advance notices.

So, I imagine my husband has been seriously unsettled, I've no doubt that this is hard work for him too.  Over the course of one weekend, I have become fearless but not foolish, authentic but not without love and compassion, and I am clear that I have a life of my own to live, beyond my business partner, wife and mother roles.  That is seriously scary stuff and I am working to keep my loving self engaged and my heart very open for this ride.

This weekend we will be going to St Louis to take my son to the dentist on Friday and then to our favorite little bigtop circus - Circus Flora - that night.  On Sat, we will be at a 20th Birthday party of sorts - one of only a couple dozen Stream Teams who signed up 20 years ago (of the more than 100 that did it the first year) and are still existing.  We will spend some time on the river doing a clean-up, and at a BBQ with Bluegrass Music and camping out with other families in a tent that night, then doing workshops on water quality monitoring and learning to ID Crawfish and Bugs.  It should be excellent for family reintegration.  It should be calming and soothing.

Deb 

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Please join me in welcoming Tom Dix to our group.  I met him at Celebrate Your Life on Friday with Denise.  He was the lucky recipient of my melting hug in the Neale Donald Walsch workshop.  I have already spoken of him here.  I got the name right - yay ! ! !

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Tom, you're very welcome at Living Metaphysics group, and the Gaia community. And in one of those whimsical coincidences, you're the third person I've 'met' who's from Wiesbaden. I understand it's a small town; but the original owners of our home are from there; and so are some others related by marriage.

Possibly it's not even so much as your being born there; as how important the town is to those connected with it. The only reason I knew that the original owners were from Wiesbaden, is that they had a board with that name at the front of the house when we came to see it.

Deb, since you talked of being light-hearted - I just see that the town is home to Harlekinäum (Laughter Museum)

“This crazy museum of humour was opened in 1990 on a farm in Wiesbaden. The ingenious people behind the museum have been coming up with madcap inventions for the market every year for almost 30 years, all of which are on display here in the museum.”

Thinking of the song upside down 

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Hi Tom! How was your toe reading???

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

[Tom's having trouble posting, but will do so as soon as things clear up. ]

Re: Chicago Conference June 4-6, 2009

Ah, the Gaia Gremlins are so very active today.  No wonder our newest Gaian and member can't post.  I have bumped up against difficulties all morning, including even being able to get into Gaia at all.  

I know to save my work, I saved it to a clipboard, should have saved it to a notepad, obviously - because it has vaporized beyond retrieval.  Ah, well, I can re-write it and it will come close to saying, what I said before.  

It is always frustrating for me to spend time on anything and have it be without results.  Anyway, the next post, will be a recreation of what would have been here, before I needed to release this bummed out energy, by sharing it with you.  I believe it is referred to as venting.  Yes, that's it.

BTW - things are quite bumpy here today and for more reasons than Gaia's server problems.  I understand the whys of my bumps today with hubby & business partner.  I'm okay with that.  Sending lots of Divine Love Healing into the situation.  It should improve - now - would be the most delightful.  Perhaps it will smooth out quickly, if, all is aligned - finally.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

OK.  It's been an interesting day.  Besides the above, I've experienced a power outage, my son found an amazingly beautiful Moth (large, very colorful - probably a Regal or Walnut) and a Hummingbird got into the house.  Then, I rememebered I had promised to kick off OMs birthday party today and so, I really had to get to work.

Deep breath.  Oh, I just love having learned how to stop myself and do that.

I wanted to share with you the Songs that Celebrated Our Lives in Chicago.  Those songs came from this beautiful soul who is known as Karen Drucker.  Karen's voice is beautiful.  Karen's lyrics are deeply meaningful.  Tuning In to them is like doing a Spiritual Mind Treatment or Affirmation practice.  

Karen's energy is contagious - at the event, warming us up for the whole conference lectures, and once even in Alan Cohen's Relax into Wealth workshop.  It was always Karen's joy to see us singing and dancing with her.  She encouraged it.

I bought a couple of Karen's cds.  I was drawn to her Shine cd but as she was there in her booth, when I stopped by, I explained to her that I would be listening to these, while hiking in the woods.  I asked for her recommendation.  She also chose Shine and Songs of the Spirit III.  I haven't listened to the later yet.  I have listened the last 2 days to Shine.  I should say I have sung along and danced to Shine.

Listening to Karen's music revives me and transports me back, almost immediately, to the energetic and happy feelings of my days in Chicago.  You can visit Karen's website here - Karen Drucker

Go to this link, there you can listen to my current favorite on Shine -
Music

Lyrics - We Are The Ones


We are the ones that we've been waiting for
We are the ones who will make a difference
We are the ones who will change the world
We are the ones, we are, we are
We are the ones, we are, we are


I've been feelin' like I can't make a difference
feen feelin' like there ain't no use
Feelin' tired and a little unconscious
coming up with every kind of excuse
'Till I realized it's not all up to me
when we join together we shape our destiny
to see a world where we are living as one
it can be, it shall be, it will be done


No one else gonna make the changes
no savior gonna drop from the sky
Nothin' left to do but wake up
'cause it's really up to you and I
To take it one step at a time
stand together with your hand in mine
Then we will see the world that we've been dreaming about
We need it now, the time is now, there is no doubt

It occured to me while in Chicago, that the group gathered at the conference was doing the “hard” work, as are other like groups, including this community of Gaia and more specifically this group.  When enough of us are in that state of oneness with the NOW and our own authenticity, when we are vibrating cleanly with the fields of Peace and Love and Happiness, something amazing will happen.  Many call this the Shift.  Will it happen in 2012?  I don't know.  

What I do believe in is Morphic Resonance, the 100th Monkey.  When these occur, suddenly all those Human Beings who could care less about spiritutality, or self-improvement, or anything beyond survival, or about the planet, our Mother Gaia who sustains us - suddenly all of these will just BE, where we are working to align ourselves, while living in the “ordinary” realities of our current world situations and environments.

Enjoy Karen.  She is a treasure.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

On Saturday morning, before the openning panel discussion, Liz Dawn and Jaime Babs shared with us all that their mother, Ariel Wolfe, who was part of the team that is Mishka Productions, passed from this earthly life only days before, on Monday.  Ariel had intended until the end to be in Chicago.  Liz and Jamie are probably in their late 20s, early 30s.  

It is hard to imagine going forward, with such an event, at such a time.  Their courage was inspirational and their mother's foresight to leave them at that time, when they could be tenderly cared for by so many spiritual teachers, is another example of the mystery that is Death.

Liz and Jamie handled their moments on stage with grace, dignity and great love.

Deb  

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I think this is the last little bit that I have to post that is not in my journal.  Now, I'm going back to the start of the conference, after having skipped around a bit.  I will unfold here my notes from lectures and workshops.  

I did not sleep well before going, on the way there or the night before in our motel.  I was wound up, I was excited.  I met Denise / flowerchild on Thursday night.  That day she had felt moved, to jot down something to give me, when we met -

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Deb, hummingbird in the house? Wow!

“Hummingbird is a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible. It will teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living from your own life circumstances.”

and more:

“No other bird can fly backwards. This reflects the hummingbird's ability to explore the past and draw from it the nectars of joy. The hummingbird can help you to find joy and sweetness in any situation. Its swiftness is always a reminder to grab joy while you can - as quickly as you can.”

Both excerpts from Animal-Speak by Ted Andrews.

And ”moth medicine” :

*The Secret Language Of Signs/Denise Lynn:
Moth will beat themselves against a light until they die. Do you have perseverance beyond reason? Do you keep working at something without ever achieving your desired results? Look at the situation fronm a different perspective and know that you can attain those results without striving so hard. Moths eat holes in clothes in dark closets. Is something being eaten away without your awareness?

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I finally got a chance to catch up a bit…and I'm so excited and moved by your experiences Deb.  Thank you so much for sharing the conference…it reminds me of the loving energy at the I Can Do It Conference I attended in Tampa.

Knowing all is unfolding perfectly for everyone this weekend.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Thank you for that totem info, Meenakshi.  

Thank you, Helen, for the “knowing”.  It is interesting that you posted that after the fact but before the confirmation thought.  

My familial relationships have been at times a bit bumpy since leaving Chicago and I try to be understanding and compassionate regarding the unsettling of our status quo and move slowly, to allow re-integration of my “new” self with my family dynamics.  Spirit seems to be intent on moving me forward more quickly than I might be inclined to pursue movement myself.  So, it is not always an easy balancing act.  There are some really good energies moving through my business life - thankfully.

I have awakened.  If you would have asked me before, I would have had to say I didn't know if I ever had that “experience”.  The clarity of my mind now is remarkable.  This doesn't mean that I don't have my moments of tiredness or emotional outbursts - I'm exhausted and I still loose control of my emotions at times but much learning is happening in that realm and so, I am gentle on myself.  Yet, I now feel clearly that I am “awake”, even when very tired.  It is hard to explain what I am aware of but there is a certainty to this feeling.  The words from a Moody Blues song that I like called “I Just Don't Care” keep running through my mind.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I am having a dark day of the soul, I really am.  I need to get out into the woods - quickly.  I'm just waiting for my turn.  

Too much to share.  I'm working through it.  It's hard but it's okay.  I understand.

Everything is accelerated.  Why wait for night to have a “dark night of the soul”?  Hope I return in an uplifted state of feeling, once again.  Whatever.  Now that's acceptance.  Surrender.

Just for laughs - my older son, age 8, recently said something to me about the conference.  He called it -

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I decided to do a life visioning session today.  I'm not sure if I got another Sunday opportunity to do one, after #12 when I found I was going to Chicago.  Late today, I went to the place where we are building.  There is the rough beginnings of a frog pond and some wooden scaffolding for the rock work.  As I sat there listening to the “introductory” concepts before the meditation, a Great Blue Heron came weaving through the nearby trees, so close I could have almost reached out to touch it.  I was astounded and felt such wonder to have that experience, when I was feeling so overwhelmed and stressed by life.

The life visioning brought to me the words “lovingkindness”.  Lovingkindness for me, I wept to feel such love, from wherever it came, I just assumed it to be the love of the Divine.  Then, I understood that I am quite good at giving, not so good at receiving.  I've heard or read somewhere that it is a common problem for many women.

My gift is my givingness, I need to let go of the rage that has caught me off guard.  It comes of anger suppressed and needs unmet.  As I sang along with Karen Drucker “I am here to give and receive love” (it is repeated over and over).  The give comes easy and so, I put emphasis on the receive.  I realized that this is the “real” love, the only “real” love, the only unconditional love that can exist.  No other love is needed but one can BE in the state of love and that BEing gives love to all and love comes back from all, because it is the state of BEing Love and not the expectation or obligation to another.

At my sacred prayer space, I took out the second chapter Affirmation / Embodiment from Michael Bernard Beckwith's book Spiritual Liberation.  The one he signed “Flow, Flower & Fly”.  I'm almost finished with it, now on the last chapter.

I was amazed by several lines.  In the Affirmation “Patience, forgiveness, and lovingkindness are the order of my day”.  In the Embodiment, “… I claim for and about myself gratitude, simple and humble gratitude for the countless blessings in my life, those of which I am aware and those of which I am not.  The Self-givingness of the Spirit shows up in every aspect of my life.” … “To every individual in my life, I say “thank you” for loving me, for sharing yourself with me, for inspiring me, and for uplifting me on days when I could not see my own inner beauty.” …”I forgive myself for the ways in which I have fallen short of that which I know myself to be.  I forgive myself for any inadvertent hurt I have caused another.” …

This following sentence especially spoke to me, regarding the difficult moments of this afternoon with my children “I sense their spirits and know that in their essential being they meant no harm.  Forgiveness is the order of the day, freeing me from contaminants of resentment, animosity, and anger.  Any grudges I have been harboring are dissolved into the nothingness from which they came, any misunderstanding on the part of my egoic self releases them completely.  By this statement of forgiveness, I restore my heart to its natural state of love and my actions are now those of kindness, service to my fellow beings.”

“Where I once moved in darkness, I have now turned on the light of awareness.  This divine light illuminates what appeared to be probelms with solutions that serve the highest good of all concerned.  I celebrate the liberating truth that Love-Intelligence guides the course of my life.  I know that I am mothered by the universe, and so I celebrate !”

Denise will love this line - “I am no longer somber and serious, knowing that in a consciousness of joy, new visions, inspirations, and resolutions are revealed to me in language my heart understands and responds to.”  Denise your concept that I am “mental” helped me in this session today.

“Oh, how sweet it is to be wrapped in the unconditional love of this Presence, which so loved me that it personalized itself as me.  How precious Life is.  I celebrate in this awareness and broadcast my joy to all with whom I come in contact”

“Happiness lights my path.  It is my natural state of being, and I give thanks for it.”  There is much more to this Chap 2 meditation than I have shared.  It was just amazing how aligned it was with the life visioning session and with the “needs” I left with, disturbed, on my hike.

When I returned home, nothing had really changed with my family.  The youngest had drawn me a picture.  It says i (heart) u and To Mom From Treston.  My other son had gone for an exhilarating break-in ride of the Kayak (water rolling high and fast from downpours this morning).  He asked me, did you have to pay money for it? and I said no, I won it.  I shared the wonder of the Heron passing by, with my husband.  Love was all around and my evening was peaceful again.

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Proof that your dreams can come true as well -

Me giving Michael Bernard Beckwith a little waist hug ;-}

Deb

PS - also posted this photo and another one of Michael signing my book in my photos at my profile page.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Hi Deb,  wow!!  There is so much here.  Energetically it feels like it's going to take some time for you to digest everything that happened in Chicago.  Just reading through made MY head spin. 

It also brought to mind Barry's fear and different feelings when I fell head-over-heels into the Native way of life back in the 80's and 90's and started doing ceremony with them.  He was threatened.  Because everything did change.  But it changed for the better, as he saw I was growing into someone more open, more loving, less tentative.

I would say to give yourself lots of space and gentleness as your body energetically attempts to ground what you've learned at this conference.  (Sensing that you're already doing this.) 

Your honesty and sharing is such a gift to so many of us.  And look at how much your learning at the conference has already spiralled out to many others.

Love, Kathy

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Kathy was the “lucky” recipient of my energetic cell phone call to her, after Michael Bernard Beckwith manifested in front of me in the hallway and I got my private opportunity to thank him for the Life Visioning work.  

I'm sure I sounded like some dizzily happily crazed woman on the phone - because I was.  And I was enjoying every moment of it.  I can almost bring back the intensity of that feeling just thinking about it.

Deb

PS - I think my husband will recover the “me” he fell in love with before caregiving took so much out of me.  I think eventually he will even be happy he said “yes”.  Time will tell.  Going slowly.  

You are correct - I see weeks, months & years of processing this.  I certainly don't need to do a conference - once a year, twice a year or monthly - to grow from what I experienced.  The intensity exhausted me, I haven't recovered my rested state yet.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Find time to just be quiet and still and maybe even take a day to not talk, but to just listen. The feeling of intensity will lift.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Denise,

This is generally very good advice.  I am not quiet enough, though the realities of my life with small children, who demand verbalizing from me, would probably make the difficult - impossible. LOL

Actually, it is not so intense now.  That was what was happening, while I was at the conference.  That intensity diminished quickly, over perhaps 24 hours or less, after I left that environment.  That intensity was delicious and welcome, not something I would ever seek to get away from, but not something I need often to continue progressing towards the potentials that are inherent in my being.

I'm not sure whether I have mentioned Katana here or not (her websites are here - Smart Women Coaching  and Midlife Millionaires).  In the Boundless Living Challenge (private 6 week cycle, goal setting group which I have mentioned here previously, and in which only 3 of us are active there, in the current cycle) before I left for Chicago, my dear friend Halal mentioned to me strongly (in back & forth) that she felt I could really use a personal coach.

While not totally convinced, the consideration of that impulse from her, did set in motion some Law of Attraction activity and on the 2nd morning of the conference, I found myself sitting next to a beautiful and energetic woman, of approx my age, who gave me a bit of advice, that I needed to let go of the bookkeeping in my business life - ie get myself a bookkeper.  This was actually a direction I was already heading in but it was with our CPA firm (who was going to do that with our 2008 tax year).  I've been deeply concerned about what that might cost us but desparate to get caught up again, in that area of our business.

Yesterday, I took 2 big steps for myself.  I hired a bookkeeper and I hired a personal coach.  As a Gemini, it did not escape my notice that these 2 woman are quite similar in personality and in appearance.  We Geminis often do things in tandem, in parallel form.  This simply adds to how “right” the whole day felt to me.

I will be working with my personal coach on business issues to bring balance into my life and free up space by learning to delegate the activities I have responsibility for, so that we can make more of what we have and I can be involved in activities that stimulate me, rather than suck the energy out of me.  I will work with her for 90 days and then re-evaluate what I have gotten from the relationship and whether it should continue.  Eventually, I hope to feel the space to pursue my own dreams and not simply support the dreams of my family members.

I still have not begun to share my conference workshops here and I apologize for taking up so much space with my personal issues but ever have I been this way - sharing my own self and private life - here in this group.  I am going to post each workshop as a separate thread, so this one does not get too unwieldy.  They will begin with CYL (for Celebrate Your Life) followed by the presenter's name.  I will link each of those from this thread.

May all your own hopes & dreams find fulfillment in your life -
Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

As Denice said…it is a joy to share your real-life challenges and epiphanies as you share them, they resonate strongly and are always uplifting and inspiring to me.  You don't ever need to apologize for sharing from your heart…we are your heart sisters and brothers here.

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

Thank you, Helen, for your reassurances that following the instincts of my heart is appropriate.  At times, I feel this space is my own personal therapy vehicle and I would hate to abuse you all with my personal working out of issues in my life but on another level, I believe that what I share may prove helpful to another.  What else do I have to give but of myself and my life and my thoughts about that ?

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

What a trip Deb..I'm excited about all of this.
Here's another link in that chain and thanks for including the questions.
OSHO Zen Tarot has been a interesting trip. I try to approach it with detachment but often it hits me hard..Right between the eyes.
Todays card for me :-)

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I started posting notes from Neale Donald Walsch's pre-conference workshop journal notes here -

CYL - Neale Donald Walsch

Deb

Re: Chicago Conference June 5-7, 2009

I started posting notes from Cheryl Richardson's The Art of Extreme Self-Care (she was a presenter at the conference) here -

CYL - Cheryl Richardson
This is a one concept per month, year-long, exercise.  You are all welcome to join in.


Deb